DK666 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) So, how am I coping today? Well the good week has continued into the weekend despite seeing the ex at a club last night. I went for a date on Friday which went really well, we ended up spending the night together. Meeting this girl really made me realise that I can connect with someone else and be able to move on. Felt good on Saturday and went out with my mates on Saturday evening. Saw the ex and her sister in the club and didn't feel too bad, what I felt was more angry at how she treated me since the breakup (covered in another post somewhere). One of the friends I was with is a slim attractive girl, so she suggested that we make the ex jealous, I thought it was a good idea given my mood at the time. Every picture taken by the club photos basically has this girl all over me, we danced lots together etc and generally made it look very convincing. The most satisfying part is that my ex kept on happening to walk past me and glancing over, looking really not happy, most of the pics taken by the club photographer of her, she doesn't look happy one bit. She actually ended up leaving way earlier than she normally would, with a not very impressed look on her face. I have to say I felt IMMENSELY satisfied to see that she clearly wasn't over me as much as she said she was. It doesn't change anything going forward for me, I'm still moving on, but that satisfaction has really given me a lift. Following on from last night, I registered on Badoo today. Strangely enough one of the first people to message me was one of her best friends. When I messaged back saying I was surprised to hear from her, she denied ever sending anything and basically said she wouldn't touch me with a barge pole. it actually didn't bother me that much and I just left the conversation with a "Fair enough :)". So yeah, overall I'm definitely feeling better. I'm sure there will be more down days to come, but it's nice to know that she's not moving on as easy as she says she is, and that has really improved my mood. Her loss now, and her mask is failing. Tough ****. Edited July 19, 2015 by DK666 2
Morphine Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Anyone else waking up sad only to pick up as the day passes? Everyday I wake up feeling that I have lost someone special and that I was a fool to not change myself to keep the relationship going. Today is no different. Oh well. Lets hope the day goes by quick. 1
Imonlyhuman Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Anyone else waking up sad only to pick up as the day passes? Everyday I wake up feeling that I have lost someone special and that I was a fool to not change myself to keep the relationship going. Today is no different. Oh well. Lets hope the day goes by quick. Yeah I get those days and it sucks but I just try to remind myself that one day these feelings and pain will go away
Amas5750 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Cried my eyes out for the one hour session with a psychologist but it was actually good talking about it. Talked to a friend honestly about the ugly truth of how bad I'm feeling (was good to get support) Then took a walk on the coast and found nice comfort in that. Looked at the massive ocean. ContemPlated that I might be better one day. Listened to a spiritual teacher on YouTube which ministered to my soul
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 This is a big victory LTWA! You maintained your dignity even after having too much to drink. That would be when you would be by far most likely to contact her. ...or did you pass out before you did it? Either way, it's a win! Thanks! It was a conscious decision...Saturday night was a huge ego boost and confidence lifter. Amazing how one night can change your outlook. Been coping well the past few days.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Anyone else waking up sad only to pick up as the day passes? Everyday I wake up feeling that I have lost someone special and that I was a fool to not change myself to keep the relationship going. Today is no different. Oh well. Lets hope the day goes by quick. I'm quite to opposite...I wake up in a great mood and usually feel down around lunch which lasts until my work day is over. Every day I feel a little better. What I've learned is the road to feeling normal again is attained from small victories. Going NC is your first victory. Grow from there.
15Love Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) Yes, Morphine! You're not alone. And to top it off this morning I woke from a night full of dreams where he was being so sweet and into me. Every time I'd wake up to go to the bathroom I'd tell myself, "That's not even how he is in real life! See! That's how he should have been! What a jerk!" Except my heart could care less about what my head knows. Now I'm missing him so much and just want to shoot him a text to see if he still wants to know me? I mean, how could he not care if he knows me at all? Just all of a sudden? After all these years?? Why doesn't he care??? Am I really a nobody? How do you just forget someone?! Sigh. Sad today, hope this one goes quick too. Edited July 20, 2015 by 15Love
Morphine Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Ah I knows those feelings. My ex has changed so dramatically it is unbelievable. Morning passed and I feel a bit better :-) But today I am going tk see her first time in 10 days....moving out on 1st of Augut. Ugh will be difficult.
Chronograph Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Mornings are still the worst! No matter how okay and light and accepting I feel in the evening, mornings usually cloud my mind with pain, fear and a feeling of hopelessness. Also, last night it came over me and I listened to some break up songs (I don't know why, I should have known it'll end in tears) just to find myself sobbing uncontrollably. I haven't cried in over two weeks. But it was as if my heart (not just my over-analysing mind) finally had to face the fact that it's over. And so this morning was especially dark and desperate.
Morphine Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I always laughed at those love songs until my break up - the lyrics are so true...same with movies (and I am a guy and this stuff dont usually get to me). I watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" last week - damn...stay away.
BriNyc82 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 My all time fav by the script "cause I got time while she got freedom. When a heart breaks no it don't break even" 1
theredpill Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 For what it's worth, today whilst driving to the shops I stopped at the traffic lights and who was stood on the pavement waiting to cross... well the ex from a couple of years ago. I loved this girl, a lot and it was fantastic until her needs weren't being met (long story, for another time) was totally devastated at the time when the relationship fell apart. She didn't recognise me at first as I'm driving a different car from when we were together and you know what I felt, absolutely nothing but a bit of compassion for her loss. She wasn't the beautiful girl I fell for, she was just someone who shared a part of my life who didn't deserve me. If I could take the pain from that breakup and show people on here what the difference is like after moving on, I absolutely would (probably be a millionaire too). As painful as you think it is, as hard as your time is right now... it will get better, much better and you'll look back at the "you now" realising it was just a momentary lapse of reason and you're FOOKING AWESOME... each and every one of you! The end 5
Ariess10 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 For what it's worth, today whilst driving to the shops I stopped at the traffic lights and who was stood on the pavement waiting to cross... well the ex from a couple of years ago. I loved this girl, a lot and it was fantastic until her needs weren't being met (long story, for another time) was totally devastated at the time when the relationship fell apart. She didn't recognise me at first as I'm driving a different car from when we were together and you know what I felt, absolutely nothing but a bit of compassion for her loss. She wasn't the beautiful girl I fell for, she was just someone who shared a part of my life who didn't deserve me. If I could take the pain from that breakup and show people on here what the difference is like after moving on, I absolutely would (probably be a millionaire too). As painful as you think it is, as hard as your time is right now... it will get better, much better and you'll look back at the "you now" realising it was just a momentary lapse of reason and you're FOOKING AWESOME... each and every one of you! The end oh I can't wait thank you for this story 1
TunaCat Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I thought I was doing better. Yet, I just found out the ex and his gf are spending the next few days in Monterey. This is the same guy who repeatedly told me he was swamped with work and we couldn't go away together. And now he's taking her on a trip to a place that I love. How the hell is he now able to take several days off work and go away with this girl? Why wasn't I important enough for him to want to take that trip with me? I wouldn't even care about this if I had had any luck with dating. I haven't had a date since the breakup and here the ex is going on trips with the girl he started dating only 3 weeks after dumping me. Feeling inadequate, sad, mad, frustrated etc.
FaithInMe Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 How am I feeling today.... One step forward, two steps back. I had a stomach bug today and felt awful. I worked from home most of the day, in between napping. But my mom kept calling me from the nursing home and leaving messages. Sometimes I have to ignore the calls to maintain my sanity. I finally called my brother and asked him to help with her so I could resst. I also called EAP today and set up my first counseling appointment. I feel better just knowing that is coming soon - someone I can talk to outside of my family and friends circle. What did I do for myself today? Hmmm...I rode up to Chick-Fil-A and bought myself some nuggest and a large lemonade. I opened the moon roof and windows and let the air blow through my hair. (It was better than doing homework and being sick in bed.)
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Today wasn't a good day. I kept cycling between despair, anger, and panic. Some had to do with my ex. Some had to do with my job. It's sounding like the crappy economy is catching up with my line of work and my crew and I don't know what or when our next job will be. Other companies in my field have been laying off people due to shortage of work and I'm afraid that that might be in my near future as well. I've done this job for almost a decade now and I don't have any skills in any other field and I don't know what to do. I live by myself and I'm so scared I may have to give up my apartment and move back in with my parents at 29 years old. Everyone tells me not to panic yet because there's no guarantee that anything like that will happen, but I've always been a worrier. If I lose my apartment it will destroy me. This has been my haven and my sanctuary for years and I can't lose that. I'm solitary by nature and I don't think I can handle living with other people again, even if it's just my parents. I'll feel trapped and claustrophobic and I desperately need a large chunk of time by myself every day to be happy. Damn, I'm starting to hyperventilate again just thinking about it. I want to go back to school so I can get a "normal" job, but with the way things are looking I won't be able to afford that for the foreseeable future. So yeah, today was a crappy day. I want to cry.
Jonp219 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I've been so pissed off lately. Pissed off because I continue to blame myself and because this girl continues to take up space in my head. I feel incredibly bitter towards the world and everyone around me. I feel inadequate, inferior, and useless compared to every better looking man that I see. My ex was completely right, she can do a lot better than me. What's better than an emotionally volatile, whiny, indecisive, non-centered little bitch? Well anything really. I feel like my soul is just drying up and turning me into a hateful, vengeful jerk-off. Yes, i'm giving her way too much power, but I don't care, she had the power all along. After all, she did break up with me and left in this hole of despair to pick my scabs and lick my wounds. 1
15Love Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 My ex was completely right, she can do a lot better than me. What's better than an emotionally volatile, whiny, indecisive, non-centered little bitch? Well anything really. I feel like my soul is just drying up and turning me into a hateful, vengeful jerk-off. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I hope you feel better this morning. I understand how you feel. Why doesn't he miss me?? Why do I miss him???? Today's not looking great. It's not even 7:30 and Im fighting the urge to text. I had a massive fight with a loved one last night and was up till 2:40am. So now I'm tired and feel low about the fight and it all makes me want to "get high" I wish this would just end already. I wish he was a non-option in my mind. I wish this day was ending instead of starting. I wish the urge to see him or talk to him didn't ruin my day. I wish. I wish. I wish. 1
DK666 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 After such a strong week last week for me, today I have woken up and felt incredibly low. I'm starting to remember other things about the relationship now that I really miss; the touch of her lips, the way she held my hand and so many other things, it's making me feel incredibly depressed. I always knew there were gonna be bad days to come, but I guess this one just sneaked up on me.
DK666 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I hope you feel better this morning. I understand how you feel. Why doesn't he miss me?? Why do I miss him???? Today's not looking great. It's not even 7:30 and Im fighting the urge to text. I had a massive fight with a loved one last night and was up till 2:40am. So now I'm tired and feel low about the fight and it all makes me want to "get high" I wish this would just end already. I wish he was a non-option in my mind. I wish this day was ending instead of starting. I wish the urge to see him or talk to him didn't ruin my day. I wish. I wish. I wish. I hear you 15love, I pretty much feel everything you've described too. I so badly want to text her, but I know it's the wrong thing to do for me to heal. Even so I so badly still want things to go back to the way they were, but I do realise that that is a pipe dream, and I need to get a grip. Days like this suck so much, you're not alone. 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Jon I'm sorry you are feeling so down in the dumps. I've been angry lately too. The way I see it I would rather be angry than miss him. You're angry and feeling all of this bc you cared. And she mattered. I think the way you are feeling is more normal than someone who can't feel anything. To me those people are weak. Lick your wounds. 1
Imonlyhuman Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I'm so bored at work right with not much work to do and of course my mind wants to think of my ex. I'm feeling angry and sad because she mattered to me and I cared about her that when I finally saw her again, I had butterflies while she dogged me. She didn't even acknowledge me when I said hi as if I was a ghost or some stranger she didn't want to speak to. Such a nice girl but that moment was not the one I knew for the last 2 in a half years. I don't get it, I feel like nothing and I mean nothing to her at all. It sucks what she did but there are always better days ahead.
Imonlyhuman Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I'm so bored at work right with not much work to do and of course my mind wants to think of my ex. I'm feeling angry and sad because she mattered to me and I mean nothing to her now after 3 years.
Calidude6 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Not a good day to start off because I'm thinking about her when I shouldn't. I mainly thinking about our good times and times I wish I did better. I took her for granted and that kills me.
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