How are you coping today?

[15Love]

As one who is a chronic NC breaker...I have to throw my vote for ....don't do it. As strange as that sounds.

 

Option 1 You get rejected...you will have a contact high which you will mistake for it being you're over it and him....then the high will wear off, anywhere from a few hours to 3-4 days. it won't fix your longing for things to go differently (which I think is the foundation for us all wanting to break NC) and you may find yourself simply at square one of NC. If you remember how dark those days were?

 

Option 2 He decides to string you along some more and break your heart again. Either way....if there was really good stuff there 9 times out of 10 it wouldn't go like this.

 

Have a look at your future: do you want to be doing this 15(!!!) years from now? Consider yourself lucky he's not contacting you. Makes his feelings crystal clear. Move one.

[Ellie35]

60 days no contact today :. I have had two months of being at times riddled with anxiety even messed up an interview because of it! Was tempted to contact him today as it's a significant day for him but held firm.

 

When does the anxiety end? I have not had a proper nights sleep in two months! Have spent a lot of time going out meeting friends and colleagues. Have a busy September ahead.

 

Have ups and downs! Sometimes it's very hard and I really really miss him then I remember bad times and feel bad about myself and wish I had dumped him!!!

 

I still long for him to contact but don't know if this is because I need validation or don't want to believe that I was silly enough to spend 16 months with a man who dumped me in a phone call!!!!

[imtrying211]

Everyday is still a struggle, almost 5 months post breakup. I don't want to care anymore, miss him anymore, love him anymore, and I don't want to cry anymore!! Why, after almost 5 months am I still a wreck? It makes me feel pathetic that I can't let him go. Right now he is just 2 floors below me at work and all I want is to go talk to him, tell him how I feel, and I can't. It's torture being so close to him, yet so damn far away. Each day that passes is another day that he hasn't come back to me and it's like another twist of the knife that's in my heart. I know I need to let go of hope, but I can't. I know I shouldn't want him back, but I do. I know I need to stop all of these obsessive thoughts, but I don't know how. I'm exhausted from all of this, physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. When does it end? When will me head and my heart work together and lead me in the right direction? I've been good with not initiating contact with him, though he's initiated at work quite a few times. We haven't talked about "us" since right after the breakup....do I take a chance and tell him how I feel? I know the answer to this and that is NO!!! He left me and went back to his crazy ex, so why do I still love him and want him back? What the hell is wrong with me? I feel so torn, a constant internal struggle on what to do. I just want to forget it all, if only that were possible.

[dyna85]

Yeah, I think I'm not gonna do it. As much as I feel compelled, I can't put myself through that hell again. I can't risk being ignored and going back to square one. If he were anymore of a jerk than he's been, I don't think I could take it. His silence is already enough torment for my soul. I think I'll just keep pressing on until I'm moved on, as I've come so far, and there's truly no turning back as far as I'm concerned.

 

I feel a bit better now.

 

Finalendeavor & 15Love, I appreciate your input. The outcome is what it is right now, and it's not desirable and there's no changing it, and contacting him would just further wound me. The ball is 100% in his court, and I'm not playing anymore. I've left the freaking ball court. I'm out, and I need to just focus on this fact and stop letting these negative thoughts mess with me. The damage is done and there is no fixing it.

 

Forget what I said about me breaking contact. There is just no way. The feelings may become overwhelming at times, but I'll make it.

 

You're right 15Love that I do quite vividly recall the darkest of days...weeks...and months. I'm still stuck in a hellish place but I need to have faith that one day there will be light. Even though at times I question my progress, I definitely see it, so I need to consider that.

 

Finalendeavor, as far as the dust settling and all that, for me it has not settled and in the deepest recesses of my being I feel he should be the first to initiate if anything, and since he won't, I guess that is the way it is and will be. For me, nc was the only way and will remain that way.

 

Oh well, I'm over it for now. Back to trying to get on with things.

[Oregon_Dude]

contacting him would just further wound me. The ball is 100% in his court, and I'm not playing anymore. I've left the freaking ball court. I'm out, and I need to just focus on this fact and stop letting these negative thoughts mess with me. The damage is done and there is no fixing it.

 

Forget what I said about me breaking contact. There is just no way. The feelings may become overwhelming at times, but I'll make it.

I'm really glad for you that you have made this decision. You're not alone. I feel like contacting, but never will, as there's no point and it could only do me harm. What you're feeling right now is totally normal. Plus, I can tell from your writing that you are a good, strong person. We'll keep each other going during these hard times!

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today I just felt tired. Really, really tired and bit sad. I wish all this was behind me already. I kept picturing my ex happy with the woman he left me for and it curdled my stomach. Usually I don't think about him and her that much, but I guess my defences were down today. Cheers to tomorrow being a better day...

[pillowpuffs]

Had a pretty good day yesterday. Thought about my ex a few times but just kept reminding myself that he's gone and that he doesn't care. Today though, woke up because I had a bad dream about my ex. Didn't need it it was just such a painful reminder that he's not here anymore. Literally woke up feeling like my chest was going to collapse ahhhh

[iheartgoodmusic]

We grew up in total different upbringings. We learned a lot from each other because of these differences. We had some good times and more bad. I accept your apologies. I lashed out and said some evil things. I apologized, the anger is leaving. We weren't meant to be and its okay. Yes you do still cross my mind but I know what's best.

[freebird31]

I want to speak with my ex in person and reach an understanding and a peace. I want there to be peace. He has went on to ignore my message. And it has been over 2 years since we have been broken up. Very minimal contact within the past few years and many mixed signals. I want to just reach an understanding and a peace with him. I feel like I should bang down his door to talk to him.

[Felicite]

I am breaking down today because someone accidentally hinted that he’s with another girl, and that he’s having a blast with new friends much younger than him.

 

 

I really was trying to get on keeping NC, but it was hard already as it was and this was a very bad hit.

 

Now it will be a torture for me. I want to trash everything and just tell him I still have feelings for him to see what he will do.

 

 

 

I don’t care about the outcome, maybe it will be something horrific that will make me move on. Even if he ignores me, it can't be worse from what I 'm feeling right now.

 

 

Any advice...

[Felicite]

I feel like the idiot that suffers in silence and clears his space so that he can have a wonderful time.

 

 

 

Shouldn’t he pay for how he treated me?

Shouldn’t I have confronted him instead of hiding in the shadows? Maybe it would have helped me move on.

[Reiben17]

Honestly, I say go for it. If the outcome isn't desirable, at least you'll have that, you'll know. It won't be left to chance, you won't have the "what-ifs". I'm going to end up breaking NC at some point, because I need some form of closure, even if that's getting rejected. And I think that, in your case, where quite a lot of time has passed (enough so that the breakup dust has had a chance to settle), it won't be automatically perceived as annoying, etc.. Just my $0.02. And if he is an ******* about it, even after all that time, you really should be glad he's no longer around. I think it's entirely natural to want to reconnect and communicate with people you were once close to. I don't always agree with "if he wanted to contact you, he would". I don't think it's always that simple, that cut-and-dry.

 

Yea...thats true,

"if he wanted to contact you, he would" s***

It's really never just that.

 

I ended up breaking NC two years after the thing ended,

Only to hear him say that he couldn't ever stop loving me, that he still loved me to bits and that he thinks he always did and will.

As much as i was pining for him to say that, just a day or two into this thing he opened up about his drug addiction,

I realised how he was saying everything that he did just because he was lonely as hell, and me coming back was like another event to lift his boredom for a while, before he found something new...

A friend of his got in touch with me, and told me how he's high 24x7,

And it showed, he is truly at the verge of forgetting his own name if he keeps going.

I can really say that he has hit rock bottom.

He was just a toxic person who wrecked me emotionally.

I should've bailed on the relationship when i started to see those red flags all that time ago,

Him hardly EVER being there for me...

He gave me no closure the way that he left, without a single word of explanation...

So i never ever completely healed, i lied and pretended to MYSELF...

But I finally got it, after all this time,

He hadn't left me because of anything about ME, it was all him,

And that's what was soo hard to see...he left because of himself, not because of anything that i did.

I couldn't have been, or said or done anything different to change what happened.

He left, because...he did.

As simple as that. And as hurtful too.

 

I don't regret breaking NC, i needed it.

I needed to see that he is as dead as a corpse on the inside now,

The apathy was always there, the drugs worsened it,

But it was always there.

The speculation and the WHY's that were killing me,

Finally went away.

 

He can never truly love or care for anyone, if he cant do it for himself.

He's destroying himself with alarming speed,

I never wished this on him,

As much as i had wanted him suffer as much as i did,

But i still can't seem to forgive him completely.

 

He looks nothing less than a zombie now...

But I hope he can better himself,

And learn to be healthy and happy again,

I'm through,

 

Yes,

I would've done anything for him,

But he's not worth it,

I need to look after myself now,

He never deserved how crazily i loved him.

And I imagine myself taking everything back...like actually picking everything up and swallowing it back in, my words, the affection, all the memories.

 

Right now,

As I'm sitting typing this,

I know that he's getting high someplace with a bunch of his so-called friends.

I have not had a conversation with him about me leaving him,

Because it doesn't matter for now,

He's too numbed up to even understand anything,

And it'll probably be really very very long for him to realize that I'm gone for good,

If he ever snaps out of the cloud of smoke surrounding him all the time.

 

But i HOPE...

That someday, he DOES know what it's like to feel like ur whole world has just ripped apart and that ur bleeding from inside,

Crying in showers,

Not eating or sleeping...

The heartache consuming everything.

I hope he knows what that's like...

And THEN he thinks of me.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Reiben17

[pillowpuffs]

I feel like the idiot that suffers in silence and clears his space so that he can have a wonderful time.

 

 

 

Shouldn’t he pay for how he treated me?

Shouldn’t I have confronted him instead of hiding in the shadows? Maybe it would have helped me move on.

 

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. Don't break NC. There is no point. Nothing you will say will make the situation better. Not right now especially if it's going to be emotional. I don't 100% advocate NC, I fully believe that there is a time to break NC but when you're emotional about something that is one of the worst times to do so.

 

I have been in your position. Finding out things that I wish I didn't and really, really hurting and wanting to just break NC but I didn't and I'm glad I didn't.

 

I know exactly how you feel. While you feel like an idiot, you are not. You need this time to grief and maybe there's a lesson in all this suffering.. Please stay strong. You're going to be okay. It's going to hurt - when I found out stuff, I think I went through 2-3 days of wishing I was dead but I did get out of it. You will too.

Edited September 1, 2015 by pillowpuffs

[15Love]

I am breaking down today because someone accidentally hinted that he’s with another girl, and that he’s having a blast with new friends much younger than him.

 

 

I really was trying to get on keeping NC, but it was hard already as it was and this was a very bad hit.

 

Now it will be a torture for me. I want to trash everything and just tell him I still have feelings for him to see what he will do.

 

 

 

I don’t care about the outcome, maybe it will be something horrific that will make me move on. Even if he ignores me, it can't be worse from what I 'm feeling right now.

 

 

Any advice...

 

If you don't care about the outcome ...go ahead.

 

You will not feel better after.

 

You will have a contact high that will last from a few minutes after you speak to him (no matter what he says) to days. It will make you think it was a good idea.

 

But inevitably you will end up right back here.

 

I'm so sorry your struggling right now. I know how you feel.

 

I also know how it will go

[finalendeavor]

I really, really still feel like breaking NC. I've tried to give the feeling a week to subside, but it's still potent as ever. It's so stupid. He probably still doesn't want to hear from me, at least not yet, and he might never want to. With the way he couldn't wait to seem to get rid of me faster, I know breaking NC would be illogical. Why should I be the one to reach out after all of that anyways? He wouldn't want me to, I'm sure. I'd probably just seem annoying. Urgh.

[Ellie35]

Hey folks!!

 

I struggled yesterday with no contact! Came on here, read the stories and remained zero contact!!! I know in my heart and head that I will never ever contact him again. And in some weird way that brings me peace and now I am going to focus on having the crack, doing new things and meeting new people.

 

I still have residual anxiety and hopefully some advice I got on here will help me get a good nights sleep and wake up nice and chilled tomorrow.

 

I have decided to stop talking about it with my friends as I can't stand the sound of my voice and he deserves none of that time. I am going to use this forum and dump all my **** here and listen to all the great , supportive and amazing advice from all us guys and girls who were dumped!!!!

 

Remember the rules folks

 

No contact for your own self esteem, confidence and dignity.

There is no reasons to contact him (exception children together) . If he wants you, h/she needs to contact you!!! Don't except any breadcrumbs!!! We are all worth so much more.

 

Thanks for this site and to you all for sharing!! It's been beyond helpful and will continue to be for next few months !!!

[Ellie35]

I really, really still feel like breaking NC. I've tried to give the feeling a week to subside, but it's still potent as ever. It's so stupid. He probably still doesn't want to hear from me, at least not yet, and he might never want to. With the way he couldn't wait to seem to get rid of me faster, I know breaking NC would be illogical. Why should I be the one to reach out after all of that anyways? He wouldn't want me to, I'm sure. I'd probably just seem annoying. Urgh.

 

Do not contact him under any circumstances ever!!

 

He needs to contact you.

 

Meanwhile, get fit, clean the house, meet new people , exercise! Do anything and everything to make yourself into the best version of yourself , the strongest the most confident amazing girl.

[Quintessence]

For those people who are struggling with no contact, here are my thoughts.

 

I've been in no contact for 60 days. I started no contact two days after she broke up with me. I did not announce it, did not even plan going no contact. Did not know what no contact rule was. It just came naturally. I mean, this person, this newfound 'stranger' did not want me in her life anymore, so I simply stopped talking to her. During these 60 days I did hope she would contact me, if only to see how I'm doing, but she hasn't. I'm guessing she did snoop around my facebook, so she knows I'm still breathing. Since I'm not in her head (it's a good thing; who knows what I might find there) the reasons for her not contacting me can be many. Reasons: she might prefer it this way; she might feel guilty; she might see it as doing me a favor, sparing me further pain; she might not give a damn etc. Or it might be a little bit of this, a little bit of that - a hellish cocktail of several reasons. Truth is, I try not to think about which of these might be the main reason cause in the end I just don't know and won't ever know.

 

I don't feel the urge to contact her because she made it clear she did not want to be in a relationship with me. The picture of that moment when she made it clear is burned into my brain. Sometimes I toy with the idea of contacting her, but my heart is never in it. It remains just an idea - an empty fantasy. The pros of contacting her are few, but the cons are many and quite serious. Here are some of the cons... First, she might reject me again and that would set me back for sure. When I remember how I felt those first two weeks after the break up, I can tell you: I'm not going back to that stage, not for your life! I'll fight tooth and nail before I go back to that horrible state of mind. Second, I don't want to bully someone into a conversation/relationship with me. A conversation, much like a relationship, should come naturally. If I were to try and force my way back into my ex's life in hopes of rekindling something in her, it would never be her own decision; it would never be her own free will that brought her back; instead, it would be me and my meddling. If it's not her own free will, if it's not 100 percent her wish, the chance of it collapsing would be far greater. Third, I've sacrificed my time for this person (five years), my love, my energy, my friendship with others, my money. I won't sacrifice my pride, too. I won't feed her ego. But what if she thinks I'm angry at her? What if this only pushes her further away? Yes, that might happen. There's a very high probability, actually. But we all must take responsibility for our actions and for our choices in life, and so must she. If our bond is so frail that no contact can obliterate it completely, then I say let it be obliterated. If that bond is so frail, then how will it withstand the test of time if by some twist of fate reconciliation does happen? Fourth, by contacting her I might stumble onto something I don't really wish to know. I might find out about some other person in my ex's life, or might find out something else from our past that would hurt me. Like I've said, I'm not going back to that state of mind. I'd rather die than go back there.

 

So, there you have it, my view on no contact. Do I think no contact is the best way? Well, let's be clear, no way is ever the only way. If you look at the world we live in, there are few absolutes in it; there are few rules which can be applied to every case. But the cons of contacting her outweigh the pros by far, in my opinion. It's time to be selfish. If they can be selfish, so can we. Don't give them any more power. They've had enough power over us to last them a lifetime. We've given them so much already, but it wasn't reciprocated. Let's take back ourselves, shall we?

[15Love]

I really, really still feel like breaking NC. I've tried to give the feeling a week to subside, but it's still potent as ever. It's so stupid. He probably still doesn't want to hear from me, at least not yet, and he might never want to. With the way he couldn't wait to seem to get rid of me faster, I know breaking NC would be illogical. Why should I be the one to reach out after all of that anyways? He wouldn't want me to, I'm sure. I'd probably just seem annoying. Urgh.

 

Ok go ahead.

 

But first. Answer these questions.

 

1. Will you know if he answers any of your questions with lies?

 

2. How will you feel if he tells you he's dating someone and he "cant believe you're STILL not over him??"

 

3. Do you mind starting back at square one?

 

4. Will breaking NC boost your self esteem?

 

5. Do you trust him to tell you the truth?

 

6. Depending on the means you intend to contact him with, call or text, how will you feel if he doesn't pick up or respond to your text?

 

7.What will you do after you've had a talk with him (in the off chance he's not so cowardly that he answers)? Move on? (you do that with your head held high right now)

 

8. Will you feel bad if him and his friends see you as pathetic?

[StrangerThanFiction]

So I've come to the conclusion I'm only ever sad about my break up when I'm hungover or...hormonal, shall we say. Days when I'm not I don't really feel anything about it anymore. I think I'm finally getting to the point where I'm ready to put down the full story of my BU in writing in one big huge long post on here because I don't think I've ever shared the full story of it. I think it might be cathartic and it would be good to have it written down somewhere just in case I ever start seeing things through the rose-colored fuzziness of fading memory.

[Sunshine09]

Day 8 of second attempt of NC

 

Some good things have been happening as of late, things that can vastly improve my future. I am so grateful. I wish I could convince my brain to focus soley on those instead of letting thoughts about HIM and more so him and her, creep in.

 

Why is it that as soon as another person is involved its so much harder to let go of all of the pain? I swear if he had just gone on, like I have, it wouldn't be near as hard.

[dyna85]

I seriously and truly feel like I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do with these feelings but they are driving me mad.

[Xiomn]

This was why my ex's excuses at the time of the break up were a load of BS and lies. I'm sure this will apply to a lot of other people too, just remember this line:

 

[finalendeavor]

I seriously and truly feel like I can't do this anymore. I don't know what to do with these feelings but they are driving me mad.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I know how maddening the silence is. Have you sought out any counseling? I've thought about talking to someone, just to get a fresh perspective from someone whose dealt with an infinite many situations.

[dyna85]

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I know how maddening the silence is. Have you sought out any counseling? I've thought about talking to someone, just to get a fresh perspective from someone whose dealt with an infinite many situations.

 

I've thought about it but haven't gone down the route of counseling. I just feel like nobody can really understand unless they've gone through a similar situation, and sadly, I think we're a small percentile. I'm really just trying to deal with it the best I can but I swore I'd be well past it at this point. It's really freaking me out that I'm not getting better.

 

It's not like I'm not doing things either. I've gone out with friends, I work, I go to the gym pretty regularly, I take walks, I write, I eat pretty healthy. It's just the fact that it was left without closure. I know people say you have to find your own closure, but for someone to completely ignore you invalidates your existence and makes you feel so bottom of the barrel. It's awful. My friend went through something similar and he was the only one who truly understood. That is, until the person returned to apologize. Now he couldn't care less.

 

So, he's no longer hurt as he was.. and it was a lingering pain for him too. He's similar to me where we like things resolved and not hanging out there.

 

Sometimes I have a good day and feel like I'm finally making progress, and then I just come crashing down the following day. Like Monday I felt so good and then Tuesday was hell and today isn't much better. I just feel like I'm living a nightmare. If I could forget about it, I swear I would. However, it just seems like everything reminds me. And I feel like until he responds (which clearly he won't), I can't move on with my life. I know that's absurd, but it's how I truly feel. I feel like I need closure and my feelings can't be swayed to accept otherwise.

 

The pain is now further compounded with the length of time I've felt this way. It's just a never-ending thing. It sucks so bad.