keiji Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I've been doing quite to very well in general. I'm no longer angry when I think she's not contacted me in over three months (as I asked her to do, anyway). Instead of feeling enraged about how she can go on about her life without even thinking of me, I take it as the main reason why I'd never take her back again, not in a million years. Those who love you won't leave. Those who miss you won't disappear from your life. Period. Also, yesterday I was thinking about some very basic issues that had crossed my mind during the relationship and that I tried (and managed) to leave aside. She's British. As you may have noticed, English is not my native language and she never bothered to learn Spanish (or to know the culture of the country she's living in). Although I'm quite fluent, I always thought that I knew her, to the extent which she was able to express her feelings, which was basically nonexistent, but also wondered whether she could truly know me when I was forced to express myself in a different language. The humor, for one thing, was something that I found myself very limited at, even if she said I have a very "British" thing going on. I don't know, just venting, but I feel like the reasons for us to go our separate ways keep mounting as months go by. Keep it up, girls and boys!
Raina314 Posted May 6, 2016 Posted May 6, 2016 I've been doing quite to very well in general. I'm no longer angry when I think she's not contacted me in over three months (as I asked her to do, anyway). Instead of feeling enraged about how she can go on about her life without even thinking of me, I take it as the main reason why I'd never take her back again, not in a million years. Those who love you won't leave. Those who miss you won't disappear from your life. Period. Also, yesterday I was thinking about some very basic issues that had crossed my mind during the relationship and that I tried (and managed) to leave aside. She's British. As you may have noticed, English is not my native language and she never bothered to learn Spanish (or to know the culture of the country she's living in). Although I'm quite fluent, I always thought that I knew her, to the extent which she was able to express her feelings, which was basically nonexistent, but also wondered whether she could truly know me when I was forced to express myself in a different language. The humor, for one thing, was something that I found myself very limited at, even if she said I have a very "British" thing going on. I don't know, just venting, but I feel like the reasons for us to go our separate ways keep mounting as months go by. Keep it up, girls and boys! Keiji, your English is excellent. I would hardly know that you're not a native speaker, and I have a degree in English and have studied foreign languages my whole life. What you said about wondering if she could truly know you - I don't know, but you bring up something I've always found fascinating. I study Russian, and I have a language partner with whom I practice speaking. One thing I've noticed, and she actually wrote a dissertation on this, is that expressing yourself in a second language makes you think and perceive your emotions differently. Some people say it makes you more objective and detached. When I was speaking to my friend in Russian about my breakup, it was the first time I managed to do it without crying and every time we had a conversation I'd feel better and more in control than when I spoke in English (my native language). So yes, I think it could be that she understood or perceived you differently than perhaps you perceived yourself, and the relationship could've been different than it would've been if she spoke Spanish. Not to say that was the death of the relationship by any means, but it definitely introduced a different emotional element. You're also right that humor is vastly different between cultures and can be hard to translate. There are parts of you and parts of her that may not have gotten all the way through, just because the languages we grow up speaking shape the way we think. Sorry, I know that got way off topic, but I've always found this stuff fascinating and had to comment.
sickoflove11 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 I'm feeling very alone right now. I am now wishing I never slept with you. At first I really didn't care. It was what I wanted at the time, but now I just feel dirty. Like just another girl you had a one night stand with and never talked to again. It lowers my self esteem just to think about the fact that I slept with you knowing what you are. Realizing how you treat women is sick and for people to know I slept with you makes me look desperate. I was so physically attracted to you and you lead me on with months of sweet talking. I didn't realize how insecure and selfish you really are and it makes me feel so low that I fell for that. All I want is what we had in the beginning. But NOT with you. I need you out of my head. 2
keiji Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 Keiji, your English is excellent. I would hardly know that you're not a native speaker, and I have a degree in English and have studied foreign languages my whole life. What you said about wondering if she could truly know you - I don't know, but you bring up something I've always found fascinating. I study Russian, and I have a language partner with whom I practice speaking. One thing I've noticed, and she actually wrote a dissertation on this, is that expressing yourself in a second language makes you think and perceive your emotions differently. Some people say it makes you more objective and detached. When I was speaking to my friend in Russian about my breakup, it was the first time I managed to do it without crying and every time we had a conversation I'd feel better and more in control than when I spoke in English (my native language). So yes, I think it could be that she understood or perceived you differently than perhaps you perceived yourself, and the relationship could've been different than it would've been if she spoke Spanish. Not to say that was the death of the relationship by any means, but it definitely introduced a different emotional element. You're also right that humor is vastly different between cultures and can be hard to translate. There are parts of you and parts of her that may not have gotten all the way through, just because the languages we grow up speaking shape the way we think. Sorry, I know that got way off topic, but I've always found this stuff fascinating and had to comment. Thanks for the language-related encouragement, Raina!! I'm a literary translator (Eng into Sp), so that's flattering. I don't think is way off topic. Actually, considering how small the world has become with the advances in communications and means of transportation, I guess there are quite a few people here in multicultural relationships, and language and cultural differences can definitely have an impact, as you well said. There's the good side of it –sharing experiences that may be a million years apart and, therefore, very enriching–, but also the bad one, that is, certain barriers that in some cases can be insurmountable. I really do think she didn't get to know the real me. We had a connection for sure, and my sense of humor (according to her and her circle of friends, also foreigners) is quite British, or perhaps quite un-Spanish is a better way to put it, but still... Habits, the way we express our feelings, our scales of values, are almost opposites. So yes, not the main factor perhaps, but pretty high on the list [/end of rambling] 1
sickoflove11 Posted May 7, 2016 Posted May 7, 2016 it's probably because you opened up and believed in him,that's why it's hard? Do delete the photos and texts or get someone to delete for you. It is. I was just so naive and didn't really think people like this existed. I didn't think anyone would do this to me and it makes me question myself. It's so dumb because I'm not even in love. He's a terrible person who I wouldn't even date. I just hate how he's made me feel. I feel so lonely now, when I used to be perfectly happy being alone. I want to get back there because this is consuming my thoughts more than it ever should. 2
Rachel39 Posted May 9, 2016 Posted May 9, 2016 Today I'm feeling ok, never thought I'd say that as I have been in such a mess for the last 4 months. I have my self a new part time job and just keeping busy, I've started skating again I have even been listening to music and dancing this evening to it and I've painted my nails too. I've been on a training course all day in which will really help my career, I have my goals set now and I'm on my way to achieving them. Strange how your feelings can change as this morning I just felt so sad, even in the training course I felt like crying but it went away and I just got on with it I'm finding this new strength that I never knew existed in me and self control wanted to message you again today but I didn't and I have got through another day. I feel sad for you, for us because you are truly missing out on a life that we could of had together and you gave up on someone that would of never given up on you despite all your flaws and that's rare. One thing I never had you down as was a fool and now I understand that's just what you are a fool for letting go of us our family and future !!!! 1
bummer Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 Why is it so easy for you and so hard for me? I want to call every second and I know you don't. You're stubborn, you won, and you're still winning. I thought you'd at least say hi today since you knew I was leaving. I guess I underestimated how far away you really are. I still deny what's going on, it makes me sad, and when you don't give into my hopes it burns into anger. 3
sickoflove11 Posted May 10, 2016 Posted May 10, 2016 You are the worst. And I'm dumb for getting involved with my friends brother. It makes it so much harder to avoid you. Now I am thinking about you going on a date with someone else. Or worse, the married lady you've been seeing for years and can't get over.. Who knows if you're even going on a date. I know it means nothing to you because you texted your sisters ex to ask if your outfit looked ok, so why would asking me while I'm on facetime with her mean anything at all? It doesn't. I am just over thinking everything and every contact I get with you gives me some stupid hope that I don't want to have. You are so into yourself and always have to get peoples approval or acceptance. Like on your outfit, seriously.. I've never know any guy this self conscious about his outfit choices. And I don't want to help you get dressed for whatever date this could be. I'm just going to tell myself it's a date. I'd rather expect the worst to prepare myself.
JR2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Not doing well today. Tears, regrets, suicidal thoughts, alcohol. Got a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I just want to stop this pain. 2
keiji Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Not doing well today. Tears, regrets, suicidal thoughts, alcohol. Got a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I just want to stop this pain. You've acknowledged that there's a problem and you can't go on like that. It's a bigger step than you probably think right now. Good for you!!
DJOkawari Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 My recurring thoughts, that have some how peaked today. A bit melodramatic but here goes: It's been way too long. I wanna be over this. You broke up with me over a year ago and I still think of you each day. It's the same fantasy: we coincidentally run into each other and hit it off. Not a rehash of the same relationship but some thing new. I've learned a lot since you last saw me - in this fantasy, you have too. We always talked about how we were too young for the relationship we had built. What about now? I don't have any facts but I feel like you're single and so, irrationally (as this has all been) I ache for you, especially today. It wouldn't be surprising for me to run into you one day. We were really similar and we hope to achieve similar things. One day stumbling into a meeting, I wouldnt be surprised to see you at the other end. It would surprise you though. It'd be the first time you would've thought of me in years. You'd be impressed. I'm no longer depressed or addicted. I'm at the peak of my game. I've never been a more attractive candidate for a relationship. It's the opposite of how you last saw me. I'm sure you'd notice if we met again, but would it change anything? Other girls just don't do it for me. I have no idea if you would now either. Maybe I'm just broken. What I can tell you, is that each day I ache for you. Hopefully expressing all this will help me deal with it. I've been in this pattern for a while and I think it is going to last forever. I don't see any way out - this improvement is what I've been aiming for and now I've done it. Of course, improvement is an infinite path but there is a threshold I've crossed. Now I just look back and say, "I've improved a lot...I wonder if our situation has improved/would improve" - to an empty room, of course. I'll never get a response and so the question remains, infinitely. Fortunately we're capable of sustaining multiple questions, so here is another: If one is stuck in a rut for the rest of their life, is it really described as a rut or is better named "life"? I feel like I exist in the latter category. It isn't all doom and gloom. Through this discontent I've positioned myself quite well. The pain motivates me. In fact, it is likely I am the best version of myself because of this pain. I'm sure I can continue to be broken up over this and achieve even more. A happy ending? I'm sure someone in the world sees it that way.
Rachel39 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 Today is another good day and it's 4 months in and nearly a full month of n o contact on Friday. I feel sad that's all, that we are not together, I feel sad that everything I felt for you was true and that what I wanted for our future was true too. I feel sad I can't talk to you or tell you how May Day has been or all the exciting things that I'm doing and I feel sad that we. No longer do things together ... I trusted you completely with my broken heart ...I don't know who you actually are .... I don't even want to think about it anymore !!
topher Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 I'm miles away from the pain and shame I felt a few short months ago. I've spent most of that intervening time in therapy, reconnecting with supportive friends and family, exploring the city on my own, and lifting weights at the gym. Occasionally there's a dull ache when I wake, though it subsides as soon as I affirm that the day is mine, that I've endured, and that each new day brings another opportunity to kick ass and be happy. I'm attending a bachelor party this weekend. The soon-to-be bride and groom have decided to celebrate jointly for one of the nights and my ex will be in attendance. I've been chugging along NC for a month and a half. I don't pine for her, I'm not sure I even miss her anymore. I've largely let go of resenting her for cheating on me. But I'm wary of upending my progress by seeing her. What should I do? (Pretty sure of the answer.)
married777 Posted May 11, 2016 Posted May 11, 2016 I really understand how you feel, cause I've been through tougher experience. Everybody has his or her own dignity to protect....But be rest assured you'd find love again.
sickoflove11 Posted May 12, 2016 Posted May 12, 2016 I hate seeing you. I hate how you think you're so much better than everyone yet I'm still so hung up on you. You walk around acting all cool but only say things to me when you want. If I initiate a conversation you like shut down and give short responses. I guess that's what makes me keep trying. Because I get nothing from you when I try, but I let you act all flirty to me and I just play along. I don't know how I'm going to get over you when I still have to see you. Why do I find you so attractive? I hate feeling like this. I'm so done with it.
keiji Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 It's been a great week, but... Yesterday I was walking down the street and I heard someone call my name in a distinctly British accent. It was a friend of my ex-g's, a very nice person. I offered my best smile, said I was doing great (as you do in these situations) and secretly hoped for that encounter to end asap. Turns out she proposes a beer, since we're right in front of a bar terrace, and I go: "Er... uh... Ok". I felt so stupid (and slow). It was easy to say I was in a hurry, but I was caught totally off guard. My heart was racing throughout. I never drank a beer so fast in my life, I think. I needed to buy cigarettes, so I come back to find two more fresh beers on the table. I tried to tip toe around the dreaded subject matter, but we ended up talking about HER. Fortunately, she's no longer friends with the rest of the group, so she never sees my ex, and she was very discreet and didn't give away any sensible (as in painful) information. What she did, though, was telling me, even if I didn't ask, that there wasn't someone else in the picture when she left me, 100% sure. I can't say that makes me feel any better or worse. It just ended, period. I just hope her friend (or ex friend, I'm not really sure) doesn't contact her to tell her she saw me. The last thing I want is for that to trigger a reaction in my ex. We're fine as it is. I obviously said life was doing great (which is true), but I also made sure I wore a permanent smile on my face. She said I exuded happiness (second time I've heard this in the last two weeks!), and I wouldn't like that to make my ex-g think: "Great, now we can be friends", which is what she apparently wanted (she tried to string me along, but I refused). She's blocked everywhere, but when they want to find you, they do. I'm not doing very well today. Not devastated or anything, but it definitely stirred up my feelings. NC is the best thing you can do in these situations, but it feels weird to go from sharing your bed with someone to never hearing from them. And the thing is, I'm quite positive that we'll never see each other again. It's just gut feeling, and I'm not a seer for sure, but it makes it a bit more difficult, like too much of a long-term goal. But hey, I was doing amazingly until yesterday afternoon, and I'll be doing amazingly again. Just a little accident, i guess. 2
rayray1992 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 i started the day okayish just been getting steadily worse why did you just give up, why come into my life make everything special and make me believe that this was it and they just leave. but im still here loving you while you just don't seem to care. 2
Joshh93 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 Feeling sad and depressed again like i lost the best thing to happen to me but i feel like i miss her mainly because i feel like i wont find another beautiful girl its silly right. 2
sickoflove11 Posted May 13, 2016 Posted May 13, 2016 It sucks getting back to this place. I find myself thinking about you more rather than less. I don't know what to do. I try to focus on anything else but at some point you always come back. I don't even have good feelings around you. I'm always nervous and on edge because I never know how you're going to act. I want someone good, someone 150% not you, but you gave me that hope and crushed it. Now I feel so alone.
sickoflove11 Posted May 14, 2016 Posted May 14, 2016 I never felt insecure before being with you. I always felt very confident and after spending two years single, I was finally happy with myself. Now after being with you, someone who is such an insecure, narcissistic, self conscious guy, I feel defeated. I feel like I worry about what people think of me now. I worry about how you think of me. If I stooped so low as to sleep with someone like you, what does that say about myself? I can't be myself, I don't know how anymore. I question everything.
The_Dork_Lard Posted May 15, 2016 Posted May 15, 2016 10 months post breakup, and 3 months no contact (the first 7 months were very low contact all via texts, almost no contact). Weirdly, my stomach has begun churning for the first time the last day or 2, and I've sunk back into a deep sadness at the loss of my relationship with her. I haven't seen her, nor heard her voice since a couple of hours before she broke up with me out of the blue via text. The history, the memories, the sex, all went in an unforeseen moment. So today I'm doing badly, and my loneliness is hurting too. I'm no longer on an intense emotional roller-coaster, but I am in a permanent residual state of sadness. 4
SixxChick Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 I'm no longer on an intense emotional roller-coaster, but I am in a permanent residual state of sadness. Perfect ... me too.
sickoflove11 Posted May 16, 2016 Posted May 16, 2016 Most of the time I don't think about her. I used to be so obsessed with her and question why you would choose an older, married, woman over me. Thinking that this woman who is 10 years older than me is so much more attractive really makes me feel like ****... You've had such a long history with her there is no way I could ever compare. I don't know why she is starting to bother me again but it really sucks.
Raina314 Posted May 19, 2016 Posted May 19, 2016 Falling apart. Today I really got sucked down realizing I'm the only single girl I know. I'm so lonely and I don't know what to do.
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