How are you coping today?

August 2, 2015

I'm finding today really hard. I'm on day 6 of no contact.. I don't think I've made it this far before. I couldn't contact him even if I wanted to which is good but I feel like I'm completely in denial.

My friend is making things worse. I dread hearing from her now because she usually tells me something about him so I'm going to have to tell her stop. It's getting really bad. She has so much anger towards him. She has guilt over the break up because she was the one to bring it to my attention that he messed up. Because of this she wants me to hate him I think...

It's all just becoming too much. I have him blocked on everything I just need to get through this and stay strong:(

August 2, 2015

I kind of feel bad because everyone else is feeling bad and I feel like I should be feeling just as bad too since she only broke up with me on 6th July and been NC since 20th. (She actually broke it 9 days later but went NC again so I'm technically back to only being 4 days NC) Even more so when you hear of people grieving for months and years on end failing to move on from their own breakups, and because it was my first breakup, looking at everyone else I feel like It should be affecting me more.

I guess when you try and beg/persuade her so many times and each time get slapped in the face (not literally) with a 'no', go to the ultimate extent of proposing to her and getting rejected then you know you've done all you could of done to try and save the relationship. All that begging and her subsequent rejection each time made me just accept it. I still want her back, still wish she will contact me in the future to try and start again and make things work but I know now it's not going to happen unless she makes the move to reconcile.

People always say don't beg and just go NC, I completely agree having learned from that mistake myself and I would not suggest begging either. However, in the long run I think all that begging and subsequent rejection that I did and received has made it easier for me to move on. If I had went straight to NC then I feel like I wouldn't have done enough to try and get things to work or as someone else would probably say "force her to love me".

Edited August 2, 2015 by Xiomn

August 2, 2015

I've started, it's just been a bumpy ride. I keep returning to the "denial" phase. It's hard because every ex or romantic endeavor I've had has always come back, even if it was a very short one.

Sorry homie but if you're still friends with him on fb then you haven't truly started. Maybe they always come back and you're conditioned that way now but in order to move on you're going to have to stop expecting him to contact you. I don't know this guy but 5 weeks is a long time.

Just curious, in the 5 weeks have you ever reached out to him? I'm not recommending this because I don't know your story but when my ex and I broke up in January she reached out to me a few weeks later (maybe it was a month). It was friendly how have you been stuff but I wasn't upset to hear from her. I knew it was her way of keeping tabs on me so from an ego standpoint it felt good to know she still cared.

August 2, 2015

Sorry homie but if you're still friends with him on fb then you haven't truly started. Maybe they always come back and you're conditioned that way now but in order to move on you're going to have to stop expecting him to contact you. I don't know this guy but 5 weeks is a long time.

Just curious, in the 5 weeks have you ever reached out to him? I'm not recommending this because I don't know your story but when my ex and I broke up in January she reached out to me a few weeks later (maybe it was a month). It was friendly how have you been stuff but I wasn't upset to hear from her. I knew it was her way of keeping tabs on me so from an ego standpoint it felt good to know she still cared.

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping him friended, as I have his feed blocked. I can't see what he posts, etc. I've been in the dark about his life since that first week. I contacted him once at the 1 week mark, but I didn't get a response. I was really rational during the breakup, tried to be as understanding as possible. Expressed light disagreement, but didn't beg, plead, etc. I took ownership for whatever part of the breakup was mine, and that was it.

Edited August 2, 2015 by finalendeavor

August 2, 2015

You may have stopped it from seeing his news feed but he probably doesn't know that you have done that. Only by removing him/blocking him will it send a clear signal that you have moved on, (regardless of whether you really have or not) only then will the thought of reconciliation pop into his mind most likely because if he realizes you have blocked or removed him there is a chance it will be a shock to him, he will start wondering "has she moved on?" but if he knows you're still friends with him on Facebook his ego might be thinking to himself that you're still not over him and that he can come crawling back whenever he wants because you're always going to be there waiting for him.

August 2, 2015

You may have stopped it from seeing his news feed but he probably doesn't know that you have done that. Only by removing him/blocking him will it send a clear signal that you have moved on, (regardless of whether you really have or not) only then will the thought of reconciliation pop into his mind most likely because if he realizes you have blocked or removed him there is a chance it will be a shock to him, he will start wondering "has she moved on?" but if he knows you're still friends with him on Facebook his ego might be thinking to himself that you're still not over him and that he can come crawling back whenever he wants because you're always going to be there waiting for him.

Exactly what I was thinking

Once my ex figured out I was back on fb and unfriended her she stopped talking to my friends at work, she won't even look at them. One of my friends started a conversation with her because he's a dork who talks to everyone, she followed him to his desk, sat there for 10 minutes and really didn't talk about much. He said the whole time she was being awkward. Then he got a message from her basically saying thanks for still being nice to me even though me and your friend broke up. We broke up 6 months ago, but now that she has a new bf she thinks my friends are going to turn against her because she's an insecure BPD. Unfriending people on fb is like the ultimate blow to their ego. If I had stayed on fb and just blocked her she'd think everything was normal between us. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction or ego boost of knowing I care, because I know that's what she wants.

That's just the way I see it.

August 2, 2015

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping him friended, as I have his feed blocked. I can't see what he posts, etc. I've been in the dark about his life since that first week. I contacted him once at the 1 week mark, but I didn't get a response. I was really rational during the breakup, tried to be as understanding as possible. Expressed light disagreement, but didn't beg, plead, etc. I took ownership for whatever part of the breakup was mine, and that was it.

Out of pure curiosity how old are you and how many relationships have you been in?

August 2, 2015

I deleted him, but didn't block him. His friends always comment on my posts, so this should be interesting. It made my heart race and felt scary, because it makes me think I won't hear from him again, but I'll be better in the long run I'm sure. I just hope it didn't make me look immature.

Out of pure curiosity how old are you and how many relationships have you been in?

What sparked your curiosity? I am nineteen. My first relationship was a year, we were very close. I left him but we never really split, and then he left me six months later for another girl and always regretted it. He told me he doesn't deserve me because of how he treated me. He was three years my senior. My second relationship was ten months. Very abusive and controlling, so I left, never looked back. Regret staying for as long as I did. I would consider this to be my third relationship, and the emotional connection was the strongest I've had. Hardest breakup.

I've had several flings in between these relationships, all of which had attempted to make a reappearance at some point or another. One tells me that he'll always care for me because I was such a unique soul, that I have "soulmate" potential, after 2 years of LC. He is six years+ my senior.

Edited August 2, 2015 by finalendeavor

August 2, 2015

You mentioned "they always come back", so I was curious how many actually came back since you're conditioned to believe this one will come back. Age because I was wondering your emotional maturity level and age plays a factor.

I'm assuming that's you in your profile pic? If you live in the US, and are only 19, you haven't experienced life after 21. It changes everything once you can go out to social scenes like bars. Judging from what little I can see of you you look like an attractive girl, you'll have plenty of males who are interested. I think you're fixated more on the rejection and your ego than this guy.

I'm sure the feelings were genuine, but the 'soul mate' stuff gets thrown around too much. My ex used to say it to me all the time. 2 weeks in she was saying it. I'm sure her new bf is hearing it. I'm sure the guy before me heard it. People often say things they don't mean.

August 3, 2015

I don't know what it was but why did he need to know? Sure he worked on whatever it was too but still, I think you could have kept it to yourself, there wasn't really any need to tell him at all really. I think deep down you maybe fooling yourself into thinking you don't care if he responds but maybe you do. If you had no intention of writing to him after, why did you just not contact him at all? What if something new develops on the project you worked and planned hard on, will you just think to yourself 'Well I said I had no intention of messaging him after my last message but hey, what's 1 more?'

There's no need to after this. The project has been completed and I guess it was a happiness overriding everything else. But we won't be working together after this, so there's no need to.

Day one again. Looked at pictures. Seeing nothing but flaws. No feelings. Not even sexual. Before I'd be a mess something so significant was met with radio silence...I dunno. There's really nothing. After years of being beat down...something dies. Like really dies.

I do things out of habit. Once you step back from the habit, you see there is just going through the motions. Starting back working out tomorrow. I feel good. I'd cut my hair but lol

August 3, 2015

I just need to hide away from the world. I feel SO SORRy for myself and my confidence is shattered still. I am SO ANXIOUS ABOut the future and just want to curl up and cry and dont want to face anything. I'm back at uni soon am terrified. I got high grades last semester and am worried i wont achieve that this time. Work has been really challenging and i feel so drained. I am not motivated to live and just need to stay at home and be a slob.

August 3, 2015

I just need to hide away from the world. I feel SO SORRy for myself and my confidence is shattered still. I am SO ANXIOUS ABOut the future and just want to curl up and cry and dont want to face anything. I'm back at uni soon am terrified. I got high grades last semester and am worried i wont achieve that this time. Work has been really challenging and i feel so drained. I am not motivated to live and just need to stay at home and be a slob.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Try take one day at a time. This will help with your anxiety. There's no point in worrying about the future. Your main goal now is to take care of yourself.

Set short term goals. Before you know it you'll be back on your feet.

It's great you'll have uni as a distraction. I don't have a distraction like that.

Allow yourself time to grieve. If needs be, be a hermit for a week, but you need to set a time limit.

Write on this blog and read others. It really helps knowing your not the only one going through it. You're not alone.

August 3, 2015

This might seem weird but does anyone else still masturbate over their ex? My ex is beautiful and I still masturbate to her and it doesn't make me feel bad because I don't develop any emotional attachment to get when I'm doing my thing xD

August 3, 2015

This might seem weird but does anyone else still masturbate over their ex? My ex is beautiful and I still masturbate to her and it doesn't make me feel bad because I don't develop any emotional attachment to get when I'm doing my thing xD

I do, hahahaha. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's not like they'll ever know, hahahaha

August 3, 2015

Yesterday I took my boat out , for he first time since the break up I had a really nice time and enjoyed myself .. I look fwd to more days like this , I think I am on my way !!

August 3, 2015

You mentioned "they always come back", so I was curious how many actually came back since you're conditioned to believe this one will come back. Age because I was wondering your emotional maturity level and age plays a factor.

I'm assuming that's you in your profile pic? If you live in the US, and are only 19, you haven't experienced life after 21. It changes everything once you can go out to social scenes like bars. Judging from what little I can see of you you look like an attractive girl, you'll have plenty of males who are interested. I think you're fixated more on the rejection and your ego than this guy.

I'm sure the feelings were genuine, but the 'soul mate' stuff gets thrown around too much. My ex used to say it to me all the time. 2 weeks in she was saying it. I'm sure her new bf is hearing it. I'm sure the guy before me heard it. People often say things they don't mean.

I'd say its been six or seven that have come back so far. The only one that didn't was one I dumped and wiped from my life. I think this breakup upset me so much because it was really out of the blue and it was someone I was going to take a huge step with. The fact that he literally dumped me over text and immediately went NC made me question the entire relationship, because I was so sure we really did matter to each other and that we'd be willing to stick it out through tough times, because of how supportive we were of each other. I feel like this was one of the few relationships I had with someone that actually inspired me to be a better person. I guess in the end, I ended up with this misconception that we were a lot closer than we really were. He just told me a whole lot of lies, because he ended up not at all knowing what he wanted at the end of the day, so I got pushed out of the picture.

It's hard to accept that he was able to let me go so easily. I just really miss him. He was my best friend.

Yesterday I took my boat out , for he first time since the break up I had a really nice time and enjoyed myself .. I look fwd to more days like this , I think I am on my way !!

I'm so happy for you. (: I hope things continue to look up

August 3, 2015

When I move back home in a few weeks for a 3 weeks or so I'm going to try and do some volunteering to improve my confidence and social skills. When my ex broke up with me she expressed one of her dislikes of my traits, she said that she likes more outgoing guys and that is definitely not me and she knew that. I'm a massive introvert, I don't see it as a bad thing because I like and want to be an introvert but I know I'll need to improve myself and my confidence if I ever want to improve my future relationships because my introvert trait makes me really clingy and dependent on my significant other for my sole happiness.

It also falls in line with my other goals in life, I don't want to be forced to move back home after I graduate and to do that i need to take serious steps to improve my CV so I can find a job easier before I graduate and continue living in the city i'm living in now. I guess I'll be killing 2 birds with one stone so to speak.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Xiomn

August 3, 2015

When I move back home in a few weeks for a 3 weeks or so I'm going to try and do some volunteering to improve my confidence and social skills. When my ex broke up with me she expressed one of her dislikes of my traits, she said that she likes more outgoing guys and that is definitely not me and she knew that. I'm a massive introvert, I don't see it as a bad thing because I like and want to be an introvert but I know I'll need to improve myself and my confidence if I ever want to improve my future relationships because my introvert trait makes me really clingy and dependent on my significant other for my sole happiness.

It also falls in line with my other goals in life, I don't want to be forced to move back home after I graduate and to do that i need to take serious steps to improve my CV so I can find a job easier before I graduate and continue living in the city i'm living in now. I guess I'll be killing 2 birds with one stone so to speak.

I can't even begin to tell you how helpful self-confidence is. It's magnetic, naturally draws so many people to you. Ever since I've developed the confidence I have today, I feel like I light up every room I walk into. People really do notice it, it's incredible how positively it effects almost every social situation. Coming from someone that's more of a natural introvert and has a bit of a hard time meeting people, its been a tremendous help. Makes you so effective in interviews, too; I get hired at every single job I interview for.

August 3, 2015

What is everyones opinion on when to change Facebook status to single? We have both had our relationship status to "no relationship info to show" since we broke up on 6th July, been NC since 20th July. She broke NC on 29th July to ask me something (nothing worth fussing over really) and back on currently 5th day of NC. So basically overall it's 3 days short of being 1 month since she broke up with me and we still have relationship status as "no relationship info to show"

August 3, 2015

I changed mine to single immediately, as a knee-jerk reaction. I was so embarrassed and felt so slapped in the face when he removed his and mine went from "in a relationship with _______" to "in a relationship" that I changed it to single. It helped me fully grasp the reality of the breakup.

August 3, 2015

I feel very ugly today. Always had self esteem issues...no problem attracting guys but I just have always felt that way no matter what anyone says. I guess when you're with someone, the focus is changed and you are so comfortable you don't think about it? Now I'm back to thinking about it.

Nevertheless...here I am painting my nails, getting my hair done...just to make myself feel better. I wont self pity... Then going for a run. Then dinner with girlfriends tonight... Maybe even wear a little makeup. He hated makeup and spoke down on women who wore it and I never did much but I stopped all of that.

Do whatever you need to do to stay active. Healthy. Write. Take up a new hobby. Gym. Run swim...sing. do what it takes to fill that blank space and create new habits to fill the void.

August 3, 2015

I had an awesome day. Thought I'd let you all know.

August 3, 2015

Having a really awful day today. I miss him more than anything. Feeling like they don't care at all is ****ing terrible. I feel like I'm never going to hear from him again and that depresses me so badly. Someone help pull me out of this slump, god

Edited August 3, 2015 by finalendeavor

August 3, 2015

This might seem weird but does anyone else still masturbate over their ex? My ex is beautiful and I still masturbate to her and it doesn't make me feel bad because I don't develop any emotional attachment to get when I'm doing my thing xD

I stopped masturbating because every time i do i think of her after that i get REALLY depressed

August 3, 2015

So this is the first time i've cried from a ling time(i'm a guy) i felt so embarrassed but also relieved it feels like i let some sadness get out of my heart

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