How are you coping today?

[Learningtowalkagain]

Everyday is an uphill battle. I take care of myself, go the gym etc. But she always creeps into my head. Stupid **** reminds me of her. I don't even want her back. I've probably wrote that on this forum a million times but knowing she has a new bf is killing me. The split was 6 months ago and mutual. Why does this bother me? She filled some needs in my life I hadn't had in a while. I was content with giving that up because she made me miserable. At the same time I can't shake this grief. My friends constantly remind me of the **** she'd say and pull and that it would have never worked out but still there's a part of me that holds onto her.

 

This morning I'm coping bad. I hope it gets better.

[BriNyc82]

Candie- I'm at that point too. I can blame him. I can get angry. I can try and analyze night and day but he just didn't feel the same way about me. That's something I need to accept. And it hurts like hell

[Ariess10]

I just feel like the whole 3 years was all lies , I feel like I didn't even know her when I thought I did .. Im riding the wave just like everyone says but I hope this ends soon because I'm ready to get off this ride

[15Love]

I just want a chance to blow him off! I just want to be able to say **** you! Don't call me!

 

He's never gonna call again. Which is good. Uuugh. I'm so over this!!

[candie13]

Candie- I'm at that point too. I can blame him. I can get angry. I can try and analyze night and day but he just didn't feel the same way about me. That's something I need to accept. And it hurts like hell

 

he was a f*cking bastard for lying. he never told me the truth so I do feel lead on. And after 5 months, right before meeting my parents, the blow under the belt. In the end, it's really pointless, I'm mind****ing myself trying to understand what the hell I did wrong. Hard truth is, there are plenty of f*cked up people out there. People who don't know themselves. People who hide the truth from the others and from themselves. Plenty of people who lie to the others.

 

I was incredibly lucky to have found out the truth so soon. I was very lucky he finally opened his mouth and to have found out after only 5 months. Immensely. Now I just gotta get my sh*t together and stop looking back.

[BriNyc82]

Candie were we dating the same person? I whole heartedly understand your pain. I feel like I was led on too and he will never see it my way. A lot of people hide from the truth because they don't know how face things head on. Just consider yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet. I keep telling myself this when I get sad. I remind myself that even if I'm hurting and he's not then I feel sorry for him that he isn't able to connect with people. It really is sad. I know I did nothing wrong. And I'm sure of it that you didn't either. Sometimes it's not even about "us". It's about them.

[BriNyc82]

Candie I read some of your earlier posts and I believe we are very similar in the fact that we keep attracting commitment phobes. I also play the role of rescuer or fixing these wounded men. (I also do not have a close relationship with my father which may have something to do with it) I also have a very lax approach about dating and sometimes I think i come off as too low maintenance and maybe guys don't expect much from me in the long run but they certainly wanted all I had to offer (being supportive, companionship and sex).

 

I think I am a love addict. I've decided that going forward I will be upfront and honest with men about my intentions from the beginning. If it scares them then better to know on day 1. I can't assume everyone I am dating wants the same thing. I've also decided to not give so much early on. Part of me thinks "but you're a giver. This is a big part of who you are!" And it is. But I will give to the people in my life who deserve it (friends and family) I don't need to go above and beyond for someone I don't know that well bc I will only feel resentful in the end.

 

I've learned that anytime a guy comes on strong in the beginning that it's a red flag. The faster it starts the faster it comes crashing down. If you're anything like me you think with your emotions and that just bc you're feeling it they are too. I put them on a pedestal. Rose colored glasses are on and they can do no wrong. I thought after my first 3 encounters with commitment phobes that I would be able to detect it again but clearly I haven't! I know sometimes commitment phobes actually attract commitment phobes but I don't think that's the case with me. My last guy I would have been head over heels if he wanted to commit to me. I couldn't wait for him to solidify us. So I don't think I'm a commitment phobe myself.

Edited July 12, 2015 by BriNyc82

[Ariess10]

I don't get it, here I am a nice guy that wants nothing more then a committed real go to the end relationship and it seems like all these women want are the dudes that cheat lie and could give two $hits I don't get it.. Now mind you I was that while bad boy thing did some real bad things in my life , but I grew up and changed .. Now that I think about it lol I was better off them in the women department lol

[BriNyc82]

Aries stay true to yourself. There are so many women out there looking for a healthy rewarding relationship. You are better than that

[learnbyliving]

Confession time. I took such a step backwards today.

 

Honestly lately I've oscillated between feeling indifferent and feeling resentful, but not sad when thinking about him. I feel like I've been challenging myself to feel pain.

 

Maybe that's why I tried to search for him on an OLD site I know he's signed up for. But I couldn't even find him. Closest thing was someone with his height, age, eye color with a profile pic of a place we visited recently but other parts I can't imagine him saying at all

 

Now I feel like a crazy stalker. And even that ambiguous profile made my heart drop.

 

Ok so maybe I did it to test myself, and today reaffirmed that I am not over it.

[candie13]

I also play the role of rescuer or fixing these wounded men. (I also do not have a close relationship with my father which may have something to do with it) I also have a very lax approach about dating and sometimes I think i come off as too low maintenance and maybe guys don't expect much from me in the long run but they certainly wanted all I had to offer (being supportive, companionship and sex).

I've done a fundamental change in the way I am relating to men, starting this year. I am no longer giving men that I think are trouble a chance, I am taking it slow - at least at the beginning, and I make sure that both I and my partner are on the same length wave, before hitting it off. Or try to.

 

I think with the most recent ex, I have overcompensated in being too careful and this eventually backfired, because he was even more scared than me. In his head, the most important thing was to not lose - and that meant not getting involved too either. I've learnt that safe is good... but opening myself to love is better. I must do that first, if I want to hope to attract someone similar.

 

I think I am a love addict.

 

I used to be there for the first 3 years after leaving my big ex. I think I'm better now. I don't absolutely want to be in a RS, I am not adamant about falling inlove. I would love to meet a partner compatible with me. It's as far as it goes.

 

I've decided that going forward I will be upfront and honest with men about my intentions from the beginning. If it scares them then better to know on day 1. I can't assume everyone I am dating wants the same thing. I've also decided to not give so much early on.

Precisely. But... there is a different between mentally being ready and emotionally being ready for it. With the most recent ex, I've done it since the very beginning, the alignment on our expectations part. I personally admit to having overlooked the key ingredient. Love. You can't "align" on that part. You either fall inlove or you don't. I believe that the rational part actually come after the emotional connection is strong and set in place. That's what I've had wrong. No one can schedule that part. And really... some men don't care for that. My most recent ex wanted a family, a woman, children, but I am convinced he was not ready to fall inlove and absolutely on his guard about trusting his partner with regard to their RS and with regard to her feelings - towards him and towards the RS. How can you fall inlove if you expect the RS to be over and you continuously prepare against your partner potentially emotionally backstabbing you all the time? Looking back, we had NO chance of making it, because he was not ready. He was in "defense" mode, even better "attack and defense". I was equally looking to protect myself - so there were some similarities - but moreover, profoundly looking for love. The funniest part is that none of us were aware of our profoundly defensive positions.

 

Part of me thinks "but you're a giver. This is a big part of who you are!" And it is. But I will give to the people in my life who deserve it (friends and family) I don't need to go above and beyond for someone I don't know that well bc I will only feel resentful in the end.

Careful about not overcorrecting and doing the same mistakes, but because of different motives. Love is about allowing yourself to get vulnerable and seeking people who would allow themselves the luxury of being vulnerable in front of their partners. That is really really rare. Go for only that. Go for a chance of experiencing love.

 

I've learned that anytime a guy comes on strong in the beginning that it's a red flag. The faster it starts the faster it comes crashing down.

Agreed... but it all depends, really. if there is attraction, it should start strongly. It doesn't mean you can't have strong attraction and even feelings and yet start slowly. But I totally agree, taking it easy is the best way of getting to know your partner and taking the time to see if your feelings follow.

 

If you're anything like me you think with your emotions and that just bc you're feeling it they are too.

Guilty of that. I also have an intuition, so I am convinced that I was not 100% wrong 100% of the occasions. I just believe that those men wanted different things. I think not all men seek emotions and not all men are ready to embrace their emotions. Much easier to look for either sex or an equally cold partner, compatible intellectually. Safer. MAybe I was looking for a safe option as well, no idea.

 

I put them on a pedestal. Rose colored glasses are on and they can do no wrong.

guilty of seeing their potential and not how they really are. guilty of hoping for the best instead of holding my breath and really watching what was going on. Worse, guilty of not having had the courage to ask when I was not sure and also guilty of not recognizing - to myself - the fact that I was unsatisfied emotionally.

 

I thought after my first 3 encounters with commitment phobes that I would be able to detect it again but clearly I haven't! I know sometimes commitment phobes actually attract commitment phobes but I don't think that's the case with me

.

ha, looks like I'm a bit ahead of you, there. If a man wants to commit , have an exclusive RS, have children and have a family, that doesn't make him any less a commitment phobe. They may rationally want those things, because no one wants to end up alone Commitment phobe are those men who will not emotionally get involved. My most recent ex was immensely, profoundly different in behavior from last summer's guy in behavior, but sooo similar inside - not ready to get involved.

- Look at behavior with my most recent ex: I was his gf after one month (exclusivity). Keys to his apartment after 2 months. Introduced to his dad and step brothers after 3 months. Almost gave him my keys after 5 months and was about to fly him to my parents' - luckily, we broke up 5 days before.

 

So... basically my point it ,yes, look at behavior, but most importantly, allow yourself to feel and detect his emotional availability. Create that emotional connection. That never lies. You feel. You know. There's no other way. that's where I got confused, i was watching his behavior instead of paying attention to his emotional involvement. Loads loads of f*cked up people in soooo many creative ways, it's unbelievable !

 

My last guy I would have been head over heels if he wanted to commit to me. I couldn't wait for him to solidify us. So I don't think I'm a commitment phobe myself.

Seeking and feeling attracted to emotionally unavailable men is a trait of commitment phobes . Read about the fear of abandonment pattern / scenario. I think you're making good progress.

 

I'm addressing my own abandonment issues through EMDR with my therapist. Unless I understand and address the issues in my past, I feel that I will be doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. So instead of running and finding a nice man /RS hoping to solve all of my issues, I've decided to do some soul searching and address them myself.

 

It is impossible to break a pattern just like that, especially when it comes to attraction, because... we need what need. But by becoming aware, little by little, we manage to shed some light as to the way we select our partners.

[Amas5750]

Mostly pretty good while I'm at work..

 

A few tears leaked out on my drive home.

 

Cried at the bottom of my shower for 20 minutes.

 

Ate a sheet of frozen puff pastry.

 

Now feeling "curious" more than anything. "curious" about 'what will my future be like and how the f-ck do I build it?'

[Amas5750]

Mostly pretty good while I'm at work..

 

A few tears leaked out on my drive home.

 

Cried at the bottom of my shower for 20 minutes.

 

Ate a sheet of frozen puff pastry.

 

Now feeling "curious" more than anything. "curious" about 'what will my future be like and how the f-ck do I build it?'

[BriNyc82]

Good advice candie. My last commitment phobe was all talk and never backed it up with actions. My new guy was all actions and never backed it up with words or intentions. I guess actions don't speak louder than words. You need both.

[candie13]

Good advice candie. My last commitment phobe was all talk and never backed it up with actions. My new guy was all actions and never backed it up with words or intentions. I guess actions don't speak louder than words. You need both.

 

that is spooky - the before last RS, the ex was indeed all talk and unpredictability - I've smelled it and decided to see how he was with the planning. All talk and never delivering. The last guy was exactly as you said, loads of demonstrative actions, but never actively supporting his actions with romantic gestures or words. I mean, sharing his netflix account and setting up my wifi is cool... the most romantic gift he wanted to do was to buy me the Apple tv. I said no, I'm doing that stuff for myself - and he bought me the Games of Thrones series. I've kindly returned it to him, after we split up.

 

we split up 29 days before my birthday and a few before our trip to my parents. Needless to say, after i've installed NC, I didn't receive any happy birthday, nothing from him . Such a loser, what did he expect, he tells me he "cares about me immensely", but doesn't want to marry me, certainly not like he loved his wife, yet he wants to have kids with me in the short future... and I'm supposed to just sit there and introduce him to my mom and dad?

 

no way, buster ! noooo freakin' way ! To quote another lovely poster from around here, if you wanna play, you gotta pay ! Cannot believe how stupid I was to not have realized how he was trying to not commit or invest emotionally !

 

he should go back to his former type of gfs, beauticians, shop assistants and manicurists - he's a white color manager in an IT company. He cannot manipulate or dictate his will to this girl, I've actually got a few diplomas myself, got brain working pretty damn fine and can see through his cheap attempts of manipulation ! that'll teach him, to play out of his league!

 

it's not even that, it's... lying, ya know? F*cking pure waste of everybody's time. Manipulation always backfires, it never ever pays off. For such a smart dude, he sure is an idiot! First of all, for not being able to manage the sh*t he created, second of all for letting me leave and third of all for not even keeping a civilized approach between eachother. What does he think, that i'm so hurt by his not contact that i'll drop him an email begging him to take me back? I mean, he is completely lost, he's absolutely unable to manage this sh*t. He simply took a huge dump in front of me, in the middle of the room, and expects me to manage it!

 

We have tickets to go to Nice in exactly 12 days . Boy, 25th of July will come and go sooooo swiftly and I'll so maintain NC! Hell, I think I might even start seeing an new man, by that time - I am chatting with a few nice blokes, these days. Cannot wait to actually not give a damn about this situation, hehe !

Edited July 13, 2015 by candie13

[BriNyc82]

Yup my guy invited me to Easter and I declined. I was not going to his family's house when I didn't even know what I meant to him. I asked him on our second date if he was ready to be dating since he had to focus on exams and he said he was. It never occurred to me that he wasn't ready for other reasons.

 

I don't know why some men prefer to date women who are controlling and selfish. I am completely opposite and I bet he will find someone like his ex so he can keep reliving the past. Let him be alone.

 

Keep strong with Nc. I messed up a few times and had some moments of weakness. I didn't even want him back. Karma really is a biotch. And yes I agree what a waste of everyone's times. Only until they get what they need do they leave and try to end it and be the nice guy. I'm tired of falling for nice guys who don't know what they want. Grown men! I think someone's we have strong feelings and we interpret what they do as having those feelings back.

 

Are you still going to nice alone?

[Ariess10]

I just can't win this past week, first I see her on a dating site , then yesterday I was feeling good so I decided to go have a beer around lunch time, so I'm driving to my watering hole and what do I see , her truck in the parking lot next to the bar she knows I go to .. I mean she lives in the other side of town .. I couldn't believe my eyes .. I don't know if she was there to meet someone it she left the truck over night .. Doesn't matter but come on why is this all happening now ??? I just wanna suffer in peace without having to see her poping up every where.. I would never go to her side of town .. I get it she's moving on great for her.. It's like a higher power is trying to show me maybe I'm not heart broken as I think I am , like its a Test or something .. I mean this girl moves on fast , damn

Edited July 13, 2015 by Ariess10

[candie13]

Yup my guy invited me to Easter and I declined.

you were soooo smart! Great stuff, good instinct ! My pbm was I really wanted to believe his bs. I really did. I was extatic to go meet his family. I really did buy his bs.

 

I was not going to his family's house when I didn't even know what I meant to him.

 

In 5 months, I've never found the answer to that one.

 

I asked him on our second date if he was ready to be dating since he had to focus on exams and he said he was. It never occurred to me that he wasn't ready for other reasons.

ha! On our very first date, he was asking all self assured and I've asked him "are you ready for a relationship? Like a real relationship?" he said without hesitation "yes". While one may say that it's not marriage that makes a real relationship, what the hell happened to the concept of love? How can you be ready for a real relationship and yet be totally not ready for love? To him, a real relationship is about commitment and wanting to get stuff done. Babies and stuff. Love and sh*t, that's not a pre-requisite for a real relationship. I guess I've asked the wrong question as well. I should have asked "are you ready to open up your heart and love with all your strength?". but that's a bit weird, no one asks that sort of questions on the first date.

 

And I am very very sure i have asked " you mean you're ready for children, marriage and family". I am also sure he answered back "yes, I want children and a family". Can you spot the liar... right there ?

 

I don't know why some men prefer to date women who are controlling and selfish. I am completely opposite and I bet he will find someone like his ex so he can keep reliving the past. Let him be alone.

 

you may be onto something. I think some men prefer more dominating women because they don't have to make a lot of decision and it's easier to simply do what they are being told. Being a real man can be exhausting, to someone who has always - or almost always - listened to orders.

 

Keep strong with Nc. I messed up a few times and had some moments of weakness. I didn't even want him back. Karma really is a biotch.

God, I know and i hope karma will get him. I really do. I have absolutely NO news from him since the day after we broke up. I've messaged one of his friends back and forth the following days - I wanted to meet them up to give them the stuff he forgot at my place. In the end, I've decided to not see anyone and just mailed him a big box - and that was 4-5 days after the break up. That's 56 days of solid NC. Full silence from both ends since, deleted him and his friends from fb, deleted his number and his whatsapps as well. Today I've blocked him from facebook, because he is a lurker. I don't want him to spy on my profile and cover pictures.

 

And yes I agree what a waste of everyone's times. Only until they get what they need do they leave and try to end it and be the nice guy.

hum... nope, not for me. i'm the one who ends it. my ex bfs were happy to be hanging around, as long as it was on their terms. i've never found them very satisfactory, to be quite honest.

 

I'm tired of falling for nice guys who don't know what they want.

that was me, overcompensating for falling for bad boys, before him. i've almost forced myself to go out with him. I've changed my mind about going out with him at least 2 times. Should have soooo listened to my instinct. Next time, I will !

 

Grown men! I think someone's we have strong feelings and we interpret what they do as having those feelings back.

well... I do believe we are doing some self projection, but i believe in our instinct. I don't think we're always really wrong. That's not it. There's something else that we're missing there. MAybe we're just not it. Maybe they do have feelings, but we're not quite what they want. Maybe we scare them. MAybe we push them too hard on the emotional territory and they don't want to handle it. Maybe they simply were not ready. That's what regrets are for. I've never had one bf that I was serious about who didn't regret me. Of course, useless consolation, as they didn't do what they had to do during the RS either...

 

maybe the problem is us. I think we start off nicely and innocently, but we have this deep and strong desire to love that we do not communicate. It's as if we are not in harmony - our deepest desires and our behavior.

 

I'm getting in touch with my nasty side and it's doing me a lot of good. I have to accept and communicate that i do have a rather demanding, temperamental, crazy side of me. I will get really mad. I will make scenes. I will call him out on his sh*t whether he likes it or not. Tired of playing down that part of me. I do get bored easily. And he'd better step it up. I think... it is impossible for them to be true to me, when I am not being true to myself.

 

So my resolution does not lie in not seeing "nice guys". MY resolution lies in embracing my bad arse side and bringing it forward much more. I think... this time, it's about me, not about them..

 

Are you still going to nice alone?

sorry, don't understand your question... what do you mean?

Edited July 13, 2015 by candie13

[DK666]

I just can't win this past week, first I see her on a dating site , then yesterday I was feeling good so I decided to go have a beer around lunch time, so I'm driving to my watering hole and what do I see , her truck in the parking lot next to the bar she knows I go to .. I mean she lives in the other side of town .. I couldn't believe my eyes .. I don't know if she was there to meet someone it she left the truck over night .. Doesn't matter but come on why is this all happening now ??? I just wanna suffer in peace without having to see her poping up every where.. I would never go to her side of town .. I get it she's moving on great for her.. It's like a higher power is trying to show me maybe I'm not heart broken as I think I am , like its a Test or something .. I mean this girl moves on fast , damn

 

So sorry to hear that mate, if it's any consolation I'm going through similar circumstances. My ex is going out every weekend now and seems to be in the arms of a different man every time. Makes me feel so sick, but to have it happen each week so far is awful. The fact that she looks so happy all the damn time is really rubbing salt in the wound too.

 

Like you say, just want to get through the feelings in peace. Sucks hardcore.

[BriNyc82]

Candice you hit the nail on the head. I don't think I show my freak flag early on haha I'm always the cool calm and collected girl but deep down I have this craving to connect. Maybe they can tell by my body language or what not.

 

I on the other hand I have not had any exes regret it. I also feel mad that they make me do their dirty work for them. This last one I refused. I said I'm not ending this. If you want out then you need to end it. Surely enough he did. I think I'm such a good person that they have trouble telling me the truth and thy would rather make an excuse about them not being ready.

 

You are right. This is about ME. I don't know why in taking this so much worse than he is. I guess I was invested more. This is now about me and not him. This goes way beyond just him.

 

I thought you wrote you guys had a trip to Nice planned for July?

 

Dk- just bc she is going out all the time doesn't mean she is happy. MAybe she's running away from her pain.

[DK666]

Candice you hit the nail on the head. I don't think I show my freak flag early on haha I'm always the cool calm and collected girl but deep down I have this craving to connect. Maybe they can tell by my body language or what not.

 

I on the other hand I have not had any exes regret it. I also feel mad that they make me do their dirty work for them. This last one I refused. I said I'm not ending this. If you want out then you need to end it. Surely enough he did. I think I'm such a good person that they have trouble telling me the truth and thy would rather make an excuse about them not being ready.

 

You are right. This is about ME. I don't know why in taking this so much worse than he is. I guess I was invested more. This is now about me and not him. This goes way beyond just him.

 

I thought you wrote you guys had a trip to Nice planned for July?

 

Dk- just bc she is going out all the time doesn't mean she is happy. MAybe she's running away from her pain.

 

Yeah I know, but she sure looks happy.

[BriNyc82]

Dk- I don't know your background of what happened. I'll have to read it later. But no one is that happy after a breakup unless it was a truly toxic relationship. Even still I don't think anyone is fully recovered. I also look happy in my life and I'm not. Fake it til you make it. Jumping into the arms of random guys is not dealing with pain, I'm sorry.

[DK666]

You know that and I know that, but it would seem she doesn't know that. I guess I just needed to type it out to let it out, I've been stressing about it the last couple of days. It's hard enough trying to move on without seeing my ex loving her life with other men.

[candie13]

Candice you hit the nail on the head. I don't think I show my freak flag early on haha I'm always the cool calm and collected girl but deep down I have this craving to connect. Maybe they can tell by my body language or what not.

people can tell. Men are very perceptive and it's stupid to think we can hide what we need from them. I think they feel it. Sometimes even when we're not aware of it, they know. That's why facing it and dealing with it is much healthier.

 

I on the other hand I have not had any exes regret it. I also feel mad that they make me do their dirty work for them. This last one I refused. I said I'm not ending this. If you want out then you need to end it. Surely enough he did. I think I'm such a good person that they have trouble telling me the truth and thy would rather make an excuse about them not being ready.

wrong, you haven't had any ex showing you that they've regretted it. BIG difference -

 

You are right. This is about ME. I don't know why in taking this so much worse than he is. I guess I was invested more. This is now about me and not him. This goes way beyond just him.

I think if you continue to dig deeper and understand what it is that you are craving so much and where is the incredible source or vulnerability, then you can actually stop repeating the same pattern over and over again.

 

it's funny, I stopped all the commitment phobic bad boys and ended up forcing myself to go out with a nice guy, really serious and committed... only to discover that... actually, he was just as emotionally unavailable as the others, haha! That's what i'm saying, you cannot run away from yourself. Fix yourself and you'll attract other type of people. It's what i'm trying to do.

 

I thought you wrote you guys had a trip to Nice planned for July?

Exactly. We had bought plane tickets (in May) so that at the end of this month (July) to go to South of France. I for sure won't be going anywhere. I am ready to cut one of my arms off, that sure i am that I won't hear from him ever again. It's his ego. I dared to dump him. I dared to tell him what he has to offer is too little too late. He's the one to usually leave his RS. I am sure he didn't get dumped since his divorced - or almost. I hope it stings like hell, to be honest!

 

I am sure that the reality is he shrug his shoulders, deleted me off Tinder and started dating a few weeks later, haha! Well, nothing prevents me from imagining him crushed and in pain ! Vanity is a horrible flaw to have, btw! At least I can laugh about it !

 

he's big in avoiding pain, so yeah, he's most likely dating like crazy, if he didn't throw himself in another relationship, yet! Can you spell serial monogamist ?

Edited July 13, 2015 by candie13

[BriNyc82]

Funny thing is I wasn't exactly trying to hide my needs bc it was still early. Once we talked about it when it all came to a head I was very clear on what I wanted. I even asked him what he needed from me and his answer was you're doing everything right. I said I'm just flying blind then. I can't just be me and assume what im doing you will need. I don't think he even knows what the heck he wants and probably never even thought it about. I think my biggest lesson going forward is to find someone who knows what they want. It's not my relationships that are actually bad. It's once they end I become this different person. I need to figure that out.

 

I'm glad you were strong enough to end it and put him in his place. I guess you can't get enough of these types of men either haha