jenlynn Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 It means that she is an immature crybaby who likes playing the role of a victim. My ex did this -- demanded that his friends delete me from FB, and threatened to delete them from facebook if they didn't delete me.. so they (spineless as they are) deleted me. 3 days later, he broke down and contacted me, though. When I asked him why he demanded that they delete me, he said because they had told him that I had cheated on him emotionally by asking one of their mutual friends out (which was a lie). They claimed that they had known this for a long time (while we were still together) but hadn't told him that. So he got mad at them, for not telling him sooner, and that is why he thought they owed him that "favor." To play devil's advocate and having not read through your previous posts- maybe she's hurting too even though she initiated? I was the one broken up with and I've definitely have moments in which I think about requesting my friends and family delete him. I haven't though. I'm leaving it up to them. Social media is so weird. However, she might just be trying to safe guard herself. I know it's strange to think of but I doubt she broke up with you b/c she didn't give a s***. Everyone copes and tries to control in their own ways- both, dumper and dumpee.
jenlynn Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 To play devil's advocate and having not read through your previous posts- maybe she's hurting too even though she initiated? I was the one broken up with and I've definitely have moments in which I think about requesting my friends and family delete him. I haven't though. I'm leaving it up to them. Social media is so weird. However, she might just be trying to safe guard herself. I know it's strange to think of but I doubt she broke up with you b/c she didn't give a s***. Everyone copes and tries to control in their own ways- both, dumper and dumpee. My reply was meant for Throldur's reply/inquiry from earlier. Oops.
jenlynn Posted October 18, 2015 Posted October 18, 2015 Hi NoMoreJerks, Your name coupled with your photo makes me chuckle.Without knowing your situation, I did want to speak to your skepticism in regards to relationships. I'm guessing you've been hurt as you are on this forum. I have been hurt too and the last year has been incredibly hard. I lost my best friend, lover and who I thought would be my husband. I always thought he would break my heart but I thought it would be when he was in his 80s and would pass away on me. It just came 50 years sooner that I expected. :/ In the last year, I have at times become really critical of relationships and people flirting, making out and holding hands has at times made me want to gag and/or roll my eyes. Beyond that though, I do believe that people often do the best they can. I don't think people enter into relationships thinking they'll fail. Again, I think people do the best they can but sometimes their 'best' just sucks. Haha. I do believe there are some great examples of relationships out there. I have seen and witnessed a few myself. Relationships in which each are individuals but they have a loving and respectful relationship. Each has room to grow, make mistakes and try again. I do believe my ex did the best he could in the end. Again, it just wasn't good enough and he ended up hurting me a lot. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't have great examples growing up and we end up playing out the same dynamics in our own relationships. Great relationships need and crave love, respect, forgiveness, humor, flexibility and communication. Also, self-awareness is so key. If a partner doesn't have self-awareness- the relationship is in for rocky times. That was something that hindered my relationship with my ex. He lacked self-awareness and wasn't able to communicate or work on his personal challenges. He very much has a my s*** doesn't stink attitude. Above all, there are great partners and relationships to be had. They take awareness and commitment though and a lot of people shy away from this. I encourage you not to give up and become jaded though. 1
freebird31 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 (edited) I miss the last guy i was talking to so so so much, you have no idea. I hate that he has a GF because it just means we cannot be friends anymore, which just means we cant engage in the conversations that we used to have. And i miss those so much. But, at the same time... his gf looks like a great girl and i think that he is really happy. and he is such a great person, a good guy, an empathetic person and he truly cares about people, so i know in my heart that he deserves that happiness. Perhaps this girl and him are more compatible than him and I could have been, but i HATE that i never got the chance to figure that out. He has a son, and that was one of the BIG things that i got scared of. I was already still not over my ex, and the fact that he had a son just freaked me out at the time. I feel like i am in a better place to be able to adjust to that sort of situation because i liked this guy THAT much. i could have given it a try and see what its like to invite someone else into my life, as well as their son. I am only 23...so thats the part that scared me. You know. The girl he is now dating is 22 and she seems like she is ready for this situation which seems BIG to me. i just cant understand it! It was hard for me to accept the idea, to adjust to this kind of situation (dating someone with a kid) and that is a part of why i wanted to just remain friends first. What if it didnt work out? Then his poor son would have to be torn away from yet ANOTHER woman that got invited into his life, like the son was from his ex-gf (the woman he dated before me). IT was ALOT for me, and of course I ALWAYS have to consider ALL things, even the boys feelings, and MY feelings throughout all of this of course. I was already going through a tough time with getting over my ex at the time, having nightmares of my ex with other women, still pining over him. I am PASSED that now, but at the time i met the last guy, I WASNT. it was so much for me. And i truly adore the last guy i was dating, i respect him. He always cared about me, made an effort to understand me and to be there for me. and was so patient with me. I just wasnt ready and it was all too much for me. And now i see him with someone else, and i just hate myself for it. Like i said, maybe this girl is more suited bc she seems more open to the idea of him already having a child. I know that perhaps i could have adjusted to the idea, with TIME. I wanted to remain friends first and just gain eachothers trust with time, you know. BABY STEPS. I never in a million years would have thought he was going to move on so quickly. But i should have suspected it would happen eventually because he is just that great of a person. I am sad becuase i miss him so so much. I miss his genuine personality, i miss our funny jokes, our intellectual conversations, i miss the way we could be so REAL and open with another. i miss him so much. and it sucks bc all that i can do is just let him go, and let him be happy with someone else. and i really, really wonder. Maybe this girls is better for him, you know. Maybe God let this happen because it was the best thing for everyone, including him and me, even his son. I dont know. I really didnt think that he would have moved on so fast. i didn't. and i dont think i would have ever realized how i TRULY feel about him if he didnt. So, idk. Seeing him and his GF, who he has been with for a t least 6 months now, i see how much he really meant to me. I miss him so damn much. Its so hard bc i have to just give him his space. I truly with all of my heart, and I absolutely mean it when i say I want nothing more than for him to be happy. And its so so hard you have no idea, because i am positive he is happy with her. So all i can do is let him go. Damn, it hurts. I really think that I would have been able to be that person for him, and i think that he could have been the person that i needed as well. We have both been through so much, him more than I. So we truly understood one another's souls to the T. I just got so freaked out you know, who wouldn't ! I was still in love with my ex boyfriend at the time, and he had a son. I was so overwhelmed. I am so sad. i miss him everyday. He told me that "you never know what could happen in the future." but I told him that its best that we move on without holding on to that idea because its unfair to everyone in the picture. I know a lot of peopel would say that if he really liked me or wanted to be with me, he would jsut be with me instead of his GF. But this is such a unique and particular situation. He was with her for 2-3 months before I confessed my feelings to him. What is he supposed to do? Leave his GF for me? I dont think thats a smart decision on his part, you know. And him and I were never in a relationship, we were just dating casually and i was the one who couldnt commit to more. I think he should commit to the relationship he is in and live it out and see where it takes them. That would be smart. Otherwise, he would only just wonder about the other girl. So while it is true, that we never know what the future may hold, i dont want to hold onto that idea. Because from the looks of it, he is really happy, and i can foresee she might even the person he ends up with. Which is heart-breaking for me. But, i have to just keep going even tho the days seem gloomy. And all i can think about is if him and his GF dont work out, how will his son feel? and how would his son even feel about him dating another woman. Like, i just cant. For his sons sake, i do hope it works out, even though it makes me so sad bc that means him and i will never be together. I just wish God would have given me more time to figure everything out, with myself, with letting go of my ex. I hate that this guy jumped into dating someone else right after me. I wish he would have stayed single for a while at least. He told me that he is a "relationship type of guy." I honestly just translate that as him not knowing how to be alone or single. He says that his Gf just came out of left field and it just happened, he didnt plan to get into another relationship anytime soon, but it just happened. Its just frustrating because everything seems to work out for those around me, and i always get the short end of the stick, all the time. Im just so sad i just really miss him. And again, like i said...perhaps i wouldnt have realized how much he means to me if he didnt move on. Like, i had to see him with someone else to really realize how much i like him and care for him. Im sorry that it happened this way. I wish it didnt. Edited October 19, 2015 by freebird31
Throldur Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 My reply was meant for Throldur's reply/inquiry from earlier. Oops. It's hard to know. It's hard to get into someone elses head. I just thought, if she moved, then had another relationship, and came back, that she would be so over me that it wouldn't matter one way or the other what I did or didn't know. It makes it hard for me, because, now it appears that she still thinks of me, whether in a good or bad light, and that then gives me that unsettled feeling in my gut that she will try to contact me. This is exactly why I was hoping I would have been moved on with someone else by the time she returned because I would be equipped to deal with, and be in a place where I could handle her contacting me with ease. Her coming back is what I had hoped would happen for so long and now that it happened, I kind of wish that it didn't. Won't lie and say that there isn't a part of me, a big part of me, that hopes she does contact me and wants to feel things out. I guess the fact that she cared enough to do that makes me think she might care enough to reach out at some point. She hasn't forgotten about me, if she's doing this.
HurtinPDX Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Woke up crying again. I made the mistake last night of finding a pic of my ex online. I know I shouldn't have looked at it. He was out to an event only a week after dumping me, during a time I was a total wreck, begging him to contact me. The sight of him standing there chatting with a mutual friend just about killed me. We shared a life together...a huge community of friends...all these events. Now he is out there still enjoying it and I am heartbroken. That he so blithely was out and is still probably out right after dumping me (which he did in a completely cruel manner) hurts so bad. He's a narcissist and I know that now, but it still hurts. I deleted him off facebook but still have access to his pics from our mutual friends. I feel like I lost everything: my lover, my friends, my community, everything. Now I have to go to work and feel I cannot cope.
stemac Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Woke up crying again. I made the mistake last night of finding a pic of my ex online. I know I shouldn't have looked at it. He was out to an event only a week after dumping me, during a time I was a total wreck, begging him to contact me. The sight of him standing there chatting with a mutual friend just about killed me. We shared a life together...a huge community of friends...all these events. Now he is out there still enjoying it and I am heartbroken. That he so blithely was out and is still probably out right after dumping me (which he did in a completely cruel manner) hurts so bad. He's a narcissist and I know that now, but it still hurts. I deleted him off facebook but still have access to his pics from our mutual friends. I feel like I lost everything: my lover, my friends, my community, everything. Now I have to go to work and feel I cannot cope. HurinPDX my heart really goes out to you, it's terrible feeling, worse feeling you will ever have I am battling everyday with my feeling inside, inside I am crying pining for her, It's going to be very hard journey but keep remembering you not alone,post here when times get hard Ste 2
TG4MJ Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I've been single for going on two years. The break up was sudden and under odd circumstances. Odd as it may sound, I simply immersed myself in hobbies and my job to distract myself. I collect old movies on dvd I loved as a kid, lost classics if you will (so far up to about 1,200) as well as walking sticks. I make youtube videos showcasing these collections, which if monetized, actually produce extra income. I adopted two cats that I love like children and who love me back as a daddy. I work ten hour days monday thru friday and always accept Saturday evening gigs as constantly working reduces my chances and desire to over do it with alcohol and pot. Not gonna sit here and say these are surefire ways to move on, but in my case it helps and keeps me on an even keel. Still have rough days, especially saturday gigs where I have to work weddings and anniversaries. Since I stand at the entrance all night and I'm the only one there, I just get lost in personal music compilations that just help distract me and pass the time. When I have time and energy I do low intensity drills/katas with various martial arts weapons I collect. Makes for a good workout and centers me when I'm distressed. Once again, I can suggest trying these things out for yourselves, but results may vary.
singme2sleep Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 All I do is live day to day. I can't say where I'll be next week or next month. I just take it day by day. 2
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Ex contacted me yesterday. He left something at my house after we broke up and just realized it was still there. We've been in total NC since the BU 5 months ago. I responded by agreeing to send it to him as soon I had time, he thanked me, and that was the end of that. We didn't try to make any small talk or catch up and I am so thankful for that. I have no desire to know anything that's going on in his life whether it be good or bad and I don't want to share anything that's going on in mine. We ended badly and it seems like every few months I find out more and more how much he actually betrayed me. I wouldn't say him contacting me has put me back to square one or anything. In fact, it's really solidified in my mind how I feel about him. When I saw his number pop up on my phone all I felt was a vague sense of unease and a touch of nausea. I felt nothing good. No happiness, no longing. It was a relief to go back to NC. I'm feeling a bit sad today but I think that's just because when he contacted me it brought back all the painful emotions that happened around our BU. It'll pass. 1
singme2sleep Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 My roommate keeps telling me I can't go on like this, that I'm making myself sick. I wish I could snap my fingers and be "cured" but it's not possible. I miss him so much. I'm a shell.
HurtinPDX Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 HurinPDX my heart really goes out to you, it's terrible feeling, worse feeling you will ever have I am battling everyday with my feeling inside, inside I am crying pining for her, It's going to be very hard journey but keep remembering you not alone,post here when times get hard Ste Thank you. It means a lot to know someone is out there who cares! 1
BrokenManAgain Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 My roommate keeps telling me I can't go on like this, that I'm making myself sick. I wish I could snap my fingers and be "cured" but it's not possible. I miss him so much. I'm a shell.You can't be cured. But there are ways to adapt. PM me.
singme2sleep Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 You can't be cured. But there are ways to adapt. PM me. It won't let me message you, guess you haven't been on here long enough. But here is my email if you want to talk: [email protected]
Cora Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Not doing well tonight. I've been home for six weeks recovering from surgery so I've been able to cry whenever I wanted to and mope about for the most part. But I have to go back to work in the morning and I'm dreading it. I'm so depressed right now. He used to text me in the mornings to make sure I made it to work safely and to just wish me a good day. I'll no longer get those texts. I really don't like my job, but seeing his text was what brightened my day. Now I'm just going to be enduring the endless monotonous days of this job with no bright spots to help me through. There is this void, this deep dark hole where his presence once was. I hope I can keep it together tomorrow and not cry. I hate people seeing me cry. I'd rather just stay in bed forever with the covers over my head. Where no one could see me and I could just hide away from the world indefinitely.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 It's the wee hours of the morning when my alarm goes off and I'm half awake when I feel this deep ache and longing for my ex. I find myself muttering that I love him that I miss him. I feel utterly alone and vulnerable at that moment..hugging my pillow as if I were hugging him. Then I wake up and I wonder if he thinks about me at all...does he feel even a little sad? It's been about 3 weeks since he ended it and the last words he said to me were full of anger. I don't feel peace. I know we weren't right for each other but at one time he and I loved each other deeply. So..how could he go on with life without at least ending this chapter in peace. I go from remembering all the BS he put me through and I accept that he wasn't the right man for me..but then I go through periods where all I can think about is his love, his affection and how he made me feel like the most special and beautiful girl in the world. How he spoiled me on special occasions..how we physically connected better than anyone we had experienced before. He told me before that I was his dream girl come to life. And now...here we are...I'm good as dead to him. I accept that we are over but I can not stop thinking about him. Not even for one second. I try to think about the bad times..but it doesn't help. I love him and I want to stop. I need to stop..bc it's killing me inside.
StrangerThanFiction Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Still a little off balance from when my ex texted me on Saturday, but I'm getting back onto an even keel. It helps knowing that the only reason he contacted me was for a practical matter instead of him tossing out breadcrumbs, so there's none of the uncertainty of if it's him trying to mess with my head or try to get back into my life. Still, it was a pretty big shock hearing from him after so long and it brought some negative emotions back to the front of my mind that I thought I'd let go of awhile ago. I guess I still have a ways to go, yet.
TheLoveBelow92 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Just about 3.5 months post break up and only now am I starting to let go and accept things for how they are, we are not getting back together and never where, Its scary realizing how much time has passed since and ive been just as alone from day one as I am now but I haven't text her in 3 weeks and feel disappointed in myself for feeling like this for this amount of time, all our memories where many months ago and I held onto them like they where recent .... I feel defeated, I feel somewhat worthless and idiotic. now its the fear im by myself and im at the bottom of the ladder and have to start to climb a different ladder i never intended too but alone.
Wally Bee Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) I'm almost 5 weeks post B/U and 4.5 weeks of NC. Today I got an email saying that the thing I ordered for her move in gift six weeks ago is finally heading to her parents place (where she lives). She would've loved the gift and me more for paying attention to what she said had she not left me. And today I went to change the wallpaper on my phone only to find a picture of her that survived the purge. I'm indifferent-ish in my mind, but my body still feels the pain. Finding it hard to be strong today, but at least I do not have the urge to seek answers, nor reach out. I almost feel like her mom (her mom liked me a lot) will reach out to me to tell me about it. That made me fall to think a little on it and as I do have last words left, some part of me wants to impart that on her at least. Nothing terrible I assure you, but a way to clear my mind. as for the gift, I couldn't return it and i have no use for it. I forgot it for awhile until the email. It's almost like the "universe" wanted me to think about her today for some f'd up reason. I doubt she'll forget that she wanted the gift but now I hope she doesn't remember it was me who she showed that to. I dunno how I feel about it honestly. I just don't want to feel anything about it. Advice anyone? or at least some encouragement. edit: not even 5 min after posting this, I get a text message from her mom saying she (her mom) got it... she was nice enough to intercept it for me when I told her about it awhile ago. Edited October 21, 2015 by Wally Bee Yep, I was right.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I am not coping at all today. I was having a very hard time these past few days, obsessively checking my email, snooping on him on facebook with another account, etc. Then I saw him on a dating site. He said he is not looking for anything in particular, he is not looking for love for now, that Cupid can keep his arrows for now, etc. I was devastated when I saw that. I emailed him, asking for him to take me back. :( I am still waiting for his reply. I am not positive that he's gonna take me back, considering that he dumped me for the second time and his friends are being an obstacle in our relationship. But I had to do it. I could not hold myself back, and not do anything after I saw his dating profile. I don't know why though, but on his dating profile he did not put that he has a son, and his eye color is different, but I knew it is him because everything else he has written is HIM and also his username is a pun that we used to make often and his location is like within a 1km radius of where he lives so..
Candle037 Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 After 4 months NC I want to contact my ex knowing he will once again reject me as he wasn't as serious as I was!!! So frustrated
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Been feeling better these last few days. I started working out and cooking delicious healthy meals. Honestly, I think one way to help me move on a little quicker is to get sexual...with someone else. It's a thing I have to do for myself bc I haven't been with any other person since ex and I got together...4 years. I feel like I still belong to him and he belongs to me. Yes, it's juvenile and possesive but that's how I really feel. Bottom line, I need a F*ck buddy.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Been feeling slightly better today, after last night's torture with fear and panic (that he is moving on), and pain from the loneliness. I am still having moments of panic / where my heart skips a beat, every time I get a beep on my phone that I got an email -- because I assume it's him, replying. I also feel bad that he has not replied yet... but keep telling myself he has not checked his email yet (probably cos he gets work stuff, and he doesn't work Thursday-Sunday )- or maybe it's wishful thinking and he's seen my email and is not going to reply. I donno. I am doing better, but it's not to say that I am coping well. But I am telling myself that if he does not reply after that heart-wrenching email where I spilled all my feelings for him, then he does not deserve me, and he doesn't know what he's got. Then again, he didn't know it, if he dumped me TWICE. This morning I saw him online, on the dating site. It broke my heart , again, for the thousandth time. But he has not signed up as a paid member, which means he does not have the right to mssg people I think. Or maybe he does, I am not sure (gotta check the settings of the site). Anyway, i keep telling myself that maybe he is on there, looking to see if I am on there... but I have a feeling that it is wishful thinking. Or mabye he is feeling out the scene, before he gets paid membership? I donno. But why would he put wrong info about himself, if he wants something serious? So either he is just looking for sex on there, or just playing mind games with me, knowing that I will find him. Whatever the case I am sickened by this.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 22, 2015 Posted October 22, 2015 Been feeling better these last few days. I started working out and cooking delicious healthy meals. Honestly, I think one way to help me move on a little quicker is to get sexual...with someone else. It's a thing I have to do for myself bc I haven't been with any other person since ex and I got together...4 years. I feel like I still belong to him and he belongs to me. Yes, it's juvenile and possesive but that's how I really feel. Bottom line, I need a F*ck buddy. Oh yeah. I did that with my previous ex. I felt I needed it. It helped, immensely. But it also helped that he was a douche who made me feel undesired, unlike my current ex. So with my current ex, it was just horrible circumstances (and maybe a little bit of douchiness on his part) that led to tensions that led to break-ups (twice)... but it prevents me from wanting to go out and find a sex partner / do a ONS / find a f&ck buddy... I still feel that I'd be cheating on him and /or have hope that he will come back and if he does, then I can't lie and tell him I haven't been with someone else, if I have.. so I don't want to go there until I know for sure that it is over between us, forever.
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