How are you coping today?

[keiji]

Yesterday I went to a friend's house in the mountains where I spent the first days of mourning after my breakup. It was terrible. I remember him putting on movies so I got distracted. Nothing. We tried painting a bit in his basement studio, but I couldn't even grab a brush. I was so devastated. I barely ate for four days. I was a bit nervous yesterday; I think my subconscious was linking those horrible days to that place, but I managed to fend those ugly memories off.

 

So today I decided to treat myself nicely. I just got tickets to see Patti Smith (my ex-g is a huge fan; now I'm going to the concert with another ex. F*** you, lady!). I'm attending two exhibitions next week and this afternoon I'll start planning a trip to Morocco this summer. She didn't love me? Good, I'll love myself for two.

[freebird31]

I feel really good about life and where I am going with my future. As all of my plans are finally coming into action. I feel more beautiful than ever, more happy than ever. I feel fulfilled. To be honest, I feel sorry for my ex. He threw me away and moved on probably thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Only to find out it was an illusion. And he threw away the best thing that ever happened to him. There's no going back for me. Once you discard me and treat me the way he has, even if he apologized, I just wouldn't go back. Sometimes, second chances aren't worth it. After this whole thing happened, I only have realized my worth and what I deserve. I realized how beautiful I am as a person inside and out! And he was never worth it, but I chose to love him anyway. He did me a favor long ago when he broke my heart and left me. He set me free to find myself. And now I'm free to find the man who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I feel sorry for my ex because he's an idiot and I think he's starting to realize it. Tough justice has been served. And although it boosts my ego a tiny bit, I still feel really bad for him that he had to be that stupid and learn the hard way. But I think that it's fair that he learns this lesson. I want no part in his life anymore even if there might be feelings still there. I could never go back, because that would be a step in the wrong direction, reverting to the past. Moving forward is the best for me. Actually for everyone, him too. Maybe when he moves on and meets a nice girl like me, he won't be stupid enough to let her go like he let me go. We all have lessons to learn I know I do. At least he apologized to me I give him that. I feel sorry for the chap. But that's what life is. Making dumb choices. Maybe because you though you would be happier in the long run. Only to find out you were happy all along. Don't ever just throw away something because things get too stressful and hard... And Throw someone away who adored you and was genuine. You may regret it one day and learn a cold hard lesson from it. It's a risk you have to be willing to take. I think he just done screwed himself. But like I said, if he's smart he won't let the next nice normal gal get away.

[keiji]

Today I'm quite nervous. This evening I'm attending a concert in a gallery that's barely 200 meters from my ex-g's place. I haven't even visited the neighborhood since we broke up. I'm not in favor of putting yourself to test like this. Indifference comes when it comes, and when it does, you don't even think you're going to a place where you could see the dumper because you simply don't care. I still do, even if I'm doing really well, but the concert is important to me, so I don't take it as a resilience test or anything. I'll try to park my motorcycle right outside the venue and look straight ahead at all moments. Of course, you always stumble upon them when you least expect it (and when you look ugly and miserable), but I'm feeling a knot in my stomach since I woke up.

[bummer]

I still startled awake thinking of you at 5am. It's painful you didn't want to work it out with me. It's clear that wasn't your goal now that you found a pretty perfect man after two weeks.

 

Maybe it's a test? Those issues of self control and intimacy I know I must improve. I will focus on those for me. maybe when I'm better I can pass the test with the next love to enter my life.

 

But maybe I'm okay already. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be and I should just be happy I knew you at all? Maybe everything was okay with me but you were mixed up, wrong, unsure,etc because you never really loved me. All i did was invest in a ghost who's drifted away now.

 

Best to move on. I'll improve myself for me, or so I'll say, but maybe just to appease my guilt that it really was all my fault.

[Rachel39]

today I feel terrible! I can't even say it's your loss as you are genuinely not bothered at all that we are not together...

 

How do I move on, when this pain is so real that I ment nothing to you after 2 years. You won't even speak to me!

 

It's been 5 months I don't want to feel like this anymore!

[keiji]

Yesterday I realized that being happy and having let go doesn't equal being ready to bumping into her. I was nervous all day because I was attending a concert and then having dinner right by her place. Incredibly nervous, to be honest. But the weather gave me a helping hand. I was caught up in a heavy storm. No dark clouds to the south, no dark clouds to the north. It was almost as though it was only showering on me and my motorcycle, really. Result? I didn't make it on time as it was a limited capacity venue with no advance tickets. And, to tell you the truth, I felt relieved. I'm not that brave yet.

[juniorrocha]

2 weeks since the break up. Until yesterday, I had hopes we'd maybe one day meet and try again. But today I woke up feeling marvelous! I worked on some projects, went to the gym (I have to admit it felt amazing that a lady there called me hot hahaha), and I may be starting in a new job soon! I'm feeling so good that I can't stop smiling, I even cried a little out of happiness; ya, I'm that emotional. The best part though is that I went through the entire day without thinking about the possibility of going back to her; instead, this time, her faults were screaming in my head and that's an improvement. I no longer want her back, I just want to finish healing my heart so I can love someone new.

 

As odd as it may sound, stalking her twitter last night actually helped pushing me away from her. She tweeted "I could cry over someone who left or celebrate the amazing person they lost"; and I thought: "if she was that amazing, I wouldn't have left". And you know what? It felt incredible to put things that way!

 

I know there are still days and weeks to come, but I'm feeling so good today that I wanted to share with you guys and hope you take this in a positive note: better days are coming, believe in it!

[sickoflove11]

Today wasn't so good. I feel like just crawling into my bed and never leaving. But I also feel like why bother sleeping. Its 11pm and I'm stressed so it's going to be hard to sleep. I don't know why I constantly worry. I worry what people will think or say about me. At the same time I don't care because it won't change how I feel about myself. I just try to be my best self and when people knock me down it gets to me. If I could just get out of my own head, things would be better.

[MajorOak]

I don't know anymore. I'm ok, I'm not ok.

It's been going on for such a long long time, when does this end, is there something wrong with me?

I've tried to move on, new city, new job, even had a new girlfriend at one point.

None of it feels right.

I still feel like your going to walk in through the door.

I'm so tied of it now.

[SeriousAsparagus]

These days are split into half missing you, half wondering if you'll look back/regret, and half not thinking about you. As I go about my day finding joy in the things I involve myself with, I wish I didn't have you as my shadow lingering in the back of my mind. Popping out when my defenses are down. But I'm really proud of myself, always forcing myself to move on. Although not perfect, I'm doing what I can. I'm satisfied knowing that at least I feel happy in big moments of my day. If I can feel happy on my own, I can get over you. I was numb before, you know.

 

Its been about 3 weeks. I'm smiling because I think it's been a big step for me. And 3 weeks in the grand scheme of things is not very long.

[juniorrocha]

Yesterday I was feeling very good, but today was a hard day. Couldn't get her out of my mind, especially at night, when I was coming back home. I miss her smiles, jokes, how she was always so positive while I was always complaining. I miss holding her to sleep, that use to be the best part of everything; when at the end of the day, we would just lay down, together, and fall asleep, and then nothing else mattered. I miss knowing I have someone for me, even though I've always been so independent. I found a picture of her in my wallet, which I forgot to get rid of. She looks so good in it. I just miss her today.

[Sunnymae]

I feel I have so many questions to ask you, but the reply would just hurt me. You've lied and mislead me. I asked you to tell me if there was anyone else, and you promised you would. Instead you gave me mixed signals had me thinking I was just being insecure. You used me to get through your divorce then discarded me. But still my mind takes me to happier times when We held each other, and cuddled, or kissed passionately, or made intense love that the neighbors heard. But your excuse for ending 3 years of spending time together is that we have nothing in common. Did you forget we talked about a future together....

The day of the breakup you ignored me and spent the whole day on Plenty of Fish, don't you see how wrong that is then when I expressed how hurt I was you said get over it. And when I asked if we still had a future together you said that prior to your divorce women didn't pay attention but now they were, and that you were not ready that you needed time to clear your head. But you said you loved me, but now you say 'as a friend, you will always love me as a friend,

And when I begged you to come over, you said you can come over to spend friend time no sex. How could lead me on. You used me to get through your divorce. I would of helped you, I just thought that this past year we had grown close our conversations, our intimate times. Then after your divorce you do this to me. You're a monster, I thought you were benign, I loved with all my heart, and you ripped it out and threw away.

[bummer]

Yesterday and today were terrible. I'm traveling alone now And my thoughts drift back to you and what you would say if you were next to me. I hate you now. I really hate how I feel about you. I hate you told me your new guy is pretty perfect. I hate that you hate me to get over not loving me anymore. You made your problem all about me then dumped it on me so I can sit here thinking about it constantly.

 

I was never this anxious or insecure. Now I'm on a train doubting everything when I sjould be relaxed and enjoying this beautiful place. I hate you and what you threw away because it makes me feel small and weak and out of control. I hate you for still controlling me through my own weakness and pain. I wish you were out of my head.

 

Beliefs have the power to move mountains. Bad beliefs or good beliefs.

[toastytiger]

Just when I think I'm moving on so well -- bam! you enter my unconscious, my dreaming world. And I believe for a moment things are working out. That you are sorry for the betrayal. And that you care enough to want to commit to us, to put work into us.

That I can feel your warmth again.

 

But, just an illusion.

& what I miss is only my idea of you.

Not who you really are.

 

Weaning off the addiction.

I'm better off without you. I'm done wasting my precious energy on you.

[Cooper04]

3 months since breakup.

Went out today with a girl I've been dating a few weeks. I like her, but don't think I want a relationship with her. This led me to think about my ex, who I was sure I was over. Basically remembered how awesome she was and how it sucks we couldn't make it work.

Then a few hours later I randomly see my ex, who was clearly out on a date. She looked fantastic and the look on her face.. So happy and simply looked like she was in love.

Broke my heart all over again.

[sorano]

still feeling bad since I had that dream about my ex on friday. I am not really coping well today.

[sparkle222]

Feel mostly fine during day when around friends; generally feel more angry/shocked than sad which is probably good. When I'm alone esp in evenings I find myself very tempted to message him. Not with any real purpose just out of habit/wanting to provoke an apology or grovelling or something. I've even written out messages but then the reminder of how I let him back into my life after going no contact no summer, and the way he treated me in our fledgling "friendship" this year (literally lying to my face for a year while telling me how much he needed me as a friend and how he wanted us to treat each other well etc) - sickens me and stops me messaging him. Whenever I watch something romantic on tv, I'm reminded of how he was with other girls consistently this year, and that quashes any fledgling feelings of caring nostalgia. He's made it clear he can't be a bf but now I feel I've learned the hard lesson of how he can't be a good friend either (and not just because he's an ex. He just isn't capable of having empathy or being respectful the way a friend is.)

 

I feel like I might crack at some point but I know it'll end with him saying something terribly hurtful (eithrr flat out mean, or kind but underneath cruel --eg talking about a new girlfriend) so I'm trying to make myself stronger. I know that having a really strong social group will help, because it diffuses his importance in my life. I know the key would be finding someone else. But it's all very well saying that, I don't want to end up in another messy situation and am extremely cautious. I have some great friends but I really think relationships might lead to similar disasters (given maturity levels etc).

 

No contact is funny, it's good for calming down strong emotions but it doesn't resolve the niggles in your head that really grate on you. Sometimes being reminded of what an ex is like can help set you straight but it's so risky.

[Trinity_84]

Barely coping for the past few hours. Got sad about the pets I lost when my last relationship sank, which spiraled into talking to a friend about how everything changes, even friendships. Realized my friendships are basically non-existent if it weren't for Facebook.

 

That made me very depressed. Started thinking about how my ex and their friends were like my family, and now that's all gone because I gave up on it. I know my ex wasn't perfect, but it was a shot I had at a loving family and some support network (the one thing I crave in life the most).

 

I cried for the first time in over a month tonight.

 

I've been doing everything you're supposed to do, reading self-help books, going to therapy, doing yoga, working on myself, I have had fun times, really feel like I'm moving on. But I still feel so alone, living with my parents while they barely even talk to me or try to have some sort of connection with me. My one friends lives in a different city.

 

I don't know how I'm going to get better. I know I have to keep pushing on but it's so hard. Tonight really sucks.

[keiji]

On Saturday night I attended Primavera Sound Festival. Thousands and thousands of people in a huge space. What were the odds that I stumbled upon my ex-girlfriend? Close to zero. And I didn't, but I dreaded the possibility. It's ridiculous and infuriating too, specially considering that she's never been to PS as far as I know. Yesterday there were more festival-related free shows in the city and I kept looking around over and over again, obviously not enjoying myself that much. A band I've liked since I was 15 was playing and still there I was, looking sideways throughout and wishing for the concert to end and get the hell out of there.

 

Ironically, as I was leaving with a friend, I crossed paths with one of my ex-g's best friends and her boyfriend. I felt a bit bad about it and hoped she wouldn't tell her she saw me with a beautiful blonde (stunning would be more accurate). I feel so stupid. On one hand, why should I care whether it hurts her or not? She had no qualms in hurting me. On the other, it's a bit conceited. Why am I assuming she cares at all?

 

I wish it was winter again, when dusk doesn't begin at 9.30pm and people aren't 24/7 on the street.

 

I'm doing fine, but my biggest fear is seeing her in the flesh. I've followed NC very strictly, but the idea of a face to face with her is too much. I'm still far from being over the breakup.

[NIGHT1985]

Falling asleep and waking up in the morning are the worst. I have to literally force myself not to text her.

[andie1969]

Falling asleep and waking up in the morning are the worst. I have to literally force myself not to text her.

 

It's been 3 months for me and I still think he's going to text me in the mornings...I have even heard phantom text tones. You're not alone.

[broodneach]

At least you guys can sleep. I got six hours last night (I normally go for 8-9) and it's the most I've gotten in a week. I'm not sure I even slept some nights. My vision seems to be permanently blurring and I can't remember whether I ate lunch yesterday. I have to get it together.

[broodneach]

Wow. I actually took my ADHD medication today (first time since the breakup a few days ago, since it keeps me up and I wasn't sleeping anyway) and, well, it's certainly helping. I think if I knew how to take care of myself better in general, things like this wouldn't hit me so hard.

[Sunnymae]

At least you guys can sleep. I got six hours last night (I normally go for 8-9) and it's the most I've gotten in a week. I'm not sure I even slept some nights. My vision seems to be permanently blurring and I can't remember whether I ate lunch yesterday. I have to get it together.

 

I'm having a hard time focusing. Just feel a lump in my throat.

[hirokitakako]

Two years after breakup. It's been a while and I'm currently having a rough time in my life and really no one in my life and then suddenly I'm having this dream when she is back out of the blue, putting her arms around me, saying it's alright and wanting us back together. You can imagine how much it sucked to wake up for these confusing thoughts.