icyfeline Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I've felt good the past week or so, but am feeling a lot of anxiety today. I'm having a hard time accepting that I'll never see him again (unless we run into each other somewhere), and that he obviously has no problem moving on since he hasn't reached out to me. It's been over 5 weeks since the break up, 6 weeks since we've seen each other. I just keep getting these overwhelming waves of panic and struggle to breathe. I feel SO lonely and am terrified I will be alone for the rest of my life. How can I mean so little to him?? I've been milling your last line over & over myself. It's surreal when someone you once shared everything with & considered your best friend seems to change over night. Even though they didn't because they checked out before breaking up with us, it's a very sad thought knowing feelings come & go so easily. 1
Wuku Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 I still wonder why I keep living. It is so sad that someone can make you feel this way. I know how you feel, all I can say is that it does get better and easier. I know that's not much help right now, but it is true. I have been where you are, and I'm slowly getting better. Nobody should have the power over you to make you feel so low. Sometimes life really sucks, but sometimes it's really worth living, and I'm sure you will feel it's worth again soon. The future is ours, and who knows what cool things might happen! 1
Elwood Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 Every time I feel it's getting better I feel worse again. I wish I could stop thinking about him for 5 minutes. I feel the same. She is always on my mind. 1
TheSwanGirl Posted April 11, 2016 Posted April 11, 2016 It is so sad that someone can make you feel this way. I know how you feel, all I can say is that it does get better and easier. I know that's not much help right now, but it is true. I have been where you are, and I'm slowly getting better. Nobody should have the power over you to make you feel so low. Sometimes life really sucks, but sometimes it's really worth living, and I'm sure you will feel it's worth again soon. The future is ours, and who knows what cool things might happen! Thank you for your answer... I HOPE with all my heart to feel different in a few months. I'm taking anxyiolitics for the first time in my life, and going to a psychologist to ease the pain. Sometimes I panick, and I think I'm going to die but then the pain goes away slowly... I'm so glad you're doing better right now. Keep up the good job, I hope you can find peace. 1
Joshh93 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Depressed again. I'm like a flipping yo-yo. Fell asleep thinking about things I probably should not think about, but when these things just come into your head, you can't undo it. Woke up feeling awful. Still asking myself the pointless questions, how could something so right turn out so wrong? She was so unique, maybe I should have put up with all the double standards and anger and irrational jealousy. I know that's not rational but it's how I feel today. I'll never meet anyone like her. She restored my faith in women, in love, and now she's broken it again. I just feel that what we had, I'll never find again. It kills me thinking about her, how she's been able to just brush off so much time and carry on as normal. I sometimes wish I could be so devoid of emotion. I feel the same way. I wish i could just go back in time and do it all over again but change a few things
Phoenician Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Is it really because we are in love ? or because we love to love , and be loved ? I am not sure anymore . 1
Raina314 Posted April 12, 2016 Posted April 12, 2016 Scared. Not wallowing in misery and had a pretty good day, but feel like I'm walking on eggshells and the sadness is just lurking in a corner somewhere waiting to jump out and grab me once I'm alone with my thoughts again or hear some song that reminds me of him. Its like I can't ever feel secure in my happiness even when I do have it.
swtchks Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 im trying to keep busy, listen to upbeat music and keep y mind off of things. then he calls and everything seems normal until i hang up the phone. then its right back to checking his emails and making sure he isnt emailing someone. im starting to feel like im becoming obsessed with checking. ive lost so much trust in his, but i love him so much. i want to cry constantly if im not staying busy, but i cant because i dont want the boys to know something is wrong. its getting harder to hide my emotions but when i shed a tear when my youngest walks in i just tell him its my allergies bothering me.
BatManuel Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Had the best day since she dumped me yesterday and was ready to have a better day today. I wake up and...there's an email from her. One line, no subject asking where she can send two of my things. I responded by saying my address hasn't changed...which she should have known. Her message was kinda bitchy, having a terrible day just hearing from her. Awesome. It's amazing how angry she is at me still. Terrific.
PLT Posted April 13, 2016 Posted April 13, 2016 Yesterday was bad. I fought the urge to go to her house. Go me! Today I'm determined to do at least one productive thing. Life is just passing me by right now. For those that know my story, the charity outreach worker contacted me this morning. We had a long chat and it did help, even though he just said the things that everyone has said to me about the relationship. He seemed to know the sort of things she'd say and do without me telling him. The goalpost moving, the setting of "targets" that no mere human could possibly fulfill, the gradual erosion of my self esteem, the escalation over a fairly long period of time to the point where she's almost the complete opposite of who I thought she was, the using of what many would say are my best qualities against me, and so on. So today, I'm going to get my arse into gear and study. I'm falling behind and I'll be damned if I allow this woman to **** up another of my hopes and dreams. 1
Joshh93 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Im doing horrible again just dont feel like doing anything but begging her to take me back. I wish there was a do over button
Rachel39 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 Today I'm not good went to collect my things from his I asked for another chance and he said no ..... He started to get angry as I was talking to him said I was trying to change his mind and it's not happening. Today I fell terrible, humiliated, that Iv sunk so low and put myself I this position.... I feel empty, lost and not sure where to start to rebuild my life without him
Jason9 Posted April 14, 2016 Posted April 14, 2016 This day had been the worst of the lot. I spoke to a friend about her today for the first time. He knew we broke up but didnt know the whole story. Today we finally spoke in depth about how the whole thing happened and all the feelings and hurt of the break up came back. I also have anxiety disorder which grew worse over the last year and she supported me with that so things are tough. That combined with lack of sleep this week, led me to tears. Felt quite ashamed of it all, but you sometimes need to let the emotions do their thing. I just keep picturing us together again as friends, because Ive accepted we cant be together, but I dont want to be friends after she betrayed me, how can you have a person like that as your friend? But then why do I keep picturing us as friends and wanting that to happen?
keiji Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Yesterday I felt elated all day. I had turned a corner it seemed. I met friends in the evening, had fun and then went home. I didn't feel like going to bed so I did something I never do (why would I do it anyway?): I started checking my own FB profile on the phone. Suddenly, I saw a post from last summer and there she was, a comment and her picture. Isn't blocking supposed to leave no trace of that person? It seemed just a normal holiday pic, but it triggered all the memories and I ended up crying like a baby. Even my cat seemed to feel sorry for me. I know I did. I reckon it's not necessarily bad. You need to get the pain off your chest, but I'm mad at how such a banal thing can screw you up like that. You keep strict no contact for three months, work hard to heal, skip our usual hangouts, even the area where she lives, which is quite big, block her and her circle of friends and family in all your social media, delete every single picture and message she sent to you, throw away her presents, clothes and any memories she left at the flat and then the damn Zuckerberg & co. change the blocking policy or whatever happened there. I'd punch little Mark in the face, seriously. On a more positive note, I thought I'd be feeling much worse today. I guess I've truly accepted the situation and the fact that life is going to be a rollercoaster for a while. However, I'm a bit scared. If a tiny, insignificant picture can make me feel like this, what will happen if I see her on the street today?
Raina314 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 More relapse *sigh*. Im going to an event this morning that requires me to drive a way I don't often go, and the last time I was on that road it was this exact weekend last year with him . Just really miss it. You keep strict no contact for three months, work hard to heal, skip our usual hangouts, even the area where she lives, which is quite big, block her and her circle of friends and family in all your social media, delete every single picture and message she sent to you, throw away her presents, clothes and any memories she left at the flat and then the damn Zuckerberg & co. change the blocking policy or whatever happened there. I'd punch little Mark in the face, seriously. I know it doesn't feel like it but I think that's also part of healing. 100% no contact makes it easy to pretend like that person doesn't even exist anymore, but the reality is that they do. And being aware of that and able to accept it is an important step in truly moving on. 1
keiji Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 More relapse *sigh*. Im going to an event this morning that requires me to drive a way I don't often go, and the last time I was on that road it was this exact weekend last year with him . Just really miss it. I know it doesn't feel like it but I think that's also part of healing. 100% no contact makes it easy to pretend like that person doesn't even exist anymore, but the reality is that they do. And being aware of that and able to accept it is an important step in truly moving on. I guess it's one more step of the process, but it's incredibly frustrating. Thanks for your kind words!
Rachel39 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 Iv been on a road trip with a friend it's been nice but also sad Iv thought about him all day just like I always do the sun shinning on the roads...the weather the same roads we travelled on .... It makes me feel sick... The songs on the radio.pur road trips packing up the jeep and heading off. My heart misses him so so much and all the plans we had .... Why is it you miss everything about them when they have gone .... I'm miss his daughter his family and my relationship with him ..... Our Saturday nights in watching Google box and eating pizza .... Our days out we had and all the memories we have made. Our future plans theyve all gone living by the sea together! It's been 4 months and I'm only just starting to accept that it's over ..... Is this were the pain really starts when I have to start letting go.
Kelsy Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 I am at my lowest point. A year from break up and 4 months NC. Can you believe it? I have never felt so depressed like right now. I just miss the good times so bad. Still dont understand why this is happening. I know what to do in theory but I just cant get over it. Still cant imagine myself being with anyone else. When the pain just stops? I want to be happy but I am dying inside. Its like forcing myself to get over it and I am getting tired of it. 1
Raina314 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 (edited) The event I went to today was a river cleanup. I went because I was really stuck in this self-hatred spiral and wanted to do something useful with myself and be outside and take my mind off my ex. It was nice, but then when I got home my dad asked me if I'd met anyone. I said no, and that wasn't the point because I'm not ready to meet anyone new yet. But he didn't believe me and was all like "of course that's why you went." I don't know why, but it made me so angry and upset. My goal wasn't to meet a new guy, it was to do something useful and maybe feel a little better and it made me mad that my own dad thinks the only reason I might be trying something new is to meet someone and by that measure this outing was a failure and I look pathetic and desperate again. I've been struggling to see myself as a single entity again outside of other people and this was supposed to be something for me, and it hurts that the first assumption is that I must just be doing it because I can't even stand to be single for six months. Can't I just do something good and nice for nature without having the ulterior motive of snagging a guy? I know it wasn't meant to be that kind of comment and I shouldn't take it so seriously, but something about it just really got to me and tore me down and now I'm crying again. I can't wait to move out next week. My dad used to be so supportive of me and he still can be sometimes, but through this whole process I feel like he hasn't taken me seriously at all and I feel more unsupported than ever. Edited April 16, 2016 by Raina314
TheSwanGirl Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 I've been thinking about killing myself. Seriously. Killing myself because I can't see the light anymore. It's been two months and a half, I'm going to a therapyst and all that... I'm on pills to try to calm my anxiety attacks... But it is too much. I miss him all the time... I can't cope with this. Not anymore.
Heatemyheart89 Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 I've been thinking about killing myself. Seriously. Killing myself because I can't see the light anymore. It's been two months and a half, I'm going to a therapyst and all that... I'm on pills to try to calm my anxiety attacks... But it is too much. I miss him all the time... I can't cope with this. Not anymore. There is light, no matter what your situation there is. I promise you.
Wuku Posted April 16, 2016 Posted April 16, 2016 I've been thinking about killing myself. Seriously. Killing myself because I can't see the light anymore. It's been two months and a half, I'm going to a therapyst and all that... I'm on pills to try to calm my anxiety attacks... But it is too much. I miss him all the time... I can't cope with this. Not anymore. Don't give up, no matter how bad you feel now it will get better! Nobody is worth taking your life for, you are young and have a whole life ahead of you. Who knows what that life will hold, but I do know it gets easier. Hang in there, please.
Rachel39 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 I understand how you want the pain to end and it will but you just have to stay strong and get through it and once you do which believe me you will, you will realise how much life you have to live and all the things you have to live for. Stay strong I'm just 4 months in and starting to feel some relief over the break up and like you I felt like I didn't want to be here because of the memories and pain..... No one is worth taking t Ur life for .... Just sit with the pain if you can it will only be temporary it will not stay with you for ever it's so hard at first but tonight for the first time Iv had fun with my friends after 4 months .... Iv Taken a look at myself and seen what a mess Iv made of me .... Not eating ect I look terrible Iv decided not one more day will I feel like this for a man I loved so much that was able to just get up and walk out on me. You will find your fight in you it might take some time but I promise you you will just like I have after 4 months
Rachel39 Posted April 17, 2016 Posted April 17, 2016 Today if feel so sad an aching my heart I'm out and about the weather is nice .... I guess that's the main thing but I feel this loss and my thoughts of him. How he can just leave my life like... It's like he's died but I know he's still here and he will go in to live the life I wanted with him.... With someone else
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