freebird31 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Okay. I don't think of my ex any longer. But now, I often think about the guy I last dated. And how I wish it had worked out. But it wasn't my fault I didn't feel ready to date. Now he is in a relationship. It sucks. I know we had great chemistry. But he moved on quickly. I wish that we both had remIned single and a better time came along for us to try things out. Blah. I often think about him and wonder if he really is happy or just finds comfort in being in a relationship. He moves fast. Another reason why it didn't work out ...we moved too fast. I wish I could have done everything differently and I wish it was a different time.
15Love Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 8 days nc. I feel like doing nothing and don't want to get off the couch. I wish this was strictly an upward trend rather than the ups and downs. I'm having a hard time dispelling HOPE. Sometimes I think "well TODAY I'll hear from him"...and up I go ...and then I dont...down I go. I just want to forgot him completely. The insanity part is no good would come from hearing from him. None! So why am I wasting so much energy on wanting it. Have I literally gone insane!??
candie13 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I don't think he even knows what the heck he wants and probably never even thought it about. how old are you and how old is he ? I think my biggest lesson going forward is to find someone who knows what they want. Good luck with that. I've dated men anywhere from 25 to 45 and hardly anyone of them knew what the hell they wanted. It's not my relationships that are actually bad. It's once they end I become this different person. I need to figure that out. Different.. how? It's normal to evolve, RS help you get to know yourself much better... that's what you mean? I'm glad you were strong enough to end it and put him in his place. I guess you can't get enough of these types of men either haha what sort of men ? girl, I had no choice. It's not me, it's stronger than me. It's the force of my convictions. Something funny happened yesterday. I talked to a new friend and was explaining my last RS to her. I realized when he changed his story. I know exactly what the source of uncertainty is. My job. I was told I would be laid off. Before, when I was working, his story was "not convinced about getting married, but will do it if important to his partner". After being laid off "not sure about ever wanting to get married". And the whole sh*t about children in the short term. Ain't that strange, girl? Ain't that one fcking lil piece of coincidence . Well... too bad getting laid off is not a permanent state - I really enjoyed my job and even got a promotion in Feb. Imagine the shock of the lay off and a month later... his changing his position. Girl... I am so glad. SOOOOO Immensely Glad that this happened. Thanks LORD I got laid off, or otherwise I would have taken that chump seriously. Imagine that... Mother fcker :D . Nothing else changed, girl. Trust me. Nothing. Champagne for everyone, because I hated the old company anyway and wanted to leave anyway. Really pleased. Incredibly pleased and lucky !
BriNyc82 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Candie like my mom always says "they don't get better as they get older" I'm 32 and so is he. I liked the person who I was when we were together. I felt confident. I had a glow. But once it ended I felt myself being super emotional and angry, more so about how it ended and his inability to be honest. I don't really miss him so much bc i don't know who he is even is. The types of men I mean who are not deserving of you. Life is tough. We lose our jobs. We get sick. Crap happens. If he wants to use something like that an excuse he's a poor shmuck. Maybe getting laid off was a blessing in disguise to help you see his true colors earlier than he would have showed them. 1
TrevorDia Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 After dropping all my dignity on the floor by not only falling for her breadcrumbs of asking me for help and me actually helping her, I have restarted Non-Contact. It really annoys me that she came to me for help, and after she got it, she still couldn't find it in her selfish heart to ask how I am or anything. I have the opportunity to turn the tables on her in a big way. I have the power to screw things up for her in a way that would be pretty hard to recover from (nothing illegal, just very unethical). All the help I just gave her can be unravelled and then some with just a gentle push. It would be so satisfying to do that - to show her what happens when you cross me. But at the same time, I'd never want anything bad to happen to her. She's a complete and utter bitch, but I'll always love her. Oh, the best bit was when after I gave her the help she said "Karma will reward you". Bitch, if karma isn't knocking down your door to give you the ass-kicking you so badly deserve, then it sure as hell isn't going to reward me for being dumb enough to be the good guy. I'm not missing her or anything - I just hate that I've lost my dignity to her again. At the end of the day I'm in a relationship now with a lovely lady who I absolutely adore. My ex is blocked on all numbers and social media and if she ever pulls the dirty trick of calling my office again I'm going to deliver her some personal karma. Hopefully now I can move past this unpleasantness.
candie13 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Candie like my mom always says "they don't get better as they get older" I'm 32 and so is he. I liked the person who I was when we were together. I felt confident. I had a glow. But once it ended I felt myself being super emotional and angry, more so about how it ended and his inability to be honest. I don't really miss him so much bc i don't know who he is even is. The types of men I mean who are not deserving of you. Life is tough. We lose our jobs. We get sick. Crap happens. If he wants to use something like that an excuse he's a poor shmuck. Maybe getting laid off was a blessing in disguise to help you see his true colors earlier than he would have showed them. Amen to that! God was merciful and showed me his love! I completely understand how you feel. I'm 35, he is 38. As you, I have no bloody idea whom he really is. You seem really... together and down to Earth. I hope you get over this dude really soon and get back on you feet ! 1
Ariess10 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I am starting to really see what the relationship and who she really was.. Why I pick such selfish girls and why I invest everything I have into a relationship .. Guess my eyes are really opening now .. I don't know what part of healing process this is but I like it .. I'm starting not to sob as much , it's been a long road , but I am learning so much from it 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Aries me too. We must be on the same wavelength haha Yesterday and today I just feel really strong. I'm starting to feel more like myself and letting this all go. I've been sleeping better, focusing on the people in my life who matter more than he did and ultimately believing that I really will be ok without him! I am certain I don't even want to be with him and thats a big step considering I felt so lost without him. I know there will still be some bumps in the road to recovery but today I feel hopeful and I want to recognize it and make it last as long as I can
Ariess10 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Aries me too. We must be on the same wavelength haha Yesterday and today I just feel really strong. I'm starting to feel more like myself and letting this all go. I've been sleeping better, focusing on the people in my life who matter more than he did and ultimately believing that I really will be ok without him! I am certain I don't even want to be with him and thats a big step considering I felt so lost without him. I know there will still be some bumps in the road to recovery but today I feel hopeful and I want to recognize it and make it last as long as I can We must be !! Hang in here we will be ok I take it you live in ny? Edited July 15, 2015 by Ariess10
Jonp219 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Yeah NYC here. Keep your head up NYC is such a hard place to find love . Part of the reason I struggle to stay hopeful for the future.
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Jon you got that right! You would think with more people there is more opportunity but it seems like the opposite. Everyone is looking for something better and never satisfied. Too many men with too many issues in this city. (Sorry)
Jonp219 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Jon you got that right! You would think with more people there is more opportunity but it seems like the opposite. Everyone is looking for something better and never satisfied. Too many men with too many issues in this city. (Sorry) A guy I know who's sort of a serial dater tells me men in this city are extremely flaky and don't know what they want half the time. A lot of women want love and commitment, the men want the next best thing that turns the next corner lol. I don't know, I guess since I'm not involved in that rat race I see it a little differently lol. 1
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Robbie I just read your entire thread (ok most of it). I commend you for the way you handled everything. I wish I had that much self control. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Today sucked. It was self induced suckage. I was stupid and gave in to temptation and creeped the FB page of the chick my ex left me for, even though I have fought the few urges I've had successfully for quite some time now. As usual, her profile pic was her with exact same ****-me expression she has in every single of the millions of selfies she takes of herself and posts every week. This one had her showing off her new super lame, super cliche tattoos. As usual, multiple guys commented on how hot she is. I almost knocked myself out with how hard I rolled my eyes. I already know I shouldnt've even looked at her profile, but unfortunately the fact of the matter is that I had a weak moment and I did. It made me upset and angry that my ex chose some self absorbed, superficial, attention seeking woman like this over me. Now I know why he wanted to get more tattoos. How pathetic that he would be willing to make permanent alterations to his body to impress some chick who's probably got a bunch of other guys going on. Why would she settle for some 43 year old broke a$$, deadbeat dad, flabby bodied loser when she apparently has her pick of men? Whatever. Doesn't matter, really. I just took a bit of a shot to my self esteem today. This too shall pass and hopefully I've learned my lesson. I don't know what I expected to see, but there's nothing I could possibly see on her profile that would ever make me feel better. Only worse. I have to remember that next time I get the urge. Who knows, maybe I have a hidden masochostic streak and secretly want to see a picture of her and him together just to really hit it home that I wasn't good enough for him. 2
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 this has gone on long enough , I have had enough of feeling like this .. I have put in my time I'm ready to get off this ride 2
BriNyc82 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Me too Aries. Me too. I had two really good days and now feel I've taken a step back. I guess the good thing is I have NO desire to contact him. Which is progress. But mostly bc I know he's moved on which makes it hurt even more. I don't think of him in the same endearing way that I used to. But I just feel so disposable and rejected. And I miss my friend.
Jonp219 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Does anyone feel like dying some times? Like you wouldn't mind if a truck or a train came and ran you over and took your life? Somedays I feel like that.
DK666 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 So it's been a few days since I posted. This week has been a bit better, an old ex has been chatting to me a lot, and helping her with her problems too has been good to take my mind off things. I re-opened my profile on Plenty of Fish despite the fact that last time I used it I got practically no interest. This time however it's been pretty damn good, getting lots of interest which has really caught me by surprise. One girl has been messaging me loads, we exchanged numbers and have been chatting non-stop. I made it clear I had just broken up with my gf and was just looking to meet people and it didn't seem to deter her. She even arranged to come down to stay in a hotel this weekend so she can meet me (I don't drive and she lives a fair distance away). I still think about my ex when I wake up in the morning, it still hurts like hell, I still miss her like crazy and I still love her just as much as I always have, but for the moment I am able to push it to the back of my mind a little bit easier. I still think my ex will be the one that got away and that makes me sad, but I am getting a bit better at pushing past the pain and moving on. I'm aware this all comes in waves, and I'll probably feel like crap again next week, but for the moment I am looking forward to meeting someone new and maybe just having some fun.
BriNyc82 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Jon i know sometimes the pain is so intense it seems it would be easier that way. I would never let this shmuck have that much power over me. I do however wish that I could just turn my brain off. Hypnotize. Anything to just forget he ever existed. All the good times just wasn't worth the pain. dk- glad to see you are getting back on the proverbial horse. That's great that you were upfront and honest with her. Good luck on your date. Appreciate the good days. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Does anyone feel like dying some times? Like you wouldn't mind if a truck or a train came and ran you over and took your life? Somedays I feel like that. I hate to admit it but I have days like that too. Today's one of them so far, actually. I woke up feeling like crap and as I stared at my ceiling I felt like I just couldn't take any more of feeling like this. I wonder if I'm always going to feel this tired, lonely, sh*tty about myself, and that my life is going nowhere. But I managed to force myself out of bed and into a hot bath. Now I'm just getting ready to go take care of some things I've been putting off for a long time now. One foot in front of the other and hope tomorrow will be better. 1
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I hate to admit it but I have days like that too. Today's one of them so far, actually. I woke up feeling like crap and as I stared at my ceiling I felt like I just couldn't take any more of feeling like this. I wonder if I'm always going to feel this tired, lonely, sh*tty about myself, and that my life is going nowhere. But I managed to force myself out of bed and into a hot bath. Now I'm just getting ready to go take care of some things I've been putting off for a long time now. One foot in front of the other and hope tomorrow will be better. Same here , but I would never let anyone break me down that bad .. But the thought has crossed my mind 1
Imonlyhuman Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I have done everything I could to cope and try to get rid of the my feelings for her but it is simply not working as I still miss her today after 6 months. I'm not sure what to do anymore or what to think as I would of expect that this pain would of gone away by now. It sucks as it hurts and it hurts my days. I just don't want to feel this pain anymore because as much as i still love and care for her, i doubt she even cares about me anymore. Man....
BriNyc82 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 imonlyhuman your post makes me want to give you a giant hug. 1
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