How are you coping today?

[freebird31]

Wow. You are being way too hard on yourself.

 

Your ex is being the inconsiderate ass by adding you on social media and then posting a pic with another girl on his page shortly after. It may look innocent on his behalf but it screams 'give me attention'.The timing is a bit too coincidental don't you think?!

 

You sent a letter... That is nothing to be ashamed of. Some people have done SO much worse!! I have heard of people professing their undying love for their ex outside their house, egging their ex boyfriend in the face and his car! You name it.. I guarantee it's been done somewhere around the globe. Sending a letter... Psssh, don't worry about it!

 

Unless he contacts you with something meaningful to say, go NC.

 

 

Thanks, that makes me feel better.

 

And right I know, It was pretty coincedental that he posted that picture and really inconsiderate. When I saw it, it really drove me mad. Especially because he was thanking this girl for being such a good friend to him, when he had never even thanked me for doing the things that I had done for him when we were together. it would have been nice if he had told me "thank you, I appreciated you as a girlfriend in the relationship when we were together." Nope. Thats what made me lose it. Anyway, hes not worth it. I hope one day he realizes what a cold-stoned jerk he was to me. Thats all. Oh, and I just hope he feels really guilty about it.

[freebird31]

You know what freebird? I have read so many of your posts and I truly admire your strength and don't think you should be embarrassed at all. Love makes us want to fight for it, and in your situation, with the way your ex handled your last 2 contacts, it's any wonder it's left you feeling the way you do. For someone to ignore you is incredibly hurtful and the hurt lingers on and on, and yes, when you're feeling overly emotional and triggered, you want to bridge that gap again, because it's unresolved. I think you did what was right for you and it took courage to openly disclose how you felt to seek further resolution. Your ex, I would bet, does not think you are crazy, but is just confused himself. It's his issues that prevent him from being able to be kind enough to respond. The fact that he added you on social media and then went cold when you tried to contact him just shows further that he's definitely emotionally immature. I know you're in a lot of pain and I feel for you. However, I can guarantee you will make some guy so happy some day because you are such a deeply loving person. You just need to carry on and definitely not berate yourself for having tried for closure. Again, I envy that you had the courage to at least make attempts after the fact.

 

Honestly, I think in this life in some cases you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, but the truth is, you never know unless you try. I've regretted maybe not fighting enough looking back and in other cases, I regret not having walked away earlier. It's all a part of life. You're young and some day will look back and know you needed to go thru this to get to where you will be. And you had your reasons for doing what you did. We always do.

 

Thank you. Thanks for telling me that I am a deeply loving person, too. That made me tear up hearing that. I really hope so. Every time I try to date, I notice that bad emotions come back again. I think that I just should focus on being single, I am 23 thats still young.

 

 

Thank you for the insightful words. It has made me feel less bad about all of this. Youre right, you never know unless you try. I tried so hard, and at least I can walk away knowing i gave it everything I could possible give. Even, if I may have wasted a lot of my time and energy doing so. I have learned a lot about myself, i think that I love too hard. But hopefully, one day in the future everything will just make some sense for once.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Today was a good day. Finally! Jeez the last couple weeks have been crap but maybe possibly things are looking up? I've been pretty indifferent to the thoughts of my ex for the last few days and I've noticed I'm spending a lot less time on here than I was before. That's a good sign, right? Also, today I had been pissing around on FaceBook for a good ten minutes when I realized I hadn't had any temptation to check the profile of the chick my ex left me for. May not seem like much progress to anyone else, but that's a big step for me. I actually stopped going on FaceBook for a few weeks because the temptation was almost overwhelming every time I logged on. Seems that's paid off and the habit is for the most part broken. So I'm chalking today up as a win

[Phoenixashes]

Dunno why I was feeling ok and now I'm in bed crying so much.

 

I feel so sad over eveything. Not just my ex, just reading news articles and all the pain and sadness in the world. Where i am in life. Just overwhelmed I guess. Everything seems so down.

 

I think the loneliness is what makes it worse...imagining someone else in my place. Constant battle. What's real and what's remembered.

[imtrying211]

Today makes 4 months post breakup and I'm feeling angry. Angry for many reasons, one being that it's pouring rain outside and as I got soaked traveling into work, the ex is driving around in the truck we bought together. I know, stupid reason to be angry but I can't help it. I'd rather be angry right now than sad and crying. I hope I don't have to see his face today, but knowing my luck, I'll see him 100 times.

 

I really thought by now that his relationship would have failed and he would've come back to me. I think I've finally accepted that it's not going to happen. And I'm not sure I want it to happen anymore. I mean I still have my moments where I miss him, but then I tell myself he's not worth the anguish, he was never going to stay. I feel pathetic that after 4 months I still need to give myself pep talks. I want to be done with this nightmare already, still just taking it day by day. My goal for today is to make it through the 4 month mark without shedding a single tear!

[Xiomn]

Feeling crap again.

 

I've just spent the better part of probably an hour packing away stuff getting ready to move back home for a few weeks, you would think doing all that would keep my mind busy but the entire time she was on my mind.

[Xiomn]

Forcing myself to go the gym today, not felt this bad in a while usually I look forward to going the gym but feel so sad I just want to sleep all day today so I don't have to worry about anything going on in my life right now. Even worse is when I go back home for 3 weeks I won't have access to the gym to keep me busy until I go back to university.

Edited August 11, 2015 by Xiomn

[Throldur]

I was doing fine coping after awhile but I'm not doing well anymore.

 

My entire adult life, I had myself convinced, the reason why it was so hard for me to find love was simply because I wasn't good looking enough. So, I chocked it up to looks, let it be and took advantage of the rare situations as they arose to turn them into something.

 

Lately, the feedback has been different. Obviously, my ex was the first girl to truly tell me that I was good looking. Which is great, it's a nice feeling. After the break-up, I was decimated, how could I ever find someone great again, I don't have the physical traits to do so.

 

I had one date from OKCupid, didn't really like the girl, I wasn't ready, so pushed passed that. Then I met a girl, I took out, when she met me, she said to my friend when we were joking about being 'together'.. "Oh really? Nice, he's hot!". That was cool.

 

Then I met another girl, never went anywhere, that's fine. Another weekend out, took home the most beautiful girl I ever have. That same night, a girl grabbed my shirt, pulled me in to dance with her and as we were walking to the bar to get a drink she told me "you're very attractive."

 

My friend was down with his children and his wife this weekend. He was telling me that, the girl I walked down the aisle with for his wedding, had mentioned to him that she found me very attractive and it's too bad that I lived so far away.

 

Out of nowhere, I'm getting all these compliments and signs saying differently than I've felt about myself my entire life. So, that crutch is gone. It isn't my looks. So, that should be a good thing, right? But it isn't. Because, even though they find me attractive, they aren't yielding me a relationship, all of these girls ended up with a few dates, some lays, but never came into fruition into the one thing I want, which is a relationship.

 

Now, I'm in a negative thought pattern, depressed again, I miss her still, I always will, I'm angry about the opportunities I missed.. and now angry that I don't know why this isn't happening for me.

 

At least before I had a reason.. now I don't.

[GettingOverItDay2Day]

Got the answers I needed today with the final contact from her....Shes still lying, mainly to justify things to herself and convince herself she didnt do any wrong by cheating on me weeks prior to marriage

 

Got myself signed back up on a dating site and got several messages within 5-10 minutes of being online....Just goes to show how far a well written profile goes!!

 

Threw away all the things she had bought me over the years, including the Suduko book she got got my birthday...I mean who the **** would buy someone that for their birthday...Dont even like Suduko!!!

 

Feel a bit better now knowing that I wasnt in the wrong and that this was 100% her decision...Im concentrating on finding my princess and she no longer deserves a minute of my thoughts anymore

[Phoenixashes]

So tempted to sign onto the email address I deleted from my phone to see of he responded...but not knowing is better at this stage.

 

Feel so much better this morning. Met someone nice that seems interesting but I'm just in the getting to know you stage.

[GettingOverItDay2Day]

So tempted to sign onto the email address I deleted from my phone to see of he responded...but not knowing is better at this stage.

 

Feel so much better this morning. Met someone nice that seems interesting but I'm just in the getting to know you stage.

 

Pls dont check your email, concentrate on this new person and you will soon enough forget to even want to check it

[Sixandout]

It was my ex's birthday today. I didn't text because I have no desire to speak again, but I have been aware all day. Annoying!

[freebird31]

My ex and I never once told eachother that we loved each other. Although there were many occasions when, the L word would slip up, and even on one occasion where it slipped out of me but he didnt hear it...I am not really sure if I even knew or know what love is though, to be honest. In a way, I am glad we never exchnaged "i love you." The closest we ever got was when I told him "I am crazy for you," and he repeated it back to me, "I am so crazy for you too." When we broke up, and my ex wanted to remain friends when I didn't, I can also recall him telling me that he did not want me out of his life and that he had "mad love" for me. That was the closest we ever got to saying we loved one another.

 

It has been a long time since then, years. I have even dated other guys, almost got serious with one who I really liked and failed to realize it before it was too late. Even after all this time, and all the bad experiences I have had with my ex, I cannot help but think back on it and the memories, and still feel that same kind of love or whatever it was, for him as much as i ever did. I really miss him sometimes. It is not just missing the company of another human being, although maybe the company of another human being might mask this feeling of missing him, but I really do miss the good times that we shared together.

 

I dont think I will ever forget all the funny memories, because they were mostly funny. Or the times we spent just laughing at one another, with one another. I really cared about him, and this feeling has never really gone away, it just sort of stayed with me. I wonder, and I am almost certain actually, that my ex might even feel the same fondness of me as well.

 

 

Even after everything, and all the hurt and the pain (such pain), it is not enough to take away this care I still have for him. My family really loved him, and to this day his name is still brought up from time to time. It's really sad the way it ended, and that it ended.

 

Throughout all of this I passed up a great opportunity, let a good guy get away because i was still crazy for my ex. This guy that I let get away was a really good guy and I mean, I can make a list of all the positive and admirable traits that he had. I really liked this guy. I wasnt ready though and i really failed to realize that he was good and was too late on being ready, he moved on. It is sad. I really wonder if i could have shared something amazing with this guy, even more amazing than what I shared with my ex. Sometimes all of this just makes me so sad.

 

But I have to keep going and believing somehow that this happened for a reason. I dont know why my ex couldnt give me the peace I have agonized for. I do not know why I could not have been ready for the new guy. I do not know why I failed to realize how great of a guy the new guy was until he moved on, until it was too late. Nothing really ever makes sense. I just have to be strong.

 

But i really cant help but just cry because I just wish I could know and understand why everything around me just seems to move so fast, and I can barely just catch a breath. i dont really know anymore. :|

 

I still have this love for my ex, I just know that its something that wont ever go away. Maybe it will, when I move on to another person, I dont know. Everything is confusing and difficult and hard.

[freebird31]

One of the hardest things is watching my cousin and his girfriend prosper together in their relationship. They started dating about two months after me and my ex did, and they are still together and still in love...almost being 3 years together. They treat each other with so much love. It is so hard to watch, and its not just jealousy, its just watching the unjustice of it all. The fact that their relationship prospered, and the relationship between my ex and fell apart. We both started dating at the same time. It is hard to watch. I love them both, i really like my cousins gf, it is just so hard. It is just this constant reminder that life is not fair. Life is not fair, and the world doesnt owe you a thing. I dont know what i am saying, I guess its just painful to see them together. Life is painful a lot of the times.

[Phoenixashes]

Pls dont check your email, concentrate on this new person and you will soon enough forget to even want to check it

I checked. Nada but I did tell him I was closing it.

 

Feeling better, the guy I'm talking to connects really well. He finds me funny, appreciates all my ex didnt. It's so bizarre. Just a few days in, nothing major but I won't lie.

 

I think I was lonely. Very lonely. And now that I'm getting less lonely I feel...like ex is fading a bit. I hate. Hate being forced to see how mistreated I was now that I'm being treated well.

God, what am I clinging to??

[pillowpuffs]

It still hurts but I'm feeling more and more numb as time passes. I just know happiness is a far way off... will I ever be happy again?

[Mathematics]

Badly. I broke NC by seeing social media photos of her. Last time that happened i contacted her. Determied not to contct her but its all hit me again and i was doing well. This is all despite me seeing someone else but its the ex that I love.

[loveforever101]

Absolutely horrible. I woke up and all I can think about is her. Everything we've ever done came rushing back into my mind and I can't stop crying. I still love her so much and I hate that </3

[Felicite]

'm also feeling horrible today. Ex is surely having fun like we never existed, and I am in a bad state.

Everything seems so surreal.

 

How can he do it? Why can't I also be so indifferent?

 

ughhmph

[Phoenixashes]

Lol just had the phone hung up on me by said guy I was speaking to after a disagreement. Unlike the ex, I won't even stick around to see if his inability to communicate was a fluke. I feel good about that.

 

Next!

[Mathematics]

A few of us struggling today. I haven't cried over her for a month but I really could right now...

[imtrying211]

Well I made it through yesterday without crying even though I did see the ex at work. Was feeling angry most of the day which I think kept the tears away. This morning I'm feeling sad, AGAIN! Saw my ex pass me on my way into work. Don't know if his GF was with him since she works only a few blocks away. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter, none of it matters, he's gone. But I can't stop thinking about him, missing him, loving him. I wonder if he thinks I am over it, over him. I haven't really spoken a word to him about "us" since a couple of weeks after the breakup. I so want to tell him how much I still love him, but I know I can't. If we were to ever get back together, which I shouldn't even want, he'd have to be the one to initiate, but would he? Does he want to but is afraid? I highly doubt it and need to stop thinking that way. I don't know how to get him out of my head and heart. I try to think of other things instead of him, but he always finds a way back in. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to truly let go.

[Mathematics]

Well I made it through yesterday without crying even though I did see the ex at work. Was feeling angry most of the day which I think kept the tears away. This morning I'm feeling sad, AGAIN! Saw my ex pass me on my way into work. Don't know if his GF was with him since she works only a few blocks away. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter, none of it matters, he's gone. But I can't stop thinking about him, missing him, loving him. I wonder if he thinks I am over it, over him. I haven't really spoken a word to him about "us" since a couple of weeks after the breakup. I so want to tell him how much I still love him, but I know I can't. If we were to ever get back together, which I shouldn't even want, he'd have to be the one to initiate, but would he? Does he want to but is afraid? I highly doubt it and need to stop thinking that way. I don't know how to get him out of my head and heart. I try to think of other things instead of him, but he always finds a way back in. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be able to truly let go.

 

Seeing him must be so hard l, I feel for you. When was the break up?

 

90% of what you say would apply to me. Got such an urge to text her now. Someone stop me.

[imtrying211]

Seeing him must be so hard l, I feel for you. When was the break up?

 

90% of what you say would apply to me. Got such an urge to text her now. Someone stop me.

 

Breakup was 4 months ago yesterday. We were together for a little over a year, living together. I know that seeing him and occasionally interacting is why I'm still stuck. It's hard to let go of someone that is still in arm's reach!

 

Please stick to NC, it's the only way. We're never going to hear what we want from our ex's and they really don't care what we have to say. When I talk with my ex at first I'm happy, seems like old times. Then I walk away depressed, and missing him more. On the outside I'm smiling and joking, but on the inside I'm dying. Don't do what I do and torture yourself. Stay strong and stay away. I'm trying that myself, one day at a time.

[candie13]

I think I'm done, guys .

 

After writing that letter to my ex, after three months of NC, I feel a huge pressure got away from my shoulders. I've shared all I've had to share with him, God and the Universe. He never replied, nor am I expecting any reply from him. It's his own choice. I feel... like I've self exorcised myself. Free. I've decided to see the guy who's been asking me out for the last half an year and we've slept together... the ghosts are gone. No feeling of guilt, no second thoughts, no regrets. It's an amazing feeling, to feel at peace and listen to the silence, in the room, instead of all of your voices that are turning round and round in your head.

 

I think... it's not just NC, it's closure that allows one to get peace and move on. So my advice won't go in the NC direction, but in the "get closure". Understand what the source of stress is. Why is it that you can't move on. Address that. Be patient. Think about it. Accept it. Closure will come shortly after. But no time or NC will have the power to give us that peace. Deal with things and loss inside your head. It's normal to grieve. It's not normal to torture yourself with unaswered questions. Ask those questions loudly. It doesn't matter what answer you'll get. The fact that you've done your job, took the chance and asked, will give you that peace. Because you've done all you could, you've done your best. You've opened up, exposed, shared... and you are not responsible for the other person's reaction. Whatever answer they may have - including no answer - you've done your best. You cannot make someone love you, that's their job.

 

After sharing where I was and my worries, my pain, my questions... I was able to sleep for the first time in a looooooong long time.