How are you coping today?

[sorano]

I feel your pain hiro.

[TheLoveBelow92]

Can't believe it's nearly been a year in a months time and hoped things would of been so different by now, having mutual friends has been tough while you moved on without what seemed to be a second thought with our friends backing you all the way with you seeing other people and hoping people who would have my back while I'll slipped into depression for many months, I probably pushed them away by not shutting up about you for so long while you never mentioned a word to them.

After this long I'm ashamed to admit to people you have still be on my mind everyday and it scares me to think how much time has really passed. I really loved you through the good and the bad and I think that's why it has been so hard to give up on you even after all this time... it's been a blessing and a curse and the scary thing is I don't even know what to do myself, I try to push myself and move on but I just battle everyday at a time just like the last hoping I stop asking questions and let you slip out of my mind. I loved you Cathy and that's why even now this still hurts..

[NIGHT1985]

Wish I didn't have to see her in my dreams. Here it is and it's 4 am and it's wide awake because she was in my dreams again. It's hard enough to shut her off my mind during the day, but I have no choice but to see her when I'm asleep :/

[juniorrocha]

20 days passed by and today I FINALLY managed to get angry while thinking about all the **** she put me through. Oh what a b****. Seriously, I'm now wondering how could I go past the first month, how could I be so stupid at the point of accepting her lies and the worst part is that I actually had second thoughts about our break up, thinking one day I'd want to go back to her or try again. God how great it feels to see the light. I WILL FIND SOMEONE BETTER.

Edited June 7, 2016 by juniorrocha

[broodneach]

I slept better last night. I still feel pretty bad today, but I'm functioning a lot better. There were a few days where all my work, hobbies, etc. were going very poorly.

[SixxChick]

I'm really glad that I am not alone in missing someone who was so wrong for me. The person I fell in love with simply does not exist, and never really did. It was all just an illusion that I gave 300% to, and I am now left with nothing except a bad debt (which he is paying off because he pissed off the wrong person).

 

The heart wants what it wants. I just wish I would have brought my brain along with me on this roller coaster ride because the warning signs were all there. I just chose to keep the rose-colored glasses on. Lesson learned. I've got to move on.

[sorano]

lots of us were fed lies. Just one big illusion. Like I said in my other posts, not even wild animals act like this. I can understand if people break up for a valid reason. Abuse, treating the person badly, not paying attention to them, whatever. You get my drift. But when someone gets dumped by a person for no reason, that lied to them, dragged them along, said things like I love you lets get married than just drop you or cheat on you, I am not ok with that. But thats life and how people are. Thats what we live in. sad.

[NIGHT1985]

The thing with my break up, is the relationship would of been amazing if I just tried harder. I was dealing with the loss of my best friend at the time and I constantly pushed her away. The hardest part of coping and moving forward is realizing I'm the screw up, I'm the one that caused an amazing woman to break up with me. I almost wish she just straight up cheated on me, at least I'd feel less regret

[keiji]

The thing with my break up, is the relationship would of been amazing if I just tried harder. I was dealing with the loss of my best friend at the time and I constantly pushed her away. The hardest part of coping and moving forward is realizing I'm the screw up, I'm the one that caused an amazing woman to break up with me. I almost wish she just straight up cheated on me, at least I'd feel less regret

 

Is it possible that you're still in that idealization stage where everything she did or said was perfect and she is the most beautiful, kind, intelligent woman on earth? I was there too three months ago and I also admit that I wasn't that invested in the relationship and she got tired, but one day I sat down and asked myself: "Why did you push her away in the first place?". There has to be a good reason other than the loss of your good friend. Don't you think the normal reaction would have been to cling to her to ease the pain? Perhaps she wasn't so perfect after all and the demise of your relationship was her responsibility too .

[sorano]

The thing with my break up, is the relationship would of been amazing if I just tried harder. I was dealing with the loss of my best friend at the time and I constantly pushed her away. The hardest part of coping and moving forward is realizing I'm the screw up, I'm the one that caused an amazing woman to break up with me. I almost wish she just straight up cheated on me, at least I'd feel less regret

 

Every person that gets dumped thinks the same way. we all say, well, if I did this, that would have happened and vise versa. But, that is the action WE took at that time and this is where we are now.

 

we place people on a pedestal. It will take time for anyone one of us to realize that it didn't work out for good reasons.

[sorano]

Today I feel a bit better. Last night my buddy at the gym and I were talking after the workout. I still have my ex on the pedestal. I do. That is one reason why I have a hard time coping. and bc of the dream I had.

 

In my mind, I still envision the person who I met. Not the bad things about the person. she did change and I should have realized it. I must take her off.

 

Another point that sort of clicked was, the time I am using to heal. Meaning this. My friend said, she broke up with you 5 months ago. Yes grieve and let it out, but, you are giving her too much of YOUR TIME, still cryng over her, thinking it would have been perfect, thinking of her etc. she is out doing her thing and living her life. Now you must do the same. Do not give her more of your precious time. Let go and go find that better one.

 

I knew that I had to do this but, hearing it in different words from someone else kind of clicked. I am still angry and little sad, but doing little better today

[broodneach]

I don't place my ex on a pedestal. She was decent-looking, sweet sometimes but mean other times, funny but occasionally overbearing, fairly intelligent but definitely not anything special, and completely careless and thoughtless. I don't have a particularly high opinion of her.

 

But I still want her back. How strange is that?

[sorano]

I don't place my ex on a pedestal. She was decent-looking, sweet sometimes but mean other times, funny but occasionally overbearing, fairly intelligent but definitely not anything special, and completely careless and thoughtless. I don't have a particularly high opinion of her.

 

But I still want her back. How strange is that?

 

man she sounds like my ex lol. From what I gather we want them back because we envision only the good things about them. The good times we had. How they were when we met them. so yea, we kinda do still hold them up there. we tell ourselves we are not, but in a way we are. I came to that conclusion last night when talking to my buddy.

 

My girl was gorgeous. I waited a long long time to finally find and date someone of that caliber. It was the girl I envisioned I wanted. so maybe I am also still hooked on her looks. will I ever find someone that beautiful again and date them? But looks are temporary. Like your ex, mine was sweet, but not like me. Two different kindess IMO. Thoughtless, you nailed it bro. My girl was the same. How you described your ex, identical to mine. My girl also had a temper. she was sicilian.

[Sunnymae]

I've started smoking again. It helps with the anxiety. I've been thinking about what my ex said, how he admitted that he used me to get through his divorce and now that he's divorced , he has other women and didn't need me. This is pretty close to verbatim. Who does or says that? Isn't that wrong or is it me being sensitive. Just all these thoughts like all the mixed messages, I love you, making plans then about a week after his divorce he discards me Blantently admits yea, "I sort of used you" when I begged him to please talk to me, and he wouldn't.

I stopped going to therapy, I'm just reading, and posting here now. I sometimes still think of our intimate moments, I guess that's what I miss.

 

Being of POF dating site keeps my mind distracted. I haven't dated yet. Going out with friends helps. Reading my old posts comparing how I felt then, and now I see slight progress not much. I think I have to remind myself how he used me. Then I get confused b/c I'm using POF to help get over my ex. Then I've been thinking about dating, about being intimate, maybe it's what I need, no emotions just sex without feeling. I thought of that song "who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken, what's live but a second hand emotion" yep it's a struggle.

[Darkeyy]

I sometimes wonder how she could say 'i love you' the day before and the next day break up with me because she fell in love with someone else while still dating me.

 

Being someone special to her and the next day it's like she never met me, what we had never existed. Just gone.

I wonder how a person can do something like that.. And feel okay with it.

 

 

This thought crosses my mind every now and then.

[sorano]

I sometimes wonder how she could say 'i love you' the day before and the next day break up with me because she fell in love with someone else while still dating me.

 

Being someone special to her and the next day it's like she never met me, what we had never existed. Just gone.

I wonder how a person can do something like that.. And feel okay with it.

 

 

This thought crosses my mind every now and then.

 

I mentioned that in another thread. I still dont know how someone can be your everything, then just throw you away. Thats my story

[toastytiger]

Today I am coping by just straight up feeling. I am laying in bed in the middle of the day just FEELING... Feeling without judging it. Noticing painful sensations in my body without getting caught in the story. Letting go of what could have been.

 

With you all in remembering to knock the ex off the pedestal! He/she really isn't that great.

[freebird31]

One of my ex's good friends requested to follow my social media account. Which is random and weird. After all of these years. I didn't post anything and it's private so there's no activity out in the public eye. It's just weird. I mean we haven't followed one another in the last 3 years since I made a new account....and he chose now to request to follow me. It's odd. But just thought nothing of it and accepted it.

[Sunnymae]

I woke up this morning, and of course the first thing I do is think about my ex.

since it's my Birthday he sent a sticker through Messenger. It was a stupid stick figure with a cake, then I go on Facebook and I have memories, and of course the nice Birthday note he sent last year. So I start judging him that he was lying to me or was he lying to himself, did he really just purposely use me, but the I read what another poster said To

"Feeling Pain Without Judging someone" and I'll do this for myself.

On a happy note I have been chatting with someone on POF. I'm meeting him for coffee. His wife recently died, so maybe we can help each other. I don't know.

[offwithhishead]

What's staggering is the range of emotions that I feel throughout the day. I can go from being almost fine to depths of despair and an overwhelming urge to contact my ex. This happens daily. What I've noticed is that no matter how overwhelming the urge, it does pass. This will help.

 

The last convo I had with my ex was two weeks ago and we parted in good ways. I had made one last attempt to get back with her and did it in a good way and although was rejected, I made it clear that I respected her decision and thanked her.

 

It's important for me to end it on a high note as it keeps my dignity intact. Any further communication is strictly up to her. She knows where I live and she has all my contact info.

 

I'm glad I haven't succumbed to the urges to contact her. Have to remind myself that if she felt any similarly, she would have reached out already. The fact that she hasn't says she's probably having a jolly good time with her new boyfriend and has forgotten about me.

[sorano]

No sadness today. Just anger.

 

Positive note is, this anger isn't because she is not with me. I actually don't miss her anymore. I could care less what she is doing, who she is with. I just dont care for her as a person anymore or as my gf.

 

I learned that she was never my gf. Like she told me, it was all a fantasy. so, I will treat her like a fantasy. She was fake. I do not need her in my life.

 

The anger now is coming from the fact I got lied to and used. so it shifted over to that. I hate being lied to and used. I hate it. I hate what she did. Heartless beast

[broodneach]

Well, I had a great conversation with an old friend about this girl last night, and my friend basically lambasted me for even giving her the time of day. What was I thinking? Why did I keep trying after so many red flags? Don't I value myself at all? Etc. This made me feel a lot better.

 

Then today I'm on my way to a wedding and I just think about how I don't have a plus one, how I'll never get married, how I don't have anyone to text while I'm traveling, and I just feel so tired and worthless, and I miss her so much. I finally went full no contact and blocked everything and it's making it hurt so much more right now. I still want to yell at her for so many things, to get her under some kind of sensible self-control, to get her to see how cruel and destructive some of her actions are.

 

I've been talking to a very nice girl but I think some of my reactions are off. This new girl sent me a text a little after midnight the other night and it felt so good, but I knew that was partly because it was filling a void the other girl left. I think I'm coming across as overeager and too open too quickly and it's scaring her off. We have a date scheduled for a week from now and I guess I should probably make it clear I'm coming down from a bad relationship and even worse breakup.

[broodneach]

I'm doing horrible today. I should be enjoying my time with all these old friends who I haven't seen in forever and I just can't. Maybe she was right and I really was feeding off her energy, because I'm barely enjoying anything at all. I feel this huge weight on me, I feel like it's basically making it impossible for me to enjoy anything.

[NIGHT1985]

Terrible. I'm a idiot and gave in and sent her a text last night, asking if we could talk. Of course she didn't respond, so I feel like the biggest loser in the world. She's moved on, why can't I just quit imagining my life with her? It's not gonna happen, we're never gonna be together again, I wish my brain would accept reality.

[keiji]

Unexpectedly melancholic today. I've had to work on a Sunday and being here at my office feels a bit lonely. I rarely feel lonely at all, but today is an exception. I'm sad about the relationship being over even if she was not for me and I was definitely not for her. Today I can just remember her beauty, her terrible Spanish and how sweet it sounded, her cute clumsiness, the hugs, going to the beach on my motorcycle, the dinners at my terrace... Today I feel sorry that things ended. It hadn't happened in a long while. But tomorrow I'll be better. I have to.

Edited June 12, 2016 by keiji