How are you coping today?

[seekingpeaceinlove]

It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? This is the 2nd time my ex broke up with me. The first time we were apart for 7 months and though I had accepted that we were over but deep inside I felt EXACTLY like you. I felt like I would have been cheating on him so I held back. I went out with other guys but the thought of getting intimate with them disgusted me. Deep down I felt that the relationship wasn't over btwn me and ex...and interestingly enough we ended up back together.

 

Now, I'm certain that we're done. He is the wrong person for me. Period. I fell madly in love with the wrong person. He will never be the type of person that I want and need in my life and I tell myself that over and over again until I fully believe it.

 

Just like your current ex, mine broke up with me twice. Looking back, he always had one foot out the door.. ready to call it quits when the going got tough. I will never allow myself to be in a relationship with such an emotionally unavailable man ever again. I stuck by him for 4 years despite the fact that he threatened breaking up with me several times and making me feel the lowest of the low.

 

Know your worth, girl. We women tend to hold on and hope that love and patience are enough to make a relationship work. It's not enough. The other person needs to put in an equal amount of effort.

 

Your man and my man bailed. It's over. Please accept it and move on with your life. We deserve true, selfless MUTUAL love!

 

Oh yeah. I did that with my previous ex. I felt I needed it. It helped, immensely. But it also helped that he was a douche who made me feel undesired, unlike my current ex. So with my current ex, it was just horrible circumstances (and maybe a little bit of douchiness on his part) that led to tensions that led to break-ups (twice)... but it prevents me from wanting to go out and find a sex partner / do a ONS / find a f&ck buddy... I still feel that I'd be cheating on him and /or have hope that he will come back and if he does, then I can't lie and tell him I haven't been with someone else, if I have.. so I don't want to go there until I know for sure that it is over between us, forever.

[Tressugar]

Not sure how I'm feeling. I guess in limbo. I don't cry anymore, which is a sign of healing. I wish things were different for me. Once I think I'm finished healing something always shows me different.

[Tressugar]

Not sure how I'm feeling. I guess in limbo. I don't cry anymore, which is a sign of healing. I wish things were different for me. Once I think I'm finished healing something always shows me different.

 

I feel alone, but not lonely...if that makes sense.

[KO123]

I'm not doing well at all today. It's been 21 days since the break up and we talked a couple of times after but it's been 5 days of NC again. I was doing very well for the past two days, feeling like I did everything I could to make it work or have him reconsider his decision to end it. Today is hard. I feel down and I keep wondering what if I tried harder...what if I handled things differently. I don't think he'll come back this time. I don't know what to do... Its hard to hold back the tears today..

[Calidude6]

Today is her birthday and I so bad want to be the genuine, nice dude that I am and wish her a happy birthday. But after everything she's done and how she did me I'm fighting not to wish her a good day because she doesn't deserve it from me. I've been on NC for months but I still think and miss her when I shouldn't. Though I did found out my mom text her happy birthday without asking me. That's fine they had a great relationship but I shouldn't say it right??

 

Time to let it all go and not give her my time effort or emotions. I didn't deserve this and she doesn't deserve my kindness even though I want to.

[Speirling]

Finally managed to start getting stuff sorted at my new place. It should be happy and fun, but it feels so sad and lonely. Loneliness isn't something I've had to struggle with so it's been a bit of a shock. I usually love being on my own. This place has no memory of him. I have to get through the boxes of stuff that contain all our memories and start throwing out, but I'm leaving those for now, I'm somehow still not ready.

 

Maybe it's because it's so final, I've been in limbo for so long after moving out, perhaps there was some leftover processing to do.

 

I don't know. I feel like I'm moving through treacle. This was something I looked forward to so much, and now I have it, and I just miss him so much.

 

Sxxx

[nicololi]

I miss him so much. It has been a month and a week today since the breakup and a month since we spoke. It is so hard. I wish he would come back and tell me he made a huge mistake. In my heart...I know he never will. He told me he would never love me again. He doesn't know why he stopped loving me..he just did and said I was a great person. He said it was a relief to be done and that he felt absolutely nothing in his heart for me and it was too late to fix anything because I did nothing wrong. I have a list of what I thought were reasons why he left but before he said those weren't it. Even if he were to clear his mind he would probably look back and say "nope I would contact her because it's for the best"

 

I scream into my pillow "I miss you". I just want to be happy. I'm sick of trying. I go out with friends, I practice affirmations but I just want to turn my brain off.

 

He is happy without me and it crushes me. After 4 years I am simply a memory to him.

 

I pray that this pain goes away. I cry and cry asking for anything to make me feel better.

 

When will this end...

[nicololi]

I feel the exact same way...

[NoMoreJerks]

Crying.. thought I was doing better yesterday... I am getting slowly convinced that it is truly over between us, this time for good. He is not coming back. I am not sure that even if he comes back, it'd be before he has gotten together with a rebound, which means I can never take him back even if I still loved him, because I can't cope with the idea that there was somebody else in between our break-ups... He is meanwhile merrily trolling dating sites, with false information.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I dreamed about him did the first time in months last night. It was bad. It was all about him and the woman he left me for and it brought all the feelings of inadequacy, my insecurities, and feeling like I'm not good enough right to the forefront of my mind. So today hasn't been a good day. I've been reliving every bad experience and feeling I had due to the other woman over and over again. I hope I don't dream about him again tonight.

[pbr]

I was feeling good, 6 weeks after GF broke up with me. Or better at least. We see each other a few days weekly very briefly when I pick up my kid but it's mostly all NC unless kid related. Until today when she calls me (she's out of town with my son) asking if I can take her dog as her friend had to leave out of town for work. I said yes of course but I really wish she would not have done that. Why call me? I assume she had no alternative at the last second but still.

[jrode23]

Been a rough stretch of days for me.

 

Seemed to be fine Thursday and Friday of last week, but the weekend was tough (we had a lot of plans scheduled for these next few weekends) and yesterday wasn't great either. Starting to think I need to unfollow all of the mutual friends we have on Facebook as well. I know a block hides everything, but one of her friends posted something and it clearly was intended for my ex, as it read, "D, check this out" and seeing it kind of bummed me out. Some days are good, some days are bad.

 

I've already setup profiles on two dating sites and have a couple dates scheduled, but I don't know if I want to go through with them. Sure, there's nothing to lose, but I'm already finding myself doing comparing and I haven't actually even met these girls.

 

I don't know, just a very confusing time. I feel as though everyone has that one breakup that really messes them up and this one is mine.

[Erlaad]

I'm very unstable today. I bounce wildly between fury, depression and determination for the future. Mostly the first two, to be honest. I'll keep strong. No more contact. Must make the best of this so my life will be better.

 

- Erl

[Jellybean24]

All I do is live day to day. I can't say where I'll be next week or next month. I just take it day by day.

 

You're not alone Singme2sleep. Since my break up that's how I live now too... One day at a time. Can't think of a next week or next month at all.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

I'm needing affection today. Actually, I need sex. But I can't. I don't know if I'm capable of having casual sex anymore. After 4 years of making love..with a partner that I loved deeply...I don't know if I can go back to the sex without feelings anymore.

 

And who knows how long it'll take for me to find someone I genuinely care about. This is so frustrating.

 

I used to be the girl who could seperate sex and feelings. I had no problem getting what I wanted without getting attached. Damn.

 

I admit, today, I can't stop thinking about my ex and how he was the greatest lover.

[NoMoreJerks]

Doing better, sooo much better today!!! I finished some work (so part of that workload is off my shoulders for the next month or so), had a few hours of down-time, went looking for art supplies for my new hobby (making designs on tshirts and other fabrics). Came home, did a bit more work, answered emails, and then worked on that hobby and was excited by the results. Took my mind off my ex quite a bit. I'm excited and happy and have something to look forward to! I have a busy couple of days with social events with friends, have ironed things over with a few people who had stopped talking to me, etc. Things are looking up, overall.. at least until the next time that I have a really bad day... out of the blue!

[pbr]

I'm not so good today dealing with hurting my ex (we have a small child together) and the guilt associated. I've apologized but maybe I've been wanting her to say I forgive you. Which would be a privilege not a right. She mentioned her anger, resentment and sadness and wants to start dating again so she can forget about me completely. Hard to hear but I understand.

 

Not sure how to cope and come to some kind of peace.

[positivityonly]

Feeling okay today. 7 weeks since breakup, all NC. I am progressing although its slow, it is steady as well. NC is the only way even though it feels to be the hardest way. We have to keep on trucking, I have almost reached out as the dumped by why would I?

 

Looking back I am so happy I haven't, you can regret something said, I don't think you can regret NC..

[NoMoreJerks]

As predicted, I am not doing so well today, after a great day yesterday. It just hit me, out of the blue, this afternoon. I started crying. Listened to the song he had posted on his facebook the day he broke up with me the first time around (2 months ago) - a song in French that translates to: "I am sorry that I love you." It made me cry so hard. I wonder if he has been thinking about me -- no scratch that, I know that he is; he visited my website last night, which is the night we usually have our weekly dates; my web analysis tool identified him as searching for me on google and checking out my website. but I don't know if he is missing me. I doubt that. Otherwise he would've replied to my email from 8 days ago. It has gotten easier, I have to admit, but I have some moments that are worse than all the pain of the past 3 weeks combined. Nearly 3 weeks since breakup, 8 days NC (broke it to write that email asking if we could meet to talk and reconcile, otherwise have been NC since day 1). I am definitely not going to date any time soon. I need the time to myself, to process this, to grieve this. No rebounds for me. Or any relationship any time soon. I am hurt, so hurt. Damaged. He destroyed me. Twice. And the killer is: i still love him, though at times I also hate him for the way he has treated me and disrespected me and allowed others to disrespect me. I am a glutton for punishment?

[jrode23]

Today feels like a six-pack of beer kind of day.

 

Gloomy day, it's getting dark earlier and earlier, and I simply just miss my ex. I'm only two weeks removed from the breakup and one week removed from going no contact (though she hasn't responded to anything since a day after the breakup), but no matter what I do, I can't take my mind off of her and all the great memories we had. For her to just up and go, without any real warning signs, it still baffles me. How can you say you love someone, but two hours later break up with them because you don't see a future?

 

To compound things, I signed up for Tinder with the notion of just going out and meeting people (wasn't looking for sex, wasn't looking for serious). Was supposed to have a drink with a girl after work today, but it appears as though she has flaked. Doesn't really impact my self-esteem at all, because after getting dumped, I don't have much left anyway, but it's still kind of a bummer.

 

Sometimes I stare at my phone, hoping to get a message from my ex, just to see what I would do/how I would handle it. Heck, sometimes I hope to get a message from her group of friends, ones who I had built really good relationships with, telling me that she misses me and that she now realizes she made a mistake. I know neither of these things is going to happen. I know she's gone for good. I know they're gone for good. The perfect world I was living in for the past 14 months has been ripped away from me and, today, I'm feeling it more than I have in a week or so.

Edited October 29, 2015 by jrode23

[freebird31]

trying to get through this weak moment i am having right now. i have really, i mean really been missing the last guy i was talking to. i got so attached to him, and we havent spoken in 4 weeks. i think the longest we have gone without speaking was about 5 weeks. im starting to feel the withdrawals again. everytime i speak with him, i feel a little bit better, sort of. for the short-term at least, until i start to miss him again. im sure that this is unhealthy and not well. im really trying to fight this feeling. this is so crazy and unhealthy. i wonder why i act like this, and i always lose control when i get involved with someone. i must not be as mature as id like to think. because someone who is more mature emotionally would have more self-discipline, i am sure. i just miss him so much, u have no idea. the last few conversations that we had over the last few months, has only intensified our relationship or friendship, whatever. the last thing he told me is that he misses me. i didnt expect for him to say this, now i really do feel like we are not able to be friends because he also has feelings for me, and i certainly have feelings as i miss him a lot and i cant stop thinking about it. and when he told me that he missed me, it only just once again intensified the feelings that i already have. and its so hard, gosh darn it. its always so hard isnt it. i think this is my time to really walk away, as i should have long ago. this is it, and if i dont distance myself from him and walk away now, then i never will and who knows how long it will take to get over him. and who knows how long that can take to prolong my healing and being able to move on. damn it. why do i always do this. i get too involved, too attached, i fall way too hard and it starts to feel like a drug when i dont have it. this surely is not healthy. but to be fair with myself, i must say that it wasnt easy, those circumstances that i have faced. i once again never got the chance to live out another relationship to really see what could have happened had we stayed together. literaly, AGAIN i am left wondering. im so frustrated and upset.

i am selfish, for wanting to reach out to him as he has a GF now. and i should let him move on too. it takes two people. its not only him, its me. he is in the wrong to have admitted to me that he misses me, and it is wrong for me to reach out. This situation is surely ****ty. i made such a huge mistake and i was FOOLISH, damn i was so foolish and i surely learned through pain and heartache that it was a mistake. im so mad with myself. im so upset that i let myself do this, im so upset with myself. yes, we slept together. and i know that this was a mistake, because this is ultimately the reason why i got attached to him. otherwise, im sure i could more easily move on. i was so STUPID, hurt and vulnerable at the time, and i really did think that in that moment if i had sex with him, that if i can be this ultra-feminist who has sex with men for her own self-satisfaction, that i would be okay. this was a huge mistake. and i learned throught heartache, that is is NOT who i am or who i want to be. and its awful and i wish i could take it back, as this is not who i am, I'm ashamed of myself. we slept together one time, one year ago. and thats the reason why i am so attached to him. im admitting my faults, im embarassed. i have never been this kind of girl to just give myself to someone. i wish i could take it back. i want to so bad because im so ashamed looking back on it. Im human, i know. now, i have this sort of attachment to this guy. and knowing I shared my body with him, one of those things that are so sacred, i know that he will always remain some sort of part of me. spiritually. im so sad and mad that i had let this happen. and i honestly feel like if we waited longer, and had gotten to know each other better before getting physically intimate, that things may have even had a different outcome than the way they are now (him in a relationship with someone else, and me pining over him).

 

if we had just taken it slow, if we had just began as friends, earned each others trust first, gotten to know one another, while i was still healing from the heartbreak of my ex, i know that eventually things would have worked it, or at least just worked out differently than how they did.

 

I am so ashamed and embarassed for myself. because this is NOT who i really am. I potrayed myself to him as promiscuous and sexually free, when in reality i was just finding myself. this isnt who i am, and i have only come to realize that those kinds of things are held extremely sacred to me. you have no idea how many times, i look back and wish it never happened.

 

I now see pictures of him and his new GF, and i see that she is a good, nice girl. The person i know MYSELF to be. I just was so lost and vulnerable at that time, i portayed myself as someone I now know that i am NOT. i hate that i had to learn this through pain and shame. I hate that i lost him and that i never had the chance to see if things could work out between us.

 

I was so ****ed up in the head becuase of waht happened with my ex, i was in no way, shape, or form, ready to get involved with another. And as a result, i made these poor decisions. i knew that I liked this new guy, i always knew it. But i also knew i was still in love with my ex.

 

I just want, for ONCE, things to not be so complicated, so heartbreaking. I wont ever, ever make those mistakes again. i now know WAY better. but, it still hurts. because i still miss him so much. I just hope no one makes the same mistakes i did.

[NoMoreJerks]

Not so good.

 

I just found out (I was snooping on his male friend's facebook) that he was at his friend's Halloween party, with his son, and he wore a costume , even though he didn't want to do that with me, when I talked about it while we were still together. I was so excited about wanting to do it this year, as I've never done it, and he didn't seem very enthusiastic about it / changed the subject every time, even long before things turned sour.

 

So hurt right now.

 

I also view it as a sign he is moving on, surrounding himself with people, people who claim to love him but who did not respect his choice of GF, who pressured him to break up with me, who disrespected and snubbed his GF.

 

Oh well... part of me says, his loss. Let him find someone like me. I know he won't. But it still doesn't take away from the pain, that regardless of the fact that he will never find anyone who gave him everything, loved him unconditionally, etc., he does not want me.

 

I also was thinking about what transpired between him and his female friend, because I had noticed she had added him back on facebook a few days after he broke up with me. I am not sure when the delete happened, what happened for the delete to take place. They have been friend for 20 years. At first I thought, they must've had a fight about her snub to me, after he broke up with me. Now I am wondering if she had removed him from facebook, and given him an ultimatum to break up with me. So he did, and she added him back? That hurt. I cried when I entertained that possibility. It was the first time I had considered that possibility.

 

This man had no gratitude for me, for my love for him and for his son. I gave everything to him and to his son, all my life, all the best presents, all my attention and care and support. And he dumps me because his friends (primarily his female "best" friend) snub me and come up with lies about me having insulted them by sending them nasty messages that they have refused to show to my ex (because they don't exist), and because I deleted them from facebook (after he broke up with me and it seemed very final, and they didn't want to communicate with me , and they were not my friends, just my ex's friends). What a spineless man. What a jerk. He probably has feelings for his "best" friend. And how is she even a friend, let alone a best friend, if she is unable to even accept that he loves someone, and not make his life hell for it?? Pissed off. Maybe this is the anger stage, that I am going through . I hope so, because usually, the stage that would follow is acceptance. I only hope I wouldn't go back and forth between these phases. Sometimes I feel angry and at times sad and want him back and want to beg for him to take me back. I'm really struggling with letting go of this. I keep repeating to myself 10 times a day: "it's really over this time, there is no way he is coming back." I am convinced of it. But I still don't want to let go. I don't know why I can't. Or how to let go.

[NoMoreJerks]

Doing a bit better than yesterday and the day before. Actually had skipped a Halloween party because I was feeling horrible and didn't want to socialize. I think part of it was that I had wanted to wear a costume with him, and that hadn't panned out, of course, since he broke up with me before Halloween. I found out yesterday that despite not being very open to the idea of doing that with me for the past 2 years, he did do that this year after he broke up with me. I was hurt. But anyway, I found out after Halloween. I still wouldn't have gone to the Halloween party regardless, even knowing that he was out there having fun while I was all sad. I think that says a lot about how much he cared about me, vs how much I care about him. And he's the one who accused me of cheating on him emotionally (!! that's rich, considering that he is always hanging out one-on-one with women). Today I was feeling better. I went to my department and attended my colleague's PhD defense, and then talked with a lot of colleagues that I had not seen for a while. And then at 9pm, I went out to celebrate with the colleague who passed his PhD defense. I was so happy for him, he has gone through a lot(including losing his 1 year old daughter to SIDS last year). So I wanted to be there for him when he celebrated. It did actually encourage me in a sense, to work on my own dissertation, knowing that there was light at the end of the tunnel. But at the same time, it was a downer because it reminded me of how far I am from that goal. But overall, I had a good time, I am trying to fake it til I make it. I think I am on the road to recovery now. I am feeling a bit better. Eating better, too. Snooping on him less, as well.

[hgroog]

Its been about 2 weeks now for me, I haven't heard from him and I think I can safely say that he's gone for good. I haven't looked him up on social media at all (my heart is too fragile for that) and I deleted his number from my phone, along with all our texts, etc. Its like he's a figment of my imagination now.

 

The other day I sat down and wrote every single detail about this relationship. For every good thing he did, there were two more bad things. I was literally so blinded by his good looks and charm, that I didn't see how much of a loser he actually is! Even though my heart still hurts a little bit, the weight is gone and I can actually focus on other things through out the day. Sometimes I cry and I get some anxiety about things that remind me of him, but I'm glad I got through the worst part of this. I'm seriously hoping that I will never have to see him again and that I can move on and learn how to avoid this kind of thing in the future.

[sweetwhispers]

Been a very emotional week....cried a few times today. 13 yrs is a long time...not sure how to move on....