Quintessence Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Set myself back today My ex broke up with me less than two months ago. We were together for more than five years. I went no contact soon after the break up, but I caved in today...sort of. To explain, driven by some unhealthy curiosity I went to her friend's Instagram, which I refrain from doing, and ran into a recent photo of my ex at a coffee shop. This took me by surprise because she hates having her picture taken. Granted, it was just one photo, but it tore through me like a knife. Why? Because up until then she had become a fading memory, almost like she never existed (thanks to no contact and my efforts to deal with the break up), and now the photo brought her back in full force. Only, the girl in the picture was some stranger. She looked like my ex, but at the same time she was not her. And that realization tore through me as well, at least on some level. I have only myself to blame for letting my curiosity get the best of me. For what it's worth, my heart goes to all you other posters. I feel your pain. We are bound by the same torment. Thank you for walking this dark road with me. 2
Xiomn Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Feeling seriously depressed right now.. like she has just broke up with me all over again today or something, I have no one to support me either, I'm not close with my parents at all in any way and I have no friends whatsoever. Just lonely and depressed, she was the only person in my life that mattered to me and now she is gone.
Mathematics Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Set myself back today My ex broke up with me less than two months ago. We were together for more than five years. I went no contact soon after the break up, but I caved in today...sort of. To explain, driven by some unhealthy curiosity I went to her friend's Instagram, which I refrain from doing, and ran into a recent photo of my ex at a coffee shop. This took me by surprise because she hates having her picture taken. Granted, it was just one photo, but it tore through me like a knife. Why? Because up until then she had become a fading memory, almost like she never existed (thanks to no contact and my efforts to deal with the break up), and now the photo brought her back in full force. Only, the girl in the picture was some stranger. She looked like my ex, but at the same time she was not her. And that realization tore through me as well, at least on some level. I have only myself to blame for letting my curiosity get the best of me. For what it's worth, my heart goes to all you other posters. I feel your pain. We are bound by the same torment. Thank you for walking this dark road with me. I am with you fighting the exact same battle. Youre Not alone. 1
candie13 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Set myself back today My ex broke up with me less than two months ago. We were together for more than five years. I went no contact soon after the break up, but I caved in today...sort of. To explain, driven by some unhealthy curiosity I went to her friend's Instagram, which I refrain from doing, and ran into a recent photo of my ex at a coffee shop. This took me by surprise because she hates having her picture taken. Granted, it was just one photo, but it tore through me like a knife. Why? Because up until then she had become a fading memory, almost like she never existed (thanks to no contact and my efforts to deal with the break up), and now the photo brought her back in full force. Only, the girl in the picture was some stranger. She looked like my ex, but at the same time she was not her. And that realization tore through me as well, at least on some level. I have only myself to blame for letting my curiosity get the best of me. For what it's worth, my heart goes to all you other posters. I feel your pain. We are bound by the same torment. Thank you for walking this dark road with me. seeing new pics of your ex before the healing started must be hell. I have this ... adoration phase in me, I would have been crushed. stay away from social networks. Really. Stay strong. The first year after the break up sucks big time. It is a matter of time, only, if that's any comfort to you. Do the right thing, respect NC and it will heal. Just do the rght things every day, even though it's a battle. 1
veryconfusedone Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I've been missing him a lot these past few hours.
finalendeavor Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Coming to the realization that I was duped by a narcissist. Continuing on with my life and almost 7 weeks of NC, so I can gracefully crush him when he likely tries to make a reappearance. I feel like he will have forever messed up my expectations, though; I will always remember how amazingly he made me feel when he put me on a pedestal. Normal people don't do this. 1
Phoenixashes Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 A little bird (nosy friend, mutual of us both who up until this point listened to me saying not to mention him) came dashing with information that she suspects he's getting closer to this one girl I expressed a bit of concern in the past about... I felt that grip in my heart for a few minutes. Then it slowly faded. No tears. No freak outs or desire to call. I DID have an urge for doing something vengeful, especially since I've been angry all day . That quickly went away. Proud of myself. I...actually feel ok.
Cupid's Puppet Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Here I am again. Good thing is once you go through your first big break up, the other ones become easier to deal with. I had a new relationship that lasted one month total. It is suffice to say my tolerance level is at an all time low. I don't have any energy left to mold boys into men, something that should have been their parents' job. The one thing I hate about all this is I am becoming more and more detached from the opposite sex. I am beginning to feel like I cannot be loved by men and I cannot trust them, which is not a good place to be in. But I have to protect my heart and dealing with these fools does nothing but age me. So I wonder if I'd be better going back to my original plan to be eternally single. smh
freebird31 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Met someone new online. Oh boy, this guy is a well-rounded person. I mean...wow. The fact that I am even talking to him ...blows my mind. He is almost too good to be true. I found a flaw in him though so far, which makes me feel a little better and less intimidated. I mentioned to him that he is a polite guy. I somehow came to the conclusion that he is insecure that he is a nice guy, and perhaps (not sure) it hasnt got him far with women. He told me that he could try to be more of a jerk, if thats what I liked. I thought this made him look a little insecure with himself....But i totally love that. It makes me feel like he is an acual human with insecurities like we all do. And i admire that he is a nice guy, and not a jerk! Im still trying to inhale all of this in. If its too good to be true, it usually is. And so far, our conversation just breezes by. I will try really hard to not compare him to past guys Ive really liked and dated, but i still do it unintentionally and subconcisouly. We will see how it goes. I'm really nervous. I feel like he is very mature (only five years older) and established for me but I will try to not let this intimidate me. You never know what could happen.
Quintessence Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I am with you fighting the exact same battle. You're Not alone. Thanks Mathematics. Your support means a lot. I extend my support in return. seeing new pics of your ex before the healing started must be hell. I have this ... adoration phase in me, I would have been crushed. stay away from social networks. Really. Stay strong. The first year after the break up sucks big time. It is a matter of time, only, if that's any comfort to you. Do the right thing, respect NC and it will heal. Just do the right things every day, even though it's a battle. I will stay away. Thank you for your comment and for your support. The pain does get more manageable with time, but the progress is slow and the path riddled with mines of all sorts. My only comfort in this terrible time in my life is that I can hold my head up high; I was the bigger person in the relationship (trust me when I say this, I have my reasons for saying this). I fought for her with every fiber of my being. I was not perfect, I made mistakes, but my actions speak for me; they are timeless ambassadors of my love and devotion. The good I did far outweighs the mistakes. I built this person from the ground up, helped her get back on the right track in life and supported her without expecting the same in return. In the words of my brother: 'You were the only stable person in her life, but she threw you away.' But I can hold my head up high. It's a small comfort, but it's mine. So many good, emotional people on this forum. People who deserve love. People who value being in love. You are in pain, you were abandoned, but you are not lost, my friends. On the contrary, those who have done you wrong, those who have abused your invaluable 'gift' of love, they are the ones who are lost. Don't hate them. Pity them for their blindness. Their limbo is far worse because they are not even aware they are stuck in one. On the doors of their limbo cells you'll find their true names inked: immature, narcissistic, shallow, coward, cruel, confused etc. You can see these names clearly, but they, sadly, cannot. My friends, I'd like to share with you something I recently heard in a YouTube video. I steer by this advice: 'Don't give your heart away. What a silly thing to do, it's yours! But if you trust someone, share it with them. Don't commit your life to one person. As romantic as it sounds, if they crush you, you'll have to start all over again. Have a life of your own, so you don't feel lost if you lose that person.' 1
Phoenixashes Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Had two albums of pictures of us/him on my phone ...the thought of deleting them before would have been impossible. Went through, saved a few significant ones to file away, deleted the rest. Almost 2k pictures on this phone alone. Gone No upset feeling save anger and a bit of emptiness over the possibility my replacement is already lined up.
NoMoreJerks Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 first day after break-up. broke up with me at 6pm yesterday. Drove me back home around 7pm. Was numb for the most part, cried a bit, but mostly numb. Today, I feel worse. I have crying fits. But I have accepted it. I still hope that he will regret it one day (hopefully soon), but I don't know if it's salvageable at this point, considering that his friends all wanted him to break up with me and are probably breathing a sigh of relief (him too). I can take care of myself this time. I know I can. In many days, the indecision of the past 2 weeks, us going back and forth, me trying to convince him to stay, etc., was more painful, I did myself so much damage, wrecked my nerves, couldn't stop crying, had a full-blown emotional breakdown, etc. Now, I am resigned to my fate. I told him I accept letting go of him because I love him and want him to be happy. I still feel a bit of shock. It all went downhill so fast. One minute we were perfect together, a month later, he can no longer tolerate me. Mostly my own doing. I feel like I am still strongly in love. I feel hurt. I feel regrets. I keep trying to think back about how I could've managed the feelings that led to our fights/arguments, etc. I keep entertaining different possibilities in my head, different scenarios. If I hadn't done this, if I hadn't done that, etc. But at the end of the day, I know that there is nothing I can change. I must learn, and move on. As hard as it is.
Xiomn Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Curious as to whether there are any decent dumpers out there, how many of you were dumped in person as opposed to over text etc?
finalendeavor Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Curious as to whether there are any decent dumpers out there, how many of you were dumped in person as opposed to over text etc? How someone is dumped really impacts the healing process. Not trivializing the feelings of anyone who gets dumped, but I feel like if you're dumped in a respectful manner, you'll heal a hell of a lot quicker. How I got dumped is a big part of what's caused such a rocky recovery for me. He literally dumped me with the phrase of "I'm just not feelin it" over text message, a week after I spent $450 to come see him. And just a few days after we talked about the details of me moving in with him. How open ended he dumped me is causing terrible denial, too. 1
candie13 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Curious as to whether there are any decent dumpers out there, how many of you were dumped in person as opposed to over text etc? we fought over whatasupp. Exchanged some long emails the day after. Never seen him again in person in my life. Hope it stays that way. I was the dumper.
Mathematics Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Curious as to whether there are any decent dumpers out there, how many of you were dumped in person as opposed to over text etc? I was dumped on the phone but only because she was being so short/distant on text and i rang her up. Then she was all "I need to see you Saturday" and she expected me to await what I knew was coming a few days later. So I pushed her and it happened. Very classy way to treat someone you proclaim to love.
NoMoreJerks Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 How someone is dumped really impacts the healing process. Not trivializing the feelings of anyone who gets dumped, but I feel like if you're dumped in a respectful manner, you'll heal a hell of a lot quicker. How I got dumped is a big part of what's caused such a rocky recovery for me. He literally dumped me with the phrase of "I'm just not feelin it" over text message, a week after I spent $450 to come see him. And just a few days after we talked about the details of me moving in with him. How open ended he dumped me is causing terrible denial, too. I feel the opposite. If my ex is an ******* who really did it for no good reason and in a nasty and inconsiderate way, I recover better/faster, because of anger and the fact that I can clearly blame him for the death of the relationship. If, however, the damage to the relationship was as a result of me, and it was so intolerable as a situation for him, and he had to dump me and did it with a lot of tears and hurt in his heart, because he knew he was hurting me, and he was gentle and caring, then it is even harder for me to recover from it. Just the fact that he was nice enough to do it in a nice way, makes me cry over what I lost. :( However, at the same time, I realize that I did a lot of things in the relationship that he never appreciated, spent so much money and time and effort and love on him and his kid. And only got minimal acceptance and respect from his kid and friends. So that kinda makes me realize that perhaps my efforts and love were best placed somewhere else. Still, I definitely feel that coping is harder when the break-up /letdown is "nicer."
NoMoreJerks Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Curious as to whether there are any decent dumpers out there, how many of you were dumped in person as opposed to over text etc? In person. He tried several times. I convinced him several times, but it didn't last more than a day. He just kept brooding on it, and wanted out. So the last time, too, he called and said he needed to talk to me, don't think our conversation was over, etc. He was not nice to me on the phone, the way he said that. He was angry, fed up, etc. (even though I had stopped the fights with him and was nice with him and was trying to turn a new leaf). He said he was coming over. I said I will come over to his place, cos I had asked him to come over several times in the past few weeks. So I went over, and he broke up with me. I took it better than I thought I would, better than I had done in previous times he had tried to break up. I'm still devastated, though.
NoMoreJerks Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I just had a setback. I had organized his birthday party for tomorrow and had invited all his friends, and was planning on buying him a TV as a present. I wanted him to have a blast. He broke up with me yesterday (after a month of fights and him trying to break up with me and me begging and pleading and delaying the inevitable). I just got a call from the restaurant that I had reserved, and they asked me to confirm if we were still going. I had told him that I am not cancelling the reservation, so I told the restaurant people that yes, we are going. I am not going, for sure. But I hope they are going, because the restaurant reservation is under my name and phone # and they're gonna get really pissed off. Anyway, just the thought of the whole birthday party thing threw me off the rails. I've been crying, my heart is gonna burst out of my chest, have difficulty breathing, etc.
Xiomn Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I just had a setback. I had organized his birthday party for tomorrow and had invited all his friends, and was planning on buying him a TV as a present. I wanted him to have a blast. He broke up with me yesterday (after a month of fights and him trying to break up with me and me begging and pleading and delaying the inevitable). I just got a call from the restaurant that I had reserved, and they asked me to confirm if we were still going. I had told him that I am not cancelling the reservation, so I told the restaurant people that yes, we are going. I am not going, for sure. But I hope they are going, because the restaurant reservation is under my name and phone # and they're gonna get really pissed off. Anyway, just the thought of the whole birthday party thing threw me off the rails. I've been crying, my heart is gonna burst out of my chest, have difficulty breathing, etc. They'll be even more annoyed if you confirmed still going and then they don't show up.. I say cancel it, makes you look weak too because it looks like you're giving him something for free without you being there.
dp_322 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I had an anxiety attack today, I have never experienced that. Three weeks ago I had two very good weeks. But the last week has been a little harder. Yesterday I truly missed her, and even felt love. The feelings were pure, not mixed with anger and resentment. Today however, I truly felt for her, and I was sad. Tonight I cried because I'm really worried about her and it was followed by an anxiety episode. My soon to be ex wife relapsed and started drinking and doing drugs. She messed everything up, and there is nothing waiting for her. She ruined the life she built. I'm not just talking about me. She can't see her children (my stepchildren), they are heartbroken and angry at her because they feel as if their mother choose the drugs and alcohol over them. Her sister is heartbroken because she was high while looking after her one year old daughter. Her mother is angry because of what she did, all of it. She broke my heart, cheated on me and dumped me for her 8 years younger drug addict new boyfriend. So yeah, she broke a lot of hearts with her relapse, betrayed a lot of people that are really hurt and angry. I fear for her life. I don't want her to die.
imtrying211 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Went out last night with some co-workers for a farewell party for one of them. Was nervous about the possibility of the ex showing up because he has known this person a long time, but he didn't make an appearance. I actually thought that was pretty crappy to not say goodbye to a friend. Maybe he didn't go cause he knew I'd be there. I know for my own sanity, it was better that he didn't show up. One of our co-workers did end up bringing him up, and of course I started to cry. I'm sure the liquor had a hand in that. She actually gave me some peace though. She works closely with him, and wanted to let me know that he never did speak one negative word about me since the breakup. Also, her and the rest of their "crew", who I used to work closely with, believes that he wronged me, and I didn't deserve what happened. That did make me feel better because I've felt like a fool around all of them, thinking they are just looking at me as the girl that got dumped. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but it was nice to hear that they are all in my corner. I guess I can say I had a good day today. Saw the ex once at work, he held a door open for me, I said thanks, and that was it. I didn't even make eye contact with him. Just looking at him, having to see him at all hurts. But I feel like I'm handling it better, it seems to hurt less and less each day. I hope I continue on this path because there have been other times where I feel like I'm coping well, and then out of nowhere it all comes back to me. I have to continue to avoid him, so there's no chance of him striking up a conversation.
Phoenixashes Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Spent some time at a place we used to go to a lot together. We MET there. He doesn't come around as much and I was slightly afraid I would see him...but it was nice to be there and not feel sad.
Xiomn Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Randomly feel fine today when the past two days I felt like I was back at Day 1. 1
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