Author Riou Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Not coping so well today,felt moments of weakness..hope it gets better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Afailure Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm not coping,how could i cope when everything that happened was my fault?I should have cherished her more but my insecurity,fear anger and depression pushed her away.We were together for 2 months and 2 weeks and the break up happened 8 months ago. Everyday i wake up with regret and anxiety and hatred towards myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Still-I-Rise Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I'm not coping,how could i cope when everything that happened was my fault?I should have cherished her more but my insecurity,fear anger and depression pushed her away.We were together for 2 months and 2 weeks and the break up happened 8 months ago. Everyday i wake up with regret and anxiety and hatred towards myself. Stop hating yourself right now and accept you cannot change the past. Heck, you cannot change the past five minutes. Forgive yourself for being human and making mistakes. It is a part of growing...a part of life. It is good you see the error of your ways but don't drag it out. Don't keep punishing yourself day in and day out. Work on the things you need to improve before you meet someone else. The more you hate yourself the longer it will take you to move on. Flip the switch and love yourself for a change. Here's a secret, you can't love another, maturely, until you love yourself. Take care of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Still-I-Rise Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Not coping so well today,felt moments of weakness..hope it gets better soon. I hope it gets better soon. For your weak moments, try to find small victories to show yourself you are still moving forward. No matter how teensy-weensy the victory will be meaningful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Fairly well with regards to BU. However, I've been dealing with personal issues all day today which turned out to be a bit overwhelming...need a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 a little pissed at her to be honest for causing to much what I still think is unnecessary pain. Yes she walked away and was more than ready to commit to that decision but was I ready? cmon have some common courtesy, haven't we lived enough for you to have the decency to give me a heads up sweetheart? eh it's all in the past what can I say, I still wish her nothing but the worst, I know it's only detrimental to me and I do work on it, trust me I do, baby steps I take. Link to post Share on other sites
headinthecloud Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I'm struggling a bit after receiving his HNY text. My mind knows the text was a mass text-to-all gesture so I know he sent it to all his exes and friends. But my heart keeps remembering the man I fell in love with (who, I know, doesn't exist). What is wrong with me today?! It was just a stupid bloody text!!! I have since blocked him on my phone but for some reason I've been looking at my email waiting for a response. Exes who contact you after a BU are annoying...I hate relapses. Oh well. It will pass. It's just a moment in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 a little pissed at her to be honest for causing to much what I still think is unnecessary pain. Yes she walked away and was more than ready to commit to that decision but was I ready? cmon have some common courtesy, haven't we lived enough for you to have the decency to give me a heads up sweetheart? eh it's all in the past what can I say, I still wish her nothing but the worst, I know it's only detrimental to me and I do work on it, trust me I do, baby steps I take. I felt blindsided too. Even with all of the evidence of his waffling, I really did trust him. I thought I had finally gotten lucky and found one of the good guys. It's really disheartening after all we went through. I still have up and down days. If anything, I've learned that people can do a 180 so fast. He was pushing marriage one month before breaking up. I just don't think it was necessary to bring me that far, make all those promises, and do so much of it unprompted. It's beyond cruel. I actually thought he was going to propose to me that night. He took his boards for recertification two days before. I supported him through all of that stress, and he discards me like trash two days later. His behavior is truly awful, and the worst twist is when such cruelty is dished out by someone you love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Still definitely feeling over him. I can look at it intellectually and see the fantastic thing that we could have had if he'd had the courage of his convictions. But I also seem to be done with being sad about it. It is rather a relief. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I felt blindsided too. Even with all of the evidence of his waffling, I really did trust him. I thought I had finally gotten lucky and found one of the good guys. It's really disheartening after all we went through. I still have up and down days. If anything, I've learned that people can do a 180 so fast. He was pushing marriage one month before breaking up. I just don't think it was necessary to bring me that far, make all those promises, and do so much of it unprompted. It's beyond cruel. I actually thought he was going to propose to me that night. He took his boards for recertification two days before. I supported him through all of that stress, and he discards me like trash two days later. His behavior is truly awful, and the worst twist is when such cruelty is dished out by someone you love. gd its been so long and I feel like jumping in my Mercedes and driving by her ****ing home. I really do but what do I do? for what to either see or her new loves car in her driveway? I still don't know. Im just embarrassed at feeling this way over 9 months BU. Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 gd its been so long and I feel like jumping in my Mercedes and driving by her ****ing home. I really do but what do I do? for what to either see or her new loves car in her driveway? I still don't know. Im just embarrassed at feeling this way over 9 months BU. Don't be doing that crazy stuff man, you'll regret it and hate yourself. Hell it took me over a year one time to get over an ex that left me for another man. It sucked big time. I drove by her house one day and got busted... but I didn't give a damn, I wanted her back... but it sure didn't help... and I hated myself for giving her the satisfaction I gave a ****. Right now, this woman has the keys to your happiness and one day your gonna realize thats ****ed up and you'll see it for what it truly is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ayudorama Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) JDPT, why would you be embarrassed? I'm approximately 9 1/2 months post-BU and my current state of mind is similar to yours. Except my folks drove past my ex's place a few days ago, and I had my head turned the opposite direction. (My folks think he's stupid for leaving me and tells me to find someone better, so they think after this much time has passed, I had fully moved on. Nope.) I figured the less I know, the better. I don't even want to look at ANYTHING that could remind me of him. That will just kick my mind into over-drive. I don't want to drive myself insane by over-thinking every little thing. It's irritating the heck out of me. And PS: Don't do it. Edited January 5, 2014 by ayudorama 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Don't be doing that crazy stuff man, you'll regret it and hate yourself. Hell it took me over a year one time to get over an ex that left me for another man. It sucked big time. I drove by her house one day and got busted... but I didn't give a damn, I wanted her back... but it sure didn't help... and I hated myself for giving her the satisfaction I gave a ****. Right now, this woman has the keys to your happiness and one day your gonna realize thats ****ed up and you'll see it for what it truly is. I second this completely. Do no do this. ANY contact with your ex will set you back. Seeing her place certainly will! Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Don't be doing that crazy stuff man, you'll regret it and hate yourself. Hell it took me over a year one time to get over an ex that left me for another man. It sucked big time. I drove by her house one day and got busted... but I didn't give a damn, I wanted her back... but it sure didn't help... and I hated myself for giving her the satisfaction I gave a ****. Right now, this woman has the keys to your happiness and one day your gonna realize thats ****ed up and you'll see it for what it truly is. I can certainly resonate, but she isn't and never was the key to my happiness. I loved her dearly yes, I would have at some point given my life for her yes, but the moment she decided to walk away from our life she became a strangers, actually she became my enemy, good luck to her. My services were no longer needed. And if she ever needed help, well I hope there was someone out there who was willing to help. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Ayudorama It's irritating the heck out of me. I would have done the same. I must admit, when I see a car that resembles the vehicle the my ex drives I immediately look the other way, why? because I don't care to know if it's care I just don't want o see her ever again in my fawking life. I don't care to know about her or her where abouts. she was a mistake and as scrumptious as that mistake may come across to be I still will like to rectify myself and make it all better for me and leave her stranded in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I can certainly resonate, but she isn't and never was the key to my happiness. I loved her dearly yes, I would have at some point given my life for her yes, but the moment she decided to walk away from our life she became a strangers, actually she became my enemy, good luck to her. My services were no longer needed. And if she ever needed help, well I hope there was someone out there who was willing to help. See I don't understand that mentality. Why does she become your enemy? I mean. My ex hurt me pretty badly with what he did, but I would never consider him my enemy, and if he came to me needing help legitimately, I would do my best to help him. Link to post Share on other sites
ayudorama Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 ^AnyaNova, I guess that's his way of dealing with things. I'm with you on this one. Despite the way I was treated, if ever the situation called for it in the future and he asks for my help, I know for a fact that I will help him. I guess it has alot to do with how we view our ex after the break-up. Personally, I don't hate him and I share partial blame for the demise of what we had, and I look upon his horrible missteps and cruelty towards approaching the break-up and the manner in which it was executed as behavior I despised, but I don't despise him as a person. I learnt that hate doesn't hurt anyone else but my own self. Gotta live and let live, I guess. But not everyone feels the same way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 gd its been so long and I feel like jumping in my Mercedes and driving by her ****ing home. I really do but what do I do? for what to either see or her new loves car in her driveway? I still don't know. Im just embarrassed at feeling this way over 9 months BU. I feel the same way as I'm cursing him in the same breath. I think it's hard because you also have to deal with the shame of still loving someone who f&cked you over. I see it objectively. I see the things he did, but my heart is still playing catch up. My goal is to kill any emotional connection, which might not even be possible. Maybe I can numb it with NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I can certainly resonate, but she isn't and never was the key to my happiness. I loved her dearly yes, I would have at some point given my life for her yes, but the moment she decided to walk away from our life she became a strangers, actually she became my enemy, good luck to her. My services were no longer needed. And if she ever needed help, well I hope there was someone out there who was willing to help. I'm with you. I've wished him unhappiness, then been terribly ashamed at myself. He's already had a sh$tty enough life as it is. He's truly been unlucky and been through hell before I came around, so I think he's had his fair share of unhappiness. His experiences are why he is so f$cked up, but why spread the pain to me? Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 See I don't understand that mentality. Why does she become your enemy? I mean. My ex hurt me pretty badly with what he did, but I would never consider him my enemy, and if he came to me needing help legitimately, I would do my best to help him. I think people deal with it in different ways. I sometimes feel that way, but it's not everyday or anything. It depends on how wronged you think you were and other variables. This break up has brought out some deep emotions in me for sure. Probably because I invested so much and felt betrayal at how it turned out. It goes beyond missing him and into disbelief that a person I trusted with my life dealt me this blow. It's normal grieving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 ^AnyaNova, I guess that's his way of dealing with things. subconsciously I'm still bitter and angry at her. I used to feel used, like rag used then tossed. I've done for her more than I've ever done for any other relationship in the past, emotionally, financially, etc... Clearly, we do all these things out of the goodness of our heart and I never once expected her to reciprocate in any way although deep inside it would have simply been a nice gesture. Thankfully, I'm not as upset about it as I used to but I still have my moments of anger nonetheless. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 I'm with you. I've wished him unhappiness, then been terribly ashamed at myself. He's already had a sh$tty enough life as it is. He's truly been unlucky and been through hell before I came around, so I think he's had his fair share of unhappiness. His experiences are why he is so f$cked up, but why spread the pain to me? Absolutely- we predominantly focus on how they worked a number on us and nothing more. But what else is there to consider when they had zero consideration for us? They disregarded, and executed with impunity. I used to run this ridiculous scenario in my head. My ex was notorious for getting flat tires and of course I would run to her rescue. So I used to think I wish I would see her stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire. I would literally drive past her, I'm certain there will be someone willing to care enough to pull over and help. Malicious thinking I know, but truth is, and was a stranger to me now. Like someone you pass by in the street and don't think twice about. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 It sucked big time. I drove by her house one day and got busted... but I didn't give a damn, I wanted her back... but it sure didn't help... I know the feeling trust me. I used to drive by her home like a maniac always saying to myself "this will be the last time, this will be my last time...."to simply find myself back the next day. It was sickening. I self inflicted pain for a long time by doing that. I guess there is no better way to learn but to actually feel the pain. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Feeling a bit better today. Last night was rough, filled with anger and emotions going haywire. We'll see how the day goes, it's still early. Link to post Share on other sites
ayudorama Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Thankfully, I'm not as upset about it as I used to but I still have my moments of anger nonetheless. Absolutely. Which is why I can understand why you're feeling that way - the anger. I've had those days too. The rate at which our emotions undulate, geez, I can't stand myself sometimes. Glad that anger has gone away for now. Here's to a better day! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts