How are you coping today?

[Hell Yeah]

kinda numbish non anything today. Don't know if thats a good or bad thing haha!!!

 

Funny enough i went to a clairvoyant last night, i went to the same one this time last year and that was a head f**k then, and last night wasn't much better!!

 

Yeah yeah i don't normally believe in those things either......but the details this person knew about my past, present was strange and confusing to rationalize.........maybe i gave away certain things but little things this person knew and said is impossible to know!!!

 

but yeah kinda numb today :/

[veryconfusedone]

All I want to do is get stoned and not worry about anything.

[StrangerThanFiction]

I don't care about anything anymore. I go to work every day so I can make enough money to keep my apartment so I can shut out everything as soon as I close my front door. Dealing with other people is too much to handle right now. My family and friends are worried and just won't leave me alone. And I don't care. Nothing matters. Not my ex. Not my job. Not the goals I had set for myself. Not me. Nothing. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't wake up after I go to sleep. But that would mean caring. And I don't. The wheel of my life grinds on.

[darkbloom]

I think part of coping is admitting that even though I've moved on, a part of me will always be missing. You keep that small part of me that I gave away and can never get back.

 

I'm not mad at you.

 

I don't hate you.

 

I still miss you.

 

I am ashamed of you.

 

I am disappointed in you.

 

I still wish all the best for you.

 

Iwant you to be happy.

 

I want me to be happy.

 

How can all of those conflicting statements be true at once?

 

Goodbye my love.

[Felicite]

I hope you're doing better now. I know that dreadful feeling of going backwards. I've been dealing with it for the past week or so (ever since the block). Sometimes it might seem like we're going backwards, like we're almost back at the start (emotionally), but I've discovered that it's just an illusion. When that onslaught of bad emotions passes, the foundation that we've laid and built upon during our healing will still be there. So it might seem like we're going backwards, it might seem that all we've accomplished is being dismantled, but it just appears that way; it's not true.

 

I myself am functioning. I try to finish all my daily tasks and chores, even though sometimes I lack the willpower or that positive drive. But I push myself. I push and push. I tell myself, If I don't do these chores I'm going to have two problems to deal with - the pain of my breakup and the feeling of dissatisfaction because I have not done what I planned to do.

Inside I do feel empty. And I mean really empty - like a robot. That's why I wrote 'functioning' instead of 'doing fine'.

 

We're in the same boat, so we might as well continue rowing. There's nothing else to do but keep on rowing.

 

Thank you for your reply.

Tbh, I haven’t been doing much better these days, it’s like I have fallen in a loop and I feel like I’m experiencing the first weeks of the breakup all over again, so I break down quite often. But then I get back to my senses as you say. I change moods rather fast. I hope it’s temporary.

 

I also happened to run into one of ex’s best friends at an event the other day, he seemed happy to see me, we said hallo, and then I just hugged him and left. I then had nightmares, if my ex was around, and what he’s best friend would tell him about our encounter. I’m scared they will make fun of me, and at the same time I wanted so badly to break NC and talk to my ex, because I missed him so badly.

 

What you say about the foundation is true, because when the emotions leave, and logic comes back, I can clearly see, that I am really trying and striving to heal, and I have been doing some work. I still can’t understand why I was treated this way, as I only had good feelings in my heart for him..

I’m sorry that you feel like a robot and empty inside. I know what you mean. I wish sometimes I had no emotions. Finishing chores is good and certainly keeps routine, but functioning like a robot long-term and pushing yourself I don’t think will help. I know it’s difficult, but maybe you should try to find something completely unusual or different as a hobby and try it, to get your mind of the blocking and questions of what could be going in your ex’s head.

 

I’ve tried to send you a pm, but I don’t think you can receive yet.

[finalendeavor]

Its been a while, so I thought I'd jump on and give an update. The 28th will mark three months since the BU and NC. While I still wonder if I'll ever hear from him again, and still get upset when I realize how little he would've had to care to dump me over text and never speak to me again, I'm pretty close to reaching indifference. The memories don't really have any feelings attached to them anymore. I think the situation is sad more than anything, because what could've been a beautiful relationship has been soured and perhaps possibly damaged for good. I miss the companionship, but my feelings towards him are a mixture of pity, indifference, and a general lack of respect. I no longer have the desire to reach out to him, and wonder if I'd respond if he were to reach out. I'm not entirely over it, because the idea of him with someone else still hurts, but that's about it. Even if he were to come back, his actions have kind of just killed my feelings for him.

[Quintessence]

Thank you for your reply.

Tbh, I haven’t been doing much better these days, it’s like I have fallen in a loop and I feel like I’m experiencing the first weeks of the breakup all over again, so I break down quite often. But then I get back to my senses as you say. I change moods rather fast. I hope it’s temporary.

 

I also happened to run into one of ex’s best friends at an event the other day, he seemed happy to see me, we said hallo, and then I just hugged him and left. I then had nightmares, if my ex was around, and what he’s best friend would tell him about our encounter. I’m scared they will make fun of me, and at the same time I wanted so badly to break NC and talk to my ex, because I missed him so badly.

 

What you say about the foundation is true, because when the emotions leave, and logic comes back, I can clearly see, that I am really trying and striving to heal, and I have been doing some work. I still can’t understand why I was treated this way, as I only had good feelings in my heart for him..

I’m sorry that you feel like a robot and empty inside. I know what you mean. I wish sometimes I had no emotions. Finishing chores is good and certainly keeps routine, but functioning like a robot long-term and pushing yourself I don’t think will help. I know it’s difficult, but maybe you should try to find something completely unusual or different as a hobby and try it, to get your mind of the blocking and questions of what could be going in your ex’s head.

 

I’ve tried to send you a pm, but I don’t think you can receive yet.

 

I'm sure your current mood change is temporary and that it will soon stabilize. As for running into your ex's friend, try not to think about it too much. You, like me, don't even know what your ex is thinking or feeling, let alone what kind of conversation your ex and his friend might have. Easier said than done, I know. Or you can look at that encounter from another perspective: when he mentions you to your ex, it might jolt your ex just a little. I'm not saying that it would change something for the better, but a trigger is a trigger. I know it would jolt me a little to hear of my ex and would make me think of her at that moment.

 

As for my robotic life, I didn't mean that I see it as a way of coping. I just wanted to say that we can't retreat into some hole and do nothing. We have jobs, schools or chores. Even if we don't feel like it, we have to push ourselves to finish those chores, cause life won't stop for us to get better. That's what I keep telling myself whenever I'd rather just sit and do nothing (and I often feel like that when the mood change strikes). And I do feel better at the end of the day when I sum up all I've done, small as it is.

 

I find that there are many interesting videos on YouTube geared toward helping people adopt a healthier attitude toward life in general. For example, expectations breed dissatisfaction. We expect something to happen, we cling to it, and then it doesn't happen the way we wanted, and so we get sad. Why not eliminate expectations altogether? By all means, keep an open mind (anything can happen, remember, good or bad), but don't cling to one specific outcome so as not to get disappointed. Instead, map all the possible outcomes and tell yourself: anyone of those can happen so we'll just wait and see which one comes to pass in the end.

 

Whether we like it or not, this post-breakup time is a time of rapid growth and change. I'm not the same person I was four months ago. Not even close.

 

At the moment I'm doing a little better, but I feel like this hurt inside me is asleep for now, like some giant wolf sleeping in his cave, and I know that sooner or later he will break free from those chains of slumber and go on a rampage like so many times before, tearing at me from the inside. After months of struggling I now see that it's just the way how this healing process works. Mood changes are a part of it.

 

To anyone who is reading this comment, I say: instead of trying to change how you feel about something or someone, change how you act as the result of it. If you're getting knocked down by bad feelings and can't seem to cope, do something different from what you usually do in an effort to cope. Mix it up. If you keep going left all the time, now go right for a change. Or simply get off the road altogether and create your own path. Doing nothing changes nothing, so change your attitude toward life and then see how the world adapts around you. Maybe it will be for the better. In the end, you are a part of this world. If you change, the world will change to adapt to the change that you've made.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Quintessence

[Xiomn]

Second date tomorrow, really excited. Trip to the zoo!

[Chronograph]

Struggling hard lately.

 

I miss him horribly, I even wondered if I'd ever take him back if he reached out to me and expressed a desire to get back together.

 

But I also know that I would never be someone else's second choice. I'll never be someone's option. If he wanted to be with me, I would know because he'd be back practically groveling. Not falling in love with someone else.

 

But he's not. He's happy, in love and in bliss.

 

I think that's what's hurting the most. I know for absolute certainty that I would be fine with him being with someone else if I was having any kind of success with dating. If I was happily seeing someone else, I wouldn't be struggling with his ability to find someone within weeks of our relationship ending.

 

I miss him, but I'm also angry that he's had so much luck with finding love.

 

I deserve to find someone that wants only me. I want that so much and all I seem to see around me are happy couples in love.

 

Hey Tunacat, I can relate to what you're saying! Hang in there! It will get better, it will change, you will meet someone at some point. I feel the same about myself though. All I see are happy couples in their domestic bliss, having kids and so on. Everybody has that special someone who cares about them, except me. And it's scary when you just don't know when you'll meet a new potential partner. Or the latest dating experiences were crap. It get's frustrating. I know. I feel the same. It is unsettling. And I also get the feeling how unfair it is, that our exes found new love so quickly. It is freaking unfair!

[wlh22]

I wonder why did you have to come back and ask to give another chance. I was moving on fine. The second time hurt more because how the situation really ****ed up. and how it felt insulting. I want to say you loved me but I don't think you did.

[Felicite]

Hey Tunacat, I can relate to what you're saying! Hang in there! It will get better, it will change, you will meet someone at some point. I feel the same about myself though. All I see are happy couples in their domestic bliss, having kids and so on. Everybody has that special someone who cares about them, except me. And it's scary when you just don't know when you'll meet a new potential partner. Or the latest dating experiences were crap. It get's frustrating. I know. I feel the same. It is unsettling. And I also get the feeling how unfair it is, that our exes found new love so quickly. It is freaking unfair!

 

It does seem so freakin unfair, doesn't it?? All I see is friends coupling, getting married and having kids. It seems when you’re in so much pain, everybody else is in heaven and you can’t understand why this is happening to you only.

But then, I try to not compare myself to other people.

 

As for today, I feel soooo pathetic and weak. The more barriers and resistance I try to put to protect myself, the more I think about him non-stop.

I so want to tell him that I still want him. Ugh. Mood swings are so intense these days, that I can’t even guarantee myself that I will hold. Is this a normal breakup stage, or am I derailed or something?

I don’t know what to make of it.

Edited September 28, 2015 by Felicite

[NVO]

I accidentally saw a picture of my ex yesterday on Facebook. I was scrolling through the likes of a post from one of my best mates, and there she was. My heartbeat went through the roof and I felt the same stress like when she contacts me. I did resist the urge to check out her profile though, I know that will only end badly.

 

I wonder if this kind of reactions will ever change...

[jen_r]

How much longer can I sit here and wonder what I did to deserve to be treated like such crap? He didn't even have the guts to tell me the truth. All I know is that I will never treat someone who loves me with such disrespect. I dont care if I've fallen out of love with you, I will never walk all over someones true genuine feelings. It's cruel and down right heartless.

 

I hate him for what he's done to me and I fear I will never move on because it is impossibly hard for me to let people into my life and I just feel that I have nothing to offer. I barely have friends or a social life...who wants that?

 

I have zero coping skills. Heres to another day of wallowing in my own *****.

[Quintessence]

I am feeling sad. It has become an ever present feeling - a sense of deep loss and cruel abandonment. Those strong feelings of anger and hurt have all but burned out in the last couple of weeks. Now bare sorrow remains, like an unwanted companion; it dogs me everywhere I go. Whenever memories of the past break through my mental barriers, disbelief has me back in its cold grip. Those two people - once my girlfriend and now my ex - they are worlds apart.

People don't change? I don't agree. I dare you to do something... Remember one moment from your relationship when you KNEW without a doubt that your ex loved you or that you meant the world to that person, if only for that moment in time. That one pure moment when there was no doubt in your mind. Now compare that crystal clear moment to the moment they told you to leave their life. People don't change? Those two people are NOT the same person.

I for one remember a moment when my ex was mortally afraid that I would break up with her. I had never seen her so distraught. I had never seen her so emotional. And then I remember the moment she broke my heart, unafraid of losing me. Was that the same person? Not likely.

I often wish I had a video of the actual break up, then go back in time and play it to that other person, just to see the look on her face. I dare say that other person would be horrified and shocked. So yeah, people do change. Sometimes they change for the better, and sometimes for the worse. The person you loved is long gone. Someone else/something else rules in her place.

 

As days go by my hope dies little by little. This sense of loss will stay with me even after all else has faded into oblivion. I still love her. I love her because of all those boxes she managed to tick. It's not just desire. It's not just the fear of being alone. I loved the person she was. I loved her personality. She was my ONLY friend, my only close friend, so I lost two people that day. A new relationship with someone else (at least at the start) can never compare to years of friendship, support and closeness - no matter how incredible the new person is. You can't just replace that over night. It took years to build that. There's no going around that fact, ladies and gentlemen. Chances are, you will fall in love again, but a new relationship can never compare (not at its start) to the one that took years to develop.

 

In the end, here is a verse I wrote. I can't send it to you, my love, because it would only expose my hurt and give you more power, so I'll just share it here on LS.

 

My wounds have morphed into scars

Lessons of life carved in pale skin

One of them I’m sad to call ours

No longer does it bleed out...but still bleeds within

Edited September 28, 2015 by Quintessence

[Chronograph]

It does seem so freakin unfair, doesn't it?? All I see is friends coupling, getting married and having kids. It seems when you’re in so much pain, everybody else is in heaven and you can’t understand why this is happening to you only.

But then, I try to not compare myself to other people.

 

As for today, I feel soooo pathetic and weak. The more barriers and resistance I try to put to protect myself, the more I think about him non-stop.

I so want to tell him that I still want him. Ugh. Mood swings are so intense these days, that I can’t even guarantee myself that I will hold. Is this a normal breakup stage, or am I derailed or something?

I don’t know what to make of it.

 

It has to do with our perception though, I think. If we want something because we lack it, if we turn our focus to something (i.e. happy relationship, happy couples) then suddenly we'll see them everywhere. It's a weird thing. Sometimes I force myself to really look around and ALSO notice the people who are on their own. They are out there too. This forum is full of them. And who knows how many people you pass by in the street are heartbroken like us right now? (And who knows how many of those happy couples are actually acting out a play in front of friends?! I mean that happens a lot. And then suddenly they break up and you go: wtf, I thought you were an absolute dream team.)

[Chronograph]

I'm feeling nothing right now. Went back to the city where we used to live together for a work trip. At first it stirred me up but as the days passed I also remembered the frustrating bits in the end of our relationship. And being in this place felt normal (because I was so used to it for years) but not painful. I also saw the disadvantages again, I didn't feel an immediate urge to go back there. Today I even came across some old photos of my ex on my phone and I looked at them and I felt nothing. Nothing! What's going on? Am I over it?

 

I wouldn't have liked to run into him. I would have just run away. And I don't want to contact him, or him to contact me, cause I couldn't deal with his news or anything. But ... feeling nothing right now, in the face of our old hometown and in the face of his pictures makes me think I must have made a step towards recovery. (Or I'm just numb.)

[Felicite]

I am feeling sad. It has become an ever present feeling - a sense of deep loss and cruel abandonment. Those strong feelings of anger and hurt have all but burned out in the last couple of weeks. Now bare sorrow remains, like an unwanted companion; it dogs me everywhere I go. Whenever memories of the past break through my mental barriers, disbelief has me back in its cold grip. Those two people - once my girlfriend and now my ex - they are worlds apart.

People don't change? I don't agree. I dare you to do something... Remember one moment from your relationship when you KNEW without a doubt that your ex loved you or that you meant the world to that person, if only for that moment in time. That one pure moment when there was no doubt in your mind. Now compare that crystal clear moment to the moment they told you to leave their life. People don't change? Those two people are NOT the same person.

I for one remember a moment when my ex was mortally afraid that I would break up with her. I had never seen her so distraught. I had never seen her so emotional. And then I remember the moment she broke my heart, unafraid of losing me. Was that the same person? Not likely.

I often wish I had a video of the actual break up, then go back in time and play it to that other person, just to see the look on her face. I dare say that other person would be horrified and shocked. So yeah, people do change. Sometimes they change for the better, and sometimes for the worse. The person you loved is long gone. Someone else/something else rules in her place.

 

As days go by my hope dies little by little. This sense of loss will stay with me even after all else has faded into oblivion. I still love her. I love her because of all those boxes she managed to tick. It's not just desire. It's not just the fear of being alone. I loved the person she was. I loved her personality. She was my ONLY friend, my only close friend, so I lost two people that day. A new relationship with someone else (at least at the start) can never compare to years of friendship, support and closeness - no matter how incredible the new person is. You can't just replace that over night. It took years to build that. There's no going around that fact, ladies and gentlemen. Chances are, you will fall in love again, but a new relationship can never compare (not at its start) to the one that took years to develop.

 

In the end, here is a verse I wrote. I can't send it to you, my love, because it would only expose my hurt and give you more power, so I'll just share it here on LS.

 

My wounds have morphed into scars

Lessons of life carved in pale skin

One of them I’m sad to call ours

No longer does it bleed out...but still bleeds within

 

 

So sorry you are feeling this hurt. It’s really hard to replace years and years of closeness and intimacy with one person, with someone new.

I dread the moment I will have to start to get close with a new person, and all the emotional baggage and hurt from the last breakup that I will have to overcome.

 

This person that was your girl got up and left, and has now become a complete stranger. Try to think of what were your dreams for this relationship, and then compare it to this new person you see in front of you, or the negative aspects your ex had.Even if he/she ever came back, would he ever be able to persuade you that he /she can fulfil your dreams? Trust is broken.

Also, statistically speaking, people who run out of LT relationships, do start having second thoughts at some point because they find out that the grass is not always greener on the other side. So don’t be too surprised, she might someday have second thoughts and come back. It’s your job then to be able to be centered and to protect yourself. Always remember your dreams and judge if this person can contribute to them. They’re sort of like a beacon, keeping you from faltering.

 

I'm feeling nothing right now. Went back to the city where we used to live together for a work trip. At first it stirred me up but as the days passed I also remembered the frustrating bits in the end of our relationship. And being in this place felt normal (because I was so used to it for years) but not painful. I also saw the disadvantages again, I didn't feel an immediate urge to go back there. Today I even came across some old photos of my ex on my phone and I looked at them and I felt nothing. Nothing! What's going on? Am I over it?

 

I wouldn't have liked to run into him. I would have just run away. And I don't want to contact him, or him to contact me, cause I couldn't deal with his news or anything. But ... feeling nothing right now, in the face of our old hometown and in the face of his pictures makes me think I must have made a step towards recovery. (Or I'm just numb.)

 

Numbness is sort of that you have accepted the pain. Maybe at some other time, when you are feeling more vulnerable, you will be feeling sad and hurt again. I don’t think you could say you are over it ( I hope that it is the case though, because it could be a step forward).

I also experienced numbness, but it was more like the pain had dulled and went to the background, because I couldn’t be all the time at a groveling state.

 

Today I ‘m feeling a bit better, had a really good time with friends yesterday, and although I also feel a bit numb, I keep in mind that maybe my ex is not having such a super-fantastic time as I suppose, and running away from his problems is not going to help him. Instead I am dealing with mine with efficiency and learning from the process. Who will be better on the long run? We'll see.

Edited September 29, 2015 by Felicite

[Mrlonelyone]

For some reason all I can think about is how lonely I feel and how it seems like I keep picking the wrong people to try to have a relationship with.

[unluckycharms]

I don't have family I can turn to, so when I can't spend time with friends or distract myself with work I cuddle and spoil my pets. It makes me so happy to see them happy and know that I can make someone feel loved. They mean more than anything to me right now.

[Reiben17]

Just wish so much that i could scrape him off my mind,

Remove him from my thoughts,

Like i know I'm not in his.

[Draper]

I'm feeling a little lost today. I wish I could get some kind of answers. I know I'll never have 'closure' but a part me wants so badly for her to admit that she left so she could party. That she left so she could be with him. I want to know why or how she could sit there and tell me she saw a future with me before she left.

 

It's been over two weeks since we've spoken, which I'm proud of. I want to make myself a better person physically and mentally stronger, so I can make sure that I never let a girl walk all over me like this again. I know it's over, but this small part of me deep down holds onto hope that I'll come home one day and find her waiting by my door wanting another chance. I know it could never work, not after everything she's done to me, but I can't seem to shake that little ounce of hope.

 

I've never loved someone quite like I loved her. Not my family, not my friends, certainly not myself. Maybe that's part of my problem, but I feel like I lost such a big part of myself when she left. As if she took part of me to this new 'relationship' or whatever she has going on. She knew it would crush me, but it doesn't seem like she cares. It almost felt like she threw this guy in face after the fact despite her telling me how much she loves me and that our 'break' wasn't forever. I just wish she wasn't so cowardly.

 

I realize she was probably trying to save my feelings but when your lied to and inevitably find out the truth, the hurt is tenfold. I sometimes feel like I'm stuck here, not knowing what to do or where to go with myself because I lost the only thing I can say I truly cared about. It's hard not to blame myself, despite knowing she was the problem.

[Quintessence]

So sorry you are feeling this hurt. It’s really hard to replace years and years of closeness and intimacy with one person, with someone new.

I dread the moment I will have to start to get close with a new person, and all the emotional baggage and hurt from the last breakup that I will have to overcome.

 

This person that was your girl got up and left, and has now become a complete stranger. Try to think of what were your dreams for this relationship, and then compare it to this new person you see in front of you, or the negative aspects your ex had.Even if he/she ever came back, would he ever be able to persuade you that he /she can fulfil your dreams? Trust is broken.

Also, statistically speaking, people who run out of LT relationships, do start having second thoughts at some point because they find out that the grass is not always greener on the other side. So don’t be too surprised, she might someday have second thoughts and come back. It’s your job then to be able to be centered and to protect yourself. Always remember your dreams and judge if this person can contribute to them. They’re sort of like a beacon, keeping you from faltering.

 

Today I ‘m feeling a bit better, had a really good time with friends yesterday, and although I also feel a bit numb, I keep in mind that maybe my ex is not having such a super-fantastic time as I suppose, and running away from his problems is not going to help him. Instead I am dealing with mine with efficiency and learning from the process. Who will be better on the long run? We'll see.

 

Thank you Felicite for your kind and compassionate response. I'm happy that you're feeling a bit better. Whatever my future may hold, I'll make sure to come back here and share it with the others once that future becomes the present. As for your ex, I think you are in the right mindset. So often we cling to that picture of our ex having a blast. It's funny how humans tend to gravitate toward the extremes, isn't it? Especially those negative extremes. Also, we often tend to crave what we don't have in our life (not talking about losing someone and then craving that person, but craving something that is new and exciting). We crave it to the point of becoming obsessed with it, but often, when we do get it, we realize that 70 percent of our high was not that person/thing that we initially craved to have. On the contrary, our mind blew the whole craving out of proportion, so in the end, once the chase was over, the reward fell short of what we wanted. The thrill of the chase made us drunk. When we got what we wanted, we had nothing, because the chase, the real source of our thrill, was gone. Our mind had idealized the object of our chase and made it into something it is not. So we are now left with nothing. I believe many exes fall prey to this spiritual malady. Like I've said, we humans tend to gravitate toward the extremes.

[Chronograph]

Numbness is sort of that you have accepted the pain. Maybe at some other time, when you are feeling more vulnerable, you will be feeling sad and hurt again. I don’t think you could say you are over it ( I hope that it is the case though, because it could be a step forward).

I also experienced numbness, but it was more like the pain had dulled and went to the background, because I couldn’t be all the time at a groveling state.

 

Yeah, I don't think I'm over it. That would be breakneck speed. We're going through different phases. Waves. But this numbness is really interesting. Looking at old pictures and feeling absolutely nothing. I'm sure if I'd see a new picture of him, or of him and his new girlfriend, that would turn my stomach around. So it's weird that I feel nothing when looking at old pictures.

[singme2sleep]

I had a very tough day. I started my new job and the whole damn time all I thought about was my ex. I was resisting the urge to break NC and it was eating away at me. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

[Calidude6]

I'm thinking about my mistakes I made that probably are the reasons she left me for another guy and it just sucks. Why does my mistakes haunt me? Why do I have to lose my best friend the girl I wanted to marry because of my tiny mistakes? Easy to fix but she gave up and went somewhere else.

 

I wish I never made me these stupid little mistakes. I wish I didn't take her for granted. I'm sorry I wasn't really thinking I guess. I miss you, hope you're happy. :/