pillowpuffs Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Having a really difficult day today. Nothing seems worth it anymore. I am so sick of feeling this way. 1
NVO Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Keep it up people! The ups and downs of our rollercoaster rides are so damn confusing, but it's for the good. We'll get through this and I believe that some day we will be grateful for all this misery. We just hit rock bottom, but that just shows that it will only get better with every day that passes. 2
iheartgoodmusic Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I'm having feelings of anxiety. Two weeks ago I put together a packet for approval to be released and switch over to active duty army. I received word that it could take up to 6 months. Today I sent in a cover letter and resume for a position at my local base. I am confident in my work experience but I feel stressed out and my hopes are up too high. Really want my life to brighten up and I know it's not going to happen over night.
loveforever101 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 My ex hasn't texted me in two weeks after texting me every day pretty much. I started no contact a month and a week ago I think. I guess that means she finally is going to leave me alone for awhile. I've been a lot better but I keep asking myself If I would give her another chance if she came back.
StrangerThanFiction Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Today was a rough one. I'm so glad it's over and I'm at home at last. Was scrolling through Facebook and like 3 people announced they were in a relationship. Then my best friend who lives quite far away called and told me about the new guy she was seeing. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her because she's been single for longer than I have, but man, really didn't need all the reminders of how it don't have someone in my life anymore and no prospects for it in the foreseeable future. Other than that, still strong in NC. Tomorrow will be better. 1
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Today was a really bad day. I am jealous of people who are able to find someone better than their ex immediately. Guy after guy seem to get worse. I feel so cursed. I had suicidal thoughts again today. They were so strong and scary. I cried about my ex like the breakup happened yesterday. It was just compounded by all the other stress in my life including going to a job I hate and dealing with men who don't care about me. I have nothing but negative thoughts about the opposite sex now. My best friend doesn't make it any better because I think he treats his wife horribly, further ruining my view of men. I feel so alone. I wish I had a chat buddy at least. I have to deal with all these dark thoughts on my own. 1
Firstheartbreaksux Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I know this is the time where there are going to be ups and downs. Waiting for the up part. I keep going back and forth wi th myself on if I even want her back. I caught her telling some dude he looked good on fb, and then there was another dude she was texting and talking to, they were sending pics to each other and talking about things they used to do. She was never Promiscuous, I'm only the second guy she's had sex with, and the third she's ever kissed. She's pretty though and she knows it. And when she broke up with me she also told me that she has had a phone line with her ex bf, so she's been in contact with him the whole time. I forgave her for the first two things, but i think she just threw that phone line in as a kick while I was down. I have been told that if she comes back to leave the phone line alone, it's just baggage from the past relationship like my baggage is two kids. But a lie is a lie. But everything was so perfect wasn't it ? Even if she did come back, I'm not sure how I would feel about it after the excitement of getting the love of my life came back effect wore off. She did go above and beyond for me so I don't doubt that she loved me. I'm going to leave it at that. To much running through my head, I just wish this constant arguing with myself would stop.
Quintessence Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) On some days I have these moments when I realize on a deeper level that I can live without her. I FEEL it. In those moments I adopt a new mindset, and it's very liberating to experience such mental freedom and independence. It's almost like breaking the surface of the water long enough to take a deep breath and feel the sunlight on my face, before I'm pulled back down bellow the surface where confusion, pain, depression, feelings of rejection and anger reign supreme. I so want to remain above the surface. I know I will one day, but today is not the day. What follows are some of the thoughts I wanted to share with the group: 1) It's sad, the person who made it possible for you to experience the best moments of your life was also the same person who made you experience the very worst moments of your life by breaking up with you. 2) I realize now that you never know what's in the head of the other person, be that person a lover or a friend. You can never be sure what drives them, especially when they've had a troublesome childhood. Many people are bound by invisible strings forged in their past and dance on these strings like mindless puppets. Some can break that vicious cycle with enough introspective, but others keep on dancing well into their adulthood. And in their crazy dance they entangle others, us, and we become victims of their madness. But we love them and we want to help them, we want to believe they can rise above that troublesome past. There's nothing wrong with believing in people, because some of them do deserve our support and will justify it. But some, sadly, are just not at that stage in life when they are strong enough or self-aware enough to sever the strings of the past and mature emotionally. Basically, it was the wrong time to be in their life. 3) Letting go can be hard because you feel as though you're letting that flame, that love for someone die. After the break up you remain the sole guardian of that flame, where once there were two guardians. My view on this is somewhat different. I believe that if you love someone, and I do mean really love someone, that flame can never die completely. Rather, it dies down to a spark, but it never goes out all the way. You just find a quiet, secluded place in your heart and leave that spark there to rest while you move on. Life is unpredictable. One day that spark, that love you had for a person, might blossom into a full grown fire again. Or some other fire will take place in your heart, sparked by someone new. But even then, that spark of your past love will remain secluded and safe - an integral part of who you are. So my advice is to let go without fear, for you are not letting go of your love for the person who hurt you. Rather, you're letting go of the pain, you're letting go of the ruined relationship. But you're keeping the love. 4) You know what bugs me the most? I see so many people here on LS who have an amazing emotional capacity. Capacity to love, to work on their relationships, to fight! I’m thinking that many of us would be well suited for each other as partners. Too bad we don’t live in the same countries and cities. Still, it's comforting to see so many who are willing to fight for love rather than just call it off. Edited August 25, 2015 by Quintessence 6
BriNyc82 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Well said Quint! I think most of us on here are fighters. And very self aware. It's why we are on here in the first place. Because we are aware and brave enough to put ourselves out there to get real feedback! Love your #2 and #4. You really don't know what someone is thinking. God knows I didn't! 0 idea. Because I don't think he even did. Which brings me to your #4. There are so many people out there who are self reflective and want to grow and learn. My ex wants to hide in his shell where it's comfortable. That would have been an anchor holding me down in life. I have to believe there is someone out there who is emotionally available. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 I think I've hit the dreaded 3+ month missing of the ex and wanting to reach out thing that seems to happen to people. I've been catching myself fantasizing about reaching out to my ex recently. Then reality crashes back in: he cheated, he lied, he stole from me, he hit me more than once, he leeched off of me financially for years, and he left me for the same woman twice in two years. Where's the fantasy in that? Sounds more like a freaking nightmare. I'm sure it's just the loneliness and time removed from the situation that's giving me the rose colored glasses syndrome because I know I don't actually want him back or even want to talk to him. Another hurdle on the road to healing, I guess.
BriNyc82 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 I think I've hit the dreaded 3+ month missing of the ex and wanting to reach out thing that seems to happen to people. I've been catching myself fantasizing about reaching out to my ex recently. Then reality crashes back in: he cheated, he lied, he stole from me, he hit me more than once, he leeched off of me financially for years, and he left me for the same woman twice in two years. Where's the fantasy in that? Sounds more like a freaking nightmare. I'm sure it's just the loneliness and time removed from the situation that's giving me the rose colored glasses syndrome because I know I don't actually want him back or even want to talk to him. Another hurdle on the road to healing, I guess. He hit you? GAME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3
BriNyc82 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Today was the first day in about 3 months that I have not cried! Sounds pathetic, but I'll count it as a win. 6
15Love Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I think I've hit the dreaded 3+ month missing of the ex and wanting to reach out thing that seems to happen to people. I've been catching myself fantasizing about reaching out to my ex recently. Then reality crashes back in: he cheated, he lied, he stole from me, he hit me more than once, he leeched off of me financially for years, and he left me for the same woman twice in two years. Where's the fantasy in that? Sounds more like a freaking nightmare. I'm sure it's just the loneliness and time removed from the situation that's giving me the rose colored glasses syndrome because I know I don't actually want him back or even want to talk to him. Another hurdle on the road to healing, I guess. I agree with brinyc! Except I also know...our hearts and our heads very rarely agree. It sucks. Please try to keep going. He sounds horrible. There's more to life. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 He hit you? GAME OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Agreed! It was a temporary moment of insanity and hormones lol I agree with brinyc! Except I also know...our hearts and our heads very rarely agree. It sucks. Please try to keep going. He sounds horrible. There's more to life. He was a nightmare I had for 7 years. Guess a person can get used to just about anything, it seems lol. Thanks for the support! Now worries, I'll keep on trucking...far, far, FAR away from him. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Doing OK. Yelled in my car earlier, but that's cool. Pretty glad I went NC, finally got my money, and don't have to deal with this child anymore. I should have no reason to hear from her anymore, so that's awesome. Yep. 2
iheartgoodmusic Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Watched the Roast of Justin Bieber, LMBO!! Haven't laughed like that in a while. 1
Xiomn Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) Woke up today thinking about all the stuff that I bought her throughout the relationship to show how much I loved her, I know money can't buy love but nevertheless, actions speak louder than words right. 1. A single rose shortly after we got together, surprising her. 2. On her birthday I made a custom birthday card with a collection of photos of us sharing happy memories together and a heartfelt love message inside, even came with a box casing too. I bought a little hand-size teddy bear to go with it, it was holding a little heart with the words 'I love you' on it. 3. On Valentines day I bought her a massive teddy bear which costed a bomb and a bunch of roses, put it on her bed and surprised her as she walked into the room. 4. I bought her multiple huge-sized pokemon posters to put up on her wall because I knew how much she loved pokemon. 5. Another bunch of roses, but much nicer and bigger flowers than previously. 6. Not much, but she loves Mcdonalds, probably too much, she always wanted to go every week if not multiple times a week so this one time I went out and bought her what she loves from mcdonalds, came back and surprised her with it. 7. A 'Fairy Tail' anime styled notebook, I knew Fairy Tail was her favorite anime and in general she absolutely loves anime. I also know writing is a very passionate hobby and is very important to her as she wanted to become a great writer one day so I combined the two to make (what I thought) would be the perfect gift, combining the two things she loved the most into one. It's such a shame..now that I think about all the stuff that I bought her I feel like all my declarations of love were wasted. I think to myself why should I even bother in the future? Within the first two months or so into the relationship she bought me a new phone because mine was really old and crap by modern standards. She spent over £500 on a new iphone 5s for me just two months into the relationship. It's amazing how we both invested so much money into each other to show how much we loved each other then she just went and threw it all way and got with someone else in just over a month. Besides money, I also showed her how much I loved her through other means, through the constant times I told her I loved her, the endless times we shared cuddles together and all the times and memories we spent together.. visiting the park, visiting museums, visiting the zoo, etc. But it all wasn't enough. Edited August 27, 2015 by Xiomn
Sunshine09 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Not doing the best today. Feeling so much emotional turmoil that my stomach hurts. I know life goes on but right now it feels like I'll never escape this...
finalendeavor Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Trying really, really hard to not reach out in some minuscule way; I'm feeling the need to make my presence known. I just want to cross his mind. So tempted to send him a request on FB, but I don't want to look needy or seem like I STILL haven't moved on. Where I'm at the lowest spot on the totem pole- ex- it'll just look like a ploy anyways. I just keep thinking that MAYBE if I do something like that, he'll reach out. But that's honestly ridiculous, for so many reasons. I should NOT have to be the one to establish contact, after how everything ended. 2
Xiomn Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Trying really, really hard to not reach out in some minuscule way; I'm feeling the need to make my presence known. I just want to cross his mind. So tempted to send him a request on FB, but I don't want to look needy or seem like I STILL haven't moved on. Where I'm at the lowest spot on the totem pole- ex- it'll just look like a ploy anyways. I just keep thinking that MAYBE if I do something like that, he'll reach out. But that's honestly ridiculous, for so many reasons. I should NOT have to be the one to establish contact, after how everything ended. You know yourself you'll look like you haven't moved on if you get in contact with him in any way and it'll probably give him a massive ego boost knowing you're stilling clinging onto hope he'll come back, you'll probably feel like crap too when you don't get what you expected. I understand though that feeling of 'maybe if I just did this it would set off a whole load of chain of events whereby in the end we end up reconciling' but that just sounds like nothing more than a fantasy to be honest. Again, you know yourself if he wants to reconcile or anything he will get in contact, just keep telling yourself that. 3
Mathematics Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 5 weeks since last contact. No real urge to but I still miss her. Racing ahead with new girl is a bit of a worry. She is so sweet but at our last date the conversation was a bit stilted and I am not feeling a lot of chemistry. We have both not told each other how we feel. Tempted to broach the subject and see what happens. I want to keep dating her but I do want to take things slow. I think getting over a break up is good enough reason. She doesn't known I am 9 weeks post break up.
Calidude6 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 She dumped me for her so called best friend cause she wasn't happy with me. I didn't make her feel wanted so it gets to me a little bit because I did want her. I haven't talked to her in a long time. It's been 6 months since we broke and I'm still a little surprised we aren't together. I'm glad I'm not as sad anymore and I just miss her. With her new man, rebound or not.....I wonder if she still thinks about me?
NoMoreJerks Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 just saw that my ex removed me from facebook. He was the dumper. He said we could be friends, and I genuinely wanted that, at some point. We kept each other on facebook, but all his friends removed me / and I did the same to his friends. And just now, he removed me. I feel a knot in my throat.
Felicite Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Feelind quite low. I want to break NC and tell him I still have feelings for him. I'm afraid that if I don't tell him I have feelings, I will regret it all my life and think back and wish that I had spoken to him. On the other hand I expect I will get ignored or get heartbroken all over again, so I don't dare to do it. I also feel that NC has made it easy for him to have fun without regrets, because he doesn’t see me heartbroken. I want so bad to make him see the consequences of what he did. It's so unfair, that he's gotten away so easy. 1
madde Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Last two days were ok, today again I am feeling low. Maybe because today is exactly 1 month after we talked last time at work. I have a feeling I have to fight for myself every day and I am so fed up to feel this way. My only hope is : it will be better day after day . Have a nice day all!
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