How are you coping today?

[Heartbroken Eagle]

This is my 3rd xmas without my ex. Memories of our last xmas together keeps on coming back, been a bit tearfull tonight. A really horrible time, easily my worst xmas ever, when I was treated so badly by my ex. She was having her affair at the time and was so cold and nasty towards me. It was so bad that I'd asked her on Boxing Day what was going on, of which she obviously denied everything.

 

At least I have my son for the whole of xmas and new year again. She has never spent xmas or new year with him since we split, totally his choice, although she has now married. Surely that must hurt her?

 

Sad thing is, this is the time of the year when I miss being a family the most, but I don't miss her...

[Xiomn]

Had a dream about my ex on Christmas that broke up with me 5.5 months ago. I'm over her but still think about her now and then and Christmas being alone and all made her come to my mind a bit again.

 

The dream started off pretty nice, then it turned nasty then it turned nice again which is a coincidence since that's kind of how the relationship went.

 

Anyway i was in the second nice stage of my dream then my alarm woke me up and I'll never know what happened now. I hate it when that happens.

 

Maybe it was a metaphor for the relationship ending. If so it's pretty amazing how the human mind works like that.

[freebird31]

I was doing fine. It's been a while since I've posted. I suddenly feel so depressed. So sad. My ex has moved on to someone new. And I will never be able to understand or have closure. Or figure out why I wasn't enough. I'll never get it. And that's what leaves the scar. As for the last guy I was talking to. He's long moved on as well. To a nice sweet girl. I feel really alone. Really alone tonight. I feel weak and I just don't feel like myself. I was doing fine. But I think I might be falling into the dark hole again. I don't think I will be able to get myself out this time. I can't do it anymore. Every time. I miss having my best friend my support system. I feel like a loser.

[freebird31]

If I fall into this black hole. I think that will be it. I just pray that I never have to run into my ex ever ever ever. I pray we never cross paths. That's all I pray for. He got his wish. He wanted to date an Asian woman. He's dating his type now, I can't cut it. She's 4 years older than us. Which is so strange to me. How or why she would even go for someone like him. If I was 4 years older, I wouldn't even think about going for someone like my ex. Especially if I knew who he really is. Anyway, idk. Everyone is different. I just honestly feel alone. And I have been single for alms of 3 years now. And there is nothing wrong with that. I enjoy my time alone. But sometimes, like now, I just feel lost. Like something is missing. Like I need someone to lean on. I don't think I can do it on my own always. It feels off. I just can't do it today. I don't understand how someone can hurt you ( this happened 2 and a half years ago) and just not care. Just move on. Ignore your attempts at a peace offering. How could someone just be that horrible, that cruel to do that. Then move on to someone new. Like you were completely nothing. Like you were wrote nothing. You didn't mean anything. You were nothing. It took me years to build myself back up. But there are times when it still feels painful. When it doesn't make sense. Especially when you didn't do anything wrong or to deserve such treatment. I just wanted us to have peace. Nothing makes sense. All I can make of it is that we obviously did not share the same feelings. I was in some kind of level of love. And he was not. Ta almost been 3 years now. I hold on because the scar runs too deep. I just ..it's hard to catch up with everything around me.

[freebird31]

In a way I feel sorry for my ex. And I feel sorry for the girl he is dating. I don't know why. I just do. Feel sorry for them both. As for myself, I just feel alone. And I'm scared to love again to be honest. After the last two encounters, it just feels exhausting. Draining. There was more bad than good that came out of each. I just don't think j want to go through that again. I do know what I am worth and what i deserve. I just haven't met the right person i guess. I'm only 23 soon to be 24. I don't want to settle either. I don't really know. I feel a little bit lost tonight.

[freebird31]

I think the whole thing is kind of ridiculous. He moved on before me. I mean, of course. That is what always happens right? The dumper moves on first. I just wish I had known and been ready to move on years ago. I wish I had been ready to move on last year. I just wasn't ready last year when j met the last guy I was talking to. There's nothing I can do about it anymore. He's pretty serious with his new girlfriend now. I'm tired. I'm just tired of always pining over someone. If it wasn't my ex, now it is this guy. I don't want to do it anymore. It's not really my fault that I was not ready. He is now with this girl. If I'm honest I think she seems like a really nice and genuine girl. It could be worst right. At least I know he is with someone who will love and take care of him. I just have to find a way to let go now. I don't really know how. If I'm honest I really did feel like to some degree him and I were soulmates. Our personalities our chemistry, we just clicked. I can't even say that about my ex. Idk. How are you supposed to let go. I don't want to. It's too hard. I just want everything to be less complicated. I don't know why things happened like this. I feel really lost.

[Thatmixedotaku]

Today, was hard.....i see her smiling and being so happy and i am MISERABLE . I feel so much anger and pain mixed up its incredibly hard to hold it in. I want to go up to her and scream in her face about how she demolished me , how im miserable, about how much pain she has put me through

 

Instead i am quietly sitting in class wondering about how i will push through the day...the week...however long it will take for me to feel better .

 

God, i ****ing hate her so much now....why would she do this to me?

[ExpendableYouth]

Today was as hard as it has been for almost 5 months. I have been up since 5am and have been in a bad mood because I can't get her out of my mind. Living together and seeing her every day does not help. I cried for about a half hour when I got home, alone.

[LostInNC]

Not doing too bad today until I got a text from his sister asking me to mail some things. Why couldn't he ask? Things like this are starting to make me wonder what I ever saw in such a cowardly little man.

[Xiomn]

Just found out my ex of 6 months has broken up with her newest boyfriend (she's been in 3 different relationships in 6 months since breaking up with me) and the most recent one only lasted a month and a half. :D:D:D:D:D:D

 

I'm such a bad person but this makes me laugh so much to see she is still on her path of destruction.

[Letmeknow]

It's been two years since the first love relationship ended. It's true what they say that first love hurts the hardest. She unblocked me on facebook recently, I randomly found out and I'm confused. I haven't seen her, spoke to her in two years. I haven't been in an relationship with anyone since her. It's a tough day, but there's always a tomorrow.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Letmeknow

[blank264]

Day 3 for me. Not doing to well. It comes in frequent tall waves. I feel depressed and lonely.

[freebird31]

..........

Edited January 12, 2016 by freebird31

[five2nine]

Ooo I almost emailed him today and it is so tempting!!! Not even as a romantic interest but I just felt like saying HI WHAT'S UP or something random like that. I don't have a lot of friends or someone who knows me well to talk to or laugh with so I am missing him for that.

 

Also I signed up for eharmony out of lonely desperation and I am already tired of it. All the back and forth with random guys I'm not attracted to is boring and exhausting to say the least. I found one nice guy who seemed easy to talk to but he suddenly seemed upset about me messaging only once a day. I am kind of tempted to block him cuz I feel dumb like he's mad at me. This is stupid. ._. I still have a year subscription left and I don't even feel like using it.

 

The only thing keeping me from messaging my "ex" is the thought that he may have felt relieved when I went NC. I don't want to ruin it for him by popping up again

[bruteoutlawz]

Two and a half months in, still hurting.

[freebird31]

Looking back I'm almost embarrassed at how I acted with my ex. Sending him a letter. I reached out to him 3 different times in the last 2-1/2 years that we had been broken up. And each time did me NO good. If anything I'm sure he thought nothing make than a crazy ex who was still hung up on him. But it was a really hard time. And it was my first breakup. My first boyfriend. I guess I should cut myself some slack. But as I reflect back on it, I really wish I would have just let it go sooner and walked away and left things in the past. And not tried to fix anything for my own closure. For a while I even hated my ex. I absolutely hated him. And when I saw he moved on I was hurt and acted like a wounded animal begging for help. I was helpless at least I acted that way. And I blamed him every chance j could for everything negative, every pain and hurt I felt. At this point. After so much time. I'm done. I forgive my ex for everything. For everything. For the way he acted. For how insensitive I thought he might have acted. And for ignoring my letter. I forgive him for hurting me and making me feel the way I did for making me feel like I was nothing. For making me feel ashamed for sending a letter to an ex lover who once was a part of my life. I don't regret it. I don't. And I truly forgive him. Next time I know better. But I did what I could because I thought it would help myself. And it did. I may have looked like I was still hung up on him. there were many misunderstandings, mixed signals and miscommunication from the break up. Sending him that letter was me just trying to clarify everything. To help myself have some peace. I will never know for sure what he feels about the situation. The looks of it say he doesn't want anything to do with me. Accepted that a longggg time ago. But idk I think I have a lot more to learn and I still have a lot more maturing to do. A lot. We both do. I wish I was more emotionally mature..enough to just know what to do in these kinds of situations and when to walk away and when to know what to say and what not to say. It's hard to know what the right thing is to do. The right thing that will help you and still preserve your self respect and dignity. But I know that I never ice disrespected myself. I may have showed some vulnerability but I don't think there's anything immature about that.

[CripplingMe]

Suppose I just feel numb. There's this shadow constantly hovering in my chest. 12 months ago today, I was an absolute wreck, completely grief stricken. I'm in a different place than I was back then (I was dumped then, but now I ended the r'ship this time). It doesn't mean that I'm not grieving or don't miss him. I know I can cry if I allow my memory to really think about what I've turned away. It's like an emotional sickness that won't shift and I feel unquestionably sad that he will occupy my mind every day for the months ahead, despite, knowing the relationship wasn't good for me. It still hurts a lot. All that time invested, all them kisses and hugs I gave to him and his family. I know he's hurting a lot, I know he's broken, but I felt unwell in the end, I felt I lost my identity and who I was before I met him. My love for myself ultimately superseded the love I felt for him in the end.

 

 

I'm o-k.

[jvc002]

It´s been 1 and a half months since he broke up with me... ive seen him 4 times, it has been imposible to do NC since we have a lot of bills and stuff pending.. and he keeps texting me about that.... he knows I feel like crap and that Im incredibly sad... I know I hurt you, but I said sorry a million times, the pain, sadness and guilt dont seem to go away.

 

Next week would be oue 4 year anniversary, and thats all I can think about... seeing your photos, memories.. feeling really horrible this past week, dreaming about him, crying.

 

Yesterday I decided to throw some of his gifts, I cant, dont want to erase him completely, Im cant lose hope of getting you back

[freebird31]

its been a while since i have posted and its sad to say that isnt going to be positive. this past year i got my heart broken a second time within the last three years. what happened was i really like this guy but wasnt over my ex. we also had an argument and a fall out and it broke us apart. he stopped talking to me and then we reconnected. after we reconeccted i was just stand offish from him, and i didnt want a relationship, realizing i still had feelings for my ex boyfriend. well this guy ended up moving on pretty quickly too, if i may add. after seeing them together, it broke me apart and i realized i really liked this guy. they say things dont work out for a reason. maybe it didnt work out with my ex for a reason. maybe it didn't work out with this new guy for a reason, idk. but all i can say is it really hurt. its depressing to know that my ex has moved on to someone new. and heartbreaking to know this last guy moved on as well. i shouldnt be stuck. i should move on. if i can get over my ex and move on and care for someone new, i can move on from this last guy too. once i get emotionally attached to someone, it is really hard for me. two heart breaks. i know i can get through it. but it has defintely taken a toll on me.

 

i did confess my feelings to the new guy, lets call him Sam, in the summer. If he felt the same way at all, i mean i think it is naive to think that he would leave his current girfriend for me just because i confessed my feelings.

 

i dont really know what any of this means to be honest. its all very hard. and im currently in school right now. and it is taking a toll on my school performance. today i felt broken hearted and just cried and cried. thinking of the new guy

 

i need to move on. i have stayed in contact with Sam. and we talk pretty regularly every once a month or so catch up. i dont think its healthy that i keep contact with him, as my feelings come back each time and it does damage. Today we were texting and i mentioned how i can be pretty cranky and nothing is worse than that side of me. And Sam replied "ive had your cranky side and it is not that bad." Little things like that make my feelings come back.

 

However, it is really hard to cut contact with him. As he is the person who i have confided in. i trust him with any secret and i can tell him anything that is going through my mind and he never has judged me.

 

I am afraid to cut contact, as i think i will fall apart without him in my life. im afraid of facing loss again. Me and my ex have cut ties and have not really been in eachothers life for almost three years now. (tomorrow is his bday, in fact.) after that relationship ending and not having him in my life, it was really painful and tough. and i just cant imagine going through that all over again. Im not even fully over what happened with my ex.

 

I dont know what to do. I know Sam is enjoying having his cake and eating it too by maintaing contact with me, while also having a girl friend. Im not stupid. but i am afraid to let go of him. Sometimes i think that i can handle the pain and the tears better with him in my life, than handle the enormous amount of pain i will be in when i wont have him at all.

 

I am so scared to let him go and to cut ties. so instead, i have been trying to keep a safe distance.

 

I just have so much baggage now. My ex (lets call my ex George) and now Sam.

 

George, my ex as i have mentioned has also moved on to someone new. We never had a peace between us in the end. and sometimes i think that is what effects me deeply. Sam is also happy and in love with his gf.

 

After these things that have happened, i wont lie. it has shooken my confidence and i have self-doubt in myself. I know i am a beautiful person. But sometimes i have a low self-esteem, and i wonder why two people didnt want to be with me. Why did the fall out with Sam push him away? Why couldnt we work it out? How come he worked it out with his girfriend and not me? And as for George, i ask all the same questions.

 

I know what i have to offer somoene. By the way, which is something i dont even think i can offer anymore at this moment with all of this heartbreak right now. I would have worked tirelessly to have tried to make it work. Idk what happened.

 

After the breakup with my ex, George. I really worked on myself to build my character and self back up again. I mean, i worked incredibly hard to make sure a heart break or another guy wouldnt destroy my self esteem again. But it was inevitible. This whole thing with Sam is agonizing. I really like him and have deep feelings there. and it makes it hard knowing he has a good character and is always available when i have something on my mind. I wish i could maintain a frienshiip with him without there being feelings, but its just too hard. The little things he says make it hard for me.

 

I dont really know what to do anymore. I think i should remain single and focus on school. These situations have gotten in the way of what is most important to me in my life: my career goals.

 

i do think that i should cut contact with Sam...and just keep some more distance between us. He seems like he is really in love with his girlfriend.

 

I dont think it is my time yet to love again and date anyone new. If it happens, it happens. I wish i could close these chapters in my life and start on a fresh bran new clean slate. but its very hard for me to come to terms and accept what has happened here. I have no peace with George my ex. Last time, he just ignored my message. As for Sam, im just still stuck in this situation.

 

I sound so weak and like i have no self esteem. Ive heard it before. by my friends. One of my friends said i need to learn ro value myself more. Maybe valuing yourself comes with pain. but im afraid to feel the pain of letting Sam go. He has nurtured me and been there and i have fallen for him.

 

I have been dealing with this situation for a long time now. and i havent gotten anywhere by staying and remaining in contact with him. in fact, i think i may have even just fallen for him more. i just feel lost.

 

Lately, my self-esteem has been really low. And when i get complimented, i get taken by surprise. Like i am surprised for someone to think so highly of me. Its weird. After my breakup with George, as i have mentioned before, i worked hard to pick myself back up, cut contact, and put A LOT of effort into building myself up. I had confidence in myself. Somewhere along the lines, after developing feelings for Sam, i just kind of lost myself again. It was just confusing having feelings for someone new when you arent even fully over your ex. It was too overwhelming. I thought i did right by telling Sam i wasnt ready. And then we had this fall-out, and an argument and we couldnt agree over one silly thing. And Sam stopped speaking to me. I shouldnt have reached out but i did after a few months. Soon after, i was just kind of guarded from Sam. Because why would he just give up on me? I wasnt as interested in taking it further i was just scared. So i told him we should just be friends. and thats when he moved on to someone new, relatively quickly. and they have been dating for 1 year now.

 

i sound pathetic. i just cant tell you how much my heart hurts and yearns for Sam. idk. How come we couldnt get past that silly hurdle? But now, as friends, we have discussed and communicated so much and tried to work on maintaining a friendship. why is it that NOW Sam has been putting a tremendous amount of effort in us. He told me it was because there was misunderstandings. i dont know.

 

I should move on. If i can like Sam after have loving George. I can love again. I think i have to stay away from Sam for a while. maybe for good. Sometimes, i think that he says things to me that string me along, intentionally. I think some part of him has feelings for me so he strings me along. He told me he doesnt want to live without me in his life as a friend at least. How come he puts all this effort and communication NOW? We had the chance to make it work....but we had a disagreement and that was it for him. and then we had a fall out.

 

Honestly, everything feels so hazy again. I just feel like icant see anything clearly right now. Too many emotions involved. I just really cant get involved with anyone new until i figure this whole situation out and make peace with it. I just NEED to. Because i dont watn to bring baggage into my next relationship and have it get in the way and sabatoge something good. I have to be good and ready. And right now, everything is HAZY and icant make sense of anything anymore.

 

Maybe Sam and I were never meant to take it further. And after that fall out, we were meant to part ways. i dont even know anymore. I just have to focus on school. Maybe keep my distance and get some rationality back. I love/hate the comments that Sam makes to me like the one i mentioned previously: "ive had that cranky side of you, and it isnt bad."

Edited February 24, 2016 by freebird31

[freebird31]

I was so sure of myself, my values, and where i stood, when I had that disagreement with Sam. I stood by my values and i didnt let Sam shake them. And that should have been the first red flag. When Sam could not agree with me. He basically made a joke to me. And i told him the joke was offensive. He told me he didnt like the way I approched the situation about not liking the joke but said sorry. It didnt sound like his apology was genuine. and we kind of just went our separate ways, over something so silly like that. Nobody reached out to anybody. Until about a month later, i reached out, and i told him i wanted us to be cool with eachother. After that, it was never really the same between us.

 

Recently, we brought this situation up about what happened between us. And Sam told me that he had a lot going on during that time when we got in that argument with me. And he could not handle the stress. So thats why he kind of just gave up on trying to fix it. Well, thats exactly what happened with my ex. It got to be too overwhelming so he just dipped out. But now Sam is in a stable relationship with someone NEW? and they have been together for ONE YEAR. Of course it makes me question what the hell was so wrong with our situation that we could not fix. But he somehow managed a year-long realtionship with this new girl.

 

It just frustrates me. I shouldnt even speak to him and give him his cake and let him eat it too. its unfair. i have made it easy for him this entire past year. "easy" is an understatement. I have boosted his ego by pouring my heart out the times that I did and remaining in contact with him. Obviously he is happy with someone else. I should let him be happy with someone else. If i face the truth, Sam may never miss me, or want to be with me. He maybe have everything he wants in his current relationship. He told me that if he werent in each others life, he would miss it.

 

He makes it seem like I will never love someone else or form a connection with someone else like i did with him. He even mentioned something of such to me once by telling me "what we had is special and rare, and it will be really tough to ever find something like that again" YES he said this to me. I think that he is stringing me along, even though he says he is not. I think that i can have chemistry and form a connection with someone else, as soon as i get Sam out of the picture. As soon as i stop having feelings for him, and get over him. I just think it doesnt make sense to tell me that i wont find antyhing like i did with him. Yet, HE found someone else. Okay?

[freebird31]

Today was the first time we talked ina few weeks. In the few weeks apart i feel like i was doing okay. Kept busy. Today, i was wondering how he was. So i reached out. Of course after the conversation, i just broke a part all over again. Obviously there is a cycle here. And it all starts with the contact with him.

 

I think that I have compromised my self-value, my values, over this situation. I feel like i have lowered myself. And for that, i have lost respect for my own self. I think that I was doing well, but I just caved in and i compromised everything for Sam. And thats where I have went wrong from the get go, from the start. And i continue to still do so by remaining in contact with him.

 

I think thats why my self-esteem has gotten at this all time low, prob the lowest it has ever been. I just kept compromising my self-values. Every time. By reaching out and contacting him.

 

I just cant tell you how hard it has been. With the situation with George. And forming this relationship with Sam, he has given me advice and nurtured me about George. I shouldnt have gotten too comfortable and vulnerable with him. But i did. And that was another mistake. I relied on another guy, to heal the wounds of someone else. All wrong.

 

Now i have dug myself in this situation. And i have made it harder to get out of it. But i still can. And it is still possible. I have to think more highly of myself and believe and trust i can find another good connection and love again. And it wont be the last time ill have a connection with someone else. Sam makes me feel that way because he has told me this a few times as i have mentioned. Sam told me i can find another connection but it will be really hard because guys are jerks.

 

I should stop taking Sam's advice. Because its biased. And i know that, whether its conscious or subconciously, he says things that string me along.

[qwrt12]

I'm not doing very good. My mind plays games on me. The time I get better something will come up of her and ruin my mood for the next few days... it's always one-step forward and two-steps back. I've been trying so so hard not to contact her (she dumped me) it's been a 1 Month and 1 Week since the break up. I REALLY want to contact her but I'm fighting with myself not to and need help.

[sorano]

week 5 for me. weekends suck. I start doing better. Then out of nowhere, I take a few steps back and I hurt again. Yesterday and today, were just horrible. I cried today. I miss her. I miss her smile, her eyes, and the two of us holding each other and saying we are a team. It's gone.

[Raina314]

week 5 for me. weekends suck. I start doing better. Then out of nowhere, I take a few steps back and I hurt again. Yesterday and today, were just horrible. I cried today. I miss her. I miss her smile, her eyes, and the two of us holding each other and saying we are a team. It's gone.

 

In the same boat right now. Last week I was doing fairly well but this one is much more raw and painful. I remembered the time he surprised me by taking me out to this super nice restaurant when we went on vacation after me being away for 6 weeks and how happy and loved I felt. Then three months later it was all over.

[kat2008]

Just found this thread. Wish I had seen it sooner. Not sure how I am feeling today. Gotta go pick cheating partner up from airport this evening (2 weeks ago I was driving back from airport after dropping him off and cried all the way). I am still not entirely sure whether he will keep seeing o/w or try again with me - and this is not the thread to talk about that, so no doubt I will be back on break-ups thread shortly!

 

Have been focusing on myself a lot in the past 2 weeks but him coming back and having to share the house with him again is kinda scary. Am starting to dislike him; I need to keep in control of myself but at the same time I don't want to internalise my dislike of him and turn it on myself. Which is going to be tricky as I am not good at controlling emotions worse luck.

 

I guess the only thing that will keep me buoyed up today is that I am going to see a lawyer and he doesn't know it - he also doesn't know he is paying