scooby-philly Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 30-40 days of NC. 2 months since break-up. It's tough today. Bored as **** at work. i crank out things like I'm making parts for a car instead of trying to make things that help people. I'm happy I don't see her. I'm not happy that I'm back where I was 2 years, back where I was 4 years ago. I went into two relationships I shouldn't - just because they showed interest in me. I want a family. I want a relationship - but I've learned that I can just do what I want and be happy in the meantime. The pursuit isn't over. It's just I can pursue multiple things at the same time.
The Resurrection Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Just found out today that the Ex has blocked me on FB (and I'm assuming other social media sites too). I was editing some info on my FB page when I saw that my relationship status was showing 'In a relationship' rather than the old 'In a relationship with XX'. Searched her name which turned up blank. For some reason, that affected me more than it should. I'm quite sure that it has nothing to do with her but just with a general sadness that someone has rejected you. This is also coupled with the fact that the HR manager who was to call me by today to let me know about that interview I gave last week, hasn't called. So probably its more of an hurting ego. Anyway, who knows... Just feeling a bit down today...
Oregon_Dude Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Hi. This is my second good day in a row. And I know things are only going to get better. I've done a lot of reading up on borderline personality disorder, and while I know it's a spectrum and that we shouldn't rush to diagnose people, she fits so much of the criteria that it's clear to me that she has issues I was never going to be able to deal with in the longterm. She was always essentially going to be looking around, and requiring attention from many sources - not just me. Yeah, she broke up with me. Bummer. Once the ego accepts this and stops questioning why it wasn't "enough", a new sensation settles in. Call it acceptance. Anyway, I'm through the worst of everything and accepting it. It helps that I've received no further contact from this woman (girl, really). People on here wishing your ex would contact you - be glad that they don't. They're doing you a favor and allowing you to heal. Sure, they're not contacting you b/c they're getting banged six ways from Sunday. Great. Let 'em have it. They're not contacting you and you're not social media stalking them, etc. - you're doing your own self-care by resisting contact, checking up on them. It is a win-win for both of you. This girl is part of my past now, and I've learned from my mistakes. When I think about how quickly I was swept up in her manipulation, only to be spit out like a bad load, I feel embarrassed. But, whatever. I am moving on. I am proud that I didn't beg for her and all that stuff. She didn't deserve it. I'm sure she hates me now, especially if she's a person with BPD. That's all part of it - "painting you black". I may be one of the only exes in her life to just not play her game. She received so much gratification in exes contacting her and begging her, that to not receive that from me must have really pissed her off. Good. I don't feel sick or sad anymore - not for longer than a few minutes. Her control over me has dissipated entirely. She is just another person, and not a particularly remarkable one at that. I'm not talking about her with friends anymore. I have NEVER cried over her. I just feel peaceful. And I know that I will be fine. 1
ScienceGal Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Day 6 post breakup. I feel numb. As though I am in a dream and am bound to wake up soon. I am still in denial.
freebird31 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 definitely feel stronger today. and really ready to keep moving forward. I wont make the same mistakes again. I do believe it did not work out with the last guy for a reason. I think that i shouldnt just settle, even if he was a good catch. He did have a kid, and not that i am against that, i just feel like i would prefer to date someone who doesnt have kids. i mean, idk. I think that everything worked out the way it did for the best for everyone involved. Including him, i think ultimately the girl he is with right now is the better match for him and maybe they share more in common. I feel like we were different in some ways that could have made us incompatible, but i will never know. i really believe that this did not work out for some greater reason, like perhaps i am meant to meet someone else. i have no idea. I do wish i could have the peace with my ex, but i have to work with what i got and move on. Even if it makes it ten times harder for me, i really have no other choice. i just have to, i will be fine. Do I really need peace with him to move on? idk.
freebird31 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 really feel like the letter that i may have written to my ex was a little bit harsh. Maybe i come across as too harsh sometimes. i mainly said that i felt that he hurt me. and that his words were pretty cold and i felt that i had deserved more than his short response. I feel like i came across like i was attacking him. I should not have done that, lesson learned. especially when all i wanted was answers. if i wanted answeres, i should have just asked the right questions instead of attacking him. Another lesson learned. I could have handled that situation better. And i ended the letter with "This will be the last time i reach out. if you have anything to say at all, now is your chance to say it" At the time, i thought just sending the letter and expressing my feelings would help. But i prtty much attacked him, now that i look back. I mean, he was not right in the things he had done to me. but i could have handled it so much more better, as now i just want peace. and i feel like my ex hates me. and i hate living with this feeling. I really thought that he was going to reply, but i think that this letter may have drove him away. I shouldnt expect everyone to be mature . Idk what i was thinking at the time. I dont really know anymore.
freebird31 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 i feel so messed up. inside. like mentally and emotionally. plus the scars. and now i have let a good guy get away. and its like all toooo much for me right now. it really wasnt my fault, i truly wasnt ready when i met the last guy. and i still dont feel ready! Im starting to realize i may never, in fact, be "ready." I just dont want all of this baggage. i just want a clean slate, a new start, with the demons of my past put to rest before i move on. how is that too much to ask for. i dont want to think about these things in my next relationship. i want my heart, my mind to be 100% focused on the current relationship, not on scars and past hurts from an ex. /: I dont think ill get involved with anyone for a longggggggg time. And i hope i dont end up liking anyone either, because it all hurts too much when it cant be taken any further bc my heart wont let it . im so done. 1
Felicite Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I am trying to jumpstart my life and to ignore every shred of information that indicates he is happy and in love and enjoying his new life. I wish the pain had gone but it’s still there. I still get shots of pain all day long when I think of him, but I try to bury them and cover them up. This isn’t a good solution, but it’s all I can do. If I could erase every feeling and memory I have of him, and I could avoid seeing him in the future, it would be easier to move on. The thought of me seeing him in the future for a potential work project, has cut my wings. I imagine that I will be in a terrible sad state, and he will be happy, confident and in love, and I can’t think of a way to deal with it. I wish I'd never met him.
Xiomn Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 Had a really fun night last night at the pub and got pissed with a group of mates and it was karaoke night. I was about to head home because I felt like I was about to pass out from how tired I was from the alcohol and just before I left the song Taylor Swift - Never getting back together' came on and it really hit me hard and I almost started crying, could feel my eyes watering a bit and my face getting tense as I tried my best to hold it in. Almost cried on the way home too as one of my friends helped me back home.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 If a Taylor Swift song is making you cry, you have issues bigger than a breakup.
Calidude6 Posted September 11, 2015 Posted September 11, 2015 I miss her and hanging out with her, talking to her but she doesn't miss me because she left me for someone else. Oh well.... Just one of those moments when I miss having her in my life.
Deleted User Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Personally having a really bad day today. After a couple of "lil bit better" days in which I avoided crying (yay!), today it's like I was back to day 1. I fought the tears as much as I could, but eventually they were too much to ignore. Tomorrow, it will be 1 month to the day since she destroyed my self-esteem and left me for dead. I know from experience that time does heal... But it's the first time I'm trying to heal from a wound 12yrs in the making
dyna85 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 So some guy flaked out on me from an online dating site, which was totally bizarre and hurtful. After asking me out and setting up the date last night, he then says he has to flake out on the date. He doesn't give a reason or anything. It's weird because when he was texting me this morning I was just thinking of X and wishing it were him. Yet, when this guy flaked on me, I felt hurt by it. Hurt and offended, especially because he didn't give me a reason and just faded away. Here we had this lengthy back and forth exchange last night and he seemed really interested - telling me it was the best convo he ever had with someone on the site - blah blah. So much for that. Here I thought it would be nice to just meet up with someone at a coffee shop just to shoot the breeze, since it's been a while since I've gone out with anyone. This particular incident triggered all the hurt from being ignored 9 months ago to hit me. It feels like I'm barely standing anymore and I just want to give up on everything. Can't stand lack of resolution, and this seems to be becoming a pattern for me. Even though I realize it wasn't anything I said or did, considering we hadn't even met yet, it feels like just another tremendous blow to my self-esteem. It made me think of X and how he's probably been on numerous dates and could be on one right now, and I'm the furthest thing from his mind. Like I meant nothing, when his actions have had such a profound impact on me over the last 9 months. It seems like I've just been living in this grand bubble of denial, and this new rejection just popped it yet again. I just feel like I'm never going to be able to date anyone, or do anything at this rate. I feel so incredibly hopeless and defeated and scared to move. I don't recall ever having been in such a dismal state of despair in my entire life. Here my friend is coming over tomorrow and I truly don't even want to engage. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit in bed and do nothing, hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing. That is so terrible to say. I feel like such an ungrateful person for feeling this way, but I seriously don't know how much more 'being ignored' I can take in this life.
darkbloom Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 So some guy flaked out on me from an online dating site, which was totally bizarre and hurtful. After asking me out and setting up the date last night, he then says he has to flake out on the date. He doesn't give a reason or anything. It's weird because when he was texting me this morning I was just thinking of X and wishing it were him. Yet, when this guy flaked on me, I felt hurt by it. Hurt and offended, especially because he didn't give me a reason and just faded away. Here we had this lengthy back and forth exchange last night and he seemed really interested - telling me it was the best convo he ever had with someone on the site - blah blah. So much for that. Here I thought it would be nice to just meet up with someone at a coffee shop just to shoot the breeze, since it's been a while since I've gone out with anyone. This particular incident triggered all the hurt from being ignored 9 months ago to hit me. It feels like I'm barely standing anymore and I just want to give up on everything. Can't stand lack of resolution, and this seems to be becoming a pattern for me. Even though I realize it wasn't anything I said or did, considering we hadn't even met yet, it feels like just another tremendous blow to my self-esteem. It made me think of X and how he's probably been on numerous dates and could be on one right now, and I'm the furthest thing from his mind. Like I meant nothing, when his actions have had such a profound impact on me over the last 9 months. It seems like I've just been living in this grand bubble of denial, and this new rejection just popped it yet again. I just feel like I'm never going to be able to date anyone, or do anything at this rate. I feel so incredibly hopeless and defeated and scared to move. I don't recall ever having been in such a dismal state of despair in my entire life. Here my friend is coming over tomorrow and I truly don't even want to engage. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit in bed and do nothing, hear nothing, see nothing, and feel nothing. That is so terrible to say. I feel like such an ungrateful person for feeling this way, but I seriously don't know how much more 'being ignored' I can take in this life. Dyna, You are super strong. You've been great through this whole breakup. It's just a bad day. Our timeline is the same and I often feel the same as you. You'll get through this. 1
The Resurrection Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Used to look forward to the weekends when I was with my ex, but that excitement had tapered off during the last few weeks of our relationship for various reasons. I'm still feeling emotionally unstable so I'll hold off on any registering for any new activities or classes for the next 1-2 weeks. One good thing that's helping me is that the moment I start thinking of my ex or wondering what she's doing, I feel exhausted. Like, Oh god, not these thoughts again and then I stop involuntarily. I've also noticed that if I do feel overwhelmed with the pain or the sadness, it helps if I just breathe in and breathe out. More importantly, I've learned to be more patient. I'd gotten a bit restless when I was rejected after a job interview because I was hoping a change of scenery would be perfect remedy to get out of this post breakup slump. Although I knew that this pain would soon subside and that things will soon get better, I wanted all the answers now. Good thing I was rejected coz the job was actually not a good career call for me. I only wanted it coz it would've have been a quick fix solution, a distraction, from this breakup which I know is not the right way to deal with. Here's to a better future!!
Xiomn Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 If a Taylor Swift song is making you cry, you have issues bigger than a breakup. it was the lyrics never getting back together really more than anything..what's the problem seem a bit nasty????
dyna85 Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 Dyna, You are super strong. You've been great through this whole breakup. It's just a bad day. Our timeline is the same and I often feel the same as you. You'll get through this. You have no idea how much this means to me. And yes, our timeline is the exact same, down to the very day. Thank you db.
iheartgoodmusic Posted September 12, 2015 Posted September 12, 2015 I've been doing pretty good. No sad thoughts and today I bust into tears. I know what did it. He lost his step father four days ago. I sent him my condolences and he replied thank you, that means a lot to me. I believe it was the plain simple fact that I contacted him.
The Resurrection Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 My ex was an ex-colleague of mine. She changed her company at the end of last year. Woke up today to see some messages in an informal office group chat that she had contacted one of her old teammates(a guy). That guy is telling everyone that she wants to meet him and that she wants to reconnect. Having mixed feelings about this. I'm happy that she's falling back into the same company she used to crib to me about. I'm sad that she's falling back into the same company she used to crib to me about. Sigh! I know its been just a few days since the breakup but I've got to learn to stop caring or thinking about her.
freebird31 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Despite the bad days, the tears, the crying, the pain, and everything else i have been through in the last few years, i KNOW i can get through everything that comes my way. Becuase i have the confidence in myself that I can and I will. Even when it will get hard, and even if it gets lonely, I have to remain positive and strong. And not let negative thinking bring me into the depths of sorrow. i have lost my best and closest friend through this, i have been broken-hearted by my first love, and lastly i lost a great guy because i was stuck in the past pining over my ex. Pain and lessons, all which have shaped me and brought me to this very place i am at now. I am strong, and I know what strength is because of this pain. I will get through the rest. I know that this is not the end of the road of pain and lessons ahead. perhaps, this is just the beginning. But i know i can get throught it. and i will get through it. People say "life is what you make it." Sometimes things are out of our control, and sometime life holds a grip over you. You can either be scared and feel sorry for yourself, or you can FIGHT the very demons that hold you back. I will not let the hurt my ex cause me stop me from moving on. I am not saying I am going to go out and LOOK to date someone. When it comes, it comes. But when it comes, i will not let it get away this time. I will face my demons head on. Sometimes, life is a fight.
Chronograph Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I guess it's one of those Sundays. Lots of my friends are on holiday or not available. Autumn is in the air. I feel alone. I feel restless. I feel tired. I know he's not gonna come back cause he is a stubborn character, who cannot deal with making a mistake. It just doesn't happen to him, he doesn't see himself like that. So he will tell himself that of course it was the best decision ever. No matter what happens - he would suppress any doubts. He would unswervingly claim how great everything is. This thought depresses me. I know I cannot change him. It's just so ... frustrating! I'm thinking much too much about him, I can't stop analyzing him (even though I know next to nothing about him or his life atm).
Oregon_Dude Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 it was the lyrics never getting back together really more than anything..what's the problem seem a bit nasty????Dude, I'm just messing with you. Don't forget that having a sense of humor about your personal tragedy is paramount to getting over stuff. TS for lyphe.
dyna85 Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 I am feeling better today than yesterday and Friday. Those were two god awful days and I could barely leave my house I was feeling so depressed. Today I got out and went to church, and it lifted my spirits to sing some uplifting songs and to pray and just be surrounded by a lot of warmth and positivity. I realize that my future depends on my determination and strength and my taking action and not letting my struggles break me. I think it's okay to take time to be sad and reflect, but for me it's extremely important to get out and be an active member of society in ways other than work. This is what is my goal to work on in the coming days. Today I felt a little lifted but then I had some sadness thrown in and some pangs of hurt and anger, etc. However, I know I need to allow these emotions to wash over me and the sooner I embrace my emotions, the sooner I can move to the other side and get out of the mode of being stuck. Only I am responsible for remaining stuck, ever. Someone can hurt you, you can fail, but it's those who get up and keep walking who progress in life. So my goal is to be active in spite of any and all negative and/or painful emotions regarding X. I will get thru this. 1
NVO Posted September 13, 2015 Posted September 13, 2015 Awesome party weekend! Went to a festival yesterday and did some things I haven't done for a while. Finally found the courage to start small talk with strangers again after some serious self-esteem issues due to my break-up. And you know what? I'm really an awesome person, and so are all of you! I even made out with a girl and could have slept with her. But I declined. Don't know why actually haha. Maybe it just felt right to say 'no'. Not the casual sex guy I guess. Went to support my favorite football club today and we won the game: 1-0. Positive vibes all the way, and hoping my vibe will reach some of you here so that you also will enjoy happy moments in rough times!
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