How are you coping today?

[keiji]

Falling apart. Today I really got sucked down realizing I'm the only single girl I know. I'm so lonely and I don't know what to do.

 

You say "single" as though it's something negative. You're probably depressed, as I was a mere three months ago, and you definitely see life as a couple as some sort of paradise of endless joys, but you know it's not true. Actually, of all those non-single girls you now, I bet you'll be the one having the most fun as soon as you stand up and kick sadness in the butt.

[Raina314]

You say "single" as though it's something negative. You're probably depressed, as I was a mere three months ago, and you definitely see life as a couple as some sort of paradise of endless joys, but you know it's not true. Actually, of all those non-single girls you now, I bet you'll be the one having the most fun as soon as you stand up and kick sadness in the butt.

 

Thanks keiji. I think I am depressed. It's a very strange experience, today I feel light-years better, but my mood swings are just insane, worse than puberty. Last week I felt really good, and then yesterday I felt terrible. I know that's not uncommon with depression. My life with my ex was far from Paradise, he ignored me constantly and I was only really happy when I was right next to him. What got me yesterday was that I went to a concert and it seemed like everyone there was a couple. I got sad that my ex would never come to shows with me and that even when I had someone, I was alone so much, and seeing other girls with guys who did love them and enjoy being with them made me feel more alone.

[keiji]

Thanks keiji. I think I am depressed. It's a very strange experience, today I feel light-years better, but my mood swings are just insane, worse than puberty. Last week I felt really good, and then yesterday I felt terrible. I know that's not uncommon with depression. My life with my ex was far from Paradise, he ignored me constantly and I was only really happy when I was right next to him. What got me yesterday was that I went to a concert and it seemed like everyone there was a couple. I got sad that my ex would never come to shows with me and that even when I had someone, I was alone so much, and seeing other girls with guys who did love them and enjoy being with them made me feel more alone.

 

I also know a thing or two about ups and downs, but lately I feel like I've finally reached a plateau, punctuated by some moments of melancholy, which are quite few and far between. It's a question of time, nothing more.

 

As to the feeling of loneliness when you saw all those girls with their boyfriend, it's amplified by the fact that you're hurting. And hey, it's like those Hollywood romantic movies. We just get to the honeymoon, but when the end credits roll it's when the fighting and the cheating begins

 

Don't equate "single" and "alone". It's two different things. You just have to learn to feed your own happiness with no regard to a potential "other half". It's what I'm doing, and it takes a lot of work, but I feel really, really happy now, specially after telling her five days ago (yes, I broke NC) that I want nothing to do with her in the future. Close that door, whether you tell him or not.

[topher]

I'm miles away from the pain and shame I felt a few short months ago. I've spent most of that intervening time in therapy, reconnecting with supportive friends and family, exploring the city on my own, and lifting weights at the gym. Occasionally there's a dull ache when I wake, though it subsides as soon as I affirm that the day is mine, that I've endured, and that each new day brings another opportunity to kick ass and be happy.

 

I'm attending a bachelor party this weekend. The soon-to-be bride and groom have decided to celebrate jointly for one of the nights and my ex will be in attendance. I've been chugging along NC for a month and a half. I don't pine for her, I'm not sure I even miss her anymore. I've largely let go of resenting her for cheating on me. But I'm wary of upending my progress by seeing her. What should I do? (Pretty sure of the answer.)

 

I saw her for brief moments throughout the weekend but only spoke to return pleasantries. She was in our room quite often but I didn't flinch. Just moseyed on out when she came by. I felt some discomfort seeing her worse for the wear on a combination of ecstasy and alcohol, but I reminded myself to quit the patronizing and shed any vestiges of codependency. I felt ambivalent, kinda wish I could've cared less, but it was reassuring that seeing her hadn't derailed me from doing me.

 

Got two numbers that weekend!

[Kelsy]

Today is not my day. I am so sad and disappointed. I found out (using social media...I know I know) that he and his new gf are having a good time. He is so active now, going to places he didnt want to go with me. He is happy and I am alone and fighting with my sadness. Comparing myself with her....And at times I feel like I was not good enough. I know its not healthy (working on it) but the truth is its my reality....How come the person who left you in a really mean way can have all the happiness? Have I done something bad to deserve this pain? It really sucks....

[topher]

Today is not my day. I am so sad and disappointed. I found out (using social media...I know I know) that he and his new gf are having a good time. He is so active now, going to places he didnt want to go with me. He is happy and I am alone and fighting with my sadness. Comparing myself with her....And at times I feel like I was not good enough. I know its not healthy (working on it) but the truth is its my reality....How come the person who left you in a really mean way can have all the happiness? Have I done something bad to deserve this pain? It really sucks....

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. I was also left behind for another lover. Feel the pain through and through, then try your hardest to soldier on.

 

Let's just be real. What'd you expect to see? That he'd be miserable and missing you?

 

You're picking at the scab. While in a vulnerable state you chose to confirm your worst suspicions - that he's happy! You're weren't ready to see that he's moving on and enjoying his life. In the future, don't look. His life doesn't concern you anymore.

 

You'll be alright.

[gbe2015]

As we walked out the building having just agreed on how to split the remnants of our marriage she was crying saying I'm sorry. We walked outside and tried to make small talk but ended up awkwardly staring at each other. I ask her if this is what she really wants. She nodded. So where do we go from here? Do we still talk? Are we friends. Yes she said but you need to understand that is all it will ever be. I hugged her again and the memories of holding her so many times all came back to me. And just for a moment it all disappeared. But it waits for no one and I let her go for the last time. I gave her one last kiss and told her to take care of herself. I will. And we both walked away without saying another word.

 

And that is how she broke my heart again.

[keiji]

Today it's four months since I last saw her, but the most important thing is that it's almost 7pm here and I just realized. It may sound silly, but it's quite a feat for me. I no longer remember that day as an oddly romantic goodbye moment with all the "I love yous", the dreaded final kiss, the tears, the hugs, etc. I remember a friend asked how it went and I answered: "Sad, but beautiful". And perhaps it was, but the memories no longer bring a knot to my stomach. It's just one more episode from my past life.

 

It's also been one week since I broke no contact to tell her I didn't want her as a friend as she apparently wished so eagerly (again, apparently). Deep down I feared I would regret it in just a few hours, but it hasn't happened. There's not a drop of hesitation or regret in my system. I don't know if she loses by not having me there, but I do know I couldn't count on her if I ever needed her, so I feel I did the right thing.

 

I think I can safely say I'm happy at last, and I worked hard to achieve it, so allow me to pat myself in the back. My old self is here again.

[Xiomn]

Story time for whoever cares. Mainly just s reflection of my thoughts, writing stuff down helps me.

 

I was dating this girl for around one month. We talked for a few days before our first date and when we finally met up for th first time there was definetly a spark between us. I kissed her then she kissed me on the bridge in the park, beautiful views, sunny day like something out of a movie.

 

She would constantly tell me how cute and hot I am, she made me feel appreciated, special like no one has ever been towards me before. Not even my ex. Over time we got to know each other more and the first two weeks or so were great.

 

Then I started thinking a little differently. I had suggested doing stuff like dinner, movies, trips to the zoo, but she said she didn't like doing stuff in public and also because she said she likes doing free or cheap things since we're both students and naturally don't have a lot of money which was reasonable. Even though I personally had a lot of saved up money I was willing to spend on these activities.

 

Needless to say all we ended up doing was (by her suggestion) just chilling at each other's places not really doing much and occasionally going for walks in the local park. One time we played ball in the park like two young kids. She would even invite her friends to come join us sometimes in the middle of when we were spending time together.

 

All this made me feel like she viewed me more as s friend she likes to hangout and chill with every now and then as opposed to a guy she actually wants to date and see more of, so naturally I was confused about how she felt about me.

 

At one point she sent me a snapchat, a picture of her in a guys car with the caption 'guys with cars (laughing emoji). Bearing in mind just a day or two prior she asked me whether I had a car and could drive to which I responded no, and given the experience of her telling me in the past how she is having fun meeting other people, I naturally reacted to this by thinking she was trying to make me jealous as if the underlying message was to say 'you've got competition'.

 

Eventually I confronted her and told her that I felt like it wasn't going anywhere between us for the reasons I've stated (I felt more like a casual friend as opposed to someone she is dating) and I also declared how I disliked the fact that I thought she was trying to make me jealous (my female friends were also of the same opinion). So I suggested we stop seeing eachother. That's where I believe I horribly messed up and probably should have kept my mouth shut because from that point on things were never the same.

 

After telling her all of this she said she wasn't trying to make me jealous and asked to meet up and give it one last go to which I agreed to. So we went on a date and it was really good. She has held my hand in the past so naturally on the way back I held her hand but she said she doesn't like holding hands. She had also told me she likes to just spend a few minutes kissing me because she finds me so attractive so naturally I kiss her more than usual.

 

After the date she messaged me telling me that she has lost the passion she once had for me (she attributed this to the talk I had with her when I almost called it off and said I felt it wasn't going anywhere, and because at the same time I had accused her of trying to make me jealous which turned her off me). So she said she didn't want to date me anymore. She also said I was too clingy, which I thought was strange considering I was the one who almost called it off in the first place, and I don't feel like I was doing anything which she hadn't already done with me before and said she liked..

 

I thought it was over. The next day, feeling a bit down, I head to the park for some alone time and I'm just sitting in the park. One hour later she unexpectedly to my surprise comes up from behind me to say hello. We get talking which leads her into eventually asking me if she wants to cuddle (in public). She then later invites me around to hers for dinner to which I accept (but without a definite time or date for when).

 

Two days go by with no contact from her. This is the first time she went an entire day without contacting me since we met by that point a month ago, so naturally given she said she wanted to stop seeing me, to less than 24 hours later asking to cuddle and inviting me around for dinner, I was very confused.

 

I messaged her asking her if she still wanted to do the dinner she has suggested to which she responded by saying she doesn't know and is in the process of trying to sort her feelings out. She never asked for time or space alone, but I could sense that she needed it and from experience I know if you put too much pressure on you will Inevitably drive them away from you. So I have her space alone and didn't contact her for an entire week.

 

I then checked up on her and asked if she wanted to meet up. We met up a few days after, baked a cake together and just chilled out as we always did, nothing special. I wanted to cuddle and kiss her but knowing she had accused me of being clingy in the past I chose to just be normal and not show much interest at all unless she initiated it which she didn't.

 

The next day she messaged me telling me how she felt there just wasn't anything between us anymore and said she no longer wanted to see me in anything more than just as friends. I really liked her, and I was hoping I could recapture what we had when we first met but I couldn't possibly do that without coming off as clingy to her. I wanted more than just friends, I wanted to date her.

 

So I took it upon my self to tell her I could not be just friends with her and said goodbye. I knew that if I had stayed friends with her all that I would have been doing is prolonging my inevitable pain as I wanted more than her.

So now it's over. I wish we were still dating, but she does not feel the same way and I can't force her to feel like she once did before I messed everything up by accusing her and almost calling it off.

Edited May 23, 2016 by Xiomn

[sickoflove11]

I think I'm feeling a lot better recently. I am no longer friends with his sister which is honestly for the best. They are both so similar and now I see it. Being friends with her made it so hard to move on from him. She wasn't a true friend anyways so I am not sad about the friendship. I am actually glad. I am relieved and feel like I can finally breathe. I was getting so much anxiety wondering if he'd be around any time I hung out with her. I wanted any connection to him and now I am finally free. I want no ties to that family anymore. Now I have an out and if we didn't work together, my life would be even less stressful. People like her and her brother are toxic. They're manipulative, narcissistic, childish, and self-centered. I knew this would happen when she told me how she lost her last friend. I guess some people don't learn.

[Raina314]

On vacation. Had a good past few days, but am feeling a bit down again. I'm going to Europe to see family and his parents always said we should go together someday. I'm with my parents and brother now instead and while I'm mostly fine with that, I haven't been getting along as well with my dad and it reminds me of how I'd rather be with a romantic partner. I

[Salina]

Was doing much better these past few days… but then have these moments where I remember you and how much I enjoyed watching a movie or something together. Now you're with your new GF and have a great relationship. That's wonderful to find someone you click with like that… just still have times where I wish it could have been with me. Time heals all wounds…

[wareagle3]

Doing a little better today, not as much anxiety.. Still hard every time I look her way she is on her phone.. Only time she has spoken to me is about work stuff.. I think I'm beginning to see some of her flaws (which I knew she had) but chose to ignore more clearly now...

[wareagle3]

I hate the way I feel now, I hate that I fell in Love with you, I hate that we work together, I hate that I have to watch you text your new guy all day in front of me, I hate that there is nothing I can do to make you love me, I hate that I thought you were not the person you have turned out to be, I hate that I fell for it, I hate that in reality you did nothing to make me feel the way I do

I hate that I over looked your obvious flaws, and now I am seeing them morel clearly.. I hate that you act like everything is ok with me, when in reality it isn't and in my mind it is easy to see, but you won't approach me to talk, because you are to closed off, and cannot talk about what your feeling, or express it in any other way, but silence. I hate that I will probably be the one to approach you and try to have a conversation.. I hate that I will be the one to give in, as I always do... I hate that my expectations of you were nothing but a false hope...

[sooshi]

Trying to focus on school, and reading other people's stories on here.

[Wuku]

It was my 48th birthday yesterday. I spent time with family, which was nice. But I kept thinking "I wonder if she will wish me a happy birthday". She didn't, which I suppose is for the best, but it made me feel down and unhappy again. I'm annoyed with myself for letting it affect me, I didn't expect her to message me at all, but I thought if she was ever going to contact me again, it would be on my birthday. I guess she has fully moved on, and I need to do the same. It's a minor setback after I have been doing well, but it stung a bit nonetheless. Oh well, tomorrow is another day!

[andie1969]

I've had a setback this week. It's been almost 3 months since he broke up with me over the phone. I haven't seen or talked to him since. I got a text from him on Saturday regarding a show we liked on Netflix. A few back and forth texts and that was it. I'm mad at myself for even engaging, obviously I'm not over him and still have some hope for reconciliation. I find myself obsessively checking my phone again, waiting for the next contact. Yes, I KNOW I should block his number, but I'm not ready to do that. I unfriended/blocked him from all social media the day he broke up with me so there's been no "keeping tabs on each other" that way.

 

I'm leaving for vacation with my daughter on Sunday and hoping I can put him and all those thoughts that are dominating my mind behind me and truly enjoy our vacation.

[BelleSkye]

Dreams of him still haunt me, nightmares still hurt me....not sure how to move on when my subconscious keeps me a slave to him.

[topher]

Dreams of him still haunt me, nightmares still hurt me....not sure how to move on when my subconscious keeps me a slave to him.

 

I'm grappling with the same thing. There are days where I'll wake and wince over what was lost. While it sucks, we should strive to move on in spite of these unwelcome reminders. There will be no blank slate. I acknowledge that she's been a part of my life, for better and worse, and that she'll always hold some real estate in my heart and mind.

[keiji]

All in all it's been a great week. I barely think about her and when I do, the thoughts seem kind of distant. But this afternoon I felt a sudden pang in my stomach. I don't understand why. I didn't see her, hear from her or anything. It just happened. I hate my subconscious sometimes. It's like it's constantly working to screw things up. But I won't relent. I've worked too hard to be where I am now.

[sickoflove11]

Less than I week ago I was feeling much better. Today has gotten me down and it feels bad. I confronted my coworker and she just sat there with a smug look on her face acting like there was no problem and nothing that could be done to fix it because she doesn't see a problem. But also acknowledged that she treats me differently. So it's all just immature and childish. I wish other people could see through her manipulative ways but she only treats me this way. It makes me so mad because I just want to work and enjoy my job and for everyone to be pleasant but she makes that so hard and uncomfortable. I'm just going to hope and pray that she changes stores soon or quits.

[Jose1]

I have one less friend my week has be awful. I sure it will get better when I wake up tomorrow

[teenyfish]

Visited some mutual friends last night. They brought him up which set me back a little. They let me know he's hurting too, which I expected. Feeling weird. I'm over the relationship, we were not right for each other, and I'm pretty sure he cheated. But I miss him. I spent 3 years of my life with him and it's gone so quickly. I never want to get back together, but sometimes I fantasize about having our relationship back the way it used to be years ago. That's where I'm at right now. In love with memories and wondering what could have been if things had gone differently. I don't love the person he is now. Still healing, it's only been 3.5 weeks - thankfully NC for all. Hopefully I will be over this by the end of the summer, but who knows really.

[toastytiger]

Ways I've coped today

 

1. This website! Reading everyone's posts and stories really help actually. I know then, that I'm not alone. That others are having very similar experiences as I am, and they are working through it like I am, and that what I'm feeling is normal. And that it's true, he is a d*ckface.

And... that it will get better.

 

2. Eating... a LOT (like to the point it kind of hurt)

 

3. Worked on a farm

 

4. Listened to music

 

5. Mundane distractions...

 

6. Forced myself to go to a party

 

7. Left early. Went to go binge eat some more

 

 

Probably not my best coping day. I will say that I've been going to see multiple therapists -- counseling, cranial-sacral (amazing session), acupuncture, massage, etc.

It's expensive, yes. But, so is going to the hospital for a broken leg or some other physical illness.

Being heartbroken should count. Emotional sickness is as bad as physical sickness. I mean, it feels like it, right?! And so it should be treated as such.

 

Totally recommend seeing a professional healer, especially one that has a holistic approach -- cranial-sacral therapy, body/energy work, naturopathic...

Finding a GOOD therapist is important too. I'm lucky to live in a big city saturated with great therapists that practice all kinds of healing modalities.

 

 

Ah, and exercise!!

[sickoflove11]

When will I just be happy again? Once I'm finally over this guy, now I have a friend I have to drop because of all this drama she is creating at work. And she is not a true friend anyways so I am more than happy to drop her. I just actually care about my job and she's become so difficult to work with. I wish others could see how immature she is.