finalendeavor Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Sometimes I'll start feeling really positive and I'll start to feel indifference towards him/ that situation, and then I'll see something that reminds me of him- everything does- and I'm back at square one. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he doesn't want me in his life, that it feels like I've been 100% forgotten about, erased; that I never cross his mind. It's embittering as ****, I just really miss him as a person. Even after almost two months of NC. 3
Sunshine09 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Sometimes I'll start feeling really positive and I'll start to feel indifference towards him/ that situation, and then I'll see something that reminds me of him- everything does- and I'm back at square one. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he doesn't want me in his life, that it feels like I've been 100% forgotten about, erased; that I never cross his mind. It's embittering as ****, I just really miss him as a person. Even after almost two months of NC. This happens to me as well Hang in there <3 1
NoMoreJerks Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) They'll be even more annoyed if you confirmed still going and then they don't show up.. I say cancel it, makes you look weak too because it looks like you're giving him something for free without you being there. I don't want to be a nasty bitch. I love him still, and I want him to have a good time on his bday, even if I am not there. I don't want to cancel last-minute. People made arrangements to pick up their kids on another day, in order to make it to his bday. Yes, I know the resto will be upset if they don't show up. But I got the impression that they will go anyway. I haven't told his friends that it's cancelled. I have told him all the details, and told him to go ahead and have fun without me. (It's sorta like a dare- you think you are stressed and can't sleep cos you need to break up with me? Well , go ahead, go and see how much fun you'll have once you've broken up wit me, I dare you). Let him have his fun. I feel kinda bitter about it, but at the same time, I care about him and want him to have his special day, even if I organized it, and I am not there to see it. Also, I was intending to pay his bill and now I won't, so his loss. Also, I was gonna get him a TV and now I won't. His loss again. His loss also, the fact that he won't get to enjoy my company on his special day. I was even planning on driving his mom over, who lives 4 hrs away, as a surprise. His loss. He lost a great woman. I donno what his reasons were for his breakup. A mix of personal complexes, getting tired from fights with me, but also maybe GIGS. He has been active on facebook chat nearly all the time that he's awake, for the past 3 weeks. He is not talking to any of his friends, I know that for sure. Because I have them on my fb and they are not active on the chat. So he is talking to another woman, most likely. He wanted the thrill of the chase, let him have it. But I know for a fact that no other woman can come close to me in terms of my appreciation and love for him and his son and his friends (his son and his friends btw treated me like dirt for the most part). OK, maybe I like playing the martyr. But still, I think that cancelling would be pretty ****ty. I had promised to bring all the beers for the drinks portion of the party, at his place (before we go to the restaurant). But I told him that I won't be doing that, so if he can tell others to bring their beers or get them himself, if he wants to... He didn't want me there, though. Because at first, when he broke up with me, I told him I'd still like to come to his bday. He didn't respond, it was obvious he didn't want me to. I felt that was pretty sh*tty of him , considering that I was the one who organized it, invited everyone, etc. Not that I would've gone at the end of the day anyway! Edited August 14, 2015 by NoMoreJerks
NVO Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Wondering if I will ever stop feeling guilty. Edited August 14, 2015 by NVO
Mathematics Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Randomly feel fine today when the past two days I felt like I was back at Day 1. Same here. There must have been some sort of imbalance in my head. I'm sure it will come back again.
finalendeavor Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Woke up this morning feeling poorly again. Still in disbelief that he literally dumped me just a few days after acting completely normal, and never spoke another word to me. It's been about seven weeks. His friends still want to keep me around, it's weird. Every event that passes by that we were supposed to attend together hurts so badly. I don't know how we can go from speaking everyday for months and months to complete silence. It really feels like I've never existed.
iheartgoodmusic Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I'm feeling semi normal. He has been calling and leaving messages and I'm not sure why. He knows for sure that I'm not going to sleep with him. It has been a month since we have broken up. He went back to his ex girlfriend. The first message was him inviting me to sit in a class for family day. Second message was saying that it was very important that he get in contact with me but he wasn't specific why and a text message that said "hey" with a smiley face.
candie13 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Wondering if I will ever stop feeling guilty. Guilt is awful. Awful, awful awful. You need to get rid of it. This is what made break No Contact after I have vanished - 11 perfect week of full NC. I just wish I would have been able to get rid of the guilt without involving him.
Phoenixashes Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Had a random moment of crying and tears. Feel a bit "locked out" and became incredibly rageful as I'm suffering and he is the cause yet feels ok. Went to sleep without contacting. Feel numb today but stomach still uneasy.
pillowpuffs Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Went along my day fine till my family went to a restaurant for dinner that my ex frequents (I didn't have a say in this and they don't really know he frequents this place) and all I could do sitting there was think of him, I looked the menu and thought of what he would order, I thought of how he would have enjoyed the meal I had and then I thought about how he was no longer with me, that he cheated on me and moved on and did not contact me since the day he broke up with me, I thought of how it was possible he would come to that restaurant with someone else, that I probably spend all my time thinking of him and he doesn't spend any of his time thinking of me and that I was so alone in this. I started to feel sad for myself, that I loved him so much, cared so much and yet he just got up and walked away after 6 years without looking back. I know it should have spurred me to think that because of everything, he doesn't deserve so much thought, I just couldn't help but miss everything we had. It was really hard. I'm 10/11 weeks NC and post BU but when the pain hits you all over again, it pretty much knocks the wind right out of your chest. 1
Mathematics Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Shed the first tears in a month. Gin and tonic in hand. What a mess.
finalendeavor Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Sitting here in a depressed drunken stupor, trying as hard as I can to not contact him or re-add him on Facebook. Someone talk some sense into me. I feel like he doesn't care and will never contact me again, and at the same time, I feel so futureless. All I want to do is have sex, drink, and do drugs until I die, forget and/or stop feeling anything. I can't handle the fact that I'm going nowhere and that the one person who understood feels nothing but indifference towards me. I treated him like gold, and he seemed to think I was so special 1
candie13 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Shed the first tears in a month. Gin and tonic in hand. What a mess. Math... alcohol doesn't help. Really, it doesn't. But then, it's good to let it out. Crying is good, because the pain resurfaces and you get to let it out. It's actually really really good. Don't shove it down and don't hang onto it. Really, let it out and cry. You'll feel much better after you do and the next time you get the blues, the intensity of the pain will be lower. Hang in there. How's it going with the new girl ? 1
Phoenixashes Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Feeling emotionally bipolar. When I'm up: "Look at your list and compare the 20 cons to the 3 pros of what you got out of this relationship. He isn't s**t and TREATED you like s**t! You left for a reason! One fat, verbally abusive and unsupportive man is NOT what you need! HE lost out, not YOU. There are so many amazing men out there to pine over instead of one who treated you like THAT!! You DESERVE BETTER! When down: I miss him and our talks. I miss miss being a part of his life. ...I honestly can't find anything else I miss as it was all about him...all conversation, him (unless he was telling me what I did wrong) I was "up" about 80 percent of the time but...the down would be an anxious rush of sadness and anger... I miss his presence though looking back, I can't find much to miss. It would last less than 5 minutes, those feelings. Is this normal? Am I just dumb??
TunaCat Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I wish I could talk to him right now. I just found out today that I have a torn tendon in my right knee. I'm freaked out & scared to bits. I'm so used to him being the one I lean on when I'm freaked out or scared. He always made me feel better, less scared and loved. Now I only have my family. I don't even have any real friends to lean on. I'm so tempted to call him right now.
OneForTheRoad Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Feeling emotionally bipolar. ... Is this normal? Am I just dumb?? I go from the lowest maggot to have disgraced the face of the earth to the master of the universe every day and it's super tiring. Mornings are the worst, sometimes a dip in the afternoon and then superman later before night. Coping today by going to my first swimming lesson. It's about time I learned to swim.
Mathematics Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) Math... alcohol doesn't help. Really, it doesn't. But then, it's good to let it out. Crying is good, because the pain resurfaces and you get to let it out. It's actually really really good. Don't shove it down and don't hang onto it. Really, let it out and cry. You'll feel much better after you do and the next time you get the blues, the intensity of the pain will be lower. Hang in there. How's it going with the new girl ? indeed, alcohol doesn't help but crying does. I actually dreamt that I was crying over the ex last night and woke up dry eyes. That felt weird. Me and the new girl are ticking along. I get more fond of her with every date (now 7). We have had a chat about exclusivity but not the full blown "boyfriend/girlfried chat". Sex is excellent. I want to continue to take it slow. I am scared of being hurt. I think she is too. I a happy to talk about the past but I sense that she isn't comfortable. I can see from facebook that she was wth a guy for 6 years and they broke up a year ago. She must still be hurting too. What i am struggling to reconcile is the way I have been feeling this past week despite having a new lady in my life. Once I work out what is making me sad maybe I can do something to stop it. I think it's simply the longing for my ex as the second NC period is now at 4 weeks but I am 2 months afterthe break up now and I thought I was moving on. Edited August 15, 2015 by Mathematics
candie13 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 indeed, alcohol doesn't help but crying does. I actually dreamt that I was crying over the ex last night and woke up dry eyes. That felt weird. Me and the new girl are ticking along. I get more fond of her with every date (now 7). We have had a chat about exclusivity but not the full blown "boyfriend/girlfried chat". Sex is excellent. I want to continue to take it slow. I am scared of being hurt. I think she is too. I a happy to talk about the past but I sense that she isn't comfortable. I can see from facebook that she was wth a guy for 6 years and they broke up a year ago. She must still be hurting too. What i am struggling to reconcile is the way I have been feeling this past week despite having a new lady in my life. Once I work out what is making me sad maybe I can do something to stop it. I think it's simply the longing for my ex as the second NC period is now at 4 weeks but I am 2 months afterthe break up now and I thought I was moving on. I think there are waves, up and down. I did a fantastic NC job until week 11 when I've had a huge huge meltdown. I've realized I cannot go on with my life unless I deal with my pain. Basically, my guilt and thoughts were killing me. So yeah, after 2 - 3 months, you just can't continue like before. I think I felt the need to really clean up inside of me, in order to be really able to move on - and I wasn't really seeing anyone. So you woke up dreaming you've been sleeping. Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something - such as "deal with your pain". Listen to yourself, otherwise it'll come hit you again when you least expect it. Take it easy with the new chick. You're still pretty early on, however I do believe good communication is paramount... you're vulnerable, imagine if you end up being her rebound... there's always something worse than can happen, so watch out for yourself.
Mathematics Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I think there are waves, up and down. I did a fantastic NC job until week 11 when I've had a huge huge meltdown. I've realized I cannot go on with my life unless I deal with my pain. Basically, my guilt and thoughts were killing me. So yeah, after 2 - 3 months, you just can't continue like before. I think I felt the need to really clean up inside of me, in order to be really able to move on - and I wasn't really seeing anyone. So you woke up dreaming you've been sleeping. Maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something - such as "deal with your pain". Listen to yourself, otherwise it'll come hit you again when you least expect it. Take it easy with the new chick. You're still pretty early on, however I do believe good communication is paramount... you're vulnerable, imagine if you end up being her rebound... there's always something worse than can happen, so watch out for yourself. Yes I read what you did. I hope you continue on this upward curve. I dreamt that we were texting and then I cried... All in the dream. I then woke up. If my brain is telling me something I would interpret that as don't contact her. She may be on the rebound but it has been a year. My ex was only 4 months single so maybe I washer rebound. This current girl is probably my rebound if I am honest with myself. She is on holiday for a week now so I have some space.
candie13 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Yes I read what you did. I hope you continue on this upward curve. I dreamt that we were texting and then I cried... All in the dream. I then woke up. If my brain is telling me something I would interpret that as don't contact her. She may be on the rebound but it has been a year. My ex was only 4 months single so maybe I washer rebound. This current girl is probably my rebound if I am honest with myself. She is on holiday for a week now so I have some space. yeah, prob not the smartest move I ever made, but I let out all I had inside and while I never got an answer back, this helped me move on and put all that history behind me. It was almost like a magic trick. thinking of your dream... maybe subconsciously you still wish to be contacting her quite badly and yet you know this will bring you lots of grief. This is the worst part of breakups, dealing with conflicting contradictory desires. Well, I think every break up is different and every RS is different. It took me a long long while to get over my break up with the guy I was seeing for 7 years, to be totally and completely over it. Much more than one year. But yeah, that's me, it takes me a long time to open up to someone and to get over someone. good that you know where you are with your girl. if it's not broken, don't fix it .
Phoenixashes Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Ex sent a short email asking about an event in my life. Answered brief, to the point in two sentences. "Had fun. Went well." No reply back. Feel ok. No heartstrings. No pull to email again for more info or to have responded in a way to keep convo going. Back to no contact as he ignored me saying if he wanted to fix things, to teach out that i sent a few days ago.
Xiomn Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Ex sent a short email asking about an event in my life. Answered brief, to the point in two sentences. "Had fun. Went well." No reply back. Feel ok. No heartstrings. No pull to email again for more info or to have responded in a way to keep convo going. Back to no contact as he ignored me saying if he wanted to fix things, to teach out that i sent a few days ago. You messed up NC. Didn't need to reply. In other news, re-reading breakup threads all over Google again like I did the first week after the breakup, I find it helps me a bit hearing everyone else's problems and knowing I'm not alone. 1
finalendeavor Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 I hate that I still want to hear from him so badly, that I still need the validation. How often does it happen that someone dumps you and then never, ever contacts you again? The lack of closure and contact is so icy, it's like everything we experienced was a dream, like it never actually happened. I'm so tired of being sad and caring when I know he probably doesn't. 2
Phoenixashes Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 You messed up NC. Didn't need to reply. In other news, re-reading breakup threads all over Google again like I did the first week after the breakup, I find it helps me a bit hearing everyone else's problems and knowing I'm not alone. It didn't affect me in any negative way. Plus it was more helpful than anything to gauge my emotional improvement. I really DON'T need his contact to feel better;it made me feel neither better or worse in fact. Just there. Meh well. Hang in there. We all are definitely going through. I had an intense relationship before this one that affected me 10 times as much but it was years ago. I got over that. Definitely will this time as well. We are strong!!
imtrying211 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Having an emotional day, wondering what the hell went so wrong. Sometimes I'm able to feel positive, but most of the time it's just the thought of how f'ed up my life is in general. I think the happiness I felt with my ex masked all of the other stresses in my life, and since he left, I've been faced to deal with them all over again. Tack on the emotional stress of someone I loved with everything in me leaving me for his toxic ex, and I'm just left feeling so low. All I want in life is to be happy, is that too much to ask for?
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