How are you coping today?

[Cupid's Puppet]

I will not kill myself to escape the hurt of love, the pain of betrayal, the pain of rejection. Instead I will love myself and make up for those who chose not to. I will hire me. I will commit to me. And I will romance me. I will not be another person who turns against me. If I kill myself, I am no better than he who deserted me, or he who lied to me, or he who didn't believe in me, they who rejected me, or they who do not care. No, I repeat, I will not kill myself. Instead I will give myself the greatest love I never had and fight each day trying to figure out how.

[freebird31]

I have been keeping so busy the last few days. i find it REALLY helps. A LOT. if i am doing something, staying active, keeping busy, i am not thinking about it. I am not thinking about this lame attachment that I have to this person who I dont even know ALL that well. its so lame. and ridiculous. Andi look back and think about him, and to be honest HE WAS SO WEIRD sometimes. Like, some of the things he would say were just WEIRD. like asking my view on marriage on the first DATE. And then he would ALWAYS text me throughout the ENTIRE day. Which was nice, but i REMEMBER when i took long to respond because i was honestly busy, he would panick and think that i didnt want to talk to him. I look back and realize he WAS NOT FOR ME. ONCE AGAIN, my MIND was completely FOGGED. And it is because i formed an attachment to him. Also we were very completely different with our views on life. I want to make something out of myself, and him, on the other hand, he is very comofortable with where he is at in life. which is fine! thats what he wants to do. idk. maybe we are different and that is something that is important to consider. Also, he always wanted to move too fast. I thought he wanted to start a family with me already on the first date, after speaking for a few months only!

 

I think I formed an attachment to him. And it all just makes sense to me. I also was vulnerable to him. When i let down my guard and told him about my ex. I was so vulnerable. and i think that also plays a role in why i got so attached to him. I let him listen to my deepest darkest thoughts. And that is a BIG NO-NO, considering I should have got to know him first to see if I even really like this guy.

 

Wow. Everything is FINALLY so clear now. I am amazed. There were SO many things about him that I was put off about. Also, he had a kid. I am 23! I love kids, but i have my WHOLe life ahead of me. Maybe I should put off settling down with someone who has kids. Not to say that I wouldnt mind him having a kid, but that is something to consider.

 

What else.... He had a lot, i mean A LOT of problems. And i feel like that is how we made this connection and bond. Because we both opened up to one another without ever judging one another. For the most part, i consider him nothing more than a friend who I formed an attachment with.

 

There were a lot, i mean a lot of red flags from the very beginning. I overlooked a lot of them because I was going through some rough **** with my ex. And I thought that this guy was a prince charming ready to just rescue me, the damsel in distress kind of thing. I mean, we did have chemistry. But there were times when I just wasnt sure about him. I remember the second date, he would NOT stop talking. Non-stop. I couldnt even get a word in. I was so turned off by it. He didnt bother to ask me any questions about myself either. So i just let him talk my ear off. But i listened.

 

We did have chemistry..We did laugh at eachothers jokes. like i thought he was genuinely funny. I dont really say that about alot of guys I meet. But, in a way we were toxic for one another as well. Whenever I was in this dark and somber mood, it felt as if I would almost bring him down with me. When I talked about my dream or nightmare i had of suicide to him, he almost became dark with me. He almost fed off my darkness. Instead of lifting one another up. I feel like we did the exact opposite. We brought each other down. way down. Maybe it was just where i was at in life, and him as well. I dont know.

 

But one thing I can say, is that regardless of all of these things about him and us, he was always there for me no matter what. And he would still continue to be there for me, if I needed him to be. He is a kind-hearted person. And will come to the rescue when someoone needs help. That is one thing I can say about him. He was sweet, and sensitive. And he claimed to be "emotionless" but I saw right through his soul sometimes.

 

Also, he was a very mature guy. Which is somethng you dont find these days. he was 27. But he was not about playing a girl. Or doing her dirty. He knew what he wanted for the most part: something serious. And he never played games with me. He was honest with me always and upfront. And he tried to understand me and communicate with me.

 

Even after I poured my heart out to him. I did this 3 or four times. Every time, he didnt call me crazy or names or he didn't ignore the message. He asked me questions instead and tried to understand why I was feeling this way. He gave off the impression that he truly cared about me in other words. And that is something I will never forget about him, regardless if he was weird or had problems, baggage, and if we were different. That made up for all of those things. Because he was so kind and patient with me. And if that is who he really is, then i would say that he a good person.

 

But i want to move on. He was a good guy. I can say that about him. But he just was not the guy for me. I needed to meet him to learn a valuable lesson. And i DO honestly feel like I owe it to him to be there for him if he ever needed me in the future. As a friend. Becuase he had listened to my problems and been there on numerous occasions.

 

He has a girlfriend now. And i believe things happened this way for a reason. He was not the guy for me. I got attached to this person, and I honestly respect him. and I will never forget and always appreciate that he was there for me in that dark time in my life. I will never forget it, ever. because I had just lost a friend, and i didnt have any one I could trust to really open up to. So that is why I leaned towards him.

 

I am in a different place now, I have support and friends that I have gotten closer with whom I love and trust now. I learned a lot from this interesting experience.

But all this was, was an experience. He was not meant to be my husband. I dont know. Thing are as they should be, otherwise it wouldnt have ended up this way. I have to make peace with that and move on.

 

Maybe i have this attachment to him because we were intimate, or maybe it could be because I showed a vulnerable side to myself in my darkest of times to this person. And he cared and was there for me, and i truly needed that in that time when i felt like I had no one. Maybe that is why I put so much meaning towards him. Or it could be a mix of everything, I really dont know.

 

The point is I met him in a time that I needed to meet him. And he was the stepping stone that I needed to learn what I have learned, and to become who I am now. I can respect that, trust in the future, and move on. Whilst still keeping the love and respect that i have for him.

 

I feel really good about life, FOR ONCE. Everything honestly just kind of makes sense for once. Things seem rational and make sense as to why they happened, and why I feel the way I do and did. I am on the right path. And i have to hold onto these positive vibes.

[Cora]

Today I am still saddened by the events that took place that could have been avoided, by the lover that I lost and my hopes and dreams that were lost with him. I don't think I will ever understand why he could not give me a simple goodbye. I know he did not owe me one, but I figured he respected me enough to at the very least tell me it was over. He could not begin to understand how much I so very needed that goodbye. The silence he left me with hurt me so and still hurts me to this day even though it's seven months later. I will never understand how someone with such a kind and compassionate and giving heart is capable of something like this? I guess we are all capable of anything given the right circumstance. I think no matter how many years may pass and no matter how many future loves I may meet, there will always be a certain sadness in my heart when I think of him.

 

But today is Thanksgiving and I am thankful to be alive, for my wonderful family and friends, my new job, my new cat I adopted and so many many other things! I am grateful to be able to see another day and to know that this pain wont last forever. Our lives are a series of ever changing seasons and while this may be part of a low season for me right now, I know that a happier one is just around the corner.

 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you guys and I hope your pain lessens a little bit more with each passing day.

[Cora]

At a low point tonight. Missing him...

 

My Skin - Natalie Merchant

 

Take a look at my body

Look at my hands

There's so much here that I don't understand

Your face-saving promises

Whispered like prayers

I don't need them

 

'Cause I've been treated so wrong,

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable

 

 

Well, contempt loves the silence,

it thrives in the dark

With fine winding tendrils that

strangle the heart

They say that promises sweeten the blow

But I don't need them, no I don't need them

 

I've been treated so wrong,

I've been treated so long

As if I'm becoming untouchable

 

 

I'm a slow-dying flower

In the frost-killing hour

Sweet turning sour and untouchable

 

Oh, I need the darkness,

the sweetness,

the sadness,

the weakness

Oh I need this

I need a lullaby,

a kiss goodnight,

angel, sweet love of my life

Oh I need this

 

I'm a slow-dying flower

Frost-killing hour

The sweet turning sour and untouchable

 

Do you remember the way that you touched me before

All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored

Your face-saving promises

Whispered liked prayers

I don't need them

 

Oh, I need the darkness,

the sweetness,

the sadness,

the weakness

Oh, I need this

I need a lullaby,

a kiss goodnight,

angel, sweet love of my life

Oh, I need this

 

Well is it dark enough

Can you see me

Do you want me

Can you reach me

Oh, I'm leaving

 

Better shut your mouth, and hold your breath

You kiss me now, you catch your death

Oh, I mean this

Oh, I mean this

[Salina]

Just needed to write and get this off my chest…

 

Not coping so great at the moment. So I found out my ex and his new-gf are going strong, doing really well together. Whilst I'm getting better slowly, it still broke my heart somewhat to find out about this today. I really do miss him and I still wish it could have worked out somehow between us. I'm having a hard time letting go but I'm doing it… but I miss him like crazy. I've got to accept this… really want this pain to go away. Part of me still loves him and still wants him back. I have to trust that in time, things will get better… I just feel so sad right now. I want it to be me and him… Need to trust that everything will be ok...

[CloudyHead]

15 days after he ended the relationship . . . I did well for the past few days then slide backwards yesterday . . discovered he had been seeing someone behind my back and booked a trip to NYC and bought gifts for her. I called him up, he answered and it was game on . . . It was as if he was coddling me throughout the entire conversation.

I will need to get this narcissistic a-hole out of my head!!!

I should be grateful he has turned his focus onto his next source so that I can heal, lick my wounds and restore my shredded self-esteem.

[purpledooze]

I'm a mess.

 

I ignored him all the way. He's tried to contact me before. Maybe not to restart our relationship, but at least stay connected in some way. My friends tell me ignoring him is for the best, but why do I feel this way? I feel like I pushed him away.

[Cora]

Not feeling so great tonight. I just saw a post on his new girlfriends Facebook page talking about what all she is thankful for this Christmas. One of them being "an awesome boyfriend." It's hard to believe that this time last year we were together and now I'm completely out of the picture.

 

This Christmas just won't be the same. Last year I was so happy and in love and this year I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. The holidays are so damn hard....Especially seeing love all around. My brother has been shopping for engagement rings. He's about to ask his girlfriend to marry him. It hurts because they met each other right after I met the ex. I'm now officially the only single person in my family. As much as I want to be there for my brother and his soon to be fiancé for support, it just hurts so much to be around happy people right now.

 

I miss him very much and tonight is really taking a toll on me.

[Digger123]

Been 3 days after ending an on again off again relationship of 2 years. I just woke up

Wednesday morning and realized I no longer wanted to waist my time in this futile relationship. I feel numb. I keep waiting for sadness to hit but maybe it won't because he hurt me so many times that I lost hope or the want to try anymore. I just know that I'm a good person and there is a man out there that would truly appreciate me. And actually want to spend time with me.

[RDawg]

I looked at my ex's facebook profile this last weekend, saw lots of photos of her and her new man and the rest of the family.. also some stuff that makes me think she is pregnant.

 

 

I felt.. sad and a little bit resentful still.

 

 

Btw, it has been two years of strict no contact and I am happily involved in a new relationship.

 

 

My girlfriend and I are going on holiday together tomorrow for a couple of nights, so ja coping just fine thanks.

 

 

Be strong guys, it really does get better. Eventually.

[dyna85]

As the date creeps up, in classic form, I'm back on loveshack trying to distract myself because it seems whenever I have a free moment, I fall back into rumination and it messes with me. I'm trying to get better at just letting it be and allowing myself to feel how I want to feel, but this time of year along with some personal matters that have gone awry, is making it extremely hard.

 

I still feel hurt every time I check my phone and email and receive nothing but what is helping is not avoiding triggers. The more I just live my life, the more I am able to effectively cope, but the bottom line is that it still hurts a lot, and I don't know when or how that will ever go away. My mind and heart completely disagree over what is what, and the conflicting neurons really make things extra difficult.

 

All I have to say is thank God for loveshack. It is my ultimate crutch and probably bad that I resort to coming here when it gets to be too much, but oh well. At least, I'm not doing cocaine, right?

[Thatmixedotaku]

I cannot. I feel like i am going crazy . I have class in a few hours and i am full swing in the pain and the thoughts and i feel like i need her so badly, i feel like i cannot breathe without her , i want to fall at her feet and beg until she takes me back...i cant focus on anything else, it is so hard .

[Log-in]

I just found out today that my ex bf of 4 yrs is in a relationship with a much younger girl (he is 27 the girl is around 20-22) after breaking up with me 2 months ago.. Unless he is already courting her while we are still together.. That i dont know.

 

What is wrong with that guy. He has been doing that eversince he broke up with his 1st gf. Im his 4th. Pattern? Serial monogamist? Emotionally unstable guy?

[Thatmixedotaku]

The pain is difficult to describe . In the mornings and when i am around people and my friends , it feels bearable, indeed my mind feels free at points and i can smile and joke . In the evenings the pain hits me , insanely hard and i feel like i cannot even breathe or think . The worst part is i dont hate her, i dont feel anger ...instead i want her back, i want her again so badly every cell in me yearns for it . It feels like there is something burrowing its way through my chest cavity . A burning sensation almost .

 

How could she end it so fast, over nothing? Even after i pleaded and tried? Was all she said a lie , before that? How? Why?

 

The loneliness and pain are making this unbearable in the evenings

[JPM_26]

It's been exactly a week since my ex girlfriend broke up with me. Have been in zero contact with her with the exception of sending her a well-written letter this past Monday (which she replied to with a good letter of her own).

 

Honestly, I'm doing pretty well. I've had some great workouts at the gym, and am now motivated to stick with going to the gym 5-6 days a week and start making healthier choices. I've also talked to several girls over the past week which has helped a lot and boosted my confidence.

 

Still do miss and think about my ex a good bit, but NC has been great and it gets easier each day.

[Digger123]

Ugh! Sadness has hit me hard! Thoughts of the good times keep popping up. I wanted so much for it to work out for us! I have struggled getting sleep. I feel so broken hearted even though I am the one who walked away this time! I had to because it all just seemed like the repeat of the familiar road we have been down! Why was it so hard for you to communicate? Truly that is the only thing that caused problems! I'm not a mind reader. It was important to me to communicate with you because in the beginning you said I needed to learn to talk. The more I learned to communicate the less you talked! To funny! I Love you so much. The emptiness that hits me is hard is crushing! I want more than anything for it to work out, but i don't want the non Communicative man back! I want the man behind his walls that I know and see to stand beside me and work through what could be something great!

[LostInNC]

Not handling the day well. Last night I cried for over 3 hours and not baby tears but big crocodile tears. My eyes puffed up, my nose got stuffed so I went to bed at 9pm and took a sleeping pill. Just 1. And laid there until I fell asleep.

 

I have been up for over 2 hours and I am still laying here in bed. I can not figure out why he never said we had a problem and why after 7 and a half years you move out while I was at work, change you phone number, stop facebook and move 1200 miles away. Why in the heck was I not told you were feeling this way? Any how could you keep of the facade of caring as you made me coffee, told me you loved me, made plans for the weekend, looked at houses online, made plans for christmas knowing good and darn well you were not going to be here.

 

How could you just not say anything? You left without a word. Did you not think about the shock I would have to come home to find you gone with not so much as a note? And here I was happily tooling along with our life thinking we were great together.

 

Not so much as a goodbye.....

[The Resurrection]

I'm in a really really bad shape today. Been facing a few issues at work that are bringing my morale down. As a result, I was thinking about her a lot today. But I'm not about to break my 3 weeks No Contact so no danger of me reaching out to her. (Background - 18 month relationship, she broke up over some silly temporary reason 3 weeks ago. Have been NC immediately since)

 

But I'm weak, tired and exhausted of resisting. Going cold turkey has been emotionally draining... Need to find the strength to somehow keep going... "If I quit now, I will be back to where I started & when I started I was desperately wishing to be where I am now."

[legit1]

Rough day at work and everyone is so happy with holiday cheer and I can only think about who I don't have by my side this holiday season and how she is with a POS who does not deserve her. Has already become a 1/2 Xanax morning to keep my wits. Somehow have to go to the company lunch later and hold it together.

Wish I could be knocked out and wake up 6 months or a year from now and not have to go through all the grieving.

[Thatmixedotaku]

Saw her for the first time since the breakup. Felt like **** as first, felt a tad better as day progressed . Felt like throwing up as the day progressed at points when i saw her

[losangelena]

Not doing so hot today. I guess it's true what they say, that holidays are harder. It's tough not to think about this time last year and how we spent almost two solid weeks together. He just put a photo of his annual holiday card up on Instagram, and part of me wants to comment on it. Not sure what good that would do, but maybe like an olive branch to say "I don't hate you even though you ended things."

 

Argh.

[Xiomn]

Still using the glass with the lettering ingrained upon it 'Merry Christmas (my name) I love you xx' that she bought me for Christmas last year.

 

No emotional attachment to it whatsoever, just too lazy to go out and buy a new glass.

 

Oh how much can change in just 1 year.

[LostInNC]

Not doing all that great today. It has rained like crazy and Christmas is 2 days away and I miss him so much. This is my first Christmas in 8 years without him. It will be so different. I wish he would just come home.

[gbe2015]

This will be my first Christmas with her gone. 1st one alone after 10 years with her. Not sure what to expect. At this point I'm just planning to spend it alone as I'm not in a social mood.

Edited December 24, 2015 by gbe2015

[Xiomn]

By the way I made my first post on this thread back on page 288. Got over my first breakup after roughly 2.5 months.. you will all make it ladies and gentleman, each at your own pace as inconceivable it may seem now.

 

Primary reason for getting over it so quickly:

 

I started dating/sleeping with other women. That made me realize there are other women out there that like me and I shouldn't focus all my attention on my ex.

Edited December 24, 2015 by Xiomn