thespacey1 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Started off fine this morning.I worked out and everything and was pretty optimistic.then later after leaving an engagement party,I cried several times on my way home. I shouldn't have gone. It's been about a year & 1/2 new and although over dates other guys and all, I still have so many thoughts of my ex... Sad thoughts and some pleasant. Either way I'm not sure if this just confirms my level of ocd or what. But these ruminating thoughts need to get out of my head, residually before bed... No longer crying now, but I may have a hard time going to sleep tonight which had been another ongoing issue. Smh... Help.
thespacey1 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 You should probably have a serious talk with your mum. I had to do it when she kept bringing my ex-wife up over family lunches, etc. It was really annoying to try to distract myself from all the suffering and have her reminding it to me whenever I saw her. Last week I asked all my friends to delete my ex on FB. It's probably quite childish, but they don't have any relationship with her at all and I feared that any day someone could bring upsetting news. Anything to stay away from the pain. Good for you. I don't think it's childish at all to disconnect with your ex on FB. Neither of you NEED to have updates about one another. I'm the same way. As a female, I don't even do FB. Don't understand why do many people think it's a must. Hopefully your mom stops reminding you of your ex. You have to respectfully, but firmly tell her that you'd appreciate if she would stop. It serves no purpose. 1
Ken1979 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 So yesterday I was at my therapist's office. She asked me if I was laying on my deathbed right now, would I ever look back and regret never calling my ex again. Well, I guess you guys can all figure out what happened next. Made the call, no answer, left a voicemail, and just as I thought..... No response. Not sure what to think of it really. Perhaps, its just the thing I needed to actually let go? To end all hope? I really don't even know what's going on in my head right now. I just feel so numb. Not sure what is going on but lately, I have been having these thoughts that if I went to bed and didn't wake up, I would be ok with it. Weird eh? I just don't see an end to this.... even I could see an end.... i don't see much of a future. 2
andie1969 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 Today is 2 weeks since the break up. I was doing better this week but feeling really down again today, maybe because it's a Sunday and he broke up with me on a Sunday and the day feels the same. I've held strong to no contact though, haven't contacted at all other than the email I sent the morning after. Rejection really is incredibly painful.... 2
thespacey1 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 So yesterday I was at my therapist's office. She asked me if I was laying on my deathbed right now, would I ever look back and regret never calling my ex again. Well, I guess you guys can all figure out what happened next. Made the call, no answer, left a voicemail, and just as I thought..... No response. Not sure what to think of it really. Perhaps, its just the thing I needed to actually let go? To end all hope? I really don't even know what's going on in my head right now. I just feel so numb. Not sure what is going on but lately, I have been having these thoughts that if I went to bed and didn't wake up, I would be ok with it. Weird eh? I just don't see an end to this.... even I could see an end.... i don't see much of a future. I feel you. Break ups are incredibly painful. I've had thoughts of what if I don't wake up the next day, add almost a fear... But I don't think of be OK with it. You wouldn't either. This pain will pass, know that! You're still grieving so please be patient with yourself. I'm about a little over a year since the BU and I'm still grieving, even though I've gone out with other guys... I don't think I was ready to date, hence upsetting another guy and I'm still grieving over the guy before him. I don't want to hurt anyone else. And more importantly I don't want typo feel anymore hurt. Be patient with yourself...
Ken1979 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I feel so numb. I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and read the forums. I have a business conference that I need to attend in Vegas tomorrow and I don't even know how I will manage. I haven't even started packing yet. I thought it was just an argument but apparently its a break up. I don't even know what happened. I have sent three text messages and left one voicemail asking to work things out in 3 weeks. All have been answered with dead silence. I should have never listened to my therapist. I feel terrible. Felt as if I was just discarded without a second though. Are people really that cruel in this world?
thespacey1 Posted March 20, 2016 Posted March 20, 2016 I feel so numb. I don't want to do anything but lay in bed and read the forums. I have a business conference that I need to attend in Vegas tomorrow and I don't even know how I will manage. I haven't even started packing yet. I thought it was just an argument but apparently its a break up. I don't even know what happened. I have sent three text messages and left one voicemail asking to work things out in 3 weeks. All have been answered with dead silence. I should have never listened to my therapist. I feel terrible. Felt as if I was just discarded without a second though. Are people really that cruel in this world? I'm sorry to hear about your situation Ken. Some people are this cruel, yes.... Especially when they've been hurt. I totally understand how you feel, honestly... What happened with ur ex? And therapists don't know everything, like the nuances of your relationship. They only know what we tell them. Watch the episode of curb your enthusiasm with Larry David. His therapist gives him advice that helps to ruin his marriage. But back to you, why is your ex so mad?
sorano Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Been doing well lately. Started the gym again and thank god for muscle memory. starting to see my shape again. so rapid results = feeling better right away. Next week going shopping. revamping everything. Had a little set back last week. Today, I was feeling a bit angry. I was thinking to myself, I wish I had my ex in front of me so I can tell her how in the world can you go from being the sweetest woman, wanting a family etc, to a heartless human being out of nowhere and I wanted to list the crap she did to me. I still tell myself though, she will not beat me and I am a better person than her. I will not give up and keep on going. we will all have set backs. I will not hold them in. If I feel something, I go with it and let it out. I then proceed and march forward. 1
Ken1979 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I'm sorry to hear about your situation Ken. Some people are this cruel, yes.... Especially when they've been hurt. I totally understand how you feel, honestly... What happened with ur ex? And therapists don't know everything, like the nuances of your relationship. They only know what we tell them. Watch the episode of curb your enthusiasm with Larry David. His therapist gives him advice that helps to ruin his marriage. But back to you, why is your ex so mad? It's really a long story and I would prefer not to re-hash it. I suppose I just need to accept it and do my best to move on. I do know one thing though.... she basically placed all the blame on me. Which isn't fair. It take two people to for a relationship to work and it takes two people to cause its demise. I'm not sure which one bothers me more. The fact that she placed the blame completely on me or the fact I feel discarded. I don't understand how she can just completely ignore me. We just needed to learn how to communicate better. That was totally fixable. But I guess, she just didn't want to work on us and it was much easier to walk away.
loveiswar101 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 It take two people to for a relationship to work and it takes two people to cause its demise. I'm not sure which one bothers me more. The fact that she placed the blame completely on me or the fact I feel discarded. I don't understand how she can just completely ignore me. We just needed to learn how to communicate better. That was totally fixable. But I guess, she just didn't want to work on us and it was much easier to walk away. Feel for you my friend. You are right, it does take two people to work on it. Totally fixable you say, but she has walked and not looked back. Mine was just dating a woman for 4 months to who I was genuinely get feelings for only to get a message she had connected with someone else and maybe we can be friends one day. Some just don't care mate, they have moved on and with that WE must do the same. Try think of the positive like me, she didn't care one little bit at the end so why should I waste my time effort thinking of her. Be strong..
Kelsy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 A year from BU, 2 months NC. He wanted a second chance but disappeared like I was nobody (found someone else I guess). I´m so depressed and tired of sadness. Can´t find any happiness in my life. Why this is häppening? I should get over but just can´t.
PLT Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 I feel for you Ken. I'm in almost exactly the same situation, a little under 4 weeks ago, another row that she was looking for, since then I've messaged her quite alot, I'm just so confused and in so much pain. Weekends are horrible. After 3 and a half years, and after knowing her for almost 6 years, just to be thrown in the bin with no explanation, no closure, no nothing. Not even a "It's over", so I went a couple of weeks thinking she was just doing her usual silent treatment act because shes angry about something. Even though we didnt see each other every day, she was such a huge part of my life, and now there is this gaping void and I have no idea and no motivation of how to fill it. Like you, I can't seem to enjoy doing anything but try to make sense of it all. Feels like I'm going a bit crazy to be honest :/
thespacey1 Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 It's really a long story and I would prefer not to re-hash it. I suppose I just need to accept it and do my best to move on. I do know one thing though.... she basically placed all the blame on me. Which isn't fair. It take two people to for a relationship to work and it takes two people to cause its demise. I'm not sure which one bothers me more. The fact that she placed the blame completely on me or the fact I feel discarded. I don't understand how she can just completely ignore me. We just needed to learn how to communicate better. That was totally fixable. But I guess, she just didn't want to work on us and it was much easier to walk away. I understand. Yep, it's not ashtrays good to rehash but it it is good to get your emotions out and vent. But I do understand. Id just asking because I was the dumper in my relationship, but yes it took two of us for the demise... Although I was the dumper I feel as if I've been dumped, honestly because I second guess my decision to leave him. The resentment he had for me leaving him made me sad but tough decisions can cause really sad emotions for not only the dumpee, but the for the dumper as well. Plus everyone around me thought I should leave him. Even his family told me he about his temper early on in the relationship and I eventually witnessed it myself, ad nauseum. So, your ex may be hurt as.well. not saying you were solely to blame, I'm just posing a hypothetical... Hope your presentation goes well. I too, haven't felt like going to work.. I push myself every freaking day and it sucks...
BrownHairedGuy Posted March 21, 2016 Posted March 21, 2016 Like a lot of people on here, some days I'm great and some days all I think about is what my wife did to me. I'm 2 months post filing for divorce after finding out my wife was having an affair with a single doctor at her hospital. She pretty much left me and started a relationship with him. She has shown no remorse after 6 years together and that's the hardest thing to get over. Recently in the divorce process her attorney sent an email inquiring about the rest of her stuff that wasn't thrown on the lawn, and how ive been uncivil and i've locked her out of the house. I didn't throw her stuff on the lawn, i packed it up nicely and dropped it off in front of the garage of the doctor's house. I changed the garage code but unless she forgot she had a key, i didn't lock her out. Due to what she did, I think i've been more than civil besides the whole leaving her stuff at her AP's house. Seeing what her attorney wrote and knowing that she's most likely telling her family and friends this kind of stuff making me out to be a terrible person (her family and quite a few of her friends don't know she had an affair), just makes me mad and the past couple days all I've thought about is how disrespected I feel as well as thinking back to our past together. I don't know how she turned into this person in a matter of months (the affair had something to do with that i know), when in the past she's always shown love for me and showed she would never do anything to hurt me. The last month we were together she just completely stopped caring about my happiness and well being with all the lying. I just keep trying to move forward with my life, but sometimes it's hard with the divorce still going on and constant reminders of what happened and what's still happening. On Saturday i went to a really nice park that i've always wanted to visit and then went out with friends. On Sunday i went to a museum I've always wanted to visit and made a really nice meal for myself. I've really enjoyed cooking different meals throughout the week to keep my mind off stuff, working out, and going to places my soon to be ex-wife and I talked about going the last few months we were together but never made it to because she was too busy lying and going over to the doctor's house behind my back. Today I am going over to my sister's house to grill and help my nieces dye easter eggs. It should be really fun, and a nice way to keep my mind off things. 1
Wuku Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 It's been 3 months since we split up, and I have mixed emotions today. I had several OK days following a couple of days of despair I felt when my ex blocked me suddenly, and I realised that I probably will never see, talk to or message her ever again. After I had time to think about it more calmly, I felt a strange sense of relief, and I know it's for the best. I have little choice but to accept things as there's nothing I can do to change them anyway. The last year of our relationship was hard work, with me trying to apologise for my mistakes and appease her on an almost daily basis, which was going nowhere. Even though the source of her unhappiness had happened over a period of time several years ago, she just couldn't find it within herself to forgive me. I don't blame her and only wish her well. And now It's as though she has released me from all that stress and a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I still miss her, and I'm still profoundly sad that I won't have her in my life nor any of the things we had planned. In fact, it's making me sad writing this. So I'm not out of the woods yet, and I know I will have ups and downs to come, but I think I've at least accepted that it's over now, and that can only help me to move on and try to heal. 2
andie1969 Posted March 22, 2016 Posted March 22, 2016 Today is 3 weeks since I've seen him, 16 days since he broke up with me by phone and 15 days of no contact. I think the initial shock and pain are wearing off and now hearing clearly what he said to me, anger is starting to set in. Do I miss him? Of course, but I KNOW I need to value myself more and stick to NC. 1
thespacey1 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Disconnected.... From everything and everybody. Need to get away.
sickoflove11 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I feel so stupid for thinking hooking up with my friends a**hole brother was a good idea. I'm feeling so depressed this is the lowest I have felt in so long and I don't know where to go. I have no one to talk to.
jonsnuh Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I dreamt of my ex for the first time since we were together, just now. I had stopped dreaming of her months prior to our breakup. Last night only reminded me of how much my emotions and lust were tied to how much I admire women for their merits. The dream was extremely intense, like with all our sexual encounters. This was our vice. But it felt wrong. My conscience (by then I realized I was lucid dreaming) brought me back to the present rationalization of the Truths: that she didn't accept me for who I became, that she was of a different social standing having accomplished more than I have at this point of our lives, and that she took advantage of my goodwill by destroying our trust doing the one thing she said she wouldn't do. Occasionally, I do have thoughts of revenge, to obliterate her and her family. But the truth is-- my mind and heart is only conjuring these feelings toward someone who was only a snapshot of her, a Polaroid that has changed and a construct that only exists in my mind. There is no love, and never will be. I am no longer stuck in the past. I only write this because I fear that a small part of me still lingers, clouding my judgement of the present and my future.
backandforth Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 I haven't seen her in over a year and I miss her.
sickoflove11 Posted March 24, 2016 Posted March 24, 2016 Today is not any better. Thankfully I didn't have any dreams about him but once I woke up, my mind went straight to him. Secretly hoping he communicated with me in some way or another but nothing. It's for the best but I can't stop going over everything and feeling so depressed. Today is going to be tough.
freebird31 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 is it horrible that i just wish the worst for my ex and his new GF. Like i am just hoping that she does the same thing to him that he did to me. What is even crazier is that this girl who is 27 is older than the both of us (24). If I was 27, i wouldnt even consider dating someone as immature as my ex. Just weird. Also yeah, its a little pathetic that i know these details. I cant sit here and pretend that everything is perfectly okay. For the most part, I am over what happened between us. And i wouldnt ever date my ex or anyone remotely similar to him at all. Its not like i wish horrible things on him. I just hope that one day he can really understand what it felt like when he broke my heart and disregarded all my feelings afterwards. its been so long now. but to be honest, i really miss loving someone. So far, ive just had bad experiences. One with my ex. And another bad experience afterwards with this guy i liked. Maybe i am just attracted to these bad experiences or situations, you know? idk. i keep reverting to the past. and i think that i making the mistake of thinking that if i move on with someone new, i can move on from the past. But i really feel like if i want to excel and be happy in my next relationship and have no baggage, and no problems i think that i should address the issues of the past first. I really think so. Just face the past. Internally. For the most part i think that i have made peace with my ex in me heart. I mean if you asked me how i felt after we first broke up, i was devastated. Now, even after he is dating someone new, i dont feel like i hate him as much. i just hate what he did to me. As for the other guy, i am still working on making peace with that.
freebird31 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 I guess its a work in progress. im not ready to start dating someone else or new. i have a lot to work on. Maybe I never had these problems to begin with. Maybe my ex left me with more problems to work on after he broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Left me and abandoned me after he told me he was "crazy about me" and became close with me and my family. Then later, moved on to someone new. ****, it hurt so bad. it hurt me so bad. I will always wonder. And i think most of it just had to do with my ego more than anything and being rejected. Being rejected hurts. I really think that my ex just didnt share the same feelings for me that I did for him. I dont think he liked me enough to think about being with me forever. Perhaps it does have to do with maturity, or not being ready. But...just him moving on to someone new made me realize that i was wrong the entire time and in denial. My ex NEVER shared the same feelings for me as I did for him. I was crazy about him, had so much passion for our relationship. idk. Honestly this Love stuff is confusing...Love is abstract they say. But it just doesnt make sense to me. How could you just move on to someone new and forget someone you were supposedly once "crazy for". It must just mean he didnt share the same deep feelings that i did for him. Thats what made it so easy for him to move on. To date somoene new and be in a long term relationship with that new person now. and forget about me.
freebird31 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 i wont lie. i have made a fool of myself, devalued myself, let my pride go a lot of times. But one thing i will never do is reach out to my ex again. that is where I draw the line. Because doing so would be trudging through deep waters. And i know im very sensitive and vulnerable and fragile. If I were to reach out to him and not get the response I was looking for, or make a fool out of myself, open old wounds, etc, i know that i might just lose myself. and i would go crazy. legit just lose myself and go completely crazy where I may even be suicidal. My ex broke my heart and ive never felt a pain more worse than what i felt when he broke it. Opening up those wounds and going back to those dark places would be dangerous for me. And imean it. And i dont know if I would have the strength to boucne back the next time. I dont want to ever feel such a pain again. i hope I never have to.ill never reach out to him. Instead, ill let him think I am happy without him, doing really good things for myself which I am. I will never let him have the satisfaction of knowing that theres still unresolved feelings. He doesnt deserve to know hes affected me this much for this long. He would even care anyway.
thespacey1 Posted March 25, 2016 Posted March 25, 2016 i wont lie. i have made a fool of myself, devalued myself, let my pride go a lot of times. But one thing i will never do is reach out to my ex again. that is where I draw the line. Because doing so would be trudging through deep waters. And i know im very sensitive and vulnerable and fragile. If I were to reach out to him and not get the response I was looking for, or make a fool out of myself, open old wounds, etc, i know that i might just lose myself. and i would go crazy. legit just lose myself and go completely crazy where I may even be suicidal. My ex broke my heart and ive never felt a pain more worse than what i felt when he broke it. Opening up those wounds and going back to those dark places would be dangerous for me. And imean it. And i dont know if I would have the strength to boucne back the next time. I dont want to ever feel such a pain again. i hope I never have to.ill never reach out to him. Instead, ill let him think I am happy without him, doing really good things for myself which I am. I will never let him have the satisfaction of knowing that theres still unresolved feelings. He doesnt deserve to know hes affected me this much for this long. He would even care anyway. Sorry you're feeling the way you've been feeling... You'll be OK, as long as you keep realizing that you need to address and deal with the emotions at hand. So, yeah... I think you're in the right track. Keep venting...
Recommended Posts