15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I hope I can get to that stage where I realise my ex doesn't care soon. Upon finding out she is already seeing someone a couple weeks after the BU it really depleted any residual hope I had left so right now I feel more numb than anything. I was angry yesterday and had to vent (did it on here rather than to the ex thankfully) and while I felt better yesterday for it, today is more of a numb/depression day. I know it's ups and downs but I'm just tired of it all. I went through this last year when we broke up, and I went through it the year before with the previous ex after a 4 yr relationship. I'm just so tired of having to go through this all the damn time, every year at the moment. Why is it so hard to find love along with loyalty and trustworthiness? Yes, once when he confided his feeling for some other girl...midst hanging out with me, (which I blew up about cause "hello! I'm a human here who obviously has had feelings for you for ages but you've never been 'available', you idiot!") I blocked him and didn't speak to him for a year and a half. Then I thought I was over it, and him...and things were stressful, so I reached out for a friendly chat only to find out he had tried to contact me and he understood it was a slap in the face blah blah blah...long story short, finding out he's into someone else always helps me put him out of my mind. Unfortunately it has never stuck. He always reaches out and has cheated on every gf he's ever had with me. I know that doesn't make me a good person...but he's definitly my personal kryptonite. Im so tired too.
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 What I meant was this , the relationship ended because we weren't meant to be .. Just like the breakup I'm going through now , we just weren't meant to be but maybe she hurts like me or maybe not .. Doesn't really matter in the end .. Just nice to know some can't forget me that easily I hear ya
DK666 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Yes, once when he confided his feeling for some other girl...midst hanging out with me, (which I blew up about cause "hello! I'm a human here who obviously has had feelings for you for ages but you've never been 'available', you idiot!") I blocked him and didn't speak to him for a year and a half. Then I thought I was over it, and him...and things were stressful, so I reached out for a friendly chat only to find out he had tried to contact me and he understood it was a slap in the face blah blah blah...long story short, finding out he's into someone else always helps me put him out of my mind. Unfortunately it has never stuck. He always reaches out and has cheated on every gf he's ever had with me. I know that doesn't make me a good person...but he's definitly my personal kryptonite. Im so tired too. As much as my heart is telling me to jump at any opportunity she gives, my head is hoping that she never reaches out to me so I can try to move on. I've only ever been able to get on well with one ex since the breakup, and that was my longest relationship of 4 years, who I was with prior to this latest one. As it happens she's been incredibly supportive. I don't see myself reaching out to this current ex though, between her family and the lies she fed me for whatever reason I'm not sure I can forgive her. I didn't realise you'd been going through yours for so long, I'm so sorry. I sincerely hope you can find a way to break free of your kryptonite. 1
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Relationships are a funny thing. I've lost count of the girls I've been with that contacted me years later to see what I was up to. I've never gotten back together long term with any of these people. Short flings that last a month sure but it doesn't take long to remember why it didn't work out. It's true they always come back, don't they. And it's also true there's always a reason it didn't work in the first place. I used to subscribe very heavily to that philosophy. Come to think of it ...before I let this thing become a decades long problem. I need to get back to remembering that. Thanks for the reminder! 1
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 As much as my heart is telling me to jump at any opportunity she gives, my head is hoping that she never reaches out to me so I can try to move on. I've only ever been able to get on well with one ex since the breakup, and that was my longest relationship of 4 years, who I was with prior to this latest one. As it happens she's been incredibly supportive. I don't see myself reaching out to this current ex though, between her family and the lies she fed me for whatever reason I'm not sure I can forgive her. I didn't realise you'd been going through yours for so long, I'm so sorry. I sincerely hope you can find a way to break free of your kryptonite. that's exactly what I hope in the moments logic prevails Thanks. Yes, it's the length of time that has me bordering on frantic. I can't let this go on any longer. It's too much.
DK666 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 that's exactly what I hope in the moments logic prevails Thanks. Yes, it's the length of time that has me bordering on frantic. I can't let this go on any longer. It's too much. The longest it's taken me to get over someone (which was my previous ex) was 8 months, and as it happened the weekend where I suddenly felt at my best since that breakup was when I met my current ex. So yeah 8 months at worst for me, but even other times it still takes me a good 5 or 6 months on average. I honestly can't imagine what you are going through with it being dragged on for years. Do you think you are still in love or just obsessed now? How long has it been in total?
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 The longest it's taken me to get over someone (which was my previous ex) was 8 months, and as it happened the weekend where I suddenly felt at my best since that breakup was when I met my current ex. So yeah 8 months at worst for me, but even other times it still takes me a good 5 or 6 months on average. I honestly can't imagine what you are going through with it being dragged on for years. Do you think you are still in love or just obsessed now? How long has it been in total? Oh dear...if I said you'd write me off as a total a nut case (a clue is in my handle). I really don't want to be written off though cause I've found a lot of help here. I wonder if I'm in love, for a slew of very specific reasons, one of which is how long it's been. But I'm aware it could just be an obsession too. I'm also an aries, I'm a sucker for a challenge...he's told me if he ever "gave in" I wouldn't want him...but he'll never let me find out. He's extremely adept at dangling the carrot juuuuust right. Honestly if I had to pick a lable I'd go with addicted to him. Do you think that's diff from obsession?
DK666 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Oh dear...if I said you'd write me off as a total a nut case (a clue is in my handle). I really don't want to be written off though cause I've found a lot of help here. I wonder if I'm in love, for a slew of very specific reasons, one of which is how long it's been. But I'm aware it could just be an obsession too. I'm also an aries, I'm a sucker for a challenge...he's told me if he ever "gave in" I wouldn't want him...but he'll never let me find out. He's extremely adept at dangling the carrot juuuuust right. Honestly if I had to pick a lable I'd go with addicted to him. Do you think that's diff from obsession? I would say addiction is pretty interchangable with obsession. I don't think I would write you off as a nutcase though. Pretty much everyone on this site at some point has not been thinking clearly, that's why we're here. 15 months or 15 years doesn't really matter, what matters is how you want to live the rest of your life going forward. There are so many opportunities you may be missing by focusing on him so much for such a long time. Maybe you're doing it out of habit now, it's your comfort zone. To move forward you need to get out of that comfort zone. The fact that he is dangling breadcrumbs for so long makes me think he's a bit of an ass. I'm sure you already realise that though. You're a sucker for a challenge? Challenge yourself to find someone better. Challenge yourself to get out of that comfort zone. There are many chances out there for people, but you have to put yourself out there to get them.
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 So far today has been pretty bad. I'm feeling really depressed and lonely. I keep picturing him smiling and laughing with the woman he left me for. It hurts to think that he's all happy with her while I'm trying my hardest to heal and move past this. I keep thinking about all the stuff he's doing with her that he never did with me. Why wasn't I good enough for him to try as hard for me? Was it something I did or didn't do? Was I not pretty enough? Funny enough? Skinny enough? Interesting enough? All these questions keep rolling around in my head even though I know that the answers don't really matter anymore. I'm just feeling really low on myself and I miss him. Ha, missing a guy who used to hit me and cheat on me. How messed up. I wish I could be good enough for someone.
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I would say addiction is pretty interchangable with obsession. I don't think I would write you off as a nutcase though. Pretty much everyone on this site at some point has not been thinking clearly, that's why we're here. 15 months or 15 years doesn't really matter, what matters is how you want to live the rest of your life going forward. There are so many opportunities you may be missing by focusing on him so much for such a long time. Maybe you're doing it out of habit now, it's your comfort zone. To move forward you need to get out of that comfort zone. The fact that he is dangling breadcrumbs for so long makes me think he's a bit of an ass. I'm sure you already realise that though. You're a sucker for a challenge? Challenge yourself to find someone better. Challenge yourself to get out of that comfort zone. There are many chances out there for people, but you have to put yourself out there to get them. It is comforting. I like this concept of challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone. Great idea for channeling my energy! Thanks you!! And thank you for saying he's an ass. I needed that 1
candie13 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Welllll, that's not good to know. If he "cares" I'd jump over the moon to just get to spend awhile with him. It's believing I annoy him and he can't stand my face that gives me any strength to stay away. I know if he knew I was thinking that he'd "kindly" correct me and let me know (VERBALLY) he DOES care. But actions have to speak louder then words or I'll spend the next 15 years on breadcrumbs!! caring or still loving someone does not equal to being ready to be in a RS with that person. I think when a RS dies, there is no switch on switch off button. It takes time for it ti die off, it's a process and there is real pain, irrelevant of how good or solid the reasons for the break up are... I think... what really really helps is thinking about what really matters to you. How you feel. What you want out of a RS. Stick to that. Because after the hurt and pain are gone, you're still going to want those things and you will be happy when you meet a new partner who can fulfill those needs. It's hard to hear this, but being true to yourself always pays off. Later, indeed, but it always does. Hell, I keep forgetting this shyte... but when the dust finally gets settled, you will be able to see clearly, through the day. Be patient, take your time, stay fearlessly out of contact and it will happen. Only a matter of time and patience. 3
Gus Grimly Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Coping sucks. I'm tired of feeling sick and tired. I just want it to end already. It's not been good on my health either, all this stress and worry. Where's the Men in Black Neuralyzer when you need one? Just erase my memory and instead tell me I've been traveling around the world visiting all kinds of exotic places the past 4 years. No trace of my Ex, just memories of epic adventures in distance lands meeting all sorts of interesting indigenous people. Ahh, that would be amazing. I would be so happy. I hate coping. I think I'm in a depression. Great. What else?
DK666 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Coping sucks. I'm tired of feeling sick and tired. I just want it to end already. It's not been good on my health either, all this stress and worry. Where's the Men in Black Neuralyzer when you need one? Just erase my memory and instead tell me I've been traveling around the world visiting all kinds of exotic places the past 4 years. No trace of my Ex, just memories of epic adventures in distance lands meeting all sorts of interesting indigenous people. Ahh, that would be amazing. I would be so happy. I hate coping. I think I'm in a depression. Great. What else? I hear you man, 4 weeks since BU tomorrow for me and it's just going far too damn slowly. It helps me to keep coming back here and posting, I've also relied on friends a lot. I hope you can find a way to keep your mind occupied, going out and seeing friends, reading the forum here, some exercise in some form (for me it's cycling for an hour). Anything you can do, you gotta do. 1
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Coping sucks. I'm tired of feeling sick and tired. I just want it to end already. It's not been good on my health either, all this stress and worry. Where's the Men in Black Neuralyzer when you need one? Just erase my memory and instead tell me I've been traveling around the world visiting all kinds of exotic places the past 4 years. No trace of my Ex, just memories of epic adventures in distance lands meeting all sorts of interesting indigenous people. Ahh, that would be amazing. I would be so happy. I hate coping. I think I'm in a depression. Great. What else? Funny you should say that. Just a minute ago I notice all the widows seem to be sharing altogether too much sunlight. I'm preferring it darker, quiter, more cavelike. Made me wonder if I'm in more of a depression then I think. I hate coping too. I just want to live, free of coping. I'm uneasy that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life...coping. 1
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I hear you man, 4 weeks since BU tomorrow for me and it's just going far too damn slowly. It helps me to keep coming back here and posting, I've also relied on friends a lot. I hope you can find a way to keep your mind occupied, going out and seeing friends, reading the forum here, some exercise in some form (for me it's cycling for an hour). Anything you can do, you gotta do. This sight has been my saving grace this time around. It helps me past those moments when I would have broken down and texted...keeps me occupied until that stupid intense urge passes. Thank you LS-ers. 2
DK666 Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Funny you should say that. Just a minute ago I notice all the widows seem to be sharing altogether too much sunlight. I'm preferring it darker, quiter, more cavelike. Made me wonder if I'm in more of a depression then I think. I hate coping too. I just want to live, free of coping. I'm uneasy that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life...coping. So true about the sunlight, I've been keeping the curtains drawn on these amazingly sunny days. Not good though, Vitamin D from sunlight helps fight depression. We should really be making every effort to be out in it. 2
15Love Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 I do go out. I'm at the pool with my family every day...I just noticed I'm not enjoying the sun like I used too. It's seems so...upbeat. Which I am not. Lol. And when I enter a bedroom with the curtains still drawn from the night...it feels better. 1
iheartgoodmusic Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 I wake up with mild anxiety every morning. I will be glad when this feeling goes away. 1
ApexTitanium Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 8 months, still not completely over it but the urge to contact you is very low. Still think about us even though im sure I cross your mind once in a blue moon. You contacted me a month ago saying you heard about my new job and the things that are going good for me. You said you were happy for me. Just wanted to say thanks. Sorry I didnt reply, im just trying to stay away like you wanted. I think my pain is more of im scared of not finding love again, that I wont find someone that fits me, that im very lonely. I think its more of that at this point than missing you.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 The sunlight thing is funny, it depresses me too. We spent most of our good memories outdoors last summer in weather like this. Now I just imagine her doing these things with her new bf. Why does it bother me when I'm glad to be rid of her? Still have no idea. This is a girl that would compete for my affection with my daughter and would ask me to be less of a father so I could spend more time and money on her. Selfish doesn't begin to describe her. [/rant] I cope extremely well in the morning, and most nights. Its' the noon to 5-6ish time frame I find my mind wandering and sad. Can't explain it. Morning I'm convinced I'm over her then the feeling slowly creeps in.
15Love Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 The sunlight thing is funny, it depresses me too. We spent most of our good memories outdoors last summer in weather like this. Now I just imagine her doing these things with her new bf. Why does it bother me when I'm glad to be rid of her? Still have no idea. This is a girl that would compete for my affection with my daughter and would ask me to be less of a father so I could spend more time and money on her. Selfish doesn't begin to describe her. [/rant] I cope extremely well in the morning, and most nights. Its' the noon to 5-6ish time frame I find my mind wandering and sad. Can't explain it. Morning I'm convinced I'm over her then the feeling slowly creeps in. Mornings and evenings are both rough for me but your rough part is when I'm better! You come here when it's rough for you and I'll give you pep talks
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 25, 2015 Posted July 25, 2015 Mornings and evenings are both rough for me but your rough part is when I'm better! You come here when it's rough for you and I'll give you pep talks Ha...thanks...my best coping mechanism is staying busy and being around other people from 12-6. Usually I'll start a conversation about her and how awful and exhausting of a person she was to date and that helps to clear my mind. I'm hoping these morning good hours start to extend to later on in the day. I feel 100% over her then one thought creeps into my mind and it just lingers.
freebird31 Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 It is so crazy. I look back at my old posts. And i am actually really glad I have a record of my feelings. Because It really does help me figure out what i was feeling at the time, and why I could not understand it at the time. For example, about 5 months ago I was confused about my feelings for a new guy I was dating after my ex. I was not sure if I really liked him, but was just not ready. Or if I did not like him enough, and thats why I could not commit to him. Well 5 months later (now), I know exactly what it was. I really liked him, but was just simply not ready. It didnt have anything to do with not liking him enough. And i was not jealous or angry jsut because he moved on. I genuinely liked this guy, but I really couldnt commit to him at the time because I was still in love with my, or the idea of my ex I should say. CRAZY how time puts everything into perspective. I really needed those 5 months to realize that how I truly felt about this guy. Now that my mind is cleared of my past, and my ex, I see everything so much clearer now. I no longer have this fogged mind. But I let a good one get away because I could not see it at the time. Which really is a shame. Such a shame. He is with someone else now. And i remember seeing him with someone else at the time 5 months ago. And I really wanted to confess my feelings for him then, but i couldnt get myself to do it because I still really wasnt sure if my feelings for him were real. How is that I can realize it now? I was so infatuated with my ex, and he was the only person i truly wanted at the time. So, at the time, the new guy wasnt what i wanted. But now that I see what is good for me, what is right for me, and how much I really liked the new guy, I see how he was a great match for me. It is so frustrating that I could not see this before...I keep saying this. Because it is frustrating. But I am so tired of trying to control situations which I hold no power over. It is not my fault, and I cannot blame myself for not realizing it sooner. I really needed this time to heal and to be single in order to get to where I am at right now. I may have let a good thing go, but only God knows why. God has his plans for me. I just need to conitue to have faith and my future is truly in God's hands. I am no longer going to try to control what i cannot control. Or blame myself. I have told him how i feel, and that is the most that I can do. If we cross paths in the future, we cross paths. If not, then we dont. Thats it. I have to keep pushing forward, and bring forth the lessons that I learn along the way. And in God's timing, I will cross paths with the person I am meant to be with. Its in His hands. it feels so good to let go, and really give it to God.
Morphine Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 I was hoping to talk to my ex today....but she stayed overnight at her new bfs house... i am not sure how this makes me feel. When I imagine them having sex...it does nit make me feel much, other than a bit of jealousy? I am sad, yes, but there is no pain in my chest.
finalendeavor Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 I'm coping today by choosing to accept. After a lot of thought, I've accepted that if you wanted me, it would've been made clear. I've realized that the way you dumped me/ you dumping me in general is not a reflection of who I am and does not indicate that there's anything wrong with me. I still don't really think it was personal; there are times in everyone's life when they need to focus on themselves and not a relationship, even if you failed to effectively convey and understand your feelings. I've also accepted that any future relationship between us would never work, because I would be settling for a man who doesn't value me enough to actually think before tossing me to the side. I don't think you understood that behind my "dream girl" face/ body, there was an actual person, with just as many beliefs, ideas, and thoughts as you have. You loved the idea of me, but you did not love me. You didn't care, you were confused. Today is an important day for me, as I am letting go of what we could've been and our connection. I will continue to implement no contact- but no longer because I'm hoping you will come back- I just have nothing to say to you at this point. I have no words for a boy that can throw away an amazing thing and cut me out of his life. I am removing you from my life just like you've removed me from yours. I will not contact you, check up on your Facebook, or continue to communicate with your relentless friends. I will not destroy a perfect 28 days of no contact, I will not throw away the dignity I have held onto. I'm coping by understanding that I might never hear from your again after our breakup, because you and I are no longer a part of each other's lives. You do not owe me a single thing. It doesn't matter if you care or ever have, it doesn't matter if you've went back to that ex you couldn't quite seem to let go of, it doesn't matter that I think I'm a better catch than all of your exes. The times we spent together and the connection/ chemistry we had doesn't matter, none of it does. At the end of the day, you were still able to look at me in my entirety, not give it much thought, and basically say "nope, think I'll try my chances elsewhere". I'm coping by respecting myself enough to fully let go and respect your decision. 1
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