How are you coping today?

[sorano]

Good words raina

[PLT]

Tiny bit better today. The sun is shining outside so maybe that is helping, but at least I've got my backside out of bed! Had a little cry this morning and maybe that has released some of the tension too.

 

I've deleted my facebook profile. I just havent got the willpower to keep her blocked so its easier just to vanish from it completely, for a while at least. I started sending her an angry "How could you treat me like this after everything?" message and thought better of it. It's not going to help me. She knows my landline number and knows where I live so if she ever decides to have a shred of decency she knows where I am. I won't be holding my breath waiting for it though, she'll just move on to the next mug and the cycle will repeat.

 

The main thing I need to stop thinking about is how shes probably moved on already while I'm in emotional agony. Dropped me in the bin and hasnt looked back. I think that says more about her than it does me.

 

I bought myself one of those adult colouring books this morning, I'm hoping it might help me relax more and maybe I'll start getting a better nights sleep. Waking up at 3-4am every morning is no fun, its just makes the days so long.

 

Trying to think about anything but her now, even if its just for a day's respite from the intense pain of knowing I'll never see her again.

[Raina314]

That's a good start. While that angry message is certainly deserved, a better way to look at it is that she's not even worth it.

 

But yeah, having to get up that early every day is brutal. I wish you the best of luck in having a better day today!

[Raina314]

These past two days have been the best I've had since getting dumped. I won employee of the month at work for February despite feeling like a wreck all last month, it feels like springtime, which always cheers me up in a big way, and I made a home-showing appointment for a place I'd like to buy tomorrow. I'm smiling to myself driving to and from work and I go to bed feeling happy and excited for the next day.

 

But I'm still scared to embrace the good stuff because before when I've had good days, I end up crashing twice as hard later and feel like I mess all over again. That fear is in the back of my mind casting this cloud over my already tentative joy. I know I can't be done yet because I just had a really bad breakdown on Friday and felt completely hopeless and this kind of 180 seems unsustainable. I just hope it lasts at least a little longer and that when I fall again, it's not as bad as it's been before.

[losangelena]

Today's been hard. Noticed that my ex finally stopped following me on Instagram, six months after our breakup. I went through my account and deleted or untagged him in a bunch of photos. I wonder why—was I posting too much, is there a new woman, is he just kind of over it? I guess it doesn't really matter why.

 

I also deleted most of the ones of us or him from my phone. Then I went for a long walk.

 

I knew this day was inevitably coming, but that didn't make it any easier. I should have just unfollowed him and deleted him right after we broke up, but I couldn't do it then. I suppose now is not a bad time though, since I am starting to meet new people.

[sorano]

read my thread starting fresh. Im changing day by day. And for anyone who is depressed, get in the gym!!! trust me. I have been through a lot in my life, and now, I had a woman tear my heart in two.

[lostmyway82]

I am dating my ex's friend. The one she had a fight with. She basically told me everything about her. Apparently the lie started 3 years back to the day we met. It felt good, it's like all my question and curiosity has been answered. Time to move on.

[Elwood]

I know the feeling. I'm the one stuck with our memories while she has thrown it all away not caring enjoying her life as if we never met. I can't believe after all we did and said it's gone forever. I want to forget and never remember them. All they serve is painful reminders of what I once had and they plague my mind constantly and seem like they will haunt me until I die.

 

This hit home for me. I'm still struggling daily. I've take some active measures to help myself (therapy, exercise) but I'm still fighting against this onslaught of grief. I feel the same that she is out there moving on as though none of it ever happened.

[andie1969]

Today sucks. It's a beautiful day and I wish I could enjoy it. Instead I'm thinking of all the nice days we spent together last summer and how we couldn't wait for it to be warm enough to sit on the patio with a bottle of wine or go for a walk. But, he just broke up with me on Sunday and this is day 3 of NC for me. Gotta stay strong!

[kztar]

This hit home for me. I'm still struggling daily. I've take some active measures to help myself (therapy, exercise) but I'm still fighting against this onslaught of grief. I feel the same that she is out there moving on as though none of it ever happened.

 

Im trying to move on like this was just a bad nightmare in my life.

[Phoenician]

I feel 70 at 45 ,

i am so tired of all this ,with the heavy load on my shoulders , today is not promissing

the lie she told me :

you never show me that u really love me

 

it doesn't matter how often or how much i show her that i love her . it will never be enough she will never feel loved ...

[keiji]

I started no contact in January 22nd and went from deep despair and sadness to feeling better and better each day. I thought of her less and less, her face a blurry image in my mind, and the thought of her sleeping with someone else (she is or was sleeping occasionally with a guy, "to forget me", her phrasing; she thinks I'm a fool, I guess) barely hurt or actually didn't hurt at all. However, a couple of days ago I started to feel really sad again, thinking of checking her FB and all the usual stupidities most of us have gone through. But NO, I won't do it. I'm worth more than what she gave me after the breakup (she behaved quite badly when a beloved relative died) and thanks to the advice here I've finally understood that this is all about me. I W-O-N-T D-O I-T.

[sorano]

Thats what Im talking about! yes you will relapse at times. But no, do not get caught up in that. Better yourself, turn that negative energy into positive and start to make changes to make YOU better. show yourself and others you got what it takes, especially your ex. I wont let anyone else, human being, put me down or ruin my life again.

 

Im six week out and today I am bursting with energy and so happy. My strategy that I putting togehter is helping in a rapid fashion.

 

Don't let these people put you down. Yes. grieve and feel the pain when you first break up. I cried for hours and suffered. suffered isn't even the word. I know the pain.

 

I am better than her, and its time to go above and beyond for myself now, not her. she didn't deserve me, my family or my kindness. I was wasteful. Now, I took her off the pedestal and she is beneath me. You want to give me unnecessary pain? screw you.

[benB]

I havent had a decent night of sleep in two weeks since she dumped me. It really sucks, but work is going better, the first person I wanted to tell the good news today was her but she is no longer there to tell so that made me sad. But I just have to keep pushing forward as hard as it is.

[autumnamnesiac79]

it's been a little more than a month...and i'm still broken.

the whole situation was a cluster ****.

i met her at a concert, and made the effort to get the know her.

i fell in love with her, even though I shouldn't have.

she said she was asexual and aromantic due to being abused in the past, she called her self damaged goods.

i loved her. i would wake up happy every day knowing that I could talk to her.

then it happened, the truth. you were seeing someone the entire time i was your friend, you soon broke up with that person and met someone who truly made you happy. you wanted to distance yourself from me, you wanted me to hate you. even though you would flake out everytime i would ask you out, i still remember those words "i'm sorry, i'd hope you forget about hanging out with me today"

but still....i tried.

here i am, a discarded piece of ****.

what hurts the most is that you blamed me for yet another suicide attempt.

you tried to kill yourself because you couldn't tell me the truth.

that **** hurts. that **** hurts more than you could know. all i wanted to do was to make you happy, give you a reason to live...a reason to not kill yourself. for once in my life i thought i found true love, i would've done anything for you.

at this point you are probably laughing about me with all your friends. all your sociopathic lies never made sense, no matter how much i tried to make sense of them.

i resent you so much. i wish i never met you.

i still wake up crying myself near the end of a bottle.

**** me right...i'm disposable goods that you left damaged.

 

and what sucks...is that your Christmas present is finally here.

the cuddly starscream plushie i ordered for you.

i wanted to make it special when i gave it to you, all i wanted to do was make you feel as if you were special, important to someone.

but all you did was spit in my face and make me feel as if i'm the worthless one. i hate you so much for breaking me into a million pieces, pieces which i haven't able to pick up no matter how much i try.

 

this week has been so hard...the tears have been rolling not-stop..as if you ****ing cared. i thought i was over this. i'm tired of this.

i'm tired of loving people who despise and discard me at their best convenience.

 

the only thing i learned from you was to never open myself to anyone ever again, and to never do anything special for anyone ever again.

Edited March 11, 2016 by autumnamnesiac79

[keiji]

Thats what Im talking about! yes you will relapse at times. But no, do not get caught up in that. Better yourself, turn that negative energy into positive and start to make changes to make YOU better. show yourself and others you got what it takes, especially your ex. I wont let anyone else, human being, put me down or ruin my life again.

 

Im six week out and today I am bursting with energy and so happy. My strategy that I putting togehter is helping in a rapid fashion.

 

Don't let these people put you down. Yes. grieve and feel the pain when you first break up. I cried for hours and suffered. suffered isn't even the word. I know the pain.

 

I am better than her, and its time to go above and beyond for myself now, not her. she didn't deserve me, my family or my kindness. I was wasteful. Now, I took her off the pedestal and she is beneath me. You want to give me unnecessary pain? screw you.

 

Amen to that. I not only didn't give in to temptation yesterday, but hung out with a friend, then went to a concert and prolongued the evening until 1am and had lots of fun. There's life beyond dumpers. Less sad today and zero tempted to know what she's up to. I have a life, and a very satisfying one. So yeah, screw her! Thanks for your message!

[Raina314]

Was doing really well this week till yesterday. My friend said something dumb about how my ex never made as much effort for anyone, including me, after his first breakup a few years back and then I relapsed.

I have this nasty tendency to feel bad for him that his first breakup hurt him so badly and I wanted to be the one to help him heal and I feel guilty that I failed, on top of the usual feelings of hurt and rejection and hopelessness that come with a breakup. He never let me in all the way and I feel irrationally angry at myself for not being good enough, at least not to him.

[kat2008]

Well it's been a week since he chose o/w not me. I cried for days, then felt better midweek. He came back 'home' yesterday to spend the weekend and I could barely look at him never mind speak to him. He thinks we can be friends and keep sharing the house, that we can live like this for the next couple of years before he goes back to England permanently. Doesn't he realise it's impossible?

 

I spent yesterday morning packing all my knick-knacks up - the house is almost bare. I have made a living space for myself upstairs so I can avoid him as much as possible when he is here. I ignored the 3 text messages he sent this week (nothing about us, just work related stuff) and although I desperately wanted to say something in return, I stopped myself somehow. Now I worry that he won't make any effort at all and I will only get a text when he is on his way back, like a warning. I hate being so weak.

 

When he came back yesterday, he kept being attentive - did I want a drink, did I want something to eat. I felt guilty (hah - why???) saying no, so initially I said yes. Then caught myself and started saying no thank you more. Ever polite when all I wanted to do is ask why are you so dumb? Why can't you see what you are doing to me?

 

Bedtime came and I went upstairs half thinking he would follow and how I was going to address THAT! But he didn't, and slept on sofa. And again I felt guilty that I got the bed and he got the sofa. Then I had to wonder if he was texting her, in our home before he went to sleep.

 

Now it is morning, he is cooking his breakfast. Just asked me if I wanted any. reminded me that clocks have gone forward, offered to make me a drink. And I just want to go back downstairs and hold him and hug him and have him tell me things are going to work out after all.

 

And they won't will they?

[Jim nine three]

Was coping well lately.After a period of me feeling bad all day a couple of months ago I finally started having some good days at last.I still had moments of sadness but I could manage.No contact helped a lot with this.Two days now out of nowhere that horrible feeling I had back then came back to me.Damn,the thought of her having the time of her life possibly with someone else,doing things that we did as a couple,while I stay here feeling unable to move on still loving her makes me feel horrible.It's like I am going through a mini break up again.However I know now the only way to stop having these feelings is to completely move on from this.I don't want to spend any more nights feeling bad about myself.I don't even want her back anymore,she is not the kind of person I want to spend my future with.The only thing I want is to move on,and that's what I am working towards.

 

Today is one of those sad days,but I promise to myself to make these bad days and bad feelings go away and never come back.I owe it to myself really.And even though today I feel bad.I hope the days and months to come will be filled with happiness,no more heartache!

[CDJ]

This weekend I had probably my first proper dip since Xmas; thinking about her a lot, reminiscing; and feeling sad/angry for how things ended. I still can't quite believe what she did to me, and it still hurts. It probably always will.

 

Xmas had been a turning point for me (a lonely time, loaded with memories, etc.) and once I got through that I really started to pick up. Coming to this forum really helped, too; in fact, I think it probably helped me more than the therapy I was forking out a load of money for!

 

But I know that the odd lapse is normal; the critical thing is to ensure that it doesn't make me break NC, which fortunately I have no inclination of doing any more (I've even suppressed the urge to check her social media).

 

I think that my lapses occur when I work something out in my head, when something clicks; it might be something she said or did when we were together which I'll remember, or something during the break-up or afterwards. It's like pieces of the puzzle falling into place, which in some way is what I longed for - answers.

 

The problem is, the picture it reveals is not always good; realising how much badly she treated me, the likelihood she may have been contacting the other guy well before our break-up, the likelihood her mum may have played some part our relationship deteriorating. And most of all, I'm hit with the regret that I let her flip the situation, turn me into the bad guy and make me look weak.

 

I suppose the next stage in my recovery (come up to 7 months now) is to forgive myself and accept that I had been worn down and traumatised by her so much that my reaction/breakdown was inevitable and understandable.

[Wuku]

Not doing well today. I have had limited contact with my ex since we split up almost three months ago, and we were at least civil and polite. But I found out last night she has changed her number and blocked me without saying a word. I know it's my own fault, but it has taken me back to the day we actually broke up.

 

At least there was contact, which gave me some comfort, and at least we were able to be friendly. But this has completely ended everything. I shouldn't of used contact as an emotional crutch to make me feel better, but I guess at the back of my mind I hoped there was a slim chance of things changing, and that could only happen if I was in communication with her. I know it was over already, but it actually feels worse now, more final.

 

I still have a means of contacting her, but she is ignoring it. I haven't pleaded or begged her at all, it's just been simple friendly conversations every couple of weeks, but they helped by having her in my life a little bit. I have sent a final message wishing her well, and now must face my future without the love of my life and my best friend. I can't begin to explain the panic and emptiness I feel of not having her in my life at all.

 

I have read and been given good advice on this forum, but not taken on board all of it. I was in denial. Time for that to change.

 

Back to the beginning, and day 1 of NC unhappily:(

[Raina314]

Not doing well today. I have had limited contact with my ex since we split up almost three months ago, and we were at least civil and polite. But I found out last night she has changed her number and blocked me without saying a word. I know it's my own fault, but it has taken me back to the day we actually broke up.

 

At least there was contact, which gave me some comfort, and at least we were able to be friendly. But this has completely ended everything. I shouldn't of used contact as an emotional crutch to make me feel better, but I guess at the back of my mind I hoped there was a slim chance of things changing, and that could only happen if I was in communication with her. I know it was over already, but it actually feels worse now, more final.

 

I still have a means of contacting her, but she is ignoring it. I haven't pleaded or begged her at all, it's just been simple friendly conversations every couple of weeks, but they helped by having her in my life a little bit. I have sent a final message wishing her well, and now must face my future without the love of my life and my best friend. I can't begin to explain the panic and emptiness I feel of not having her in my life at all.

 

I have read and been given good advice on this forum, but not taken on board all of it. I was in denial. Time for that to change.

 

Back to the beginning, and day 1 of NC unhappily:(

 

Don't beat yourself up too badly about keeping her contact info. While everyone says cold turkey is the only way, sometimes it actually is easier to slowly wean yourself off of it. "Cold turkey" is good advice because a lot of people *will* beg and plead and make a fool of themselves if they have the chance. But if that's not the issue, it isn't always necessary to cut someone off entirely.

 

I didn't unfriend or delete my ex from anything because it would make me feel guilty, whether that's a rational reaction or not, and guilt is the hardest emotion for me to cope with so I decided to spare myself that since I was already in enough pain. I have fortunately kept up with NC anyways though, because even when we were together he almost never replied to my messages/calls (red flag) so I'm not about to humiliate myself by waiting around for answers that won't come now.

 

That said, I understand the pain you're feeling. Your ex already rejected you once and this is like a second rejection. But it doesn't invalidate all the progress you have made. Even if she was still in your life in a minor way, that *is* a huge change from what it was before and you managed to adapt. This is just a little extra step in that direction and even if it feels like day 1 all over again, have faith that you'll bounce back more quickly than you did from day 1. Good luck. We're all here for you!

[keiji]

Not very well today, either. On March 22nd it will be two months of NC. In the beginning it was very, very hard but then I seemed to let go quite positively. In the last few days I've been thinking more about her, feeling that knot in my stomach again and even dreamt of her on Saturday. I think part of it is having put her off her pedestal and seen some negative aspects that I kind of missed or didn't want to see during the relationship. Deep down I'd love to tell her "you did this and that", but it makes no sense. It's pointless and counterproductive to me. It's just a little pothole, I know.

[PLT]

I think I'm doing ok. I broke NC over the weekend but I don't really feel too bad about it. So I'm back at day 2.

 

I think the thing I'm finding hardest to cope with is all the unanswered questions. To not even tell someone you are breaking up with them, after 3.5 years. To just vanish and stop responding to all communication. I struggle to comprehend that. But she hasn't blocked me on anything. I swear she gets some sort of twisted pleasure from me messaging her and her completely ignoring it. They havent even been begging or anything, just wanting to know what the hell is going on. I mean 2 weeks or so ago I sent the message "Are we still together?". How hard is it to simply reply "No"? No, just keep me in the dark, much more fun

 

She does show many PD traits and I called her out on it back in September, so maybe these last few months have been her sick revenge game for daring to see behind the mask. Maybe now she has a new supply so I simply don't even register.

 

Having said all that, I'm already calmer and happier without all the drama and abuse and mind games. I'm still grieving the relationship, I invested so much of myself into it, but my head is starting to rule my thoughts now, rather than my heart.

[benB]

Not very well either. I honestly haven't had a good day in over two weeks since she dumped me. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night so today wont be a good day either. I think that is what is killing me the most, my sleeping and eating patterns are totally screwed up now so the start of my days are already ruined.