How are you coping today?

[learnbyliving]

Felicite, maybe it will be a good thing for you, even if it will cause pain for a short time. It's great that some people are able to never look back. But I really believe for some people that it's not the healthiest option. The important thing is to be in an emotionally secure state when you do reach out (hence why NC is important, and I definitely disagree with staying in constant limited contact).

 

sing2mesleep - we were very close for 6 months. He initiated 95% of our time spent together. We even went on a weekend getaway prior to the split. The reason he broke it off is that despite being happy, he was freaked out about being in a committed relationship. He had divorced a year prior and didnt want to be committed again so soon.

 

In retrospect, I see that I was a rebound. I thought I wasn't because he dealt with the divorce by staying single for a year prior to us dating. And because he was genuinely happy with how things were going. Perhaps my experiences have made me sour, but I now think that being the first person to date someone coming out of a long term RL is risky.

[Felicite]

Felicite, maybe it will be a good thing for you, even if it will cause pain for a short time. It's great that some people are able to never look back. But I really believe for some people that it's not the healthiest option. The important thing is to be in an emotionally secure state when you do reach out (hence why NC is important, and I definitely disagree with staying in constant limited contact).

 

sing2mesleep - we were very close for 6 months. He initiated 95% of our time spent together. We even went on a weekend getaway prior to the split. The reason he broke it off is that despite being happy, he was freaked out about being in a committed relationship. He had divorced a year prior and didnt want to be committed again so soon.

 

In retrospect, I see that I was a rebound. I thought I wasn't because he dealt with the divorce by staying single for a year prior to us dating. And because he was genuinely happy with how things were going. Perhaps my experiences have made me sour, but I now think that being the first person to date someone coming out of a long term RL is risky.

 

learnbyliving thank you for reply. I will take a little more time to think about it (I remain NC like you suggested), but at some point contact will have to be made for the work project.

I find myself balancing on the edge of a blade, between anger because he degraded me and tossed me like trash and the emotions I still have for him.

If I contacted now it would be a 50-50 percent chance telling him: I still love you (unfortunately) or…. punching his nose Sooo I’ll take some more time.

 

As for your experience, I don’t think you could call it exactly a rebound. He had time to heal ( though I don't know how long his previous RS was). He hadn’t dated a year after his divorce and was showing you signs, better yet he acted like he considered you two something special, from what you are saying. Anyone would have been thinking the same thing. Mine also showed all signs of seriousness and proved it with actions also, but one fine day bailed out and now seems so degenerate that I don’t reckognise him.

I think it has to do with the fact, that they just don’t have the balls to do it, to take the next step.I agree with you though that being the first person to date someone after a serious relationship breakup has a high amount of risk.

[Quintessence]

Being in an emotionally secure state before interacting with your ex is paramount, I agree, but I think there's a twist not many people realize. And here it is... Although no contact does help us detach and regroup, although it removes the source of obsession for both parties involved, I've noticed that there's a hidden danger of being fooled about how emotionally secure we've become. Think about it - you feel great because your temptation is removed. But then suddenly, one day, that temptation is returned. You see a recent photo of your ex, or worse yet, you run into the actual person on the street, and your whole defense system collapses in a second. The walls you've built seemed high and impregnable, no contact made it seem that way, but actually they were of glass, hollow, and so they shattered. We thought the emotions were gone, but we were fooled. To see just how strong our walls are, you have to let someone attack them first; you have to put them to the test.

 

This blade cuts both ways, ladies and gentlemen. How many times have you read/heard about two ex lovers running into each other years after splitting up only for both to realize that they still had feelings for one another? Nothing can stir up old emotions like the image of a person. Many of us were used to seeing that image for years, so it's imprinted in our brain. We associate it with hundreds of memories and thoughts. It's still there, suppressed or not.

 

My point is, the real test to your emotional security will happen when and if you ever face that person in flesh again, so tread carefully. This does not mean you should avoid these situations. Just be prepared. Knowledge is power, as cliche as it sounds.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Quintessence

[learnbyliving]

Don't contact him until the angry phase is over. If someone treated me poorly I would hate to give them the satisfaction of letting them see me vulnerable.

 

Yeah it wasn't a classic rebound. I also thought it was safe since they were only married for a few months, he was strict NC with his ex wife, and never wanted back into that volatile situation. Maybe "transitional relationship" rather than rebound. I can't shake the thought that if I was not the first, we could have worked out. Instead, even though we were happy, he wants to try what else is out there.

 

Quintessence, I agree completely. That's why "never looking back" doesn't strike me as necessarily the healthiest option. In behavioural therapy, one is exposed to their fear to desensitize them. Avoiding an ex forever seems to be the opposite of that.

[Oregon_Dude]

Guys/gals, I'd be really careful about trying to intellectualize no contact, or debate it, or justify contacting your ex in any way.

 

NC is the safe way to protect your heart while you are still hurting. Any contact is just going to be self-inflicted harm. You cannot, cannot, cannot have contact while you are still hurting about someone. A year or two down the road, sure. Don't go playing with that fire right now. Trust me, you cannot handle the results.

[freebird31]

Feelin better...just trying to stay busy with work and starting to go back to my gym routine. I try not to think about it anymore, about what i saw. and i can't download my social media app right now....i cant get myself to do it. i think i will take a good long break from it. it feels better anyway to give myself some space from that whole online world. i applied for a new job (ive been at my current one for 5 years part-time while in school) i really am so ready to start something new. And i also applied for a volunteer position in my prospective career department. Im feelin a lot better about everything, about life. Next semester i will be going back to school and working towards my career goal. And im also saving up for a new car. It feels really good to make all of these goals. I find myself happiest when im keeping busy and accomplishing things. I think everything is going to be okay

[Quintessence]

I'd like to clarify something regarding my previous post. I don't advocate breaking No Contact; I believe the dumper should be the one to break it, not the dumpee. When I said that one never knows how emotionally stable one is until meeting the dumper face to face, I merely stated that as an opinion. There was no hidden advice there to break No Contact. In fact, I would never advise anyone to force a meeting with the dumper simply for the sake of testing how stable they've become. I merely wanted to stress that you never really know how over them you are (nor they you) until you find yourself back in their company. Will you ever find yourself in their company again? No one knows that.

 

No Contact is still the best way to heal. But one should always bear in mind that it's one thing to be strong when the source of your temptation is out of sight, and quite another when it's right in front of you staring you in the face. Don't overestimate your emotional stability!

Edited October 8, 2015 by Quintessence

[freebird31]

I'm so tired of everyone. Of "friends" of seeing my father drunk and passed out every single night. Of the last event with my former boyfriend. I'm so done. All of this has been so detrimental to my health and I really just want to move away. And get away from all of this drama and this city. I know I wouldnt be able to afford it though. I still have more school before I can get my career. But I'm so sick and tired. And I need to get away from everything that brings me down and all of this dysfunction. And my parents fighting every day because of my dads drinking problem. And I'm about to blow up because I really feel like I'm at my breaking point. A person has their limits. I'm so through.

[sunny2015]

It's been six days since I caught my boyfriend with his younger girl. I'm wondering how long this pain is going to be. Pople are telling me he is having a good time and letting things go that he would not most times. he is 32 yrs older than her. I wsh my mind would stopping thinking about what he did to me and please move on.

[Cupid's Puppet]

Well I got laid off today. After suffering a breakup, I am just numb to news like this. Anyway, he crossed my mind today. After dating a few others, I realized that there's a good chance I may never capture that same type of love. There is just something special about growing up with someone that could never be duplicated. You both go through the bumps of adulthood together as you transition from school to career. Everything now seems so superficial, so forced, so fake, and so manipulative. I think the memories bring me more comfort than trying to replace him with fifth best lol...because I am so undesirable I can't even get a second or third or fourth best. So at this point, I just want to be in good health. My health is everything right now.

[TunaCat]

Now that the NBA season is upon us, I know I will not be able to remain in NC with the ex. I know I'll run into him at the basketball games for our favorite NBA team. I could just walk right past him if I see him at the game, but I don't think that's necessary anymore. I feel like I could handle a short exchange of pleasantries with him. It may sting a bit, but I could handle it.

[freebird31]

I've made some pretty poor choices last year. I surely regret them. At the time I really didn't think it was going to have the impact it does now. I made these choices because I was hurt, lost and I needed anything to numb the pain. I wish I could take back the things I did because I feel like things would have been different. I really am trying to not beat myself up about losing the last guy I dated. I mean, it wasn't completely my fault. A lot f it had to do with me just not being over my ex. He's moved on to someone new now. He told me that a part of him misses me but things ended up the way they did. He said that we would have found a way we could have found a way even if I wasn't ready. A lot

Of what happened was misunderstandings. But I know better this time. I'm not going to wait for this guy i deserve more than to just continue to wait on people in hopes we will reconcile. He told me that "you never know what the future holds for us." He said it is rough because it doesn't matter who he meets, when they leave his life something is always left behind. I can understand. But I really think he should fully focus on his relationship and girlfriend. I told him that we should let go of the idea of us ever being together even far in the future, because for all we know it may never even happen. I told him that it's not healthy to hold onto those kind of false hopes for me. i believe that he should focus on his GF. And I thought that him and I could remain friends. And if anything I thought that it would be ME that it would be hard for. But it really seems like it's harder for HIM to be my friend. So I've made the choice to just give him his space. I really did think we could remain friends and I've been okay with the idea lately but all of these emotions just suddenly came out of him. I'm just going to give him space so I can just fade from his memory. I really don't know. It is probably the right thing to do for everyone anyway.

[Quintessence]

I came here to write how it still hurts, how I still can't come to terms with this new 'life' months after, but I'm not gonna do that. I'll post these ten thoughts instead. Maybe some will find it helpful; maybe they will resonate with you.

 

1) The way they broke up with you says a lot about their emotional maturity.

2) The way they conducted themselves after the breakup and during the actual breakup also speaks of their maturity and emotional stability. Analyze their actions, not their words (both during and after the breakup).

3) If you were together for a long time (years), and they kept telling you that you would grow old together, but then they bailed out and did it out of the blue, then they do not know themselves as much as you know yourself. Why? Because they promised you something they could not deliver; they promised you something they could not give; they promised this to themselves too, thinking they could deliver. A ’child’ will make such a promise, but a grown person will not. They have yet to grow up. You are a victim of their self-deception; you are a victim of them thinking they are more mature than they really are. I will repeat - they do not know themselves.

4) Compatibility is important, but even more important is emotional maturity and inner stability to make a relationship work. Emotionally stable people can and will work together to make something work. They will create a greater compatibility together. Emotionally unstable will tear down the relationship or undermine it, and they will often do it without even being aware of their actions. Worse yet, in the end they will blame it all on you, much like a child does.

5) On a subconscious level people are drawn (attracted) to people who possess traits they themselves lack. For example, an insecure person will be attracted to someone who displays a lot of inner security and stability. This is bad because the insecure person is actually using that other person to compensate for his/her own shortcomings (without even realizing it). It's a recipe for disaster because this stunts the growth of the insecure person, while the secure person is being bled dry. In essence, instead of working on yourself to eradicate your own shortcomings you use the other person as a temporary band aid. But when the resources of that support 'mine' are exhausted, when the novelty wears off, you abandon it and move on to the next mine (person), and then the next one...

6) There are people out there who deserve your unconditional love, but you don't know who they are or if the person you are with at this moment is actually one of those people. You can’t know. Therefore, don't give them your whole heart, as cruel as it may sound. It's just too risky. In fact, you don’t have to give your whole heart away at all, because if your love is strong, if your heart is big, reserve one part for yourself; the rest will be more than enough for the one you love.

7) You don't know anything. You don't know if your ex loves you, hates you, thinks about you, does not think about your, misses you, does not miss you, regrets it, does not regret it, will come back, won’t come back. You don't know if he/she is with someone else or how long it will last. You don't even know what your friends think of you, let alone your ex. You don’t know if I’m a guy or a girl pretending to be a guy. My point? Realize that you only know yourself. You can't influence others, be they friends or lovers, so don't even try (yes, you will try, and so will I, but fight that urge, restrain it as much as possible!). Instead, concentrate your energy on the one person you can influence - YOU. Everything else is just a waste of energy. It's like trying to move the Moon with your mind. It can't be done, as far as I know. But maybe try to move yourself? Then, in some way, it will appear as though the Moon itself is moving too, right?

8) Be the best you can be in every relationship, so that if it fails you are at peace knowing that you did everything to make it work.

9) Know that the future in uncertain. Because of this, don’t disregard any option – anything might happen. Don’t say second chances never work. Don’t say second chances always work. The future is open, unlike the past. The past is locked to us.

Let go of expectations, big or small. If you’re going to the store and you want to buy those sneakers you saw yesterday, know that they might have sold by now. They might be there waiting for you, they might not be there. Wait and see. My point is, be aware of both possibilities, embrace them and see how it turns out. Don’t be a slave to your expectations! By all means, dream, hope, pick the outcome you find most desirable, but be ready for any outcome.

10) Grow.

[Speirling]

Struggling with hope today. My mind is saying all the right things but my heart just isn't playing ball.

 

I'm missing him, and I believe it could have worked IF he'd been ready to do the work on himself he needs to do. (A lot of what quintessence said about emotional maturity felt very applicable). But I didn't inspire him to do that work.

 

I know from my own experience with depression and mental health issues that no one can force you to do the work, you have to be ready to. I know it wasn't my fault that he didn't get better, and that's been reiterated by the state he's in now. I have been trying to give myself a good slap and shake off the sadness and lingering hope, but not succeeding today.

 

It's over (at least for now).

 

It's that bit in the brackets I need to work on.

 

Here's hoping that seeing my best mate tonight will help me to stop the pity party!

 

Sxxx

[Chronograph]

Again I have been waking up with anxiety, thinking feverishly what his last message (which wasn't explicit) shall mean. He wants to throw me back. He wants me to think about him. Sadistic devil. But by sending me the implicit message (an old travel with my photo that he carried in his wallet) I know that HE has thought of me. That I was in HIS head. He wanted to send a message to me. Otherwise he could have just thrown it away. But he wants me to know. "I once cared about you but not anymore." The funny thing is, I haven't said or sent anything for months. And still he feels the need to reinforce the rejection and the breakup.

Why do you feel the need to emphasize it again, luv? Don't you know that only where there are doubts the crutch of emphasizing is needed?

[singme2sleep]

Struggling with hope today. My mind is saying all the right things but my heart just isn't playing ball.

 

I'm missing him, and I believe it could have worked IF he'd been ready to do the work on himself he needs to do. (A lot of what quintessence said about emotional maturity felt very applicable). But I didn't inspire him to do that work.

 

I know from my own experience with depression and mental health issues that no one can force you to do the work, you have to be ready to. I know it wasn't my fault that he didn't get better, and that's been reiterated by the state he's in now. I have been trying to give myself a good slap and shake off the sadness and lingering hope, but not succeeding today.

 

It's over (at least for now).

 

It's that bit in the brackets I need to work on.

 

Here's hoping that seeing my best mate tonight will help me to stop the pity party!

 

Sxxx

 

I'm right there with you girl. Sunday's are hard for me now because he and I always spent Sunday's together. All we can do is take it one day at a time.

[Cora]

Today I didn't do so well. In fact I did something so incredibly stupid. I caved and broke the NC. It had been over four months, but I wasn't getting any better and I had no closure from him. He just disappeared from my life without warning....no goodbye or anything. I fought the feeling for so long to tell him how I really felt and how much he hurt me. How I did not understand why he could not be honest with me and tell me he had lost interest instead of just silently moving on with someone else. I also told him that I hoped someone he cared about never did this to him. That he would never have to feel this pain. I ended the text by wishing him well and told him to take care.

 

I know that this was wrong on so many levels, but I swear it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me. I was able to get things off my chest that I had been holding on to for so long now. I did not send him that text to get a response out of him and I don't expect a response. I don't care if he thinks I'm a pathetic piece of **** or if it gave him an ego boost knowing that I still think of him. For all I know he could have blocked my number months ago and never even got the text. Frankly, I really don't care anymore. I feel at peace now and feel like I can finally start to accept that I'll never see or hear from him ever again.

 

So after four months and six days I'm starting NC all over again. But at least I feel like I can breathe again. It's been pretty draining for me. I'm just ready to move on with my life and not look back.

[Felicite]

Today I didn't do so well. In fact I did something so incredibly stupid. I caved and broke the NC. It had been over four months, but I wasn't getting any better and I had no closure from him. He just disappeared from my life without warning....no goodbye or anything. I fought the feeling for so long to tell him how I really felt and how much he hurt me. How I did not understand why he could not be honest with me and tell me he had lost interest instead of just silently moving on with someone else. I also told him that I hoped someone he cared about never did this to him. That he would never have to feel this pain. I ended the text by wishing him well and told him to take care.

 

I know that this was wrong on so many levels, but I swear it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me. I was able to get things off my chest that I had been holding on to for so long now. I did not send him that text to get a response out of him and I don't expect a response. I don't care if he thinks I'm a pathetic piece of **** or if it gave him an ego boost knowing that I still think of him. For all I know he could have blocked my number months ago and never even got the text. Frankly, I really don't care anymore. I feel at peace now and feel like I can finally start to accept that I'll never see or hear from him ever again.

 

So after four months and six days I'm starting NC all over again. But at least I feel like I can breathe again. It's been pretty draining for me. I'm just ready to move on with my life and not look back.

 

I can understand why you did it. The draining, suffocating feeling is almost unbearable. If you can breathe more freely and didn’t expect a reply, or where ok with the fact that he potentially will not respond,

I think it’s ok to do it. I’m also considering.

 

I have moved on with my life, I have remembered how to have fun. I ‘m having a good time at work, at hobbies, with friends, but even the best days I’ve had are nothing

compared to what we had, and how much happier I was with him.

Everything seems so superficial and shallow. It has absolutely no meaning. Having fun, socializing, working out is very nice, and being cool with oneself,

but all this stuff can’t even compare to being with him, to the closeness, the meaningfulness of opening up at someone and the happiness of being loved. The void can’t be filled.

[Chronograph]

I feel like I'm back at square one. Honestly. With everything. It's been 5 months now, I was doing well in summer, I was doing well in September, but now I feel like everything comes tumbling down. I feel so emotionally undermined. I feel so unstable, so weak. Everything stresses me out more than it should ... job, life, plans, hobbies, money.

 

This breakup left behind such a big emotional construction site in my life that I feel I cannot deal with it. I cannot deal with anything properly. I feel like I'm at my limit in all respects of life and I'm still not doing good enough. And a voice in my head tortures me by saying: After nearly half a year you should be doing much better! But I'm not. I'm slower than I want to be. And I hate it!

[Quintessence]

I have been tempted to break no contact many times, but I didn’t and won’t do it, and I’ll tell you why. First and foremost, I believe the dumper should be the one to break no contact. If we disregard that ‘rule’ for a moment, I think the dumpee should break no contact only if he/she has reached that coveted state where he/she no longer cares what the outcome of that contact will be. I have not reached that state yet as I still wake up with anxiety, though it’s much less intense than what it used to be; I still have passing fits of anger and disbelief; I still dwell on what I had and hope she might return to me. The irony is, when you’ve reached that coveted state of indifference I have yet to reach, you mostly likely won’t feel the need to break no contact. You will be happy with your reestablished independence. You will be yourself again.

 

I gave everything to this person I now refer to as 'my ex'. I chased after her during my entire relationship, and I hate myself for it, but I didn’t know better at the time. Am I supposed to continue chasing after her now when I do know better? This person kicked me out of her life without even trying to work things out. Worse, since then she has blocked me twice and so did her brother, even though I did nothing to provoke such reactions from either of them. So now I’m supposed to reach out to her? Once again I’m supposed to give chase? Tell me, when does the chase end? Is she a prize of some sort? Am I not a prize too?

I won’t repeat the same pattern and hope that things will have a different outcome.

And yes, by contacting them you run a high risk of boosting their ego. How do I know this? The ex before my ex, she contacted me shortly after I entered into a relationship with my current ex, and, make no mistake, it did boost my ego even though I was well over this girl.

 

Yes, by not contacting him/her you are running the risk of having your ex get over you and move on. But you know what?- I’d rather have her remember me as someone who did not fold in the end, who drew the line and stayed behind it, than as someone who kept jumping from one side of that line to the other.

 

If this person stayed with you for a long time, then you were a prize to them. Don’t devalue who you are by chasing after them. They won’t forget you. They can’t erase you, no matter how much they try. All the good that I’ve done during the relationship - I’ll let all that speak for me instead of breaking no contact.

 

In the end, I want to stress the following. I’m not saying NC is the only way as every situation is different. Heck, every ex is different. You alone must decide what to do. Each of us is the master of our own destiny.

Unlike many, I’m all for second chances. That said, to succeed in any relationship, be it with an ex or with someone new, you have to be yourself and stay yourself. Being yourself means being independent. Being yourself means being comfortable being alone. Being yourself means being the source of your own happiness in life; it means not needing your ex. You don’t NEED him/her, but WANT him/her in your life. Do you need your ex or want your ex? If you still need your ex, then you have not reached that neutral ground. Make no mistake, we are SLAVES to the things we need, no matter how good they make us feel. Don’t be a slave to your needs. Instead, be a master of your wants.

 

This post is less a message to you reader, and more a message to myself.

Edited October 12, 2015 by Quintessence

[seekingpeaceinlove]

It's been 2 weeks and I'm feeling worse every day. At any moment, it feels like I'm going to break down and cry..but it doesn't come. I can't cry. I really am in a dark place right now and I'm struggling to ask for help because I've put all my loved ones through this BS before and I don't want to bother them anymore with my baggage. Yes, it's my second f*cking time being dumped by my ex. They all knew it wasn't going to work out..hell, deep down I knew he wasn't right for me. Yet I gave it another chance bc I loved him. I still love him. That's the worst part. I was unhappy in the relationship but I stayed and kept trying to make it work.

 

In the end, he blew up at me for something and ended the relationship. He quit me cold turkey. Unlike our first break up...he ended it coldly. It was like he never really loved me. That hurts the most.

[Cora]

Yesterday was bad, but today I'm doing better. I feel at ease and for the first time I woke up this morning without him being the first thing on my mind. I was looking through old childhood photographs today and it brought me back to a happier place in time. Made me realize that I was happy before him and I will be happy again.

 

I may never understand the way his mind works or how he could have done something like this and be so nonchalant about it. I mean overall he is a decent man...he's a former marine, has a heart of gold, respectable, loves and is super close to his family, attends and supports countless charity events, goes out of his way to do things for his buddy with cancer, adores and rescues animals, always was so kind, gentle and caring with me. So how could a person like that do a 360 and disappear without explanation? How does a kind and decent man do something so hurtful? He's ten years older than me and always seemed so mature....well I guess except when it came to emotional maturity. I will just have to accept that I'll never know the answer and his doing will remain a mystery. Thinking back I realize I adored the thought of what could be, not what was. I realize now that we really weren't all that compatible. I loved his witty remarks, but I could never keep up with him in conversation. Our conversations were mostly one sided with him doing most of the talking while I listened. Whenever I did say something I was made to feel like what I said wasn't all that important. We didn't even have the same taste in movies and music wasn't much better. Perhaps it was the age difference...who knows?

 

Regardless of all that I accept him leaving me and chalk it up to a lack of compatibility. I also forgive him for what he's done. Hating him will do me no good, but bring me anguish and turmoil. Hating him would not affect him in any way...only me. Can I honestly say all my hurt and pain is gone? no, not at all. I suspect that will take some time. Can I say that thinking of him with his new girlfriend doesn't make me jealous? No, I am still very jealous that she now gets to spend time with him, have dinners with him, laugh with him, have movie nights and share a bed with him. All the things we used to do. So no, I cannot say I'm not jealous, but I guess that will lessen in time as well. I just need to think positively, concentrate on more important things and get my life back on track. Like my job interview tomorrow! I've been trying to change jobs for so long now and this could be my lucky break!

 

With everything that has happened I know I'll be ok. Everything happens for a reason and he just wasn't part of the plan. We weren't meant to be...

[freebird31]

feeling better. I have an interview tomorrow morning. I am super nervous. This will be totally something new and exactly what I need if I get the job. I will be so happy, beyond happy. Grateful, blessed. This is my chance to really take a step into change, into new things. After everything that happened with my ex and the last guy i was dating, i really need to keep myself busy. im really ready to move on. Wow what a long, long journey this has been. 2 years and 5 months now since we broke up. It took so long to get where i am finally at. And i learned A LOT of interesting things in these last 2 years. i learned a lot about myself. i have to keep pushing on and continue to grow. Im really ready for change and for new things after holding on to old things for SUCH a long time. I am sooo past ready. I really feel in my heart that if the oppurtunity came to move on into another relationship, that i can really really do it this time. and this time i mean it. The last guy i was dating was a good guy, great guy. but honestly, maybe just not the right guy for me. And it seems as tho him and his current GF look like the WAY better match than him and I could have ever been. I feel like theres someone more suited out there for me. One night about a month ago, I had a dream about this guy I met. And in the dream the guy had a dog and i love dogs. I started to pet this guys dog and then me and this guy just started to make conversation and it was cool. Anyway, it was the strangest dream in the world! And when i woke up, i really thought about it. And my ex and I were never fullly compatible. He hated the outdoors. I LOVE the outdoors: hiking and such. I love experiencing new things. I DONT want my life to revolve just around drinking every weekend with friends or my BFs friends. I want to GET out there and share adventures with my partner. And someone that loves dogs, thats a plus lol. And the last guy i dated, he wasnt like that at all! I just feel like theres someone out there more suited for me, i think. And i really needed to learn the lessons that I did from the last 2 guys in order to really be ready for the real thing. My ex wasnt the real thing, wasnt the "one." Nor was the last guy i dated. I care for the last guy immensely and if he ever needs me for anything ill be there without a doubt, in a moments need. but if im honest with myself, he wasnt right for me. Everything happened exactly as it should have. im glad. And that just means im closer to finding someone who is a right match, better match for me. I am really really ready this time. Ive never felt so ready before. I dont feel so angry anymore, hurt anymore. I just feel so dang ready to experience the next best thing that comes my way!

Oh yes, and to tie that in to the dream I had. Well, when i met this guy in my dream, it just felt so right! Because it felt like we were compatible ! In the dream, we somehow met at a baseball game with his dog LOL. And i like baseball and dogs. And it just felt so awesome. You know, to meet someone that shares the same interests as your own. I have never had that before. Its cool to date someone that has different interests, its different and its not boring because you learn new things i guess. But how cool would it be to meet someone who actually enjoys the things that you like to do. I remember once when I asked my ex to come to a concert with me for a band. He doesnt like that kind of music. In fact, I hated the music he listened to...like a lot. We were so different from each other. I remember once I asked him to go hiking with me, he didnt seem fond of the idea either, his reply being "maybe." I just want to meet someone that shares at least some of the same interests as my own. idk. Maybe that doesnt even exist. Or at least someone who is willing to try new things. I would be willing.

Edited October 14, 2015 by freebird31

[SixxChick]

7) You don't know anything. You don't know if your ex loves you, hates you, thinks about you, does not think about your, misses you, does not miss you, regrets it, does not regret it, will come back, won’t come back. You don't know if he/she is with someone else or how long it will last. You don't even know what your friends think of you, let alone your ex. You don’t know if I’m a guy or a girl pretending to be a guy. My point? Realize that you only know yourself. You can't influence others, be they friends or lovers, so don't even try (yes, you will try, and so will I, but fight that urge, restrain it as much as possible!). Instead, concentrate your energy on the one person you can influence - YOU. Everything else is just a waste of energy. It's like trying to move the Moon with your mind. It can't be done, as far as I know. But maybe try to move yourself? Then, in some way, it will appear as though the Moon itself is moving too, right?

 

I've been up and down since my rather nasty breakup from someone I should have let loose a long time ago. I let him drain me physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially. He suffered from depression, anxiety attacks and low self-esteem. I basically got the whole combo plate. I wasn't born yesterday, and I need to stop trying to figure out why I didn't heed the gazillion warning signs from the very beginning. We were together for two years, but we had known each other for about ten. Ten years ago, things were different with him. But I couldn't continue to watch him sprial downward anymore. I knew I could not fix him, but I thought I could at least help lead him to the fork in the road. All for naught.

 

Anyway, today is his birthday and I am going to keep myself occupied to the max so I don't end up obsessing about it. He's a huge Chicago Cubs fan to boot, so I know he is on cloud nine from their victory over the Cardinals yesterday. Therefore, I'm sure I will be nowhere on his brain, nor will he be missing me today. Gawd, why that is still even a thought in my head at this juncture befuddles me. I guess it is part of the coping roller coaster. That's why I like what Quintessence posted in this thread on Saturday, especially #7. I won't be trying to move the Moon today. But I will be focused on moving myself. Period.

 

Strength and honor.

[Quintessence]

Dear LS friends, I'm happy that you liked my posts so much. What I wrote I wrote from the heart. I wrote to inspire both you and myself.

But something happened a few hours ago. I got my closure. I did not search for it; it came to me. It's not a happy end, I'm afraid...but it is the end. A part of me is sad, but a part of me is finally at peace.

 

This will probably be my last post here. I have written a post explaining how I got my closure. I don't believe in fate, but the way I got my closure makes me question that belief for the first time in my life!

 

Even though I've written the post, I won't post it on the forum. If you'd like me to email you the contents of that post, you can find my e-mail address on my profile and email me, and I'll send you that story. I'm not phishing for your email addressees. I just can't post the end of my story here. I have my reasons so please don't hold it against me.

 

In any case, I wish you a good life. You are all beautiful people. You deserve a good life.

 

Bye,

 

Quintessence