How are you coping today?

[Kelsy]

I dont know why but its getting worse and worse. I am crying every day and am so miserable. I want it all back. Whatever I am doing I just miss him terribly (even though he turned out in the end to be a total jerk...why did you do that!). I live in another city now. I went out last night with some friends and felt numb. I didnt want my friends to notice it but I felt like I am in the wrong place. Actually I feel like this everyday. I am like in the middle of nowhere and nothing makes me happy anymore. I supposed to live with my ex in another city (the place I truly love) and be happy together. But now I cant even visit the city coz its too painful. He is probably happy with someone else now and it hurts. I am just nobody to him and she is everything. Still feeling guilty, angry, guilty, extremely lonely (even with friends but actually they are great). I dont want to live here and dont want to be with someone else. It really is like a bad dream. I dont know how people can get over so quikly. One year for me and nothing is changed. Ok I felt a little better a months ago or so but now its even worse.

[Rachel39]

It has been the longest week every and my first week of no contact .... Iv had times when Iv been ok and then times of thinking I'm loosing my mind today was one of them...

 

Iv had sever anxiety then switching to planningy life without him to them feeling sick. It's all so exhausting I'm sure I will come out of this at some point.

 

I just wonder a reheat point we will ever speak again because we got on so well we have been through so much and I was so close to his family.

 

Maybe he doesn't want to? But I know I can't be a part of his life any more, I can't be around to see him give some one everything we had or we wanted and planned together!

 

It's just also sad a stupid argument 2 years just gone and what it has shown me is he wasn't really invested in us if he could just walk away !!

[sorano]

One of my friends just got proposed to. I know I should be happy for her, and I feel terrible about how hard that is. The first thing that I did when I found out was cry and get really sad that she's getting married and I'm moving out all alone. Has this breakup really turned me into so much of a monster that I can't be happy for a friend who's been nothing but good, kind and helpful to me when her dreams are coming true?

 

Yesterday, I had to go pick up a chain and cross because I am going to be the god father to my nephew this coming Saturday.

 

I walked in the jewelry store and there was a couple picking out rings. It reminded me when my ex took me to go look at rings. I tried to stay calm.

 

So I picked out my items and went to go pay. Some guy comes in and says hi to the owner. Says hey I need your help. I'm going to do it man! I need a ring because I am going to propose to my girl! I paid, went in my car and just started crying.

 

I know how your feeling. I am feeling just like I you. Now get this. I am the god father to my brothers first kid. It should be a happy moment. Yet, I feel torn apart and sad bc my ex is not with me to celebrate this joyful day. I was there for her nieces baptism. Now she's gone. I can't even enjoy my nephews baptism.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today I'm feeling...awesome! I ended up going to a kind of camping event with a friend of mine where there was a whole ton of people I've never met. Usually that sort of situation is the stuff of nightmares for me due to my massive amounts of social anxiety, but it was the polar opposite. I've never gone into a group of people and felt immediately accepted and cared about by virtual strangers.

 

I'm also the type of person that usually gets uncomfortable by being touched by anyone besides close friends or family, but within a few hours of being there I was happily being hugged (and hugging back) or having people I just met putting their arm around my waist or shoulders and leaning against me and vice versa (and no this wasn't some sort of hedonistic thing lol). Everyone was just so comfortable with each other.

 

I also haven't laughed so hard for so long in...well, ever, actually. I have a really weird sense of humour sometimes so I've been told but there I could let it fly because everyone there just...got it. I actually felt like I could be myself for once instead of having to tone myself down so people wouldn't think I was strange. It was one of the most freeing and liberating experiences of my life and it feels like a part of me that was missing was finally put back. It was a balm to a part of my soul that I didn't even realize was hurting. I didn't think about my ex once the whole time and when I got home afterwards and did think of him I realized I had gone back to feeling indifferent towards him. This suggests to me that the reason I was sad last week was because I felt that I would never meet anyone who really understood me again. Now I feel confident in myself and in the fact that there are others out there just as weird and dorky as I am.

 

This group holds a ton of events in both Canada and the States and I'm going to go to as many as I possibly can. Who knows, maybe I'll even meet someone special there.

[keiji]

Last week I was pretty scared that St. George's Day, which is a very important festivity here and my favorite day of the year, would be a sad one without her. And no, it was wonderful. I spent it with a close friend, who gave me a beautiful vinyl album instead of the traditional book, and then we joined others for drinks at night. A remarkable day.

 

It's funny how the smallest things can bring you down (or up, in this case) without warning. On Sunday I was supposed to do some work since I'm a bit behind schedule, but my friends were meeting for lunch by the beach and I decided against it. I was walking down the street, listening to one of my favorite bands and eating some delicious mini-croissants I had just bought. It was a beautiful, sunny day and I suddenly stopped and said to myself: "Wait a minute. You're happy, man. You're finally happy and you almost didn't realize". Maybe we have to resort to the small pleasures in life, which are numerous, I don't know. It works for me.

 

I can't say I'm over her, but these three months of no contact and taking care of myself have worked wonders. They kicked us out of their lives. Let's kick them out of our hearts. It's feasible.

Edited April 25, 2016 by keiji

[Raina314]

Today I realized I actually am happy for my friend getting married. She went through a very similar heartbreak when she was my age (she's 4 years older) so there's no saying that can't be me when I'm her age. She deserves this and I'm not gonna let my stupid ex stop me from sharing in her joy.

 

Really glad to see so many of you also had a good weekend

[Trinity_84]

Yesterday I was in the dumps, crying at random moments. I left myself a couple of notes on the mirror, one reminding me that *they* gave up on *me* at the end of the day because they didn't love me anymore. The other one, reminding myself that I am strong and intelligent and I can get through this. Done it before, innit?

 

Today I feel angry, really angry. I feel resentment. But I know that it's part of the grieving stages so it's OK. I'd rather be angry than sad. When I'm angry I feel empowered, when I'm sad I feel like I still waste my time and energy on someone that gave up on me.

[AT15]

i go back and forth from missing him, to wanting, then needing him, then hating him, im just waiting on INDIFFERENCE. I hope this no contact thing really heals me.

 

Ill never date a guy like him again.

[keiji]

In the last three months I've been avoiding the routes me and my ex-g used to take, but today there was a lot of traffic and i thought: "I'm doing OK. Let's skip this jam". Of course, the memories came back flooding: standing under a balcony in a heavy summer storm, a terrace where we had coffee a couple of times... It was a bad idea. I can't say I'm missing her like crazy, though. I'm doing much better, but I'm not in favor of "manning up" if you're still not completely over your ex.

 

Staying away from memory triggers and risky situations where you can see them is the right course of action, imo. Lesson learnt today.

[Rachel39]

Today as been an ok day .... And I'm just starting to realising that you are an as@@@@@

 

It's only taken me 4 months !!

[sorano]

Today as been an ok day .... And I'm just starting to realising that you are an as@@@@@

 

It's only taken me 4 months !!

 

Its been a rough road. I know how much of a B**** my ex was. she didn't deserve me or anyone nice for that matter. even though I realize that just like you, I get angry. Just filled with rage. I hate her guts for what she did to me

[thespacey1]

For the past week or 2 I've been doing pretty well in terms of forci g myself to get out and exercise 5-6 days /week.

 

I won't lie tho, I still think of my ex almost every day.,just shed a few tears even as I looked at a few pix that a relative had on his phone.maybe I shouldn't have looked at them.... Although another guy has been pursuing me and it's been a distraction,I had to let him know we couldn't pursue anything further becuz of some fundamental differences . I didnt explain every single detail and reason ,but im certain I would not be content with some parts of his life. We didn't get sexual or anything,but I could feel the sexual tension building so I felt lead to not see him or communicate on the same level any further. he tried to ask why and talk to me and entice me to continue getting to know each other but I couldn't. Knowing my unresolved issues and my mind isn't all clear yet from this fog...I couldn't.

 

So I'm still single trying to heal...Meeting that guy was a nice temporary distraction . However, not strong enough to hold my interest.

 

I'm still looking forward to healing and one day meeting someone who's right for me and vice versa.

[keiji]

I feel so-so today, missing her and wondering what she'll be up to after three months of hearing nothing from each other. Wondering if she still cares too, and whether I should keep the promise I made to contact her in the future when I was feeling OK. I'm quite sure I'll never do it, even if she wasn't mean to me, and that makes me feel guilty. It's silly, I know. What should I contact her for? To say: "I'm contacting you to tell you I won't be contacting you because I don't think we can be friends?". It's stupid. And childish.

 

I know it comes and goes, but it's frustrating. I guess it's the bad weather, having to work the weekend, a terrible week ahead in terms of working hours, including the weekend as well, not many exciting plans for tonight... I don't know. At least the ups are more numerous than the downs and these are fewer and farther between as time goes by. When I look back and see how much I've improved, all the doubts I expressed above dissipate a bit.

Edited April 30, 2016 by keiji

[sickoflove11]

I feel stupid for getting so attached to this guy so quickly. He played his games and I fell for them. I don't want him in my life because he isn't a nice person at all but I still have this weird feeling. It's like I just miss how he made me feel. I want to stop thinking about him. When he pops up in my head I want to turn it off so quickly. I know I should delete all the reminders of him like texts and photos but I can't. I reread these things to remember how I felt but then realize it's over. I can't get myself to believe he didn't mean the things he said. And other things he said were red flags I didn't see until now.

When will these feelings go away? This only lasted a few months and no one was ever in love, just infatuated. So why is this so hard to let go of?

[freebird31]

Proud of how far I have come and looking over the last few years with all of the majority of drama happening in my life in those last three years, i can NOW say i am in a good place in terms of emotional stability and my social relationships and friendships. I cant believe how many times I lost myself in the last few years due to my breakup with my first love, then my best friend, then with this other guy I involved myself with. I dont have time for a boyfriend right now...i have way too much to focus on and organize in terms of where I want to go in life career-wise. I feel really....balanced. That is defintely the word. Wow, it took a journey of emotions, losing myself anf finding myself, losing myself and finding myself again, and again, to finally get here. I feel at peace and balanced. And I dont have any bad feelings for anyone in my past anymore. I cant believe I was once in this hole and took years to finally dig myself compltely out of that hole. I dont pine for my ex anymore ever, i have finally moved on. Wow how far I have come. And the best part is that I never had to move on to someone new to get here. I feel like I am in a really good place and I truly know after everything I had been through, i deserve to feel this way and to be in this place. I dont feel the need to elaborate anymore on my ex and what happened between us, i dont have anger anymore, to be honest, i just feel indifference. I just dont care to discuss what happened with him. It feels so good. And if I were to ever see him, it would feel indifferent to me. I would just be ME. Not the angry version, nor the bitter version, nor the person who is still hung up on him, Id simply just be myself because i dont feel any of those things for that guy who was once, what seems like a long long time ago, a part of my life. I know that good things are ahead and theres much to look forward to. This is only the very beginning of a long, beautiful life. I feel like i got over a tough bimpy road losing people who were important to me at some poingt. But now, life feels different. And once again, the two words that come to mind when I think of how i feel are peace and balance.

[Riou]

I feel stupid for getting so attached to this guy so quickly. He played his games and I fell for them. I don't want him in my life because he isn't a nice person at all but I still have this weird feeling. It's like I just miss how he made me feel. I want to stop thinking about him. When he pops up in my head I want to turn it off so quickly. I know I should delete all the reminders of him like texts and photos but I can't. I reread these things to remember how I felt but then realize it's over. I can't get myself to believe he didn't mean the things he said. And other things he said were red flags I didn't see until now.

When will these feelings go away? This only lasted a few months and no one was ever in love, just infatuated. So why is this so hard to let go of?

 

it's probably because you opened up and believed in him,that's why it's hard?

Do delete the photos and texts or get someone to delete for you.

[Riou]

It's been almost three years of no contact. Went on a date recently and realized the shock of the blind sided break up still lingers. I am more sensitive now as if there's a fear of misplacing trust again. Really interested in the date so hopefully it can blossom into something good! Confident that it will get better.

[Rachel39]

4 month is in only 17 days of nc and Iv spent the day crying on and off.... Feel down... I didn't want to get out of bed .....

 

Im hoping this is me starting to let go and maybe grieving the loss because Iv been holding on for so long and spent the last 15 weeks thinking we had a chance if I gave him some space

 

I'm secretly hoping he will come back but I'm very doubtful

[keiji]

Not a very good day today. I've been working a lot lately, so I'd like to think exhaustion has something to do with it. I keep wondering where and how she is. The thing is i've gone on a couple of dates lately with two different girls and it's basically been unsatisfactory. I think I'm probably forcing myself to going from feeling better to being completely over her, and that's not how it works. Past experience tells me so.

 

Breakups should be forbidden, really.

Edited May 3, 2016 by keiji

[Laurenjade]

I've had a mixed day. Went out with a few friends this afternoon who didn't know of my break up, we just had a really good time & I barely thought of him. Got back to my apartment which would of been the time I'd of been texting him to ask about his day. I picked my phone up, and realised I haven't had a text off him in 11 days. Hit with a massive wave of sadness that I can't drag myself out of.

The NC is bothering me massively over the last 3/4 days. He cheated on me, then flipped out when I tried to call him and asked for space. I'm day 11 of NC now. Hes blocked and I miss him. Massively.

[sickoflove11]

I'm sick and in bed and all I can think about is why you didn't want me. But really I don't want YOU.

I think what I realized is I just want what I thought I saw in you. What I hoped you would be. I was finally ready to fall for someone again.

I just fell for the wrong person and I can't stop wishing you'd be who I thought you were. Who you pretended to be in the beginning.

I want to stop thinking about you. I want you gone. I want to stop questioning everything. I want it all to stop.

[Jason9]

Ive honestly surprised myself at how the progress Ive made over the last 5 days. I dont dread my own company during times where I wouldve been with her instead. I dont think about her as much and when I do, I only get a little sad, but more surprised that I thought about her for the first time in hours during that day. I only recognised this a couple days ago, that Im healing, I guess sometimes you just dont notice it.

 

Ive also been looking more to the future and goals I need to achieve, for me. Its a good distraction doing everything you need to work towards those goals. All in all, I'm pretty excited about moving on with my life.

[Trinity_84]

Today I am on the forum again because yesterday I cried again at a random moment. I spoke to a new friend about the situation, he advised me to keep doing what I'm doing, which is NC and to move on completely. He thinks my ex has clearly no love for me anymore. I knew this, but hearing it from someone who didn't even know my ex just hit me like a brick. I smoked a bit of pot again, it actually helped me relax and stop feeling so riled up about the situation.

I am moving back home to live with my parents this month. I am excited to be with the people who care about me the most. At the same time, it's like another chapter of my life will be over and a new one will begin. That has me both anxious and excited.

[Laurenjade]

Today is 14 days NC for me. 14 days since he needed space. I've applied for more hours at work, I've had my hair and nails done and I feel good.

Or I did.

Driving to the dentist I saw 2 identical cars to his (he has a pretty rare car, I've never seen one the same before) both times my heart stops. I know it's not his as we were LD (360KM apart) but it still stops me in my tracks. Then I get to the dentist, early. Decide to play candy crush, immediately I get a notification saying 'SAM SENT YOU A LIFE!' with a pic of him. I actually wanted to burst into tears there & then. (It's not connected to my Facebook after disconnecting it about a year ago.)

I'm now back at my apartment exactly a fortnight after he said he needed space wondering why the universe decided to do both of those things to me when I was starting to feel less broken.

[Wuku]

I had been doing really well, until last night. I dreamt of her again, and of us trying to find reconciliation. It's a silly thing, but it changes how you are feeling.

 

I felt like I fitted with her, belonged with her. It's not something I had felt so intensely before, and I don't feel as if I will ever feel that level of comfortability and happiness again. At nearly 48, I don't feel I have the time or the chance to find and nurture that again. And I don't want to go through another few years of a relationship only for it to break down in some way again. I'm missing her at the moment. I especially miss not texting each other, it leaves a big hole in the day. And not having that special someone to share things with is difficult. I wish we could at least have remained friends.

 

We split up just over 4 months ago, with last contact around 2 months ago. That makes it feel to me as though we have split up more recently than we actually did, as until last contact I had some form of hope for reconciliation. I still think of her a lot, though usually not as deeply or as often.

 

It's just a hiccup I guess, and I'm determined to get back to doing OK as soon as possible.