Xiomn Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) That's it! I'm alone! I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life now. I'm only 20 so I'm probably a lot younger than you but I went through this mentality at one point. 1 year ago I finished my first year of university, still a virgin and never asked a girl out in my entire life and never been in a relationship before, never even so much as kissed a girl. I looked around and everyone else seemed the complete opposite of me. I put it into my head that university was the best time to get into a first relationship and meet that special someone, to find myself finishing first year of university and still not accomplished anything romantic wise I had the mentality that I would graduate from university 2 years later still a virgin, still never have been in a relationship or anything of sorts and then the idea crept on me that I would be forced to move back to my lonely boring hometown with nothing there for me at all due to financial circumstances. I felt like I would never meet someone, I was really depressed just sitting in my room thinking about it all. 1 year later I can happily say I'm no longer a virgin and I've been in a very happy 10 month relationship with someone. Just 1 year ago I would of never expected I would meet someone. Literally 2 months after feeling all this my first relationship began. Basically what I'm trying to say is you may feel like you may never meet someone again, but don't give up hope. I can honestly say it came when I least expected it, and when everyone says that I always used to think it was a load of BS. Edited July 31, 2015 by Xiomn 2
Chronograph Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Thanks guys, yeah, I know, I know. People keep telling me that it feels like I'm gonna be alone forever, but that it isn't true. People keep telling me that they have felt like that at the time of their own breakups. Seems to be a common feeling. I know. But it's really powerful ... so powerful that I believe it atm. I guess it's the pain of losing someone. ****!
kenmore Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Anger! Yep, it's welling up inside me again. It happens periodically after my mind goes down a certain path. It has to run its course.
Xiomn Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Hardly thought about her at all today Although this post sounds ironic now saying that.
Phoenixashes Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Panic mode today. What on earth is going on?? Had a cry last night seeing something that reminded me of him. Today? "You made a mistake ending it. Maybe you should have talked things through..." Logic shows that I made the right decision. I was feeling fine. Relieved, even. Where is this nagging doubt coming from? Fighting the change of routine? Ending day 4. I miss him.
freebird31 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 come to an acceptance. healed. perfectly fine. except i will never ever be able to understand why. why he couldnt care. why he couldnt just be considerate as to reply to my message. thats all. i just. i just really wonder why he couldnt care. what i did for someone to just completely distach themselves from me. i dont know. i push forward, got that strength. am fine. yet, in the very deep deep part of my heart and mind, i question these things. i cope. but you know how? by forgetting. by the whole out of sight out of mind method. I got my "closure." u know how? by him never replying, and sealing the deal that he was a complete a-hole. i never got my peace, my real peace. ill never ever have answers to questions, ill never forget how he discarded me, how he didnt care. its so crazy to me. u just cope with it. i pray to God that one day i can have a true peace with him so that i just wont have to be so confused, so dissapointed with him. idk. is that too much to ask for 2
Jellybean24 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Day five of NC some times I feel like I'm coping with it quite well and then BAM it hits me like a bus. I'm having a low moment right now. I feel so ashamed. I didn't do anything wrong in the relationship, neither of us cheated but I have this overwhelming shame. I guess I feel like a failed because after 5 years our relationship amounted to nothing but heartache. I keep thinking of him and I can't shake it. The worst is when I dream of him and then wake up and the realization hits me that he's gone. It's so hard letting go of your go to person. I feel so weak and vulnerable. He seems fine, his making loads of new female friends, drinking loads, socializing with friends continuously and he's adamant to get over me. We have this thing where we said it might work in a few years but not now. The pain of this all is completely taking its toll on me. 1
guest569 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Had a difficult morning.. Still hurting and dwelling, spent afternoon and evening with friends and family. Now alone again ready to get back to moping. Have a date tomorrow that i dont particularly look forward to,but i never do look forward to first dates. They're just stressful.
Jellybean24 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I feel so broken like I'm never going to feel the same way again. The thought of dating someone else is too much. Why am I so slow to move on when he seems to be moving on and focusing on getting over it? 1
Xiomn Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I went to an event today not far from where I live to hear someone speak, on the way there and back I had to pass through a place where me and my ex once had a date, a beautiful big park, it was such a good day and it was such a beautiful place that later on we both decided that if we were to get married we would want to have it there because we found out they also do weddings there. Anyway, as I was passing on my way back home walking through the place again I decided to take some photos and not once while I passed through it did I think about her or the fact we once wished we would get married there and I'm actually quite surprised the thought never surfaced, I guess I was just too concerned at the time about taking photos and getting home. All in all feeling fine today, got out the house for a few hours and it was nice and peaceful to just walk through that park again. 1
Arda199 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 the past two weeks i was feeling great but now i feel like **** i can't enjoy the food or movies or hang out with my friends i don't know what to do with my life it just so miserable
Jellybean24 Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 the past two weeks i was feeling great but now i feel like **** i can't enjoy the food or movies or hang out with my friends i don't know what to do with my life it just so miserable You know what can really help... music! It's really getting me through the low moments. There are so many songs out there about heartbreak. Set up a playlist on spotify to cheer you up fill it with every emotion your feeling.. I listen to linkin park when I'm angry, "james may let it go" when i'm sentimental.. Try it. I hope it helps you like it has helped me
Xiomn Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Yeah music helps, I personally listen to club music because it makes me just want to jump up and start raving, makes me want to get in the mood for going out and partying the night away.
finalendeavor Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I still miss him a lot, but I'm finally accepting and coming to the realization that he is most likely gone for good. It's not fair and it was sudden, but if he can break up with me over text and then not speak a single word to me for five weeks, then that speaks volumes about how he feels towards the situation and I. I feel bitter and I don't get it, but guess I don't actually have to. At the end of the day, he really was just nothing more than promises that couldn't be kept and dreams that no one can live up to.
finalendeavor Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Writing this so I can get rid of feelings and not make a bad decision - weekends are always difficult for me because I can't help but think of him going out and meeting new girls, even though I shouldn't care. Fighting the urge to look at his Facebook, to find out if I've been replaced, I know this will only cause pain. This is the first time I've had this urge since the first week after the BU. I've checked it once since the breakup - right at the one week mark - and immediately regretted it even though I didn't find anything particularly incriminating. I think I'm struggling because I thought I would've heard from him already. Its been five weeks, he hasn't spoken a word to me. I don't know why I can't let go.
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Writing this so I can get rid of feelings and not make a bad decision - weekends are always difficult for me because I can't help but think of him going out and meeting new girls, even though I shouldn't care. Fighting the urge to look at his Facebook, to find out if I've been replaced, I know this will only cause pain. This is the first time I've had this urge since the first week after the BU. I've checked it once since the breakup - right at the one week mark - and immediately regretted it even though I didn't find anything particularly incriminating. I think I'm struggling because I thought I would've heard from him already. Its been five weeks, he hasn't spoken a word to me. I don't know why I can't let go. Just curious I see you post here often and you're obviously in pain...so why do you stay friends with him on Facebook? I know it's tempting but its impeding your healing progress. You see him with another girl and it's going to hurt...bad.
iheartgoodmusic Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I'm starting to feel better the more I come to terms with the reality that the relationship meant more to me than him. How can I stay caught up in emotions if I'm sitting here imaging that you are holding on to the memories we had together, when you aren't. It's killing my feelings. The attempts to reach out to me was purely based on seeing if I would stoop to a lower level to sleep with you. That killed my feelings. It burned out my fire to hold on to imaginary bull.
iheartgoodmusic Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 He is an actor. It was all a movie. He is fake.
Chronograph Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Today marks almost exactly 3 months after the breakup. And one month of NC. I'm sitting in my new home (have been living with parents and friends for the past months) and it feels weird. I'm scared, I'm lonely, I'm sad. The positive effects of NC begin to show though. He is becoming more and more distant. But I still think about the relationship a lot, and I'm still in pain. Mornings are still hard. My most prevalent emotion now is fear. And loneliness.
finalendeavor Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Just curious I see you post here often and you're obviously in pain...so why do you stay friends with him on Facebook? I know it's tempting but its impeding your healing progress. You see him with another girl and it's going to hurt...bad. I know if I delete him, I'll regret it. It was LD, so ties like that seem like some of the only ties I've got. I'm afraid to let go I guess, I'm afraid to completely shut the door and walk away. I know thinking that he's gotten with another girl this quickly is pretty irrational considering his history. I guess I keep him for a lot of reasons, I don't want to look like I'm still hurt after more than a month, either. My rationale is that, by keeping him added, I look like I'm indifferent and could care less. I'm not fully sure why that even matters. I'm still feeling so many things I don't understand, the whole situation was just so out of the blue. I have a hard time coping with situations in which I don't understand the logic. And I'm still astonished that I literally haven't heard a single peep since the BU, 5 weeks ago. Mantras like "Men always come back" don't help, either. He's definitely not my first relationship either, but I keep getting this nagging feel that I'll never meet anyone I connect with so much and that I'm so attracted to, as immature as that is. He was my best friend too, which is why I'm having an even harder time understanding why I've been so easily erased. Edited August 2, 2015 by finalendeavor
Xiomn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Anyone who is on Facebook I encourage you to like the pages 'Positive Energy+' and 'Power of Positivity' https://m.facebook.com/home.php?refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.uk%2F&refid=8&_rdr#~!/positiveenergyplus & https://m.facebook.com/home.php?refsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.co.uk%2F&refid=8&_rdr#~!/powerofpositivity 1
Phoenixashes Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 Broke no contact to send a few messages about something we planned and worked hard on that was finally coming through. No response...but I actually feel better? No intention of writing him after. Seeing our hard work made it all come full circle.
Xiomn Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) Broke no contact to send a few messages about something we planned and worked hard on that was finally coming through. No response...but I actually feel better? No intention of writing him after. Seeing our hard work made it all come full circle. I don't know what it was but why did he need to know? Sure he worked on whatever it was too but still, I think you could have kept it to yourself, there wasn't really any need to tell him at all really. I think deep down you maybe fooling yourself into thinking you don't care if he responds but maybe you do. If you had no intention of writing to him after, why did you just not contact him at all? What if something new develops on the project you worked and planned hard on, will you just think to yourself 'Well I said I had no intention of messaging him after my last message but hey, what's 1 more?' Edited August 2, 2015 by Xiomn
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 I know if I delete him, I'll regret it. It was LD, so ties like that seem like some of the only ties I've got. I'm afraid to let go I guess, I'm afraid to completely shut the door and walk away. I know thinking that he's gotten with another girl this quickly is pretty irrational considering his history. I guess I keep him for a lot of reasons, I don't want to look like I'm still hurt after more than a month, either. My rationale is that, by keeping him added, I look like I'm indifferent and could care less. I'm not fully sure why that even matters. I'm still feeling so many things I don't understand, the whole situation was just so out of the blue. I have a hard time coping with situations in which I don't understand the logic. And I'm still astonished that I literally haven't heard a single peep since the BU, 5 weeks ago. Mantras like "Men always come back" don't help, either. He's definitely not my first relationship either, but I keep getting this nagging feel that I'll never meet anyone I connect with so much and that I'm so attracted to, as immature as that is. He was my best friend too, which is why I'm having an even harder time understanding why I've been so easily erased. I have the same "I'll never meet someone like her again" feeling too. She's BPD so the first few months were intoxicating on both our ends. She's similar in that she wouldn't jump back into something so fast. She's beautiful, exotic DNS seductive. I know she mourned for a long time after our bu. I know this from her friends and her messages to me. I was immediately indifferent over the bu which was mutual. 6 months later and she has a new bf...I still wouldn't get back together with her at the same time it hurts. Once I found out about her new bf I went strict nc My point is I hope you do the same. The mantra "men always come back" isn't true. I've left relationships and never thought twice about it. If I ever did it was because the ex contacted me months or years later just looking to get laid which I was always happy to oblige. You seem really confused about the bu and are constantly looking for answers in any form. My hope for you is you can move past this and start the healing process.
finalendeavor Posted August 2, 2015 Posted August 2, 2015 You seem really confused about the bu and are constantly looking for answers in any form. My hope for you is you can move past this and start the healing process. I've started, it's just been a bumpy ride. I keep returning to the "denial" phase. It's hard because every ex or romantic endeavor I've had has always come back, even if it was a very short one.
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