FancyFace Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Its been a while since I have written on this thread. I used to write on it pretty much every single day in a deperate attempt to hold onto the threads of my sanity. It's been over 8 months since the BU and while I am nowhere near as broken as I was in the first couple of months, this month as proven to be extremely difficult for me. Turning 29 caused me to go into a panic of sorts and I have made a few bad decisions in the past two months. All in a pathetic attempt to to fill the void that was created when he left me and to soothe the sting of rejection. I hooked up with a man I would never, ever in my right frame of mind even consider or look at. The sex was horrid but I kept going back because...I don't even know. The friends I told were excited that I was finally "moving on", I was excited to get the stink of my ex off of me. It felt nice to be wanted, even if it was by someone I considered sub-par. My ego needed as much boosting as humaly possible. Even though I was not emotionally invested, things ended rather badly and I regret it all so very much. Then I met someone who made my heart do pirouette's. We vibed, we got along swimmingly and I was so excited. That is until the proverbial carpet got pulled out from under me. He doesn't want a relationship. It feels like the same rejection as when I got dumped. Someone I genuinely care for and like doesnt think I am good enough except for a shag. It feels like I am back at square one in because the sense of rejection is searing hot.
Xiomn Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Well, back to day 1 of NC. Wish I could go back in time and not have replied to her message yesterday but nothing can be done now, must carry on.
Xiomn Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 He doesn't want a relationship. This is what happened to me, she said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone and just wants to be alone now because of lots of stuff going on in her life (without going into detail because I've said it millions of times before in previous posts.) Do you buy this line or do you think its rather I don't want a relationship with you?
DK666 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 So I haven't posted in a couple days as apart from the odd day here and there I've been feeling really emotionally strong the last 10 days or so. Out of nowhere today has been terrible, I am missing her so much that it's brought me to the verge of tears at quite a few points during the day. I've been out most of the day staying distracted with a mate but it hasn't helped. I'm constantly thinking about the fact that she's moved on to a new boyfriend so fast. I have no idea if she's truly happy or not, but as I always tend to assume the worst I'm imagining that she's really happy with him, it hurts so much. I'm also really missing the intimacy we had. We used to cuddle up together wherever we were, at home, in bed, when we were out at the cinema etc, and I'm really missing that again. Damn it this sucks so much, I want her back and yet I don't want her back. This is really getting frustrating.
loveforever101 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 My ex and I have been broken up for a little over two months now. Ive been in no contact for ten days and sometimes I'm completely fine. Other times oh boy is it so hard to just sit there and not contact her and it makes it so much more worse if she actually tries to contact me, which she does every few days or so. Today is one of those bad days where I just can't get her out of my head... I'm sure a lot of you are feeling just like me too cheers to us all.
Xiomn Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I find myself spending longer and longer in the gym just so I don't have to come home and have her on my mind again. I'll usually work out for like 30 minutes in the gym every day but overall I'm out the house for like 2 hours. 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 This is what happened to me, she said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone and just wants to be alone now because of lots of stuff going on in her life (without going into detail because I've said it millions of times before in previous posts.) Do you buy this line or do you think its rather I don't want a relationship with you? I'm in the same boat. He said he isn't ready for a relationship. But whether it's with me or in general, bottom line he doesn't wanna be with me. I personally think that line is horse crap. Just makes them feel better and less guilty. Softens the blow for us (in fact it doesn't). And they think they are off the hook about talking about it.
Xiomn Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I'm in the same boat. He said he isn't ready for a relationship. But whether it's with me or in general, bottom line he doesn't wanna be with me. I personally think that line is horse crap. Just makes them feel better and less guilty. Softens the blow for us (in fact it doesn't). And they think they are off the hook about talking about it. Yeah.. I try telling myself this on a regular basis, that, that line is "horsecrap" in an attempt to revert myself back to the anger stage. I keep telling myself "you broke up with me over Facebook, refused to talk about how you were feeling before you broke up with me, refused to meet up or even talk about it at all and how we could have worked it out.. it was such an easy thing to work around but you refused to even try which I think was really pathetic of you to be honest. Your words days before you broke up with me were clearly a load of BS and quite frankly I don't 100% believe your reasoning for breaking up with me, I think you just lack courage to tell me to my face which is pathetic." Sometimes I wish I could say that to her but I know it would be wrong so I tell it to myself.
BriNyc82 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Yeah.. I try telling myself this on a regular basis, that, that line is "horsecrap" in an attempt to revert myself back to the anger stage. I keep telling myself "you broke up with me over Facebook, refused to talk about how you were feeling before you broke up with me, refused to meet up or even talk about it at all and how we could have worked it out.. it was such an easy thing to work around but you refused to even try which I think was really pathetic of you to be honest. Your words days before you broke up with me were clearly a load of BS and quite frankly I don't 100% believe your reasoning for breaking up with me, I think you just lack courage to tell me to my face which is pathetic." Sometimes I wish I could say that to her but I know it would be wrong so I tell it to myself. It's a good thing you didn't tell her bc I told him just that. Everything you basically said and he just stood by his original story and got mad at me. Made it so much worse. Either way she knows her reasons.....
Unlucky_I_Guess Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 My heart is being a stubborn little PITA...I know it could never work out again but it keeps popping up saying, "but maybe...". Nope, not going there, ever again. The bad part is I haven't had the urge to cry for about a week now until last night. I was watching the series finale of LOST and started bawling like a damn baby at the end when all of the couples who had been separated were brought back together. God, that was embarrassing (and I was alone at the time...).
Xiomn Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 My heart is being a stubborn little PITA...I know it could never work out again but it keeps popping up saying, "but maybe...". Nope, not going there, ever again. The bad part is I haven't had the urge to cry for about a week now until last night. I was watching the series finale of LOST and started bawling like a damn baby at the end when all of the couples who had been separated were brought back together. God, that was embarrassing (and I was alone at the time...). SPOILERS!! Aw man you've just ruined the ending for me, why did you have to go and do that?? (I'm just kidding ) Best to let it all out than hide it inside.. if you hold in your tears it will probably make you feel worse.
Unlucky_I_Guess Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 SPOILERS!! Aw man you've just ruined the ending for me, why did you have to go and do that?? (I'm just kidding ) Oops! Sorry about that! lol
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Emotional drinking on an empty stomach last night was a horrible idea. Today has been rough. I want nothing to do with her, she's not right for me. Yet I can't shake this pain and clear this hurdle. My confidence and self esteem is just shot. The usual stuff I do to build it back up (gym) isn't having the same effect. I'm stuck in the mud. 1
Ariess10 Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Emotional drinking on an empty stomach last night was a horrible idea. Today has been rough. I want nothing to do with her, she's not right for me. Yet I can't shake this pain and clear this hurdle. My confidence and self esteem is just shot. The usual stuff I do to build it back up (gym) isn't having the same effect. I'm stuck in the mud. I hear that !! I like to have drinks but the day after is horrible
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I hear that !! I like to have drinks but the day after is horrible I was a mess last night. I usually don't drink on a weeknight but my buddy wanted some beers so I complied. Here's some things I'll just throw here: My ex and I work together but I rarely see her. I have no hard feelings towards her, it's not like she cheated on me. We broke up in January and it was mutual, kept in touch here and there. Ever since she got a new bf I'm beating myself up. I know she's not right for me and maybe I'm just lonely but I can't move on. So my buddy at works talks to her here and there, the other day she sends him a message thanking him for still being her friend even though we broke up. It's odd she would do that now when she has a new bf. I guess she realizes I want nothing to do with her since I deleted her from everything. I deleted her, her family, and any friends I met through her on social media. Yet she's still friends with my family and friends she met through me. Just thought that was a little odd. Again, it's not like I want her back and I've dated around here and there but at the same time I'm in such a bad mindset that I wouldn't want to date me right now so why would anyone else? The whole dating and courting and aggravation is so exhausted. I don't know if I have the energy for it anymore, on the other hand I'm lonely. I have a daughter, a great family and plenty of friends, but there's this huge void that engulfs my life. As miserable as I was with her at least that void of having someone there was filled.
Xiomn Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 I hear that !! I like to have drinks but the day after is horrible How many drinks are you guys actually having? You make it sound like you're drowning your sorrows with lots of alcohol instead of just a drink or two to relax a bit.
ennui Posted July 30, 2015 Posted July 30, 2015 Its been a while since I have written on this thread. I used to write on it pretty much every single day in a deperate attempt to hold onto the threads of my sanity. It's been over 8 months since the BU and while I am nowhere near as broken as I was in the first couple of months, this month as proven to be extremely difficult for me. Turning 29 caused me to go into a panic of sorts and I have made a few bad decisions in the past two months. All in a pathetic attempt to to fill the void that was created when he left me and to soothe the sting of rejection. I hooked up with a man I would never, ever in my right frame of mind even consider or look at. The sex was horrid but I kept going back because...I don't even know. The friends I told were excited that I was finally "moving on", I was excited to get the stink of my ex off of me. It felt nice to be wanted, even if it was by someone I considered sub-par. My ego needed as much boosting as humaly possible. Even though I was not emotionally invested, things ended rather badly and I regret it all so very much. Then I met someone who made my heart do pirouette's. We vibed, we got along swimmingly and I was so excited. That is until the proverbial carpet got pulled out from under me. He doesn't want a relationship. It feels like the same rejection as when I got dumped. Someone I genuinely care for and like doesnt think I am good enough except for a shag. It feels like I am back at square one in because the sense of rejection is searing hot. Wow. Fancyface. What got me back to loveshack was the same exact problem. 7months BU and i hooked up with a man that I started to care for. Left me as he wasn't looking for a relationship and all the rejection & heartpain that I was going through in the initial BU came flooding back again. I sleep with fear knowing that I might wake up in the middle of the night with crushing pain in my heart or to wake up to dreams of my ex or the guy that I was hooking up with. And that usually spoils my entire morning.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 How many drinks are you guys actually having? You make it sound like you're drowning your sorrows with lots of alcohol instead of just a drink or two to relax a bit. I drank about 10 beers. Bad mistake, yes. I was in a bad mood, alcohol made it worse. I have no one else to blame but myself. Just want to wake up tomorrow feeling better, because today was awful.
Xiomn Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I drank about 10 beers. Bad mistake, yes. I was in a bad mood, alcohol made it worse. I have no one else to blame but myself. Just want to wake up tomorrow feeling better, because today was awful. Speaking of beers, I haven't had one in a while and I'm craving the taste now
Phoenixashes Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Day three is almost over. I feel nothing except a deep sadness here and there out of the blue that I hurt him over leaving. Stupid. Being someone's doormat in many ways and crying myself to sleep was my comfort...but yet when I left, I'm worried he is hurt. Almost cried typing this. Tears came. None fell. Over just like that. I've changed a lot. I wouldn't have made it past day one a year ago...he says we will regret what I did. I honestly don't. I hope he does. I was nothing but good to him...why mistreat someone who treats you so well??
Jonp219 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 (edited) The thought of her having sex with others isn't so painful anymore. I'm more pissed off about not being able to find dates, and being completely abstinent since my break-up. I guess I might have to go on Craigslist and look for a casual encounter somewhere in the city ugh. Edited July 31, 2015 by Jonp219
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I have bad dreams associated with my PTSD...they jolt me out of my sleep. It's my brains way of saying you don't want to think about this time to wake up. Been having dreams about her that jolt me out of my sleep same way the PTSD dreams do. Last night was a bad one. Been up since 430. The more I write and review my journal the more I see it's not her I miss its my confidence and self esteem are **** and I'm just trying to get them back. I have my great days and my lousy days. I just want my normal days back.
Chronograph Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Gosh, I'm scared! Tomorrow is my moving day. I'm finally gonna move in my new room (shared apartment with one flatmate). I have never ever lived that way. Never moved alone. Always have been moving and living with my ex, for 13 years (we moved out of our parent's together). So scared of the first night there! Moving in tomorrow makes everything even more real. That's it! I'm alone! I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life now. He's not coming back. Furthermore I've seen on FB today that mutual friends are getting married soon. Bloody hell, I don't know what will become of me!
Ariess10 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Gosh, I'm scared! Tomorrow is my moving day. I'm finally gonna move in my new room (shared apartment with one flatmate). I have never ever lived that way. Never moved alone. Always have been moving and living with my ex, for 13 years (we moved out of our parent's together). So scared of the first night there! Moving in tomorrow makes everything even more real. That's it! I'm alone! I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life now. He's not coming back. Furthermore I've seen on FB today that mutual friends are getting married soon. Bloody hell, I don't know what will become of me! Your not gonna be alone forever , hang in there 2
DK666 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 So after a down day yesterday I seem to be having a down day again today. What made it worse was that as I was walking through town I almost literally bump into the ex and her 2 best (and pretty much only) friends. The ex and I saw each other but I made sure to look away and not say anything, though one of her friends did make a snarky comment which I ignored and just carried on walking. My stomach was in a knot for a while, but I decided to get some exercise and do a fast walk home to make myself feel better which helped. Getting real tired of bumping into her though.
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