Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I am a firm believer in not leading people on. I told my date several times I wanted to take things easier, to get to know eachtother. Unfortunately for me, we ended up having 3 dates in 5 days, so that was anything but slow. I am glad he asked me about where we were (and that it blew in my face later on), because I am not ready to be swept off my feet. I want to know the guy in front of me, i want to not secondguess all my moves and actions... and not feel like I'm faking that RS, only to benefit from some affection and attention... I'm not ready . Or maybe not with him. I'm 35 so I know better than sleeping with a guy before being exclusive. I'm also done with sleeping with men out of impulsivity. I think I've reached that age when sex actually means something to me and want it to mean something for my partner too. So i'm holding off seriously on that. today marks the end of the 11th week since the break up, i'm starting the 12th soon. it takes time to heal and I am done trying to push myself in that direction. It'll come when it'll come. Not there yet. I am glad that I met that guy, 'cause I didn't realize I wasn't ready. I've stopped OLD (again ) Maybe I should come clean, but I just hope that sometime soon my mental state improves and I can feel like I can truly and fully commit... If not I could end up in situation you describe which is unsustainable.
iheartgoodmusic Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Today I feel angry. I realize all of the bull crap that I allowed and let slip by. I realize how he treated me and I still loved him anyways. How stupid. 1
candie13 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Maybe I should come clean, but I just hope that sometime soon my mental state improves and I can feel like I can truly and fully commit... If not I could end up in situation you describe which is unsustainable. listen, I also beat myself up for having let myself gotten sucked in. You live, you make mistakes, you hurt other people, you learn. You can take time and if the person by your side is patient, you can heal more quickly. It's all a matter of interaction, of chemistry with them. you just never know... I used to think all RSs after a break up are doomed... but then... what the hell do I know about love ? best of luck, mate, fingers crossed you don't break her heart and you don't get more hurt after this thing... watch out for yourself, you're also vulnerable, ok?
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 listen, I also beat myself up for having let myself gotten sucked in. You live, you make mistakes, you hurt other people, you learn. You can take time and if the person by your side is patient, you can heal more quickly. It's all a matter of interaction, of chemistry with them. you just never know... I used to think all RSs after a break up are doomed... but then... what the hell do I know about love ? best of luck, mate, fingers crossed you don't break her heart and you don't get more hurt after this thing... watch out for yourself, you're also vulnerable, ok? Thanks, for reading and listening. The chemistry with this girl is OK but I don't feel the same way as I did about my ex in the first few weeks of meeting her. That's probably a bad sign. All the best to you too.
BriNyc82 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I am a firm believer in not leading people on. I told my date several times I wanted to take things easier, to get to know eachtother. Unfortunately for me, we ended up having 3 dates in 5 days, so that was anything but slow. I am glad he asked me about where we were (and that it blew in my face later on), because I am not ready to be swept off my feet. I want to know the guy in front of me, i want to not secondguess all my moves and actions... and not feel like I'm faking that RS, only to benefit from some affection and attention... I'm not ready . Or maybe not with him. I'm 35 so I know better than sleeping with a guy before being exclusive. I'm also done with sleeping with men out of impulsivity. I think I've reached that age when sex actually means something to me and want it to mean something for my partner too. So i'm holding off seriously on that. today marks the end of the 11th week since the break up, i'm starting the 12th soon. it takes time to heal and I am done trying to push myself in that direction. It'll come when it'll come. Not there yet. I am glad that I met that guy, 'cause I didn't realize I wasn't ready. I've stopped OLD (again ) Candie looks like we are on the same mission. I think we had semi similar situations in the past, maybe your guy was a little more narcissistic. But this time around I am going to make sure there's a balance on mental, emotional and physical level. Last time mental and physical were off the charts and the emotional never even got off the runway. So this time, I am going to wait until all are progressing to sleep with anyone. 3 dates in 5 days does not seem slow to me. A date a week is perfectly fine with some talking in between. There's no rush =) 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Today I feel angry. I realize all of the bull crap that I allowed and let slip by. I realize how he treated me and I still loved him anyways. How stupid. I feel this way everyday =) 1
Xiomn Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Woke up with anxiety and racing thoughts again this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, past few days I feel like I'm regressing into feeling worse again.
na49 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I avoided this thread because I was doing fine. Today is my birthday, and last night when I got home from work, I stupidly checked my email trash folder. I filtered emails from my ex there so that I wouldn't see them. Well, she sent me one. Just basically wishing me a happy birthday, apologizing for f*cking everything up, asking to be friends/talk again some day, saying she'll always care for me, and telling me things will get better for me some day. The same girl who dumped me twice, and left me to f*ck another guy who she swore she wasn't interested in. I'm so done..
Jonp219 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Today I feel sad. Idk, maybe it's because I haven't properly meditated in over a day. I guess that's the first thing I should do when I get home later. The warm weather reminds me of her and all our summers together. Although i'm healing I know i'm far from feeling indifferent towards her.
BriNyc82 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I avoided this thread because I was doing fine. Today is my birthday, and last night when I got home from work, I stupidly checked my email trash folder. I filtered emails from my ex there so that I wouldn't see them. Well, she sent me one. Just basically wishing me a happy birthday, apologizing for f*cking everything up, asking to be friends/talk again some day, saying she'll always care for me, and telling me things will get better for me some day. The same girl who dumped me twice, and left me to f*ck another guy who she swore she wasn't interested in. I'm so done.. Don't you just love when they dump you and try to console you. F that 1
Morphine Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 I avoided this thread because I was doing fine. Today is my birthday, and last night when I got home from work, I stupidly checked my email trash folder. I filtered emails from my ex there so that I wouldn't see them. Well, she sent me one. Just basically wishing me a happy birthday, apologizing for f*cking everything up, asking to be friends/talk again some day, saying she'll always care for me, and telling me things will get better for me some day. The same girl who dumped me twice, and left me to f*ck another guy who she swore she wasn't interested in. I'm so done.. This sounds very familiar...too familiar. Anyways, I feel so lonely when I dont have any people around...this is a **** feeling...:-(
Mathematics Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Just spent an evening with my rebound girl. Takes my mind off my mind for a few hours but I will wake up tomorrow with the sinking feeling I am sure
Jonp219 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Everyone is getting married. Everyone I went to high school with, everyone on my Facebook News feed, people in my circle are either getting married and/or moving in with their significant other and I'm over here like, "Yeah, single life is awesome *sarcasm*". Man, **** this **** smh...
na49 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 Don't you just love when they dump you and try to console you. F that Yeah, it's just the best.. It's like they are the ones who caused the pain, and yet they are trying to act like the good guy by telling us it'll be okay. She is the only person I don't want to hear that from. Also, did you get a similar email on your birthday Morphine?
Jonp219 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 All these cute mellow girls have wedding bands on their fingers. Hell even the trashy chicks have wedding bands on. All the good women are taken so the men have to settle for all the trashy chicks smh. I ****ing hate this city, **** New York.
Ariess10 Posted July 28, 2015 Posted July 28, 2015 All these cute mellow girls have wedding bands on their fingers. Hell even the trashy chicks have wedding bands on. All the good women are taken so the men have to settle for all the trashy chicks smh. I ****ing hate this city, **** New York. I'm in New York not the city tho upstate plenty of single good looking women around here .. I'm just not into dating anymore way better of single
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I've been having a string of bad days recently, it seems. Today I just felt like a total bag of crap and I've been missing my ex so much lately that if he had in any way contacted me today I probably would have cried my eyes out and begged for him to take me back. Yes, I probably would've begged for my cheating abusive ex to take me back. Like some sort of weak-willed loser. God I disgust myself sometimes. On a slightly positive note, I had no inclination to reach out to him or even unblock him so...go me?
Ariess10 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Good for you keep strong !! I also started to miss my ex, but I started to think I miss more having someone there to talk to or do stuff with . The actually "missing her" part not so much as she isn't the person I had made her to be in my mind .. That I am starting to see and it feels great not to think she was this great person.. Far from it
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Good for you keep strong !! I also started to miss my ex, but I started to think I miss more having someone there to talk to or do stuff with . The actually "missing her" part not so much as she isn't the person I had made her to be in my mind .. That I am starting to see and it feels great not to think she was this great person.. Far from it Yeah I think I'm in the same boat with just missing having someone there more than I miss my ex being that someone. My ex also wasn't the person I made him up to be in my head either. Glossed over a lot of his crappy qualities and made a bigger deal out of his few good ones than they actually really deserved. So that's my bad. It really does help being able to see that they weren't this pinnacle of boyfriend/girlfriendhood we thought they were though, eh? Still, I miss being able to hug someone
candie13 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Candie looks like we are on the same mission. I think we had semi similar situations in the past, maybe your guy was a little more narcissistic. But this time around I am going to make sure there's a balance on mental, emotional and physical level. Last time mental and physical were off the charts and the emotional never even got off the runway. So this time, I am going to wait until all are progressing to sleep with anyone. 3 dates in 5 days does not seem slow to me. A date a week is perfectly fine with some talking in between. There's no rush =) Yeah, very confusing. This man came back, pointed a large finger at my emotional stonewalling and then suggested casual dating. He said exactly the same thing as you did, that there should be a balance between mind, heart and body. Mind connection - sort of ok. Heart - blocked. Physical... yeah, he's not getting any. Of course he is to leave. Given where I am, casual dating seems sensible - to him. Not sure I should be dating him at all, though. I do learn a lot about me, from our interaction. I really do. I am almost thinking... if I should not friendzone him and thus, keep him closer. He is an interesting prospect, and exactly as our Mathematics friend put it, it is hard to let go to those... good enough men with whom we see no future. He is not a keeper, I am afraid. I think I am scared to let him go. For me to be the one to do it - leave a perfectly good on paper man. Spectacular. It's just... not him. I do have to admit that we are incompatible, indeed. Still, some of the things he said... stroke a chord inside. A deep one. The way I talk - void of any emotion and totally logic. The way I present facts and not how those facts make me feel. I see the marks of my ex all over the "emotional" me. ALL OVER. I have cried quite a bit, today. Even wrote him a letter - on my journal. No intention of ever sending it. For so long the words were just... stuck in my throat. It was simply blurry. I had no idea where to start. NO idea whatsoever. The words just... blurred out and i was able to let them out. Huuuuge milestone. Funny how one thinks is ok, than another thing happens and you discover another layer. But it's all good work. I had to dig deep for that one, so it's good. Making good progress.
thekarmacist Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 how am i coping? poorly. i feel anxious and i've got the dreaded kicked-in-the-stomach feeling.
Jonp219 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 I'm in New York not the city tho upstate plenty of single good looking women around here .. I'm just not into dating anymore way better of single What part of upstate you from Aries?
Phoenixashes Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Ended things officially due to mistreatment. Left a brief note saying i couldn't take it anymore and blocked him on Facebook. Stupid me unblocked him for a dumb reason (to see if he'd respond) He wrote me on another Facebook I had wishing me well, saying I'd regret it and blocked me there AND my other Facebook I had unblocked him on...I think to regain some kind of power at the suddenness of it all. Day one n.c over. Feel ok. Missing the company vs anything else. Missing him. A bit sad. A bit angry he didn't appreciate me. So tempted to email. Sigh.
BriNyc82 Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Well I had my date. It was fine. That's the only word I can use to describe it. Fine. Had some drinks. Talked. He gave me a little peck when saying goodbye. I felt nothing. But it was exactly what I was afraid of. He's not R. There wasn't that instant connection. Although maybe that instant connection was lust and that's it. Ugh I'm scared I'll never feel that happy with anyone again.
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