Imonlyhuman Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 imonlyhuman your post makes me want to give you a giant hug. Sometimes a sincere hug does help the wounded heart. I know my day will come when I no longer feel the pain but in the meantime, it sure does feel ****ty. Especially since it's taking this long. Miss my best friend.
candie13 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 ending week 9 of NC and starting week 10 since the BU. It is surreal, the time it took and it still take. unbloodybelievable, what the hell !?! Doing ok, felt like breaking NC a couple of times but stayed good. Blocked him oh the social network, he's a lurker. Does me good. I should be meeting some new guys, me thinks.
BriNyc82 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I miss my friend too I don't know whether I want to strangle him or hug him. I hope I'm not feeling this lousy at 10 weeks NC.
LeslieKnope Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I miss talking to my ex. I miss the company. Nights are hardest.
Ariess10 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I miss my friend too I don't know whether I want to strangle him or hug him. I hope I'm not feeling this lousy at 10 weeks NC. I'm 4 months break up 4 months nc I think I miss more of the idea of her then actually her.. It was nice having someone to always talk to or just send a "love you" txt or " thinking of you" .. But as a relationship , I have started to see too much wrong with it to miss that part.. I really didn't know her at all after 3 years and that's sad .. She never had my back like I thought she did
BriNyc82 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I agree with that too Aries. I think I also just miss that comfort and having someone who seemingly cared about me. I actually never had any doubts about us but looking back I SHOULD have. I went out to breakfast with my mom this morning and she told me that I need to diversify my portfolio (I've never been a fan of multi-dating and she has been telling me this for years) but she said this way I'm not too available and if it doesn't work out I wont be devastated. She told me that I don't need to overshare with these guys about everything going in my life and I need to play the game more. I know she is right but I hate these dumb rules. If you are bored, just wanted the chase, or want to call it quits this early then I would rather know now b/c I am who I am. I realized this guy wasn't who I thought he was either. I created this whole version of him based on what he was showing me (and telling me) but he was showing me who he wanted me to see. He was hiding his dark side. I don't think he even knew how to be with someone (me) who wasn't controlling and actually gave him freedom. He would ask my permission to do things and I said on multiple occasions that I wasn't his mom, do whatever you want! I think he needed an ego boost and I gave him just that. It was all about control for him. Even the way it ended. This whole process goes way beyond just him. I think it's teaching me to toughen up and be a little more protective of myself. It takes time to really trust people and they have to earn it. I just hope that next time I won't get swept into motions and passion and throw all these lessons out the window. I need to start using my head more and create some healthy distance and boundaries. Only up from here. You guys spent a long time together. I am sure you did know her but maybe you are realizing that you don't really like her. You deserve to have someone who WILL have your back. She will one day come to resent her mother and probably end up resenting herself. But kudos to you for 4 months NC! Something to be proud of. 1
Ariess10 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I agree with that too Aries. I think I also just miss that comfort and having someone who seemingly cared about me. I actually never had any doubts about us but looking back I SHOULD have. I went out to breakfast with my mom this morning and she told me that I need to diversify my portfolio (I've never been a fan of multi-dating and she has been telling me this for years) but she said this way I'm not too available and if it doesn't work out I wont be devastated. She told me that I don't need to overshare with these guys about everything going in my life and I need to play the game more. I know she is right but I hate these dumb rules. If you are bored, just wanted the chase, or want to call it quits this early then I would rather know now b/c I am who I am. I realized this guy wasn't who I thought he was either. I created this whole version of him based on what he was showing me (and telling me) but he was showing me who he wanted me to see. He was hiding his dark side. I don't think he even knew how to be with someone (me) who wasn't controlling and actually gave him freedom. He would ask my permission to do things and I said on multiple occasions that I wasn't his mom, do whatever you want! I think he needed an ego boost and I gave him just that. It was all about control for him. Even the way it ended. This whole process goes way beyond just him. I think it's teaching me to toughen up and be a little more protective of myself. It takes time to really trust people and they have to earn it. I just hope that next time I won't get swept into motions and passion and throw all these lessons out the window. I need to start using my head more and create some healthy distance and boundaries. Only up from here. You guys spent a long time together. I am sure you did know her but maybe you are realizing that you don't really like her. You deserve to have someone who WILL have your back. She will one day come to resent her mother and probably end up resenting herself. But kudos to you for 4 months NC! Something to be proud of. ya that issue with her mom probably will never go away , but that's her problem, I think you might be right I maybe just starting to see who she really was and I'm not a big fan.. Oh well just gotta keep on keep on
TunaCat Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'm realizing just how selfish I was in regards to our relationship and how much of a saint he really was to put up with me as long as he did. I held him at an arms length for far too long, and he finally got fed up because I was not willing to move in with him/get engaged. I loved him, but I let fear ruin things. I miss him, but I also want him to be happy. He's happy with his gf and I don't want to ruin that for him. So as much as I want to talk to him, I won't contact him. He moved on and if he ever wants to reignite things, he'll have to be the one to reach out to me.
Jonp219 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Idk, I think i'm dead on the inside. Migraine, lack of appetite, lack of motivation etc. All 3-4 days removed from one of my best days in a while. I feel like my body has surrendered completely, I don't even want to go to work tomorrow. I feel horrible...
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Today...I cleaned my house for the first time since the BU two months ago. I kept putting it off and putting it off because either I had no energy due to work and the emotional drainage of the healing process, I didn't have time, or I just didn't care enough. Yeah yeah, those are flimsy excuses I know. Anyway, I've been feeling more crappy than I have about the BU for the last couple weeks than usual so I decided to do something about it. I decided to clean my house. As I was sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, scrubbing, and tidying I thought of the dirt and mess as the last traces of my ex being cleaned up and washed out of my life. Sounds corny, but good lord did that make a huge difference in my mood! Not only is my house beautifully clean but I also feel clean and renewed emotionally. It was cathartic. I didn't realize how depressed and stressed out having a messy house was making me. It was obviously a huge factor in how negatively I've been feeling lately. I'll definitely be keeping up on my housework from now on.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 ^^^ I pulled my bed out earlier this week and you would not believe the nasty garbage my ex literally threw under my bed. He was so gross. Yes, cleaning is therapeutic. As for me, it's been a hard few days personally. Sorry, I haven't been on much. School has been taking up all of my time. I was mistaken about my ex being with his ex wife. He is actually in a relationship now with the girl I saw him at the bar with a few weeks ago. It hurts incredibly bad, and I saw something on FB the other day that hurt immensely. I've cried a little these past few days. It hurts to officially know he's in a relationship now. I have school going on, and a wonderful trip to Las Vegas/Los Angeles planned for next month as well as preparations for fall semester (which I am super excited for as I will be starting my business courses then), so I hope all these things will take my mind off of this. I have been staying home on weekends or going to friends' houses instead of going to bars. I can't be drinking, and I can't see them together. I am literally afraid to go out of the house in general for fear of seeing them together. I don't know what to do. I have this constant anxiety ever since that run in at the bar with them a few weekends ago.
Jonp219 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I have been staying home on weekends or going to friends' houses instead of going to bars. I can't be drinking, and I can't see them together. I am literally afraid to go out of the house in general for fear of seeing them together. I don't know what to do. I have this constant anxiety ever since that run in at the bar with them a few weekends ago. I feel like this everyday when i'm home during the weekdays. Some of my exes co-workers live on my block, so to avoid running into her or seeing her car I try not to leave my house after 6:30PM (time she gets out of work). It kills me every time I walk home just a little pass 6:30. I'm scared she's going to pull up on the block and see me or worst, I see her. My fear has completely immobilized me from going to the gym or walking in my own neighborhood. I feel like a prisoner in my own area, it's horrible.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I feel like this everyday when i'm home during the weekdays. Some of my exes co-workers live on my block, so to avoid running into her or seeing her car I try not to leave my house after 6:30PM (time she gets out of work). It kills me every time I walk home just a little pass 6:30. I'm scared she's going to pull up on the block and see me or worst, I see her. My fear has completely immobilized me from going to the gym or walking in my own neighborhood. I feel like a prisoner in my own area, it's horrible. I know how you feel. The only place I truly feel at ease is either at home or at school. I know I will not see them there. Hang in there. Maybe someday you will see her and be indifferent.
Ariess10 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 ^^^ I pulled my bed out earlier this week and you would not believe the nasty garbage my ex literally threw under my bed. He was so gross. Yes, cleaning is therapeutic. As for me, it's been a hard few days personally. Sorry, I haven't been on much. School has been taking up all of my time. I was mistaken about my ex being with his ex wife. He is actually in a relationship now with the girl I saw him at the bar with a few weeks ago. It hurts incredibly bad, and I saw something on FB the other day that hurt immensely. I've cried a little these past few days. It hurts to officially know he's in a relationship now. I have school going on, and a wonderful trip to Las Vegas/Los Angeles planned for next month as well as preparations for fall semester (which I am super excited for as I will be starting my business courses then), so I hope all these things will take my mind off of this. I have been staying home on weekends or going to friends' houses instead of going to bars. I can't be drinking, and I can't see them together. I am literally afraid to go out of the house in general for fear of seeing them together. I don't know what to do. I have this constant anxiety ever since that run in at the bar with them a few weekends ago. I know how you feel last Sunday I saw her truck at a bar near me , she lives in the other side of town so for the last 4 months I haven't seen anything to do with her .. It was a shocker, it was just her truck so now I am worried if I see her I'll really crumble, now I'm scared to go out.. But I keep telling myself I can't let someone have that much power over me.. Plus I have lost 45 lbs and looking damn good now 1
kenmore Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Today I'm coping by actually enjoying my life. Can't do it all the time or it won't mean anything. Can't do it on special days because we're supposed to enjoy them by default. Here I am, defying life by actually enjoying a regular day! 2
Gus Grimly Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Had a really bad day today. Didn't break NC, thought about it a lot. Had a few massive waves of anxiety come over me. Man this is getting out of hand. Maybe I need to be on some medication. 2
Amas5750 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Particularly hard day. Just could have cried at any minute. Verge of tears all day. I feel Like I hate my life. I hate everything. I'm so bleak right now I can't think straight
candie13 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 talk to a friend yesterday and he was great. he simply told me "your ex was not the right person. stop torturing yourself". soooo right. From my side, I think i did all I could, I gave it all I had for it to wok. I am not responsible for him or for his side of feelings and thoughts. MAybe he simply didn't love me. Or simply didn't look for love. Fair enough. I should know. I should not be led on. I still cannot believe how incredibly lucky I was to have realized it. Lies never last, no one can keep their cards hidden forever . expensive lesson, to him, if you ask me 5
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Still having my bad days...but overall feeling better. Was down last night, had a few beers and a cigar with a good friend and felt much better. I get to the point where it doesn't bother me then suddenly if just nails me she's no longer an option in my life. Read this last night, some great quotes in here. Hope they help you as they've helped me. 20 Quotes That Will Lift You Up When You Feel Like A Chronic F*ckup 3
15Love Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I finally woke up angry this morning. I usually wake up and missing him so much. Today...I hate him. That's a first. 6
kenmore Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 15 love, you are on a great track! I personally went through about twenty stages of hatred, love, curiosity, more hatred, disgust, more love, etc. I still don't know why we won't go Christmas shopping this year. But I decided I am taking my step daughter Christmas shopping this year even if I have to fly in to do so. It's something that if I don't do it, I will consider myself a failure and I have had way too much of that! Hate away my lovely! You need it! Not only that, but mentally kick him in the groin! You know you would love that too! Ken 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Yesterday was a little rough. I kept thinking about my ex who I want no part of yet still haunts me after 6 months. Still confused by this. Anyway, didn't feel like going out last night because I was a bit down but I'm glad I did, got hit on by a few girls, got one girls number, and the bartender at the place I go to who I've always thought was cute opened up a convo with me which had nothing to do with drinks. Probably because she saw me getting hit on and it sparked her interest. Now to the bad side. Wanted to go home but my buddy convinced me to go to a casino so he could gamble. I don't gamble. So I stood behind him while he played black jack for a half an hour. I look to my left and I see this girl who looks a lot like my ex (wasn't her thankfully). Same body type and hair. So it's 230 AM, I'm drunk, and now my mind starts thinking about her. So I get home and struggled with unblocking her on fb and messaging her (I deleted her phone # and text history so this would be my only way of communication). I laid down and thankfully fell asleep and woke up satisfied I maintained NC. Our last communication was a month ago when she textd me happy fathers day. I've been fine for 6 months without her but once I found out she had a new bf it just hit me. I don't even want her back. I'm still in the depressed/confused state. She was an absolute nightmare of a person to date. Easy to fall in love with, impossible to have a relationship with. So I just needed to get that all of my chest. Again these forums are a real eye opener and I'm thankful I ran across them. Hope you're all healing well. 3
kenmore Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I look to my left and I see this girl who looks a lot like my ex (wasn't her thankfully). Same body type and hair. So it's 230 AM, I'm drunk, and now my mind starts thinking about her. So I get home and struggled with unblocking her on fb and messaging her (I deleted her phone # and text history so this would be my only way of communication). I laid down and thankfully fell asleep and woke up satisfied I maintained NC. This is a big victory LTWA! You maintained your dignity even after having too much to drink. That would be when you would be by far most likely to contact her. ...or did you pass out before you did it? Either way, it's a win! 3
Calidude6 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I don't know what is wrong but I'm having an odd meltdown today as I'm here sitting alone at home thinking of her. It is driving me crazy that is taking this long to fully heal and get rid of this pain. It doesn't want to leave me. It is like I'm thinking she is the only one when I know there are many other women out there but I'm thinking no one is going to be as beautiful and wonderful as she is. However, I need to remind myself I didn't do any major damage in the relationship to be left and deleted for good. I don't think I deserved what she did to me but my heart will always beat my mind. I wish I could get out of this funk very soon and make this pain fade away for good. I wish I could meet someone that could grab my attention. I wish I did better in my relationship with my ex where we would still be together. I miss her a lot.
candie13 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 dear ex, i only have one thing to say to you: "you suck big balls". i am not even, level headed or a winning horse. My highs are fckign highs, my lows are freakin' lows. And you know what? I evolve, I learn, I go on. You, however, are forever bathing in the sea of mediocrity and of self comfort and safety. I hope you choke on it, you loser ! go and target those women willing to bare your out of the wedlock babies, c'mon, go go, you're late, go on!!! next time, i advise you to not chose a smart educated woman, though, she might, once again, see through your bullsh*t and you will once again, be wasting precious time. 40s are getting real close, careful there I guess, in a couple of years, we'll all see, whom you're gonna end up with and whom I am going to end up with. I promise that I won't let my engagement and wedding ring blind you, because I intend to be outrageously happy and find me a man who will love me and whom i will love to pieces! May karma strike both of us ruthlessly and treat us each one of us with the same kindness that we treat our hearts and our loved ones! oh, I do hope you step on a lego! Nothing personal, of course ! 2
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