Xiomn Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 I find myself not coming on Loveshack as often as I normally do, usually only once a day when in the past it was multiple times a day.. not sure if that means anything.. 1
iheartgoodmusic Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Got a job offer today and I accepted the position. Yaay! 2
dyna85 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 I swear to God this site is my saving grace when I really start slipping into the dark abyss of depression. Today is not a good day. In fact, it's probably the worst in quite some time. This little balloon of denial I was holding onto just got popped, so that was awesome. And I thought I was doing so well... here it was the denial. I know I need to move on, but this seriously is tormenting my soul. I cannot believe it's been more than 8 months of solid no contact and I still feel like it all happened just yesterday. I know my friends think I am nuts... NUTS... for feeling this way. I wish to God I could get out of this. I'm going to a football party thingy tonight and I really really really don't want to go.... I know it will be good to be around people and potentially get my mind off this madness going on within, but then I still have to return to myself afterward, and this craziness never ends. When will this end? I want to feel better and get back to the me that I was before him. He completely f'd up my mind, body, and soul.... and the universe keeps f'ing with me too. I'm just sick of everything. How can I STILL be in so much pain and STILL have pangs of wanting to reach out to someone who hurt me so immensely? There is absolutely nothing good that would ever become of reaching out to someone like him. I feel speechless, yet I need to say something. It's the most messed up thing. I feel like I need to escape my body because my emotions are just too much. Even after all this time. That's what really really gets me. How much longer will these feelings persist?
StrangerThanFiction Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 I've been doing really good lately with not really thinking about my ex or having any feelings of sadness. Today I was randomly surfing the net because I was bored and on some site I came across there was this stock photo of a guy who looked remarkably like my ex. My stomach dropped and my it felt like someone had grabbed my heart in their fist and squeezed. I then cried for the first time since we broke up over 3 months ago. I cried over a picture of someone who just looked like him, it wasn't even him! I don't even understand why I got so upset over it. Now I'm hurting a little but again and I feel so stupid for it.
freebird31 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 (edited) i used to really believe that i have become independent. but lately all i really want is someone else's company. I spend a lot of time alone, and i stil get together and talk to friends on a regular basis. But most of the time, i find myself doing things alone all the time. And that is fine, but sometimes i catch myself just thinking, wishing, hoping someone else was there right in that very moment. It could be when I am going on a run in the park, and when i cool down to a walk. i find myself walking, thinking, wishing i could share that very moment with someone else. The other night I took a drive to the beach and watched the waves in the evening. It was beautiful, peaceful. But again, it would have been nice if i could share that moment with someone else. I have been doing this a lot. And maybe it is because I have a lot of free time right now, a lot of time to reflect and to think. I have experienced all these beautiful moments, and sometimes i really just wish i could share it with someone else. I dont know if that would be considered feeling lonely, i dont necessarily crave someone else. I can live without that. I have been single and alone for the past 2 years now. But it would be nice to have someone to share those things with, every once in a while at least. idk. I hope i find it soon, it doesnt have to be my soul mate, future spouse. It would be nice if it was even just a friend, who was a guy...lol. Someone i can just talk with about random stuff, anything. idk. I really miss the last guy i was dating. i feel like we would have shared a lot of these beautiful moments together accompanied with the steaming intellectual conversations that we always used to have. i miss those talks so much...and his company. I wish things could have been different :/ Edited August 30, 2015 by freebird31 2
finalendeavor Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 The urges to break NC haven't really been that strong because I'm fearful of potential rejection/ not wanting to get my heart broken, but I'm seriously so surprised he hasn't attempted contact with me at least once. He's literally not said a single thing to me since the breakup- how did I mean that little to him? The silence is so maddening. I just want him to acknowledge my existence. I miss him, and the sting of rejection is so present today. How can I think of him every single day, while he seems to feel nothing but indifference? 3
pillowpuffs Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 The urges to break NC haven't really been that strong because I'm fearful of potential rejection/ not wanting to get my heart broken, but I'm seriously so surprised he hasn't attempted contact with me at least once. He's literally not said a single thing to me since the breakup- how did I mean that little to him? The silence is so maddening. I just want him to acknowledge my existence. I miss him, and the sting of rejection is so present today. How can I think of him every single day, while he seems to feel nothing but indifference? I know how you feel . The silence is really quite unbearable. I know we're not nothing but we may as well be you know? I've realised that we often make the mistake of thinking that people have the same hearts as us. That's why it's so hard to understand other people's actions. We don't see that in actual fact, some people can be cruel and heartless and downright thoughtless. 1
Felicite Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 The urges to break NC haven't really been that strong because I'm fearful of potential rejection/ not wanting to get my heart broken, but I'm seriously so surprised he hasn't attempted contact with me at least once. He's literally not said a single thing to me since the breakup- how did I mean that little to him? The silence is so maddening. I just want him to acknowledge my existence. I miss him, and the sting of rejection is so present today. How can I think of him every single day, while he seems to feel nothing but indifference? exactly my thoughts. it almost feels a distant dream that we were ever together. 1
BriNyc82 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 exactly my thoughts. it almost feels a distant dream that we were ever together. A distant fairy tale turned nightmare lol 1
Quintessence Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 I’ve adopted a coping strategy where I try to treat the ex as nonexistent, and the memories we've made I keep under lock and key, somewhere deep within my being. I often visualize it too – huge, freakishly tall double doors, deep within my heart, and they are covered in locks from top to bottom, intersected by a web of chains and mammoth bolts. And behind these menacing doors I keep all my memories, precious moments, all those details from the last five years locked away. And it pains me so much to do this, for it feels so very wrong (almost like a crime, a crime against the heart), but there is no other way; I have to protect myself lest I go insane. Some people tell me how a day would come when I’ll be able to think of those moments and remember them with fondness. What a load of bs (speaking from experience, not being emotional). My ex was not taken from me by some higher power nor did I dump her. She chose to leave. By doing that she cast a shadow on all those memories we've built together. Each time I remember something, each time a picture pops up in my mind triggered by god knows what, I also realize that the person in the picture deemed me unworthy to be by her side. She threw it all away and did not even fight. So no, I myself can’t take pride and comfort in those memories. Behind those freakish doors the memories shall stay forever. The way your ex broke up with you speaks volumes about that person. If they did it via a message, email etc, then it speaks of their emotional immaturity and insecurity. A person who runs away from responsibility and problems, who relies too much on others for support, is not a mature, independent individual. You need to be a mature individual to grow and maintain a solid bond with someone. Granted, you don’t have to be a god, but you need to have reached a certain level of emotional maturity, inner stability and wholeness. Consider this, when a child does something wrong, it tries to hide it, right? A child breaks something and the first impulse is to hide it. Easiest way out – hide the problem or run away from it as though it does not exist. When a grown man/woman does something wrong, he/she takes responsibility for it. The grown man will look you in the eyes and confess what he did wrong. It’s not a pleasant thing to go through, it’s not easy, but it’s the right way. It shows strength, integrity and maturity. When a child finds itself in a bad situation, what does a child do? A child flees. The easiest way out. But what does a grown man do? A grown man holds his ground. A grown man tries to change the situation for the better before calling it quits. A grown man fights. Is your ex a child or a grown man? Toward which side does your ex gravitate? Mine has too much of that ‘child’ in her. At times I see her as two people in one body. People here sometimes write about the alpha and the beta in the relationship. If I understand correctly, the alpha is the one with all the power (or most of the power). The beta is the one with no power (or less power). But consider this: in a relationship you also have the alpha and the beta when it comes to emotional maturity. You also have the alpha and the beta when it comes to the level of investing in the relationship. You also have the alpha and the beta when it comes to the capacity to love. I am willing to bet that although many of you were not the alpha when it came to power in the relationship, you were the alpha when it came to emotional maturity, willingness to invest and the capacity to love. Who was the true alpha then? I'd say it was you. Anyone can pull the strings, but it takes real strength to build something and then fight for it. 2
BriNyc82 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 I am willing to bet that although many of you were not the alpha when it came to power in the relationship, you were the alpha when it came to emotional maturity, willingness to invest and the capacity to love. Who was the true alpha then? I'd say it was you. Anyone can pull the strings, but it takes real strength to build something and then fight for it. Hit the nail on the head! I had the emotional capacity, willingness to invest and communicate and he just wanted to hide in his shell and sweep it all under the rug. Path of least resistance. I know that these are not characteristics of a true life long partner. I think a lot of people don't know how to handle conflict because it truly is something deep seated from childhood. Unless the person recognizes this and takes actions, chances are they are very unlikely to change this coping mechanism. 2
StrangerThanFiction Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I miss having someone to love and being loved by someone. I wonder if I'll ever find that again. I'm so sad right now.
Starbright78 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I'm a month and a half in and I feel like I can breath a little better. It was for the best but I still have my moments wondering how he could do what he did. Hopefully one day I can go a whole day without a memory flashback of better times. 1
freebird31 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 i saw a picture of him with his GF happy with their mutual friend's baby boy. just the three of them. honesly, it was endearing. the emotions i felt when i saw the picture was a feeling of happiness for him. God knows he deserves peace and love, really though. I also felt sad...tears fled from eyes. I wish i could have been that person for him...i wish could have been me in that picture with him. Only God knows why things happened this way. Maybe in the end, she was the better match for him. idk. He looks so happy. That makes me happy. He was so good to me, even after everything. After everything, until the very end of it, he was always so understanding and patient with me. I will forever be grateful for that. Not even my ex held that kind of maturity. Only God knows why thing ended up this way, i have no idea. It makes me so sad. But life goes on, and life will continue to go on. And everything will be ok. Even when sometimes it feels like it wont be, i know truly it will. And when that day comes, i will make sure to appreciate it, savor it, protect it, and never let it go. I am happy he is happy, really. I am sooo happy and i genuinely mean that from the bottom of my heart. He would tell me all the things he had been through, and he was such a good guy, kind person...i mean it when i say that i am happy for him. I wish him nothing but the very best, and i accept everything for what it is. I was taught many more lessons...and I'm happy i met him. He showed me that there is mature, understanding, good guys out there. My ex was too immature to ever give me peace and understanding. But this guy, he showed me that people like that DO exist. And i will wait forever until i meet someone as genuine and mature like him. i am sad, but i am strong. I need to stop looking at the pictures of them. I must.
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Why did I read the old Skype messages? We were so young and so in love. I cried when I read the message where he said we would make our son on my satin sheets. Right there he let me know that he wanted to have a family with me. And I ruined it. I don't know if I can go the rest of my life with so much regret. I feel like I will cry and long after him forever. 1
freebird31 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I am starting to believe that I won't ever be able to open my heart to another until the demons of my past are put to rest. To tell you the truth I don't think I'm ready to date. I wish I could have peace with my ex. I wish that I could have met this new guy first before I met my ex. I thought about it long and hard. And I don't think I would even be ready even now to give myself to another person entirely. I just want peace with my past. I'm tired of trying to bury it, forget it. I want to face it. I want my ex to talk to me in person. I want to understand. I need to understand why everything happened the way it did, I need to be able to forgive him. I want him to be sorry I want peace. It hurts so much. And I feel like I let someone so amazing get away because of these demons from my past. everyone says time heals all wounds. Sure, time fades the pain. But it doesn't heal all wounds. I need peace I need to hear why, I need us to be at a peace and understanding. That's all I need and I could and would I feel, be free to move on and finally give myself to someone else. I just can't do it now. Idk why.
freebird31 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I feel like I have so many demons from my past. And I wish I could face them. Like my ex best friend ..she hurt me. She was not there for me as a friend during my breakup two years ago. It's been so long since we have been friends. It's crazy. I haven't missed her maybe I have been lying to myself in denial. But now, I can admit I really miss her. I forgive her and I feel like I am mature enough to understand why she could not be there for me. That doesn't necessarily justify it. But I just feel like I can forgive her for it is all. Sometimes I wish we could be friends again. Even tho two years can really change someone. We were eachothers sisters, inseparable, always there for one another no matter what. I don't share that with anyone now anymore. This is another demon of my past that haunts me. Sometimes I feel like reaching out to her. But sometimes I feel like maybe I should just move on. The same exact feeling I feel when I think of my ex. I just wish I could make peace with these demons of my past. I just would like peace in my life from my past. I've been through so much. I deserve peace. Idk. I feel like hunting my ex down and seeing him in person. Idk. I just want peace in my life.
freebird31 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. I let someone amazing get away. I can't say I regret it because I wasn't ready at the time. I'm starting to feel I'm still not ready. I'm confused. I want peace with my demons. I want to be able to be happy again. Free. I lost someone so good and it haunts me. And the demons from my past haunt me and I lost someone because of that. :/ I can't let this happen again with someone else. But I want to release this baggage, this anger, confusion. All I want is to understand. Maybe I still love my ex? Maybe that's why this is so confusing and hard. I'm so confused. I want to see my ex and face him and talk this out. I feel like I should just knock on his door one day.
freebird31 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 What do I do. How do I deal with all of this.
Chronograph Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I don't feel well. I felt better before, now I'm obviously riding the wave of fear, loneliness and sadness again. I feel under pressure to start dating again (from myself and from the "perceived" society around me who wants to make me believe that this is the only normal, modern way) but I'm scared of it. And I'm scared of being alone. I want my ex back, I want him to want me back so badly!! It hurts so much. 1
Xiomn Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Well I don't have time right now to be worrying about my ex, I've got a full day of job training tomorrow and I have no idea what i'll be doing..apart from the obvious vague learning how to do the job. Nervous.
Quintessence Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Hit the nail on the head! I had the emotional capacity, willingness to invest and communicate and he just wanted to hide in his shell and sweep it all under the rug. Path of least resistance. I know that these are not characteristics of a true life long partner. I think a lot of people don't know how to handle conflict because it truly is something deep seated from childhood. Unless the person recognizes this and takes actions, chances are they are very unlikely to change this coping mechanism. Yes, I agree with you. Often it's something that started in their childhood. As for the path of least resistance, I see it as the death of all growth. It keeps the person from evolving. The more you avoid conflicts, the less you are ready for them in the future. What is life if not a sea of trials and conflicts one must navigate? The trials we face in life are there to school our spirit and make it a soul, but if the solution to most trials is to avoid them, sweep them under the rug or shift the blame to the other person, we risk becoming stuck in that 'child' phase of life. Sure, it's safe and warm in that phase, but life is merciless and waits for no man to grow up. The easiest thing is to throw away the old 'toy' and just buy a new one. But maybe, just maybe, if one stops long enough to try and fix the old toy for a change, one might learn something about himself and about life. 3
dyna85 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I'm genuinely and truly on the verge of breaking no contact. I've held on for 8 months and I feel I need to break it. I can't take this pain anymore. It hurts too much and I feel like I can't cope. This weekend through to today, for some reason, I've been feeling extremely compelled and distractions aren't helping to divert my thoughts and feelings.
finalendeavor Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I'm genuinely and truly on the verge of breaking no contact. I've held on for 8 months and I feel I need to break it. I can't take this pain anymore. It hurts too much and I feel like I can't cope. This weekend through to today, for some reason, I've been feeling extremely compelled and distractions aren't helping to divert my thoughts and feelings. Honestly, I say go for it. If the outcome isn't desirable, at least you'll have that, you'll know. It won't be left to chance, you won't have the "what-ifs". I'm going to end up breaking NC at some point, because I need some form of closure, even if that's getting rejected. And I think that, in your case, where quite a lot of time has passed (enough so that the breakup dust has had a chance to settle), it won't be automatically perceived as annoying, etc.. Just my $0.02. And if he is an ******* about it, even after all that time, you really should be glad he's no longer around. I think it's entirely natural to want to reconnect and communicate with people you were once close to. I don't always agree with "if he wanted to contact you, he would". I don't think it's always that simple, that cut-and-dry.
Calidude6 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 I'm feeling much better now than I did months ago. The only thing I go through now is why? Why did she cheat and leave me for this low life dude? I don't get it. Why does she want him and not me? We had a great relationship but I know I got really comfortable and complacent which she could of felt bored but still work through everything together!! Don't let another dude in the picture so I just don't get why she wanted to leave what we had for that? Why do people have to do things like this? *******s lol
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