How are you coping today?

[Shiggs]

Hello I've been NC for almost 2 months, and I'm feeling better day by day. I've blocked her on all social media at the start, but somehow I saw her pop up on my news feed with some of her friends (who I am still friends with), and damn she looked good! Human psychology at its finest.. I quickly unfollowed her close friends on FB.

But I didn't feel sad after seeing those pictures, but angry. Angry that I could let something like her looking great and looking like she's having fun bring me down. Like how can she seem so happy while I'm feeling down and moping after a BU? Now, I have an even higher drive to move on and be amazing without her in my life. It kinda lit a fire in me that I will not settle for less and I will be amazing. I will get over this and I will not be complacent with where I am right now, but I will be an awesome version of myself!

[Earlybird]

Drained. Yesterday I was just exploding with energy. I don't know where it's all gone. Got stood up though today by someone who was going to help me out with a project, plus some other stuff I've been investing energy in has fallen flat, or people have got the wrong end of the stick. Been advertising for some volunteers to help me in this project, and the people who've got in touch don't fit any of the criteria I asked for, namely they speak the wrong language, and the project is all about teaching that language. And am in the early stages of divorce, so it's hard to keep on an even keel, as it is really really tiring. Plus scorching sun outside and neighbours banging and drilling right over my head, is pushing me over the edge.

[sorano]

In the same boat right now. Last week I was doing fairly well but this one is much more raw and painful. I remembered the time he surprised me by taking me out to this super nice restaurant when we went on vacation after me being away for 6 weeks and how happy and loved I felt. Then three months later it was all over.

 

I am so sorry to hear that I really wish I had the power to just erase this whole thing and make me forget about her. Or had the ability to go back in time and just see what went wrong and change things if I could.

 

This has been the hardest week for me. you have no idea how scared I am bc the weekend is coming. I don't do very well on the weekends. I wish this would all go away

[MajorOak]

It's been a while since I was last here, time for a quick post.

Previously, doom and gloom, end of the world stuff why is this only happening to me.

 

Today, life's absolutely fantastic, I love the new me

 

Watch out ladies.

[Raina314]

I am so sorry to hear that I really wish I had the power to just erase this whole thing and make me forget about her. Or had the ability to go back in time and just see what went wrong and change things if I could.

 

This has been the hardest week for me. you have no idea how scared I am bc the weekend is coming. I don't do very well on the weekends. I wish this would all go away

 

Yeah, I'm dreading the weekend too. Every time I start feeling just a smidge better or try to be more positive, I just feel like I'm lying to myself. It's like there's this little voice in my head telling me that I *should* be sad and any other feelings are just temporary illusions. I feel like I can't put my heart into anything else and then I just get angry with myself and feel worthless.

[benB]

Not coping too well today. She broke my heart last Saturday and then reached out to me this week asking to sleep over. Made the mistake of doing that thinking she had missed me enough to get back together with me. She finally ended things for good yesterday and crushed my world all over again. Just feeling all the rejection and pain once again. She said she doesn't think the timing is right, that she is about to begin classes for the next couple of months. But wouldn't that mean you want someone to support you through these times? It seems like a weak excuse to me, if you are no longer in love with me just say it. Spent Friday night with my friends but all I could think about was her. This just sucks right now.

[PLT]

Terrible.

 

I've had plenty of break ups before, including divorces involving children, but none as nasty and acrimonious as this one. I don't even have a firm break up date. I last saw her / had any contact from her on 24th February. She hasn't told me it's over, even though I asked her outright. After almost 6 years of friendship and over 3 years of what I thought was a deep, meaningful relationship she won't even give me the human decency of a text that would take less than a minute of her time, or a phone call that would take 30 seconds. I shouldn't even be surprised, she loves using the silent treatment. She loves keeping me hanging. I guess it makes her feel powerful.

 

Every day I tell myself to go NC. Every day I break it. I'm angry with myself. I think about how she has treated me since last August, and especially since Valentines Day, and wonder why I would want someone that is quite comfortable treating another human being like that. I don't think I do even want her anymore. She disgusts me, or rather, her behaviour towards me and my kids disgusts me.

 

I wish I'd never met her, although taking the positives from it, I now know NOT to ignore all the early red flags. There were plenty of times when she would say something, and I'd think "That's a bit of an odd thing to say", but love is blind I guess.

 

Not one hour ago i sent her "You have said and done some really nasty things but dumping me without even telling me and with no explanation tops it". So yeah, angry with myself for sending it. I know she'll have that smug look of self satisfaction that she has got to me AGAIN when she reads it.

 

To look at her you would think butter wouldn't melt. A real wolf in sheep's clothing!

[Raina314]

Had a surprisingly "good" day today. Not good as in went out and had a great time, but I sat at home and relaxed, baked a cake, and generally just felt very calm. Not happy necessarily, but peaceful and settled, which I haven't had in weeks.

Maybe because yesterday I basically hit rock bottom again. Once I know I can't feel worse, I start to feel better and more accepting of things. Only problem is, once I feel *too* much better I start getting nervous that I'll crash again and then that anxiety fuels an actual crash . I need to find a way out of that cycle.

Edited March 6, 2016 by Raina314

[sorano]

Went out drinking tonight at a nice place. Went alone. Lots of single women. It's still too soon for me. Not one interest me. Still miss my ex. Little depressed tonight

[PLT]

Terrible, again.

 

Feel like I'm going slowly insane. I block her, to immediately have anxiety at the finality of that, and immediately unblock her again. Now its another 48 hours before I can try again.

 

I'm constantly flip flopping between anger, sorrow, regret, and bargaining. I can't stop ruminating, I can't stop the thoughts of her entering my head and when they do I can't push them out again. Before I know it, another day has gone by and I've done nothing, again. Everything I do, everything I read, everything I watch reminds me of her. I gave her my heart fully and trusted her with it, and she has crushed it into dust.

 

I'm not sleeping well, but I am eating ok.

I feel like I'm having physical withdrawal symptoms. I have what feels like anxiety, when I can feel my heart pumping in my chest, butterflies in my stomach, and a feeling of nausea.

 

I don't think this pain will ever go away. I feel like I've lost my first true love, even though she has been so horribly cruel and cold hearted.

[Raina314]

Went out drinking tonight at a nice place. Went alone. Lots of single women. It's still too soon for me. Not one interest me. Still miss my ex. Little depressed tonight

 

I find that I feel my worst when I'm out in a crowd and am alone. I've been avoiding shopping malls like the plague . I think for now it's better to be alone at home or out somewhere quiet with a friend or two because the alternative just sorta reminds you of the happiness you had with your ex.

On the other hand, some people feel even worse being at home alone, so it might be different for you.

Terrible, again.

 

Feel like I'm going slowly insane. I block her, to immediately have anxiety at the finality of that, and immediately unblock her again. Now its another 48 hours before I can try again.

 

I'm constantly flip flopping between anger, sorrow, regret, and bargaining. I can't stop ruminating, I can't stop the thoughts of her entering my head and when they do I can't push them out again. Before I know it, another day has gone by and I've done nothing, again. Everything I do, everything I read, everything I watch reminds me of her. I gave her my heart fully and trusted her with it, and she has crushed it into dust.

 

I'm not sleeping well, but I am eating ok.

I feel like I'm having physical withdrawal symptoms. I have what feels like anxiety, when I can feel my heart pumping in my chest, butterflies in my stomach, and a feeling of nausea.

 

I don't think this pain will ever go away. I feel like I've lost my first true love, even though she has been so horribly cruel and cold hearted.

 

When was the breakup? It sounds like this is really fresh for you and if so, I'm very sorry for everything you're going through. I know it doesn't feel like it'll ever get better, but when everything else seems lost, remember that people arent capable of feeling such extremes forever, that's what makes them "extremes". Eventually, your brain will adapt naturally to the sadness and loneliness and it won't feel so sharp and all consuming. And after that, you'll be able to start slowly getting better.

 

Until then, we fellowbheartbroken forum dwellers are here for you. We've all been there/are currently there with you.

Edited March 6, 2016 by Raina314

[PLT]

I find that I feel my worst when I'm out in a crowd and am alone. I've been avoiding shopping malls like the plague . I think for now it's better to be alone at home or out somewhere quiet with a friend or two because the alternative just sorta reminds you of the happiness you had with your ex.

On the other hand, some people feel even worse being at home alone, so it might be different for you.

 

 

When was the breakup? It sounds like this is really fresh for you and if so, I'm very sorry for everything you're going through. I know it doesn't feel like it'll ever get better, but when everything else seems lost, remember that people arent capable of feeling such extremes forever, that's what makes them "extremes". Eventually, your brain will adapt naturally to the sadness and loneliness and it won't feel so sharp and all consuming. And after that, you'll be able to start slowly getting better.

 

Until then, we fellowbheartbroken forum dwellers are here for you. We've all been there/are currently there with you.

 

Thanks for the kind words

 

I think it was 10 days ago. I've never had an actual "It's over" or anything, she has just vanished from my life after 3 and a half years, and doesn't respond to any communication. No explanation. No closure.

[kat2008]

We talked Friday. He is going to try with o/w and not me. Last couple of days I have just cried continuously. The worst thing is we have to continue to share the house as best we can at weekends. All I can think of is when he is not here and not at work, he will be with her. It crushes me. We are being exceptionally civil to one another whilst this white elephant is sitting in the room with us. I feel suffocated.

[Raina314]

Thanks for the kind words

 

I think it was 10 days ago. I've never had an actual "It's over" or anything, she has just vanished from my life after 3 and a half years, and doesn't respond to any communication. No explanation. No closure.

 

Thats particularly rough . Have you tried reaching out to any of her friends? It is really odd that she would literally drop off the face of the earth like that. Then again, people do some pretty messed up things, in which case, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone nicer, though I know that doesn't do much in the way of cheering you up right now.

[PLT]

Thats particularly rough . Have you tried reaching out to any of her friends? It is really odd that she would literally drop off the face of the earth like that. Then again, people do some pretty messed up things, in which case, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone nicer, though I know that doesn't do much in the way of cheering you up right now.

 

We've been having quite a few issues for the past few months and it was probably on the cards. She doesn't have many friends at all. Only one female friend that I can think of. Plenty of male orbiters though. Trying to talk to any of these would just push her further away I think.

To be honest I think she's just incredibly immature (she is in her 40s), and incredibly nasty. I've seen her do the same to "friends" in the past. Doesn't actually tell them to get lost, just stops responding to them until they "get the message". It's a horrible way to treat people.

 

Yeah, I'm better off out of it, I know. Doesn't make it easier though. You'd think it would, but it doesn't.

[Lovelyandlonely]

Feel like nothing matters, like love is the only worthwhile thing, but even at that, whatever love we had was a joke/lie. I guess it was just fun even pretending I was loved/in love.

He's hopeless and I'm definitely done with him. I just have to learn to live again though.

How to feel special without him again.

To not need a person to get me through the day. To simply have myself and God.

[L1ght]

I can't even believe how much she rocked my world.

 

I'm a changed man. Being told fairytales about how much a girl loves you when when you are a kid is not the same as hearing all that sh*t amount to nothing as a grown man. At first it broke my heart but now im like really? Bitch please, all you ever did was bitch and moan about your troubles in the world and I listened, as if my loyalty would mean something because if I laid so much heavy sh*t on another human being and asked for comfort I would be thankful for the effort taken to heal my suffering......but no. What the f*ck is wrong with women? You have no clue whatsoever the lengths guys go to to try and understand whatever the f*ck the trivial sh*t you go through is and you don't give a f*ck.

 

Men fight wars, traditionally we are the ones dodging bullets then we come home to you complaining about the most insignificant sh*t

 

Im going old school. I'm done. If any of you bitches meet a guy like me who doesn't give a f*ck then don't be surprised.

Edited March 6, 2016 by L1ght

[benB]

Slipped up last night and drunk texted / called my ex a day after she ended things. She called me back this morning and talked a little but it was a huge mistake. Drank last night and came home and cried my eyes out until I fell asleep. Today is a little better, I know its done forever now and starting to accept that. Still pretty crushed but I need to try to keep my mind off of her.

[sorano]

Drank last night too. Been going to bars alone and just keeping to myself. My woman ruined me.

[sorano]

I can't even believe how much she rocked my world.

 

I'm a changed man. Being told fairytales about how much a girl loves you when when you are a kid is not the same as hearing all that sh*t amount to nothing as a grown man. At first it broke my heart but now im like really? Bitch please, all you ever did was bitch and moan about your troubles in the world and I listened, as if my loyalty would mean something because if I laid so much heavy sh*t on another human being and asked for comfort I would be thankful for the effort taken to heal my suffering......but no. What the f*ck is wrong with women? You have no clue whatsoever the lengths guys go to to try and understand whatever the f*ck the trivial sh*t you go through is and you don't give a f*ck.

 

Men fight wars, traditionally we are the ones dodging bullets then we come home to you complaining about the most insignificant sh*t

 

Im going old school. I'm done. If any of you bitches meet a guy like me who doesn't give a f*ck then don't be surprised.

 

I feel your pain bro. Not sure I can trust a woman now after this.

[healthyhopes]

not well...

 

yesterday after a school dance we were all going to join my friend's afterparty. but my ex fwb was there and I think he barred me out of coming, as my friend told me not to come. It honestly isn't that big of a deal but if I would have come, I would have acted like my happy self and wouldn't have looked his way at all. I would have had fun with all the other kids there. And maybe that's all denial now, but I don't see why someone who threw me out like garbage would care at all that I would show up, especially if he told me that he would never date me, and would probably never contact me. He would have nothing to worry about. It would have had nothing to do with him either, considering im friends with everyone else there too...

Is it because I act like I'm completely indifferent now to him? That I treat him like someone lesser? I don't know

 

 

I really want to think that "What comes up must come down" and that if I spent so much time being sad about this kid, that he must be effected in some way, that he does miss me too, et cetera.... That perhaps he'll want something from me sometime too. And perhaps that's just an ego/validation thing, but in reality, I know that I did really like him too. So there's that. I was honestly extremely attached.

 

It was obvious that me catching feelings was just an ego boost for him, and although I did think he was attached to some extent, it obviously wasn't the same as mine. After all, I wanted to know more and more about him, and he didn't ask me as many questions about myself. He smiled when I admitted to catching feelings. He's a self centered jerk and besides it all, I really did like him. Ugh. And I still do.

 

It's just really hard because I spent so long thinking about him.... It must be because at first I thought he wasn't the best person, and I thought a lot a lot a lot about why he would be doing x, y, z... And the more you think about someone, accompanied with constant daily contact (emotional intimacy) and also physical intimacy, the more you start to fall.....

 

I knew this would end badly when I started it, and it did. And I'm not sure what I'm doing now attempting to make odds and ends of this situation when it's all clear as day.

 

 

It really helps to write all of this out...

[healthyhopes]

not well...

 

yesterday after a school dance we were all going to join my friend's afterparty. but my ex fwb was there and I think he barred me out of coming, as my friend told me not to come. It honestly isn't that big of a deal but if I would have come, I would have acted like my happy self and wouldn't have looked his way at all. I would have had fun with all the other kids there. And maybe that's all denial now, but I don't see why someone who threw me out like garbage would care at all that I would show up, especially if he told me that he would never date me, and would probably never contact me. He would have nothing to worry about. It would have had nothing to do with him either, considering im friends with everyone else there too...

Is it because I act like I'm completely indifferent now to him? That I treat him like someone lesser? I don't know

 

 

I really want to think that "What comes up must come down" and that if I spent so much time being sad about this kid, that he must be effected in some way, that he does miss me too, et cetera.... That perhaps he'll want something from me sometime too. And perhaps that's just an ego/validation thing, but in reality, I know that I did really like him too. So there's that. I was honestly extremely attached.

 

It was obvious that me catching feelings was just an ego boost for him, and although I did think he was attached to some extent, it obviously wasn't the same as mine. After all, I wanted to know more and more about him, and he didn't ask me as many questions about myself. He smiled when I admitted to catching feelings. He's a self centered jerk and besides it all, I really did like him. Ugh. And I still do.

 

It's just really hard because I spent so long thinking about him.... It must be because at first I thought he wasn't the best person, and I thought a lot a lot a lot about why he would be doing x, y, z... And the more you think about someone, accompanied with constant daily contact (emotional intimacy) and also physical intimacy, the more you start to fall.....

 

I knew this would end badly when I started it, and it did. And I'm not sure what I'm doing now attempting to make odds and ends of this situation when it's all clear as day.

 

 

It really helps to write all of this out...

 

 

And also, it's not like he knows that I'm hung up on him. The only thing that would have indicated this would have been the text conversations I sent to him about a month after it ended, where he told me that me, straight up, that he would never date me, etc. I didn't speak to him after that at all, and had told him I moved on, or at least made it seem like I had.

I told a couple of people to vent, but they were very close friends and wouldn't have told anyone, and this was all close to the beginning of when I broke it off. Every time I see him I act 100% indifferent, and he knows that I'm friends with the other people who were at the party too, and that I was at the dance with my own date, and that I would be coming to the party with a ton of other friends.

 

 

I guess I just wanted to believe that people are good, and don't use others in such a way. Even though friends with benefits is a situation where you mutually use each other. He could have been kinder.

[healthyhopes]

Thinking back he is a really bad person, and said/ did some bad things that I do not agree with at all. I have no right to be hung up on such a terrible person. He doesn't deserve my company or my presence.

 

 

I think that I validated him, and that when I went no contact, he lost all of that and went crazy. When I reached out again, I soothed his ego. Now that he is having problems with his current girlfriend ( who I do not believe he actually likes, considering how he entered the relationship, and how close he was with me-- I feel as if you should spill your guts to the person you actually like, instead of what's supposed to be a temporary place holder ?? ), he is reaching out again.

 

Of course, I take this to mean that he does have some hidden feelings... But after all that... I am probably entirely wrong.

[healthyhopes]

Of course, I also have to remember that after all this time, I am probably idealizing him. I knew I would never have wanted to date him in the first place. I knew he wasn't the best person even when I did catch feelings. Because of this, I shouldn't be so offended that he doesn't want me, even after all this time.

To sooth my own ego, I tell myself that he probably did have feelings too, and that he just didn't want to date me, and that this lack of contact exaggerated everything for him too, just as it did to me.

 

This is all probably entirely false.

[Raina314]

We've been having quite a few issues for the past few months and it was probably on the cards. She doesn't have many friends at all. Only one female friend that I can think of. Plenty of male orbiters though. Trying to talk to any of these would just push her further away I think.

To be honest I think she's just incredibly immature (she is in her 40s), and incredibly nasty. I've seen her do the same to "friends" in the past. Doesn't actually tell them to get lost, just stops responding to them until they "get the message". It's a horrible way to treat people.

 

Yeah, I'm better off out of it, I know. Doesn't make it easier though. You'd think it would, but it doesn't.

 

I have a friend like that too. Except she'll cut people out of her life by facebook message x(. In that case, yeah, I guess it probably is best to not reach out to her in any way.

 

But yeah, I totally get that it doesn't make it easier. You can know your ex sucks and be 100% sure of it on a logical level, but for some reason, logic takes like, 100 lightyears to connect with your emotional response to things like this.

 

I can't even believe how much she rocked my world.

 

I'm a changed man. Being told fairytales about how much a girl loves you when when you are a kid is not the same as hearing all that sh*t amount to nothing as a grown man. At first it broke my heart but now im like really? Bitch please, all you ever did was bitch and moan about your troubles in the world and I listened, as if my loyalty would mean something because if I laid so much heavy sh*t on another human being and asked for comfort I would be thankful for the effort taken to heal my suffering......but no. What the f*ck is wrong with women? You have no clue whatsoever the lengths guys go to to try and understand whatever the f*ck the trivial sh*t you go through is and you don't give a f*ck.

 

Men fight wars, traditionally we are the ones dodging bullets then we come home to you complaining about the most insignificant sh*t

 

Im going old school. I'm done. If any of you bitches meet a guy like me who doesn't give a f*ck then don't be surprised.

 

While I understand that heartbreak can make you hate the opposite sex as a whole, I don't think that's all entirely fair. No, women don't go out and fight wars like men do, but it doesn't mean that a lot of us don't do are damndest to try and understand and care for our men or that we don't ever get hurt. At least half the posters in this section are women and we've been crushed by guys the exact same way you have by women.

 

I've definitely had times where I've thought "**** men, they're all peter pans who will never grow up and commit, and none of them are worth the effort. Nothing I do is ever appreciated." And while this is true for some, and perhaps a lot of men my age, I know it's not all of them. It's important to realize that while all that may have been more than true for your ex and perhaps for a lot of women, one gender is not the source of evil in this world.

 

Men and women were made to compliment each other and do things the other gender can't. We were made to work as a team and supplement each other's weaknesses, not tear each other down in battles of the sexes.

 

That said, I do understand if you just need to angrily rant about the opposite sex sometimes. I think we've all done it. Just don't let one bitchy woman who didn't appreciate you get in the way of your ability to love forever, that just means you've let her win.

Edited March 6, 2016 by Raina314