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How are you coping today?

Riou

By Riou
in Coping

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andie1969 Established Member

andie1969

Posted
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I'm feeling blah too. I voted this morning and it was all I could do to not text him. We've been watching the debates together and were voting for the same candidate and it's killing me not to talk to him about it. I have to realize that most of this is just a void, of something missing, but not necessarily him. He wasn't perfect by any means and doesn't deserve to have me moping around over him. He clearly said "when I think about taking it to the next level the feeling just isn't there". Why would I even want someone who said that to me after a year??

 

I've been making sure to take my vitamins too, I don't know if it will help, but I know it can't hurt. Trying to focus my energy on taking care of ME.

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kztar Established Member

kztar

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Not good today. I just want to go home and sleep

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Raina314 Established Member

Raina314

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I have this file on my computer where I compile all the nicest things people have ever said to me so I have something to look at when I'm sad. I opened it today, and I'd actually forgotten that I'd written things in there that my ex had told me, because he wasn't a very open, verbally expressive guy. But those things made my day when he said them. Today, they kinda ruined it instead :(

I'm way past the "bargaining" phase of grief. I don't feel like I should be able to turn back time and I know there's nothing I can say. I don't feel conflicted or confused or anxious. I just miss him very deeply.

Edited by Raina314
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LostGrl New Member

LostGrl

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Today I feel sad but resigned to move on. I am sad that my ex didn't give us a fair chance. I still love my ex and miss Him terribly. I don't need him, but I do want him in my life. Big difference. I sent him a text this morning basically saying some things I needed to say and that I am moving on. I doubt it will matter but at least I said it before closing the door.

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thespacey1 Established Member

thespacey1

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I think I'm ok. Better than I was about 4 months ago. Some days I'm really not sure if I'm progressing or not.

 

Still thinking about my ex. I know I made the right decision to leave him at that time, but I sometimes wonder if I gave up too quickly or should I have just stayed with my parents for a few weeks until we worked things out.

 

Got several flirts from men today, but that's pretty normal for us women I guess. I just don't flirt back well. I just never feel like I need to flirt back in order to get "the ball rolling". All of the guys I've dated have pursued me, hard. Probably one reason my ex complained about me not doing more to make him feel pursued, so to speak. I do sweet things and show admiration for the men in my life though, when they're deserving of it. If not, that's when I start losing interest and backing away.

 

These matters of the heart suck like hell sometimes. I just want the pain to go away because my heart is still heavy most days.I just force myself to put in" that face " to get through the day... God where are you now, seriously?

thespacey1 Established Member

thespacey1

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Not very well either. I honestly haven't had a good day in over two weeks since she dumped me. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night so today wont be a good day either. I think that is what is killing me the most, my sleeping and eating patterns are totally screwed up now so the start of my days are already ruined.

I can relate to this. My sleep had been off ever since going through our break up. I have to take meds to make me sleep. Eating pattern is getting back on track, but when I don't sleep well it affects my entire day. I've missed work a lot due to not sleeping.

 

Try an over the counter sleep med. You don't wanna get all drugged up from prescription meds...

 

You'll get better. You can only takes things one day at a time. I realized that gradually. I wanted to hurry up and get better ASAP, but we all have different time frames for grief and healing.

 

Be well.

Ken1979 New Member

Ken1979

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Not going to talk about the break up as it is what it is now. The thing that is now bothering me is that I will be turning 37 in a few months and I am feeling that I will be destined to be alone. Does anyone else have that fear and how did you handle it?

jonsnuh Established Member

jonsnuh

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Just checking in.

 

I had a relapse tonight, struggling for over a year back in 2012-2014. Things got much better socially and physically, as I've been getting into more of a routine these days. I just had to hurt myself by finding out how she was doing by searching her up.

 

But being 27 and realizing I was thrown aside after finding out my ex (first LTR) accomplished a lot more than I did these few years... it feels terrible. I don't forgive myself for doing this, and wasting away working and studying something I don't think I would ever succeed in just for job security-- only to find out I went into it for the wrong reasons.

 

I'm going back to school to pursue my dream career. It'll be a arduous, potentially impossible journey, but I should have done this long ago instead of wasting away my years and opportunities while struggling with the breakup and depression.

 

She's been a reminder of all my shortcomings. Getting back together never came across my mind (I've accepted it), but there hasn't been anyone like her since.

 

Sorry for the rant.

duncsvoice Established Member

duncsvoice

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Very bad today, one of my lowest points. My ex reached out to me to tell me she'd been sexually abused, because I was one of the only people who knew her history, so I immediately began worrying about her. I spoke to her last night, and she told me she's seeing someone new.

 

Want to die.

Wuku Established Member

Wuku

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Not going to talk about the break up as it is what it is now. The thing that is now bothering me is that I will be turning 37 in a few months and I am feeling that I will be destined to be alone. Does anyone else have that fear and how did you handle it?

 

I share your fear, I'm 47 and have a track record for going years on my own inbetween relationships. I'm not and never have been confident with women, and have had far fewer girlfriends than anyone I know. The women in my two longest term relationships both asked me out. At my age I don't hold out much hope now, I don't even go out often enough to meet anyone.

 

However, I am an introvert, so being on my own isn't as big a deal as it is for some people. I don't mind the solitude, but that doesn't mean I don't get lonely at times, or dont want someone to share life with.

 

I think for most people though, it is quite normal to fear a lonely future during the recovery of a recent break up. I'm sure it's all part of the process, and I'm sure the fear will go away as you begin to heal and move on.

Edited by Wuku
Ken1979 New Member

Ken1979

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This has been irritating me for several weeks now. I wake up @ 4:30 every morning for no rhyme or reason. It used to never be like that. I remember hitting snooze on my alarm when it would go off at around 6. Now its like clockwork, 4:30 in the morning every morning no matter what time I go to bed. I just want to be able to sleep like I used to!

Not sure why but, I don't really struggle at night. Perhaps its because I know bed time is right around the corner and my mind will shut off? But, waking up at 4:30 in the morning..... the random thoughts start all over again!

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PLT Established Member

PLT

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Broke NC again today. Of course, she'll not respond and I will feel rejected again. So angry at myself. I can't seem to get past a few days before I break.

 

My mind is playing tricks on me, remembering how lovely she was, when in reality, the past few months shes been anything but lovely.

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keiji Established Member

keiji

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Terribly, just terribly, the worst in many weeks. I don't understand what's going on. I felt so firm, so "I don't want her back anymore"... I even started looking at girls with more interest, I was sleeping and eating well, enjoying my hobbies, going out with my friends and being the humorous person I've always been, and now I won't say I'm back to square one, but close. Worst of all is that nothing happened, nothing at all. I haven't heard from her, I haven't broken NC in any way, I haven't heard any gossips or seen her... Absolutely nothing. It's quite despairing.

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andie1969 Established Member

andie1969

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My heart is hurting today, I could barely drag myself out of bed and was late to work. It makes me angry that he still has that effect on me! Anytime I feel weak I remember the words he said to me when we broke up. It helps my resolve to not reach out to him, but it really doesn't make me feel any better. Rejection in any form just plain sucks.:(

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Raina314 Established Member

Raina314

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Terribly, just terribly, the worst in many weeks. I don't understand what's going on. I felt so firm, so "I don't want her back anymore"... I even started looking at girls with more interest, I was sleeping and eating well, enjoying my hobbies, going out with my friends and being the humorous person I've always been, and now I won't say I'm back to square one, but close. Worst of all is that nothing happened, nothing at all. I haven't heard from her, I haven't broken NC in any way, I haven't heard any gossips or seen her... Absolutely nothing. It's quite despairing.

 

Same boat. It makes me feel like I can't trust what I feel when I do feel good. How am I ever supposed to believe I'm getting better when no matter how good I feel, I might feel like a wreck all over again in a matter of days for no apparent reason? Its so discouraging. It makes me feel ruined.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing :(.

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keiji Established Member

keiji

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Same boat. It makes me feel like I can't trust what I feel when I do feel good. How am I ever supposed to believe I'm getting better when no matter how good I feel, I might feel like a wreck all over again in a matter of days for no apparent reason? Its so discouraging. It makes me feel ruined.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing :(.

 

Yes, it's horrible. It's like you don't dare enjoying the good moments in case they precede another decline.

 

We'll make it, though! You know it, I know it ;)

 

Be strong!

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Raina314 Established Member

Raina314

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Yes, it's horrible. It's like you don't dare enjoying the good moments in case they precede another decline.

 

We'll make it, though! You know it, I know it ;)

 

Be strong!

 

Exactly. Its like I'm scared of happiness now. Its almost easier to stay at the bottom, that way at least you don't have to fall and you don't feel like your lying to yourself.

 

But thank you for the words of encouragement. Really need them today and deep down I know you're right.

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keiji Established Member

keiji

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Exactly. Its like I'm scared of happiness now. Its almost easier to stay at the bottom, that way at least you don't have to fall and you don't feel like your lying to yourself.

 

But thank you for the words of encouragement. Really need them today and deep down I know you're right.

 

Don't doubt it. I'm always right, even if my ex disagrees ;)

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kat2008 Member

kat2008

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I had been doing ok this last couple of weeks. I had found a temping job which enable me to stop thinking about things for a while. Am not needed tomorrow so got a long list of chores to do to try and keep my mind busy.

 

My ex will be back either tomorrow evening or Saturday - am not looking forward to sharing the house again :( I have started packing all my things up ready for when I can afford to move out - so even the house is empty and sad. I wish I could move out now, things would be so much easier. :(

Panda_Bear New Member

Panda_Bear

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New here ... Yesterday was bad , trying to cope with the end of a relationship that was never meant to be anyway. Yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary since it all started. We havent spoken in a few weeks now, and realistically speaking, almost two months since we had a proper conversation. Yesterday I really wished he would said : "I remember what date it is today!" I knew he wouldnt ... but I really wished he would have said it.

 

NC is hard! Its for the best though ...:(

PLT Established Member

PLT

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Not good today. 3 weeks 2 days post BU. Together just over 3 years. I felt I was doing quite well, a bit flat maybe but felt like I was making progress.

 

This morning I have crashed, in a big way. I'm confused. She has treated me absolutely disgustingly for a while now, but between 14th and 24th Feb she sank to new lows. What kind of person can deliberately cause as much pain as possible to the person the say they love, without any sort of remorse, even weeks later?

 

I know in the long run I'm far, far better off without her and her drama, abuse, and mind games in my life. I know that it is now at the point where even if we both wanted to, its completely unworkable. There's too much water under the bridge and I could never trust her not to do the same thing again and just go MIA without warning or explanation, and yet I'm in so much emotional pain.

 

Maybe it's because I truely believed that we were solid, and that illusion has come crashing down around me over the past 6 months or so. Maybe it's because we are both in our 40s and I know how difficult it is finding someone you "click" with and so don't want to let this one go. Maybe I'm just in complete shock at how she can be so astonishingly nasty and cold hearted.

Enweth Member

Enweth

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I was laughing today but that laugher turned into sobs. it's so hard living. so very hard.

kztar Established Member

kztar

Posted
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Terribly, just terribly, the worst in many weeks. I don't understand what's going on. I felt so firm, so "I don't want her back anymore"... I even started looking at girls with more interest, I was sleeping and eating well, enjoying my hobbies, going out with my friends and being the humorous person I've always been, and now I won't say I'm back to square one, but close. Worst of all is that nothing happened, nothing at all. I haven't heard from her, I haven't broken NC in any way, I haven't heard any gossips or seen her... Absolutely nothing. It's quite despairing.

 

You guys can count me in on here too. Sometimes I feel hopeless. My mother doesn't help reminding me of everything I shouldn't have done in the relationship. She has no idea what im going through because she's never experience this. It's getting better but sometimes I feel like it's not. Im definitely scared to be happy again because what If I am and then this happens again one day?. I don't want to go through this again.

benB Established Member

benB

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Friends saw my ex last night out dancing and all over someone we know from school. Guess that is the push I needed to be angry and move on for good! No more being sad over her.

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keiji Established Member

keiji

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You guys can count me in on here too. Sometimes I feel hopeless. My mother doesn't help reminding me of everything I shouldn't have done in the relationship. She has no idea what im going through because she's never experience this. It's getting better but sometimes I feel like it's not. Im definitely scared to be happy again because what If I am and then this happens again one day?. I don't want to go through this again.

 

You should probably have a serious talk with your mum. I had to do it when she kept bringing my ex-wife up over family lunches, etc. It was really annoying to try to distract myself from all the suffering and have her reminding it to me whenever I saw her. Last week I asked all my friends to delete my ex on FB. It's probably quite childish, but they don't have any relationship with her at all and I feared that any day someone could bring upsetting news. Anything to stay away from the pain.

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