How are you coping today?

[Ellie35]

[quote

Sometimes I have a good day and feel like I'm finally making progress, and then I just come crashing down the following day. Like Monday I felt so good and then Tuesday was hell and today isn't much better. I just feel like I'm living a nightmare. If I could forget about it, I swear I would. However, it just seems like everything reminds me. And I feel like until he responds (which clearly he won't), I can't move on with my life. I know that's absurd, but it's how I truly feel. I feel like I need closure and my feelings can't be swayed to accept otherwise.

 

The pain is now further compounded with the length of time I've felt this way. It's just a never-ending thing. It sucks so bad.[/

 

I have great days and **** days. I have ups and downs. Sometimes my eyes well with tears, sometimes I am consumed with anger and regret.

 

Sometimes I like to believe that he will contact me remorseful and regretful and on the other hand I pray he never contacts me again.

 

What has shifted is the focus! The focus is now on me and how I can help myself through this. It's about how I feel , how anxious I am , how sad etc prior to this is it was consumed with how he was, what's he doing, what did he mean, what **** things he said etc etc . Now , I don't care about him and am solely and selfishly concerned with me!

 

**** closure! It's lies and bull**** most of the time. Closure is when they end relationship and they end it because they don't care about you or love you anymore. That's it. The end .

[Xiomn]

Feeling a bit down today..not sure why though, I had a really good day yesterday, I had job training and met lots of new people and when we finished we all went out for a nice meal together which was nice because I haven't been out or hung out with anyone in ages.

 

Then today for some random reason she is on my mind and feeling a bit down which hasn't happened in a while actually. Maybe it's because it's coming up to 2 months since she broke up with me, just another one of those milestone kind of things I guess that when you think about and think to yourself "so it was 2 months ago since she broke up with me" and it just crushes you.

 

Edited September 2, 2015 by Xiomn

[Mathematics]

I haven't been here much which I guess is a good sign of coping. Hope everyone else is also getting better.

[veryconfusedone]

I've been missing him a lot this past hour. I hate it when you miss someone so much that it hurts and you can't do anything about it. Feels like it was all my fault.

[15Love]

Today's been rough. I'm just so ...sad.

 

Gonna try to just roll with the feeling instead of contacting him to make the hurt stop.

 

I'm so very tired of this

[Calidude6]

I think I lost most my love for her. At this point, I just miss her and our good times together. I do miss being with someone and sharing my life with them. Miss her as my best friend. Just miss having someone around.

[Felicite]

I wrote a letter with all the things that I wanted to tell him, to vent mainly, and I feel a bit better. I haven’t sent it. I don’t know if I will.

Another time, I had broken NC to tell a different ex how I felt (he didn’t respond of course), but after that, I felt better, and it helped me move on.

 

I find myself now at the same state, boiling emotionally.

 

Generally it’s a bad idea to break NC, but maybe it will help not thinking in the future “what if I had spoken to him”. Sometimes we have to see for ourselves.

 

I also have to contact him in person (not via e-mail preferably) for an issue for work at some point within the month.

I ‘m almost certain he will respond in a nasty way. I don’t know if I will be able to remain professional and not show any emotions.

 

We shall see.

Edited September 3, 2015 by Felicite

[NVO]

Actually been doing good the last past weeks. I kicked ass during a job interview and it looks like I will get the job! Finally I can start working on my career.

 

Last night I got a text message from my ex after three weeks of no contact. It was a screenshot of some website hiring people. She told me to let her know how that will turn out, so I thought this would be a good time to tell her that it looks like I already got a job. She told me she was proud of me.

 

[sarcasm] Oh wow, you're proud of me. How wonderful! [/sarcasm]

 

Second time she contacted me for a job. She can't contact me for jobs anymore, I'm 'curious' what she will come up with now.

[finalendeavor]

Last night, I received a letter from a guy I only spoke to for about a month two years ago. He told me that he's always remembered the depth of our conversations and that he's upset we haven't kept in contact. When he sent me this letter, I realized a few things. The first was this; I've actually received lots of these letters in the past, in which contact was lost, and they've told me that they've always remembered our conversations, they've *gasp* missed me, and that they've frequently wondered about me; they just never knew what to say. These letters have come from all kinds of people; guys I've never met in person, guys that live across the US, exes. The second realization, the epiphany, is this; if so many guys can still remember me, miss me, and apologize for losing contact with me, regardless of the circumstances, then it's likely a near impossibility that my ex has erased me after only two months of no contact, particularly after the emotional and physical connection we shared. Though it's easy to assume the worst because of everything that has transpired, when I force myself to analyze the situation from an external perspective, I begin to think that my assumptions are actually quite illogical; I don't think the reason he left me was a product of anything I did or didn't do, and I do think he probably does think, wonder, and care about me. It's probable that he simply isn't ready to talk/ probably doesn't have the correct words yet anyways. I assume he's 100% in the driver's seat and that he isn't confused at all, but he probably just feels awkward about the situation. He's human too, even though it's easy to put him on a pedestal after he was the one that did the dumping. This helps soften the blow of rejection.

 

And honestly, if he never does contact me and does find me entirely forgettable, he's not right for me and not worth my time. As I see it, I'll either get the answers I'm looking for and we'll reconnect, or I'll move on and soon no longer care anyways. Things really aren't as dire and sucky as they seem.

Edited September 4, 2015 by finalendeavor

[Xiomn]

2 days (the 6th) will mark:

 

* 2 months since she broke up with me.

* our 1 year anniversary if we were still together now.

[NVO]

Funny thing happened to me today. I just got home and realized that I did not 'think' about my ex for most of the day. Nice!

[freebird31]

I creeped on my ex Facebook. Something I have been doing a lot for the past months since I have a lot of free time. It's crazy I know. I just get curious. So I did it today. And I saw that he got a major job within his career. Gosh when I first saw this I felt so excited and happy for him. I was overwhelmed with happiness for him. He finally made it. After all his hard work and ambition. I could not help but feel like he wouldn't have been able to if he had me in the picture, a girlfriend in the picture. I'm glad it turned out the way it did. I'm glad something good came out of it for one of us. I miss him dearly. Last night before I even saw this new info and his Facebook, I was thinking about all the memories and good times. And how we got along so funny. He cracked me up. When I was with him there was never a dull moment. I wish we could have Mai rained a friendship I miss his spirit so much. His dorky ways. Ah everything felt so light and I felt so down to earth when I was with him, when we were together. It really just felt like home...that's the only way I can describe our relationship. It felt like home when I was with him it was just right. I'm so happy for his new success. Even after everything that happened between us, even if I know that one day he may even move on and love another, even knowing that, I still feel so happy for him that he is making his dreams come true. Such an ambitious and driven person. I miss him and I'll always have immense love for him. I miss you so much, L. I think about you more often than not lately. Meeting and dating other guys, I feel like I just wanted to make myself believe I was ready to move on. I'm okay being single but I know it wasn't the right time, it still may not be. I miss you, L. And I truly pray and hope with all my heart and soul that one day we can have a peace and understanding of the situation and of one another. I don't want to resent you. I miss you! And I'm really glad that you're reaching the top. I couldn't be happier for you! Until we meet again. ~m.

[Sunshine09]

Day 10 of NC, coping okay.

 

Got a huge career opportunity coming up

It could be a big break for me and a massive step in improving my future.

 

Trying to funnel all my energy into landing this gig and on personal goals that I want to achieve by the end of this year. Sometimes I slip and find myself obsessing over him and what he is doing/thinking but it's bound to happen I guess.

 

My new thing is trying to envision myself in a few months when I've accomplished all the things I have set out to do, and how good it will feel and how good I will FEEL. And knowing that I don't need anyone but myself and being genuinely content with myself.

[Reiben17]

I miss how vulnerable he let himself be with me,

How i had the power to affect him,

How he let his guard down, and the satisfaction that came from knowing that I could do that.

I miss when he could still FEEL,

The drugs flatlined everything

 

Today isn't going so great,

 

I keep yo-yo'ing between missing him terribly,

And getting mad at the fact that he will just drug himself to the most peaceful numbness even if it does start to bother him that I've left,

But despite knowing I'm right in distancing myself...

I still have to be miserable when a memory of us hits me and I can't keep him out sometimes...

Edited September 5, 2015 by Reiben17

[Felicite]

I miss him badly today and I hate to think that he's with a 20year old, which I couldn’t possibly compete with.

Ι can’t believe he has completely erased what we had, and he‘s absolutely fine. I wish he had contacted me up till now, but apparently he’s having a blast and I was an unnecessary pawn in his life.

 

I stick to NC with great difficulty, but I stick to it nonetheless.

I find it really difficult to focus on myself, I‘ve lost my appetite and my energy. I can’t get up and go to the gym and I don’t know how to bring myself to do it.

[Jonp219]

Ugh, not having one of my best days. I just found out via Facebook that one of my old exes got married today. I'm not even jealous that she got married, I'm just mad that I'm not married, I feel like time is running out for me. A lot of people here wouldn't understand, but Hispanics typically like getting married at a young age. So this kind of slims my chances of marrying within my own race since all the good Hispanic girls are all taken. *sigh*

Edited September 5, 2015 by Jonp219

[cojo1976]

Day 6 of separation. She's spending as much time away from the house as possible to be with the guy she started seeing a week ago. We know divorce is the best for both of us, but this sucks. Not that she is seeing someone new, because we've talked about it for a long time, but that we couldn't make this work. We both wanted it to so badly, we've given it dozens of shots. But this time we both know it's over. We're not fighting, and we still love each other very much, but it just isn't enough any more. The day seems to start off fresh and new, but then I look at the photos hanging on the walls, or something else that reminds me of a life we spent 15 years building together. Places we've traveled, the awesome things we did together, all the many more great places we were going to go, and wonderful things we would see. All the plans for the future and the idea of growing old together. All seemingly non existent in a matter of minutes. In her absence it feels like it never happened. Like it was a long strange but beautiful dream. Having lots of anxiety, cant sleep, eating like crap. I just dont know where to start over from here. The sadness is ripping me apart.

[freebird31]

I dont know what it is. about "love" and this whole notion over your first love. Something about a first love must hold such great power. i My aunt today asked me the funniest thing... she said as we were looking at a happy couple with her parents, sitting next to us in a restaurant (yes, we are people watchers)...anyway as she was stalkerishly gazing at them, she asks me "dont you wish that you could meet someone nice and let them meet your parents." She must have forgot that I once was dating someone nice, who did in fact, meet my parents. As soon as she said this, of course a flashback/memory of my ex came to mind to the day when he was at my house, sitting in the living room with all of my family, just all of us, having a conversation, comfortably. Anyway, i don't know what about a first love that holds the power that it does. Your first love should just be the first person that you love, thats all that there should really be to it, i mean, right? Its a self-explanatory phrase, first. love. That's it....No. that is not just it.

 

My first love was the experience that led me into a whirlwind of the highest of highest and the lowest of lows, i have ever experienced in my 23 years of living. When we were together, dating, I was easily the happiest I had ever been in my life. I never even knew that it was possible to be that happy, that high off of life. Boy, i had no idea how dangerous, and scary the fall would feel when it came to an end.

 

After the breakup, I was broken into a million tiny pieces. A lot of these tiny fragrements, shoot even the big pieces, feel like they are still forever lost. I went through all the stages of grief. Pain. Painful nights, for months and months, crying, just trying to get through the physical pain of the whole in my chest. Then, there was numbness, the days, months, that I felt so numb, that nothing even mattered. Then after all the pain faded with time, i was left with this scar and memories of a person that left me so confused and broken who i had so much love for. What a tortuous feeling.

 

Two years and 3 months later, I can say it has gotten a lot easier. I am so glad that i am no longer in that place I was in the beginning months after the breakup. But...there will always be that curiosity, the questions, the lingering love I have for this person who is nothing but a stranger to me now.

 

I was going somewhere with this. First loves, ah thats right. It has been over two years now, and even after all of this time and healing, I cannot say that I am fully ready. I still have so many unanswered questions. I had opportunities before to move on..with a great guy. I never took the chance because my heart was somehwere else. Even after all of this time, I dont think i would be able to move on to another someone and love them the way i cared for my first love. To just replace the memories with soemone new, its crazy because if i am honest with myself, i dont think i would be able to do it.

 

Why? I do not know. I gave so much to my ex..too much of myself to be able to just pretend like it never happened, and then move on to someone else like it was just nothing, like i can just replace it.

 

I love the idea of it though. It sounds great, the idea to be in love again, perhaps with someone who can give me everything that i need, like committment. i dont know, the idea sounds like a dream come true. To no longer have to suffer or be miserable over this grief, to no longer think about the person i loved most, to move on. It sounds so wonderful, like a dream.

 

I dont think it will happen anytime soon. My heart, if i am honest, still is somehwere else. It was somewhere else when i met an amazing guy. It still feels like it is somewhere else. It doesnt feel in the "now." It doesnt feel like all of it is here with me. How am i supposed to love someone else wholeheartedly if my heart still has the love it does for someone in my past?

 

Everyone says "just move on" or "let it go." My first love holds great power over my heart, and my not-so-existent Love life. My first love was not just a first...love. Was the person to show me what it felt like to be vulnerable, to experience the most dangerous kind of happiness...but the brightest kind of happiness nonetheless, the person that broke me, and changed me. I got to feel what love was in its purest form, but i got to see the darkness that it brings when it abandons you.

 

It would take a miracle and lifetime of healing before i can ever love somone else wholeheartedly. That is the saddest part, because I would give so much if i could. Im sorry that i cannot.

 

My first love holds great power, because i still have love for him. miss him. and want no one else intimately now.

 

who really knows though right. The hard part is that he never really did anything to hurt me & we didnt break up for any other reason other than the fact that he wanted to focus on his career/school. He was immature along the way throughout the breakup, yes. He could have been more considerate, yes. But we really had something real . i had thought so.

 

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I am wrong and this was just a small part of a BIG plan. I dont know.

 

When my aunt asked me this "dont you wish you could meet someone nice, and let them meet your parents." My answer to her was "no." No, I do not want to meet someone nice and let them meet my parents. I want to meet someone nice who is committed to me, who can give me all that I can give them, and then, then maybe they will have the privilege of meeting my parents.

 

</3

Edited September 6, 2015 by freebird31

[Xiomn]

If me and my ex were still together it would have been our 1 year anniversary of us together as a couple and the day we first met face to face after meeting and talking to each other online for a while, today.

 

It was on my mind a lot when I woke up this morning but today has also been the day that I have just moved back to my university city, re-gained my independence again after living with parents for a few weeks, moved into my new room which I love and it has a beautiful view so I'm feeling very happy right now.

[Calidude6]

I just saw something I shouldn't of saw. I saw a picture my ex and the guy she left me for. The guy she was talking to while we were together. He wrote words can't describe the feelings he feels....

 

It made me think of the times when we were first started dating and the new feelings I was gaining for her. I lost a lot of those feelings but I still miss her quite often. I'm still angry at myself for not doing better so the relationship would last and I'm also pissed off at her for what she did.

 

By seeing the picture, it just makes me feel a little empty as she had someone in her palm as she left me and jump from one man to another and found her happiness so quickly. Her so called best friend. I do want something with someone again and I'm ready but haven't found anyone.

 

I just feel for some odd reason that this rebound of hers is real and they are going to last, get married and do the things we were supposed to do. I don't want them to last but I think they will. Makes me a bit envy. I wish it was her and me.

 

But time will move on and life will find me someone one day. Hopefully I'll grow even stronger feelings for someone.

[Xiomn]

Amazing how much can change in a year, this exact time 1 year ago i started my very first relationship and I was in my now exs bedroom sharing the night with her and probably lost my virginity to her, can't remember exactly when it was. Fast forward exactly 1 year now and I'm sitting in my bedroom and flat all alone. Who knows in a few weeks or months I could be in a relationship again. At the time last year I didn't expect to be in a relationship at all, I was in my room all alone like I am now seriously depressed at the thought I would graduate university never having been in a relationship and still a virgin, just never know what's around the corner. I guess that's a bit of hope and happiness to cling onto.

Edited September 6, 2015 by Xiomn

[Sunshine09]

12 days NC for the second attempt.

Made it to 18 last time before caving.

 

Don't have any urge to contact him but still annoyed at how much he occupies my thoughts and how much time I waste thinking about someone who doesn't think about me at all.

 

 

I wish I could speed up the healing process to at least be where he seems to be.

[Sunshine09]

Meant to post this in a different thread lol

[freebird31]

I was watching a movie and at the very ending of the movie, the narrator went on to say "time doesnt heal all wounds. sometimes the hurt runs too deep." Immediately, i just teared up. Because i can relate to that. I really feel like evrything around me seems to moving at its perfect pace...but deep inside for me, my heart still aches from all the hurt and confusion it has gone through. Even just losing the last guy I was talking to, has taken a toll on me. I miss him...and he now has a GF. He always gave me his wise words, his company, a shoulder to lean on when the going got rough. He always helped me. Now that he has a GF, i dont feel its right to reach out to him to talk to him anymore the way we used to. Its kind of crossing the line. But I really wish I could have something like that. A man, who can just hold me and hug me and give me comfort when everything goes wrong, someone who can give me advice and support on how to keep coping with it, someone to give me their company when I am lonely and feeling down. But, i know that that can never happen and will never happen, because I would just be using that person. Not that I wouldnt be there for him, but I wouldnt be able to love that person the way they would love me. But boy, sometimes you just feel like you really need that. That comfort and support from the opposite sex.

 

I am starting to believe I just really enjoyed the last guy's company. But to ever feel anything more, that would have taken immense effort on my part. To face my biggest demons, to face the hurt that witholds me, to open up, to make the effort of forgetting my ex, and blocking him out. That would have been effort. Its not the right time, it wasnt the right time for me to get involved with someone new. Even after all of this time. I really liked the last guy, but to love him....thats something different. I may have lost a great guy, but at least i gained a friend as we are just friends now.

 

I just miss talking to him. He always reassured me everything would be okay. He offered me wise words, great advice, i always felt like everything was going to be okay after talking to him. I havent spoke with him in a while, and we dont talk often at all anymore. I must let him go and be a good boyfriend. Everything around me seems to be moving at its perfect pace, but for me, my heart still aches so.

 

I want everything to be more than just okay for once. But i shall be patient. Good things come to those who wait, so i will wait some more. and grow stronger in the meantime.

 

I will keep pushing on even if its hard sometimes. I must keep going and pushing through this and believing that one day I will find love again and I will be in a happy relationship again.

[Felicite]

Mondays are very difficult days, because you have to look ahead the whole week knowing that you will go through it without him.

I was reading a book the other day, where a woman character asked a man, why he was doing all these things for her and he said a few simple words “Because I’m in love with you’’.

My feelings may vary between anger, sadness, resentment, hopelessness, hurt, pain etc but the only feeling that remains constant and comes from within, is that I’m in love with him.

If I could only tell him one thing (and would gladly have if he hadn’t treated me like ****) that would be it.

I wish there was some switch I could turn to just stop being in love with him, but there isn’t. Even though I have tried to keep as far as possible, it’s not getting much better.