Throldur Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Things are still difficult to cope with.. When you're with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and it ends for all the wrong reasons, it's hard to let it go. It's hard to let it go when you know a second chance could actually work out. It's harder knowing that the person you loved made a choice that was so detrimental that it's put them in a terrible position. While simultaneously feeling miserable in my own life because every day without her is a failure. She said, "Karma exists and it's really getting me :(" back in August. Well, I know exactly what she's referring to. It's just sad to know that she's spending time with someone she doesn't love, with no new friends, seeing no concerts, being isolated and missing home. She put herself in such a terrible position and the way she handled it hurt me beyond belief. No one came out on top in this. I could take happiness in knowing my prediction was correct. I called everything that would happen and she knows this that is the reason for the Karma tweet. I don't take happiness in this. How can I be happy when the person I loved/love is miserable and I am too. It's so frustrating to know that just one message from her could salvage two lives that are fractured but that message isn't coming. It just sucks.
The Resurrection Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 For the first time since the breakup, I feel really vulnerable and alone... That's coz I'm actually living alone for the next few days. Woke up today missing her immensely. Wanted nothing more than to just call her over and cuddle with her. This is the first time I've been in real danger of breaking NC since the breakup. Gotta find the strength from within to get through this...
Quintessence Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Feeling a bit somber today, and here’s the reason why. My ex blocked me this morning on Facebook after almost three months of no contact. Just a bit of history: she defriended me when we broke up, blocked me for three weeks, then unblocked me without a word spoken. I did not harass her before the first block, but she blocked me anyway. I did not beg her to unblock me, but she did it. Even after she unblocked me, I did not contact her; we remained unfriended. I was silent and I remained unblocked for months, until this morning when I got blocked for the second time. Before you say anything - no, I did not break no contact. I did not go to her profile. How then do I know of the block? I became aware of the block because my ex had tagged me in two Calvin and Hobbes comic strips while we were still friends on facebook, during our relationship, and those comic strips would pop up on my profile whenever I went to my wall, even after my ex unfriended me. I saw no reason to remove the tags; they did not bother me and were basically the only tags that were hers. But this morning I was surprised to find those comic strips gone (they were there last night). And sure enough, I checked – my ex’s profile is gone as well, no longer visible to me. I’ve been blocked for the second time (no, she did not deactivate her profile). What surprised me was that I’ve been blocked after three months of no contact. Why would she do this? She dumped me. I did not dump her. I do not spy on her at all. Even if I wanted to spy on her (which I don’t), there’s hardly any point as she keeps her profile sealed tighter than Fort Knox (she did this even during our relationship, so it’s nothing new). It’s something her older sister had taught her; the two are quite close. So there’s nothing to see, unless you’re her friend. This did not set me back too much, but it did cause a disturbance and surprised me enough to make me wonder. It’s just too odd. This 'resurfacing', if you can call it like that, is odd...at least to me. Needed to share this with the group. Thanks for reading.
GettingOverItDay2Day Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 Been just over a month since I found my ex was cheating...its been up and down but found today really hard Its hurting to know that she is with the guy she cheated on me with and that they are having fun seeing each other at work and going out afterwards Im trying really hard not to think about it but thinking of her consumes most of my thoughts during the day and I am even dreaming about her at night Hate this!!
Felicite Posted September 14, 2015 Posted September 14, 2015 (edited) Feeling a bit somber today, and here’s the reason why. My ex blocked me this morning on Facebook after almost three months of no contact. Just a bit of history: she defriended me when we broke up, blocked me for three weeks, then unblocked me without a word spoken. I did not harass her before the first block, but she blocked me anyway. I did not beg her to unblock me, but she did it. Even after she unblocked me, I did not contact her; we remained unfriended. I was silent and I remained unblocked for months, until this morning when I got blocked for the second time. Before you say anything - no, I did not break no contact. I did not go to her profile. How then do I know of the block? I became aware of the block because my ex had tagged me in two Calvin and Hobbes comic strips while we were still friends on facebook, during our relationship, and those comic strips would pop up on my profile whenever I went to my wall, even after my ex unfriended me. I saw no reason to remove the tags; they did not bother me and were basically the only tags that were hers. But this morning I was surprised to find those comic strips gone (they were there last night). And sure enough, I checked – my ex’s profile is gone as well, no longer visible to me. I’ve been blocked for the second time (no, she did not deactivate her profile). What surprised me was that I’ve been blocked after three months of no contact. Why would she do this? She dumped me. I did not dump her. I do not spy on her at all. Even if I wanted to spy on her (which I don’t), there’s hardly any point as she keeps her profile sealed tighter than Fort Knox (she did this even during our relationship, so it’s nothing new). It’s something her older sister had taught her; the two are quite close. So there’s nothing to see, unless you’re her friend. This did not set me back too much, but it did cause a disturbance and surprised me enough to make me wonder. It’s just too odd. This 'resurfacing', if you can call it like that, is odd...at least to me. Needed to share this with the group. Thanks for reading. You haven’t given much information about your breakup, but from what you’ve said, 5 years is a long time to be with someone, so I understand you ‘re in pain and you are wondering. Your ex could be going through various stages like blaming you and blocking you, then having second or remorseful thoughts and unblocking you, seeing something she didn’t like and blocking you again, or just not knowing what she’s doing. You can’t put yourself through the wondering, it’s too painful. Only she knows and in this case it doesn’t seem she knows what she’s doing. So don’t take this as a clue about something, it will only torture you. Try to focus on yourself, you are doing a great job with NC and not spying or bothering her (maybe you should have blocked her first). I understand stuff like that, makes you wonder what bad thing did you do to her, and if it was your fault. Believe me it’s not. You should try and find something to focus on and to keep you busy for starters. I ‘ve been there, was trying to understand and decipher every action of my last ex one day from online breadcrumbs, but then suddenly felt literally sick and had urges to throw up, so I made a conscious decision to try to stop overthinking. Whatever breadcrumbs I may find, or how much I analyze, bottom line is: he was an a**hole because he cold-bloodedly discarded me like trash and is in love with another like nothing happened between us. And I ‘m already in pain, if I question more, my pain will only get worse.. So I try to stay away. At this stage I‘m so repulsed at him and at the point where I don’t want to ever see him in front of me, as much as I miss him (or what we had). If I have second thoughts I try to remember the bottom line. So try to focus on the real facts. Edited September 14, 2015 by Felicite 1
freebird31 Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Doing okay today. Just have to reassure myself to always remain strong. And to keep going, and fighting if i have to. Everything is going to be okay. Everything is okay and i just gotta keep this positivity going. I dont pray for things to get easier, i just pray for the strength to endure the lessons ahead. And i do pray that i meet someone respectful and worthy of my love one day, when the time is right. And i can wait, if the time isnt now. I just have to hold on and be strong, and keep going. And i have to really practive with finding peace within me to let go of the past. i am feeling good, strong today
Cupid's Puppet Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 So funny. You get into a relationship and here comes all the exes. Men don't see a future with me but don't want me to be happy either. Well it felt really good telling my ex fwb that I moved on. Did he think he could just waltz back in my life and I'd jump for joy? Like I'm some type of State Farm commercial. Like a good neighbor Cupid's Puppet is there...NOT! I'm tired of being treated like that. I just feel lost today. So many men I let come through my life. When will I learn that not everyone is worth my time??? When will I develop some real self esteem???
Oregon_Dude Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 Oh man, yesterday was f*cking ROUGH. I slept like crap, as I often do, but it was so bad that it made me really weak. I felt sad about her all day long, and the urge to contact her was pretty overwhelming at times. I know that when I'm that tired, I'm really vulnerable and that the b/u affects me a lot. Anyway, of course I didn't contact her, which is great, and today's a new day. I'm talking to several different women, and new ones every day... it's fun to be single, and I'm working on my music. The reality is that with a b/u, every day is different. You're going to fluctuate between happy, sad, angry, confused, depressed, anxious, defeated, positive, the whole, exhausting f*cking gamut. Just know that it's all normal, and that the days you feel good are the "truth". Yesterday was just a total nothing day. It sucked. I'm glad it's over. Thank Allah for today. Keep moving, folks. Being depressed is just a bad day.
StrangerThanFiction Posted September 15, 2015 Posted September 15, 2015 I was going through the pictures in my phone today to see what I could delete to clear up some space when I ran across the only picture of my ex I had forgotten to delete. I haven't seen him in over 4 months and I felt like I was looking at a stranger. I didn't feel anything. No sadness, no longing, no anger, no attraction. Nothing. When we were together I thought he was the best looking guy in the world but looking at him now, I can see why my neighbours thought he looked kind've scary. Without the filter of the emotions I felt for him, I guess I can see him from an objective viewpoint now. He does look like a scary guy. And after everything he did to me, I guess he really is. The picture of him I had in my head over the last 4 months didn't match the reality at all. I believed that if I ever saw a picture of him again it would set me back in my healing and make me miss him. It's done quite the opposite and I'm glad for it.
TunaCat Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Yesterday I happened to see that the ex and his girlfriend were in Vegas and for the first time, I was able to shrug my shoulders and move on. About an hour later, I was thinking about the night he ended it and I felt all the blood drain from my face. March 23rd, 2015, the day he ended it was 5 years to the day that his longterm girlfriend died awaiting a heart transplant. She died March 23rd, 2010. You all know we've been in each others lives for 19 years, so I remembered that date clearly. I remember his mom contacting me that morning to let me know that "T" was dead. It was just a weird coincidence that left me dumbfounded for several minutes. Anyway, just a random realization of mine.
derek519 Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Not too good. We've been split since the beginning of July but I still can't get over her. It hurts knowing she's moved on and met someone else. While a mutual friend says she still loves me and still wants the future we talked about it, it just seems like talk to me. I just don't imagine she's having bad days like mine. Hoping tomorrow is a better one
Quintessence Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 You haven’t given much information about your breakup, but from what you’ve said, 5 years is a long time to be with someone, so I understand you ‘re in pain and you are wondering. Your ex could be going through various stages like blaming you and blocking you, then having second or remorseful thoughts and unblocking you, seeing something she didn’t like and blocking you again, or just not knowing what she’s doing. You can’t put yourself through the wondering, it’s too painful. Only she knows and in this case it doesn’t seem she knows what she’s doing. So don’t take this as a clue about something, it will only torture you. Try to focus on yourself, you are doing a great job with NC and not spying or bothering her (maybe you should have blocked her first). I understand stuff like that, makes you wonder what bad thing did you do to her, and if it was your fault. Believe me it’s not. You should try and find something to focus on and to keep you busy for starters. I ‘ve been there, was trying to understand and decipher every action of my last ex one day from online breadcrumbs, but then suddenly felt literally sick and had urges to throw up, so I made a conscious decision to try to stop overthinking. Whatever breadcrumbs I may find, or how much I analyze, bottom line is: he was an a**hole because he cold-bloodedly discarded me like trash and is in love with another like nothing happened between us. And I ‘m already in pain, if I question more, my pain will only get worse.. So I try to stay away. At this stage I‘m so repulsed at him and at the point where I don’t want to ever see him in front of me, as much as I miss him (or what we had). If I have second thoughts I try to remember the bottom line. So try to focus on the real facts. Thank you so much for your reply. When I read it just before work, I felt a little better. You made my morning a little brighter and easier to bear. The advice you gave me makes sense; there's no point in wondering what the other person is thinking or what her motives might be. Yes, 5 years is a long time to be with someone. We shared many moments together. During the relationship and breakup I did nothing bad. I did not mistreat her, cheat on her or abuse her. On the contrary, I was that typical 'good guy' who went out of his way to be there for her and love her. But in the end, that was not enough. Yes, one should focus on the facts and on the present situation. Speculations and theories only cloud the mind and deny serenity. Thought discipline is needed, in order to maintain peace of mind. 1
Felicite Posted September 16, 2015 Posted September 16, 2015 Thank you so much for your reply. When I read it just before work, I felt a little better. You made my morning a little brighter and easier to bear. The advice you gave me makes sense; there's no point in wondering what the other person is thinking or what her motives might be. Yes, 5 years is a long time to be with someone. We shared many moments together. During the relationship and breakup I did nothing bad. I did not mistreat her, cheat on her or abuse her. On the contrary, I was that typical 'good guy' who went out of his way to be there for her and love her. But in the end, that was not enough. Yes, one should focus on the facts and on the present situation. Speculations and theories only cloud the mind and deny serenity. Thought discipline is needed, in order to maintain peace of mind. You welcome, glad to hear that! Don't boggle yourself with her clicks-blocks-unblocks man, you know you were ok to her. When she realises what she's lost, you 'll be in a much better place in your life. Have a nice day! 1
freebird31 Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) another content day. i would say that most of my days are better now. mostly because i am learning that peace and happiness doesnt come from outside events, it comes from within. as much as i would love to have peace with my ex, i am perfectly fine without it. it has made me stronger. i have come such a long way and i treasure every moment, even the most painful ones, because i have learned and grown so much since. i only see new beginnings and much happiness ahead. i really feel like 2 years ago when i experienced a broken heart with my first love, and losing my bff, it was rock botton for me. It is true, that saying "theres no where to go but up." and that is exactly what i have been doing since then. And i truly feel in my heart that it will just continue to go up from here. I feel like good things are headed my way. i am so excited and ready i can hardly wait ill also add that i feel like the next time i get serious with someone else, i will be in a better place emotionally and mentally, and spirtually. I feel like because of how much i have grown and healed, i will be able to be a better partner in the next relationship. i really feel so. Edited September 17, 2015 by freebird31 1
Xiomn Posted September 17, 2015 Posted September 17, 2015 2 and a half months since my first breakup and I've got a date set up for this Sunday. :D 1
dyna85 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I waver between feeling like I'm getting stronger and moving on, to feeling like I'm never gonna make it. It's the oddest oscillation. Sadly, the feeling of not going to make it is almost too much to bear, when it hits me. I can't believe it's approaching that time of year again. When I think of how I should be feeling at this point, it gives me major anxiety. Sometimes I wish the weeks & months passed much faster, just so I could feel completely healed. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever fully heal. I try not to dwell, I truly do. Yet these feelings are so intense sometimes. What is it I'm seeking at this point? I think if I could sum it up with one word it would be: relief. Relief from the hurt and pain and mental and emotional anguish that I've endured over the last many months. I've come so far, yet I have so far to go, still. It's quite daunting when I look at the whole picture. Need to focus on baby steps.. the here and now. That's always been my problem. Focusing on the destination, and trying to get there as fast as possible. Not enjoying the journey. Then again, this is not a fun journey, so it's any wonder I want to get through it as quickly as possible. Oh well, just going to try to enjoy the weekend as best I can. I know I need to make an effort. I know I need to be okay with my feelings. 4
Draper Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I'm feeling a lot of different things today. Most of the time, I'm angry. Angry about how she treated me, and how disrespectful she was about the whole thing at the end. I know, if nothing else, that I deserve honesty. It sickens me to think she could look at me and tell she sees a future with me when clearly it was a lie. I've got a lot of sadness going on today too. I miss her. Her laugh, her smile, everything I loved most about her. Deep down, I know she doesn't deserve to be missed. Today is day 3 of NC, tomorrow will be day 4. I've gotta keep moving and stop looking back. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 What is it I'm seeking at this point? I think if I could sum it up with one word it would be: relief. Relief from the hurt and pain and mental and emotional anguish that I've endured over the last many months. I've come so far, yet I have so far to go, still.Relief comes in moments. I'm sure you've had times where you're like, "holy sh*t! I just went an hour without thinking about her." That's relief. Soon enough, you won't even notice that you're not thinking about her; in fact, the thinking of her will be the minority of the time, not the majority. Don't expect this or that in terms of your recovery. It is exactly as it is, and that is fine. It's OK to be hurt! It's even beautiful. Don't judge your progress. You sound like a great person who is doing the best he can. Be very, very kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would your best friend. 1
dyna85 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Relief comes in moments. I'm sure you've had times where you're like, "holy sh*t! I just went an hour without thinking about her." That's relief. Soon enough, you won't even notice that you're not thinking about her; in fact, the thinking of her will be the minority of the time, not the majority. Don't expect this or that in terms of your recovery. It is exactly as it is, and that is fine. It's OK to be hurt! It's even beautiful. Don't judge your progress. You sound like a great person who is doing the best he can. Be very, very kind to yourself. Talk to yourself the way you would your best friend. I'm actually a woman trying to get over a guy, but thanks. You're like the 5th person on here to think I'm a guy. Why is this? Aside from that detail, your advice is really good. 1
darkbloom Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I waver between feeling like I'm getting stronger and moving on, to feeling like I'm never gonna make it. It's the oddest oscillation. Sadly, the feeling of not going to make it is almost too much to bear, when it hits me. I can't believe it's approaching that time of year again. When I think of how I should be feeling at this point, it gives me major anxiety. Sometimes I wish the weeks & months passed much faster, just so I could feel completely healed. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever fully heal. I try not to dwell, I truly do. Yet these feelings are so intense sometimes. What is it I'm seeking at this point? I think if I could sum it up with one word it would be: relief. Relief from the hurt and pain and mental and emotional anguish that I've endured over the last many months. I've come so far, yet I have so far to go, still. It's quite daunting when I look at the whole picture. Need to focus on baby steps.. the here and now. That's always been my problem. Focusing on the destination, and trying to get there as fast as possible. Not enjoying the journey. Then again, this is not a fun journey, so it's any wonder I want to get through it as quickly as possible. Oh well, just going to try to enjoy the weekend as best I can. I know I need to make an effort. I know I need to be okay with my feelings. Dyna, You just gotta have faith that it will work out the way it's supposed to. If he was truly meant to be in your life on this journey with you right now, he would be. Forcing anything to be what we want always causes us distress. The things that we want sometimes aren't good for us. We are both approaching a year without the one we loved. It's not my choice or how I wanted it to be. That has to mean that something even better will come of it. Life can't always be this miserable and full of this much pain. You are where you're meant to be. Focus on the small steps and the big ones will follow. You got this. 3
olaf90 Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 another day without her man, it's one of the most difficult things happening to me, she's left me to fix herself and she said she needs time, I don't know what to do I'm so confused and I can't sleep at night, she got angry and she said she doesn't love me, I love her so much, and I need her by my side, what shall I do?
15Love Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 another day without her man, it's one of the most difficult things happening to me, she's left me to fix herself and she said she needs time, I don't know what to do I'm so confused and I can't sleep at night, she got angry and she said she doesn't love me, I love her so much, and I need her by my side, what shall I do? Give her space. Work on you.
15Love Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I'm actually a woman trying to get over a guy, but thanks. You're like the 5th person on here to think I'm a guy. Why is this? I knew you were a girl! Lol. I think it's hard to keep all the stories and names straight sometimes. But don't worry, I knew 1
Chronograph Posted September 19, 2015 Posted September 19, 2015 I feel weird today. Tomorrow I need to go the city where I have lived with my ex (I have to go there for work). I will stay there after the work thing for a few days to meet all my friends there. I'm scared of being there. I have loved to live there, it still hurts that I cannot be there anymore. I wonder how it will feel to sit on the bus, or the train and to walk down the streets ... being enveloped by my old life as if nothing has happened. I hope it's not gonna be too painful! All those memories!! On top of that ****ing Google maps tortured me this morning when I discovered that the address in that city where we used to live together is still marked as "home" and I saw a picture of the house next to the map. How cruel is that?? I'm so sad.
NVO Posted September 20, 2015 Posted September 20, 2015 Strange evening. Had a party of a friend of mine and was totally fine. Then we decides to go out clubbing, and walked home by myself. I guess the alcohol got the better hand of me and I really miss my ex. Well, nothing I can change about that. Time for some sleep and a new challenge tomorrow. I'll get through this.
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