Draper Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Today was good and bad. I didn't have a ton of sadness most of the day. Anger and indifference. Right now I'm trying to get the thought of her being with someone else out of my head. I can't wait to come out on the other side of this.
lowercasegravy Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 It's been a week, but I think it's slowly getting better. I'm just bored and lonely now.
freebird31 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Doing well again. Just have to remain strong. I have come so far. I truly wonder sometimes why things happened the way they did sometimes. I just really really wonder, you know. I mean, maybe some things happened for the best. Maybe it is true that people were removed from my life by God because he knew I would never remove them myself. And maybe because he wants something much better for me. I have to believe that, and i do believe it. I just really wonder. I know that it could be that everyone is fighting their own battle. But i cannot help but look at my cousin and his GF, or even others who seem to not know what pain is, or heartbreak is, what losing someone feels like. I have lost so much, and im not playing victim i am no longer crying out in pain anymore asking "why, why!" Im done with that. I just wonder sometimes why it happened. I mean, it did make me so much stronger. And i am not just saying that, just to make myself feel better. I feel so much stronger now, i can feel strength within me. I know this because when i go through trials now and difficult times, i can now manage to get through them, and its not that it necessarily hurts less, its just that i can really handle the pain now. Things that are really little and small, are probably things that would have been huge and would have torn me apart. I mean if these trials in my life were set up for me to acquire strenght, i would say that i have become a little stronger. I do get lonely sometimes, i wont lie. I know that certain things that have happened. And certain people that were removed from my life were probably for the best. Like my best friend, or my once-best-friend. I know that we were better apart, than being friends. But i really feel like after all of this time (1-1/2 years) that we could be friends again someday. Or perhaps not, i dont know. But if did happen, i would be open to it. I do miss her sometimes. But i do know for that time period, we were better off not being in eachothers life. And i ended up meeting some pretty great friends, what a blessing right. It must be a blessing that i met these new friends (my two good girl friends). We confide in each other for the most part. I do miss my best friend though a lot, and i miss our friendship. Theres just certain things that our friendship had that i dont think ill ever find in another friendship. If it were to happen where we met again, and the circumstances were different, I would be open to a new start. But if it didnt happen, i would be completely okay with that too. This is one of those things that I just leave with God. As for my ex, my first love. I really wonder about this one. This trial was much harder and much more painful on the heart. it really did feel like i was broken. My ex isnt a bad person, and he was never a bad guy, ever. In fact, he had a pretty good heart. And he was a sweet person, his heart meant well. I know that he left me with so many questions and so much to wonder about. I know that this is because he doesnt know how to handle the situation and so he avoids it instead. My ex was never a bad guy, or did anything to wrong me ever during the relationship, or even after. He just did some things that i really wish he had done differently. And he avoids the situation, and ignored my message. It has been so long, and i have come to terms with the situation. I will not lie though, this one was a lot harder to accept, is a lot harder to accept. Esp since he never did anything to really wrong me, i know he just made mistakes because he was confused and immature. I have to find the strength in me to one day move on. I really do. I have to. Its funny because with my best friend, i know that God removed her from my life because it was emotionally draining me and perhaps he wanted me to meet better friends. But as for my ex, i am not too sure why he want to remove him from my life as he wasnt a bad person. I dont really know. I just pray to give me strength to move on. This last guy i met. We had crazy chemistry, had intellectual conversations. Had DEEP conversations about anything and everything. We shared many things with eachother and were always so open. It ended before it ever got too serious. With this situation, i really do feel in my heart like God didnt let this situation happen for some kind of reason. I really really believe that. He is now with someone else. Perhaps this other girl is better for him, and God wants her for him, i am not sure. I will say towards the end, i fought hard for this guy so that he knew how i felt. I really fought so that he could know how much i liked him. I really believe that God didnt want us to be together for some kind of reason. its just so crazy because I believe and know that God removed my once-best-friend and the last guy I was dating from my life for the better. But i still am not too sure why God would want me to hurt so much over my ex. I will try my very best to have courage to move on, but when i think back at all the memories between my ex and I, the good outweighs the bad by a million, even to this day. I just need to pray for some strength and some guidance and most importantly, for peace. I just wish i could understand, you know. I really would love to one day love again and move on. But it is so hard it is so hard when you dont have answers and nothing really makes sense to this day. And you can try to have courage, shoot you can even just have courage and you can have strength but sometimes maybe thats not enough. I cant understand it sometimes. I can just give it to time and to God.
freebird31 Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Ill never forget when my and my ex were walking together, holding hands. And we ran into some of his friends. They approached us and greeted my ex. My ex introduced me as his girlrfriend. And then they told me "He always talks about you!" I remember laughing, feeling so shy and flattered and I looked at my ex and he was so embarassed and smiling and tried to deny it haha. I really thought that they were just trying to be nice. But about a month or so later when I went to go visit my ex at his school, i met his other friend for the first time and he told me "He always talks about you. Hes always saying 'my girfriend this, my girlfriend that.'" I looked at my ex, and he tried to just shake his head in a shy and embarrased way. The second time that I heard this, I knew that there was no way that his friends hyped it up. I think my ex really had a lot of love for me, i felt it. I know he really cared about me too. We really had a lot of love for each other. I never really knew that he talked about me that much to his friends tho, that was really flattering. Just a sweet memory.
Hell Yeah Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Been feeling generally OK, but today its been s**t...... Its my ex's daughters birthday outing today I was meant to be going, and take them all there in the car and make a day of it..... I found the place that they are going to today, i mean its the most quirkiest place ever (its a cat cafe) so being that her daughter loves cats, I found this place and the rest is history. She was so happy that i found it, so i guess today i feel a little bit happy also being that my ex's daughter will enjoy that experience that i help create but still sucks
supermaddud Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 My ex is going to uni tomorrow, I know that she will be meeting new people. It's been getting me down that she will most likely forget about me. I don't know, I'm just hoping now to be able to talk to her, I never got any true closure and it hurts.
freebird31 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Spirits are low today. Just trying to get through the day. Lately for the past few months I feel myself drifting from my closest friend. He is hanging out with his other friends more and his boyfriend which is cool. I don't care. But I did tell him I wanted to hang out with him, just us two, one time before he leaves to school. Well I reminded him a few times . And still he never made the time to see me. After a while I just gave up. I've known him for about 12 years now. I know we have been drifting lately. And that's fine I really don't care that he has his own life but all I wanted was to hang out one last time. Now I saw a picture of him with his two other girl friends. I'm just like whaaaat. Trying not to let this bother me but gosh i feel like these kinds of things always seem to occur with me. I mean whatever it's not a big deal just going to brush it off. Lol.
freebird31 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 Maybe I just depend on friends too much. I don't know what my problem is haha. Maybe I'm to sensitive. Haha I swear this is the same exact thing that happened with my other "best friend" except she was just straight up a bad friend. I know my friend is just busy with his own life but just make sure to not completely forget about the people who had your back since day 1. Ha cuz you might need them one day just saying
Calidude6 Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 I don't know anymore. Too many up and down days. Today is a down day because I woke up thinking too much. She left me for another man, cheated or not, I never saw it coming. So as I keep thinking about it and missing her and our lives together, I ask myself. Did I love her enough? I feel I took some things for granted and I didn't love her as much as I could of shown. I kept a lot of things inside and I wish I didn't. Maybe if I loved her more she wouldn't leave me for another guy. I'm sorry, wish I knew this so I wouldn't of lost her. Oh well, I'm learning and learning not to make the same mistake again. I miss my best friend and the one I cared and love for. I just want to go back to the good times with her. We didn't even have bad times, that's the weird part. I just didn't show her enough affection. I still love you but I'm also living without you fine. I just have my bad days. I miss you and our great friendship. Maybe one day you'll realize you made a mistake but that might be too late for me. Feelings have left me, just not all of it yet. Ugh.... It sucks making mistakes and losing someone cause of it.
Felicite Posted September 21, 2015 Posted September 21, 2015 (edited) Today is a hard day. I have to do a million stuff that I don’t like, and I am thinking about him all day, and crying occasionally (although in strict NC and not knowing what he’s up to), I can’t stop my mind from thinking about him. Feeling like I’m going backwards, cause I miss him more than before, and feeling like NC is definitely not helping. Don’t know how to get through this. Edited September 21, 2015 by Felicite
Hell Yeah Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 not too bad today ish.... After a message from my ex and one from her kid on Friday....Her daughter sent me a lovely message but it hurt more to be honest as I could tell she missed me and she knows I miss her. So I thought to myself...... I've decided to and have deleted/deactivated all my social apps i.e. Twitter, Snapchat, Whatsapp etc its time I closed away from all that easy access of contact and actually put myself in real NC and move forward
Xiomn Posted September 22, 2015 Posted September 22, 2015 (edited) So I was supposed to have a date with someone last Sunday just gone, ended up going to the meet up place as planned at the time agreed upon, waited for 20 minutes but she didn't show up so I left thinking she had stood me up. Not long after I get home I get a message from her and she thought I stood her up as apparently she got the time wrong even though we agreed upon a time and you only had to scroll up the text messages for literally one second to see which I thought was a bit suspicious. Nevertheless, unsure as to whether she was serious or messing me about I gave it another go and we rescheduled for the next day at the same time. This time she showed up and we ended up going to a lovely cafe in the middle of a big park then later strolling through the park together getting to know each other. I told her I hadn't eaten all day as of yet and so she wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat, despite not wanting to eat herself which I felt bad about but ended up going to a pub together and me eating food while continuing to getting to know each other as she pinched a few of my chips I guess it feels nice knowing she cares about me that I hadn't eaten all day yet and wanted me to get food despite not wanting any food herself, but I felt bad for ordering food while she just sat there without any herself. All in all the date lasted 3 hours which I was surprised about since it was my first ever date. (if you don't count date nights with my ex while I was in a relationship with her). Turns out it was her very first date too. After the stroll in the park I was planning on taking her home but she brought up the idea of showing her around the city as she is from the south and moved far away up north and didn't know the place well at all. I took it as a good sign she was enjoying my company. There were a few awkward silences to be honest which I felt bad about but coming to think about it I imagine it must be very hard to continue talking non-stop to someone for 3 hours straight. Stupidly for some reason I didn't go for a hug or anything after the end of the date like I did at the start of the date, I kind of regret that as I wanted to show I had a good time but nevertheless I asked whether she would be up for another date some time in the future and she told me to text her. Got home, told her how much fun I had on the date and the following day (today) set up the second date which we will be going to a Zoo this coming Saturday. When I inquire as to whether she wants to meet up again on a certain day, or go to a particular place she usually responds with 'yeah sure' which doesn't really sound that enthusiastic but nevertheless it seems she is interested otherwise she wouldn't agree to a second date. Just need some advice on how to go about testing the waters in terms of kissing/holding hands. Do I go for an attempt to hold hands with her while at the zoo and immediately ask her if it's okay if we hold hands? Do I kiss her and say is that alright or do I ask if I can kiss her before I actually kiss her? Edited September 22, 2015 by Xiomn
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Feeling depressed today. I feel like I will never meet anyone and that my life will amount to nothing but loneliness and regret over things I haven't done. I'd be okay with being single for the rest of my life as long as I had a solid group of friends around me and a fulfilling life, but as it stands right now most of my friends are spread out and hours away from where I live and my job leaves little time for anything besides work. I don't know what to do.
Quintessence Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Today is a hard day. I have to do a million stuff that I don’t like, and I am thinking about him all day, and crying occasionally (although in strict NC and not knowing what he’s up to), I can’t stop my mind from thinking about him. Feeling like I’m going backwards, cause I miss him more than before, and feeling like NC is definitely not helping. Don’t know how to get through this. I hope you're doing better now. I know that dreadful feeling of going backwards. I've been dealing with it for the past week or so (ever since the block). Sometimes it might seem like we're going backwards, like we're almost back at the start (emotionally), but I've discovered that it's just an illusion. When that onslaught of bad emotions passes, the foundation that we've laid and built upon during our healing will still be there. So it might seem like we're going backwards, it might seem that all we've accomplished is being dismantled, but it just appears that way; it's not true. I myself am functioning. I try to finish all my daily tasks and chores, even though sometimes I lack the willpower or that positive drive. But I push myself. I push and push. I tell myself, If I don't do these chores I'm going to have two problems to deal with - the pain of my breakup and the feeling of dissatisfaction because I have not done what I planned to do. Inside I do feel empty. And I mean really empty - like a robot. That's why I wrote 'functioning' instead of 'doing fine'. We're in the same boat, so we might as well continue rowing. There's nothing else to do but keep on rowing. 1
CT98 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) So I was supposed to have a date with someone last Sunday just gone, ended up going to the meet up place as planned at the time agreed upon, waited for 20 minutes but she didn't show up so I left thinking she had stood me up. Not long after I get home I get a message from her and she thought I stood her up as apparently she got the time wrong even though we agreed upon a time and you only had to scroll up the text messages for literally one second to see which I thought was a bit suspicious. Nevertheless, unsure as to whether she was serious or messing me about I gave it another go and we rescheduled for the next day at the same time. This time she showed up and we ended up going to a lovely cafe in the middle of a big park then later strolling through the park together getting to know each other. I told her I hadn't eaten all day as of yet and so she wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat, despite not wanting to eat herself which I felt bad about but ended up going to a pub together and me eating food while continuing to getting to know each other as she pinched a few of my chips I guess it feels nice knowing she cares about me that I hadn't eaten all day yet and wanted me to get food despite not wanting any food herself, but I felt bad for ordering food while she just sat there without any herself. All in all the date lasted 3 hours which I was surprised about since it was my first ever date. (if you don't count date nights with my ex while I was in a relationship with her). Turns out it was her very first date too. After the stroll in the park I was planning on taking her home but she brought up the idea of showing her around the city as she is from the south and moved far away up north and didn't know the place well at all. I took it as a good sign she was enjoying my company. There were a few awkward silences to be honest which I felt bad about but coming to think about it I imagine it must be very hard to continue talking non-stop to someone for 3 hours straight. Stupidly for some reason I didn't go for a hug or anything after the end of the date like I did at the start of the date, I kind of regret that as I wanted to show I had a good time but nevertheless I asked whether she would be up for another date some time in the future and she told me to text her. Got home, told her how much fun I had on the date and the following day (today) set up the second date which we will be going to a Zoo this coming Saturday. When I inquire as to whether she wants to meet up again on a certain day, or go to a particular place she usually responds with 'yeah sure' which doesn't really sound that enthusiastic but nevertheless it seems she is interested otherwise she wouldn't agree to a second date. Just need some advice on how to go about testing the waters in terms of kissing/holding hands. Do I go for an attempt to hold hands with her while at the zoo and immediately ask her if it's okay if we hold hands? Do I kiss her and say is that alright or do I ask if I can kiss her before I actually kiss her? This sounds really good mate. It's hard to convey emotion through text, so don't take her 'yeah sure' as not being enthusiastic, she's agreeing to see you which is the main thing, you'd soon know if she wasn't interested. As for the kissing/holding hands bit. Test the waters a bit at the zoo, place your hand on her back when you're looking at something, be a bit cheeky. I always find it harder to keep my hands off a women if I'm attracted to her than working out ways to touch her I think it's quite normal for the women to expect a kiss of the second date though. How long have you been single? Edited September 23, 2015 by CT98
Xiomn Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 This sounds really good mate. It's hard to convey emotion through text, so don't take her 'yeah sure' as not being enthusiastic, she's agreeing to see you which is the main thing, you'd soon know if she wasn't interested. As for the kissing/holding hands bit. Test the waters a bit at the zoo, place your hand on her back when you're looking at something, be a bit cheeky. I always find it harder to keep my hands off a women if I'm attracted to her than working out ways to touch her I think it's quite normal for the women to expect a kiss of the second date though. How long have you been single? True, her agreeing to meet up with me is the main thing. I like the idea of putting my arm around her or something when looking at animals and see how she responds. I've been single for just over 2 and a half months now, I'm over my ex and enjoying spending time with someone else as I've never been on a date with anyone else before so this is all new to me and exciting.
CT98 Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 True, her agreeing to meet up with me is the main thing. I like the idea of putting my arm around her or something when looking at animals and see how she responds. I've been single for just over 2 and a half months now, I'm over my ex and enjoying spending time with someone else as I've never been on a date with anyone else before so this is all new to me and exciting. Right on! Glad you're enjoying your new found freedom. Just be careful that it's not a rebound, not necessarily saying it is. I know myself from experience that you can get over someone that quickly. My first girlfriend treated me so badly that when she finally dumped me it only took me a month to realise how great it was to not be with her anymore. 1
15Love Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 When I inquire as to whether she wants to meet up again on a certain day, or go to a particular place she usually responds with 'yeah sure' which doesn't really sound that enthusiastic but nevertheless it seems she is interested otherwise she wouldn't agree to a second date. Just need some advice on how to go about testing the waters in terms of kissing/holding hands. Do I go for an attempt to hold hands with her while at the zoo and immediately ask her if it's okay if we hold hands? Do I kiss her and say is that alright or do I ask if I can kiss her before I actually kiss her? Don't forget she might be tryign to play it cool too. Can you imagine if you asked her to meet up and she said "YES!" Wouldn't that make you uneasy having just met her? Remember, you didn't give her a hug when you wanted to. Cut her a little slack As for holding her hand, don't ask. Just do it. If she doesn't want to she'll find a way out of it. Honestly, I doubt any girl would go on a date with someone they minded holding hands with. As for the kiss, save it till the end of the date. Make the location appropriate. Leave her with something to think about. Don't expect more then a kiss. And DON'T ASK. If she doesn't want to...you'll find out. But that's the risk you take. Well worth it I think. My short answer, don't ask just have good intentions! 1
NVO Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 The day had to come, my iPhone storage was crammed with A LOT of photographs. And since the iPhone lets you delete this pictures very easily (not), I had to scroll through the most of them. And of course, there were all those pictures of me and my ex I tried to forget. Well, it took some courage to face al those memories again, but I must say it felt like a big relieve to hit that 'Delete' button. It's strange because it is like seeing your whole relationship pass before your eyes, and in the end you decide it is not worth stressing about anymore. It's gone. Phew. 1
lowercasegravy Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 (edited) Today is better, I'm trying to change my mindset on this whole situation by training myself to think differently. I'm watching a bunch of inspirational videos and reading a lot of quotes. I'm going to focus on self improvement for now, trying to find a way to better myself everyday. Also, for some reason this helped me a lot, but I just tell myself that this breakup is only an intermission period until the next partner in my life. So I'm just taking a break for now, and during this time I'm going to try to make myself the most interesting person I can be Edited September 23, 2015 by lowercasegravy
Xiomn Posted September 23, 2015 Posted September 23, 2015 Don't forget she might be tryign to play it cool too. Can you imagine if you asked her to meet up and she said "YES!" Wouldn't that make you uneasy having just met her? Remember, you didn't give her a hug when you wanted to. Cut her a little slack As for holding her hand, don't ask. Just do it. If she doesn't want to she'll find a way out of it. Honestly, I doubt any girl would go on a date with someone they minded holding hands with. As for the kiss, save it till the end of the date. Make the location appropriate. Leave her with something to think about. Don't expect more then a kiss. And DON'T ASK. If she doesn't want to...you'll find out. But that's the risk you take. Well worth it I think. My short answer, don't ask just have good intentions! Haha true, if she replied all like 'YES!' I guess it would probably be more weird Cheers for the advice. 1
freebird31 Posted September 24, 2015 Posted September 24, 2015 (edited) my mom brought up my ex and i mentioned to her about his new career. I couldnt hide my bright eyes and big smile. I feel nothing but utmost happiness when i talk about his new success , its strange. I dont feel sad or resenful or anything, i literally feel nothing but happy when i talk about how successful he has become. I do genuinely feel so happy for his new success. Its weird to say this, but i feel excited for him. of course this makes me somewhat of a stalker, as i only know this info because i went to his FB profile the other day and there it was: his new employment. It feels so weird tho, that i feel this happy for him? I wonder if this is normal. I feel like anyone normal would have rolled their eyes, or been annoyed at his new success. For me, i cant help but feel pure excitedness. Im genuinely so freaken happy he got the job. thats so awesome ! Edited September 24, 2015 by freebird31
TunaCat Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Struggling hard lately. I miss him horribly, I even wondered if I'd ever take him back if he reached out to me and expressed a desire to get back together. But I also know that I would never be someone else's second choice. I'll never be someone's option. If he wanted to be with me, I would know because he'd be back practically groveling. Not falling in love with someone else. But he's not. He's happy, in love and in bliss. I think that's what's hurting the most. I know for absolute certainty that I would be fine with him being with someone else if I was having any kind of success with dating. If I was happily seeing someone else, I wouldn't be struggling with his ability to find someone within weeks of our relationship ending. I miss him, but I'm also angry that he's had so much luck with finding love. I deserve to find someone that wants only me. I want that so much and all I seem to see around me are happy couples in love.
little princess Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 Three weeks today. I had a dream about him last night.. miss him even more when I dream about him. Trying my best to keep a mask on in front of everyone, but have not been able to go to work for three weeks or even out of the house! Maybe I need another week to gather myself. Some days are worse than others.. and the mornings are definitely the worst. I can keep myself going okay through the day and even at the night I feel better, but right when I wake up and I realize that this is not a dream.. that is a severe attack of depression I wonder.. does he miss me? Does he even think about me? Or is he just happy in his new life?
NVO Posted September 25, 2015 Posted September 25, 2015 It's funny that in the first weeks after my break-up I would blame myself for all sorts of things. It was like watching the same bad movie time after time with me in the leading role. I was replaying all kinds of situations with a lot of'what if's' and 'I should have's' in them. Now, a couple of months later, it is clear to me that I really wasn't that bad. In fact, I was a loving and caring boyfriend. I always made time for her problems, listening to her, trying to help her as much as I was possible. I should be thankful that I have these qualities. I guess what I'm trying to say is that your own mind can be your worst enemy in some situations. Don't let yourself get fooled by you. Apologize if you really feel sorry about some things you have done. But never, ever start apologizing for everything and take all the blame!
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