dyna85 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Really really wishing he would contact me. I know it won't happen and I'm not okay with it. It sucks. I still look at my phone and get so annoyed at the current state of affairs. I just want to advance maybe like 5 yrs, but then I wonder, what if I'm not over him by then? That is an insanely scary a$$ thought right there. Can I just have ONE good weekend. I swear to God, the weekends are pure torture. I'm really scared right now.
Yummm Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Treat yourself Dyna! I know weekends are hard with a lot of alone time but take it easy, have a hot bath, music, just force a smile and you WILL feel moments of relief! I'm in the car on a road trip for the weekend. Missing herike crazy right now... you're not alone! 2
dyna85 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Treat yourself Dyna! I know weekends are hard with a lot of alone time but take it easy, have a hot bath, music, just force a smile and you WILL feel moments of relief! I'm in the car on a road trip for the weekend. Missing herike crazy right now... you're not alone! Thanks Yummm for the encouragement. I will try to treat myself. That is a good idea. I just struggle with my feelings as I can get really depressed with so much time to think, and my thoughts constantly wander back to the situation. It's so unnerving. I know I maybe need to make more of an effort to distract myself though, so that will be my goal. Thank you, and I'm glad to hear you are on a road trip. That is such inspiration. I hope some time away gives you some relief and/or new perspective. Much love. 1
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Well I saw my therapist today. He had told me to prepare for something. To mentally and emotionally be ready because he has a feeling she will come looking for me again.
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I'm doing alright today. The last tie me and the ex had has been severed now that I got his stuff out of my house. We will never speak to or see each other again if the gods of mercy smile on me. At first all I felt was a huge sense of relief but now....now I'm feeling a little sad and I don't know why? And my anxiety has spiked for no reason, too. I just don't get it, I've been looking forward to this day of having all ties cut since he moved out so I could fully put this all behind me and move on but NOW I'm getting sad about it when I wasn't before? Seriously, what gives?? It doesn't make any freaking sense.
mossycup Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Last 24 hours so rough - really realizing he doesn't care anymore, and the way he treated me in the break up was so rough, even though I am sure he didn't mean to hurt me. But tonight, I dyed my hair with henna, talked to my mom on the phone, meditated with a friend - going out with friends tomorrow and one of them happens to be a cute, possibly single guy - still lots of difficult times, but there are these nice moments where I just feel pretty ok.
Mr Scorpio Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I am on pins and needles. I need time to accelerate. I need to see the fallout of the next week. Am I overreacting? Under-reacting? Am I overly concerned? Do I need plan 'B'? Will I lose the brass ring so shortly after obtaining it? I need to be able to tune in next week for the exciting conclusion.
dyna85 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 If I could advise of anything I have learned, it's to not break NC in any form, ever. What I mean by this is do not even look at photos and definitely do not look at the social media page of your estranged lover. I have learned the hard way and am now experiencing urges to break NC 6 months down the road, which is so not where I want to be. Plus, if you check once, you feel like 'oh what's once more' and then you do it a few more times, and before you know it, you're knee deep in $hit and your emotions are kicked into high gear once more. So don't do it. My coping is not going well at all. I'm literally bursting at the seams and seriously contemplating breaking nc..every second of every day. What I hope to accomplish, I have no idea, but all I know is my body is screaming 'do it!' and I'm really struggling against that command. God help me.
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 If I could advise of anything I have learned, it's to not break NC in any form, ever. What I mean by this is do not even look at photos and definitely do not look at the social media page of your estranged lover. I have learned the hard way and am now experiencing urges to break NC 6 months down the road, which is so not where I want to be. Plus, if you check once, you feel like 'oh what's once more' and then you do it a few more times, and before you know it, you're knee deep in $hit and your emotions are kicked into high gear once more. So don't do it. My coping is not going well at all. I'm literally bursting at the seams and seriously contemplating breaking nc..every second of every day. What I hope to accomplish, I have no idea, but all I know is my body is screaming 'do it!' and I'm really struggling against that command. God help me. I totally know what you mean, dyna. Every time I go on FaceBook I can't help but look at the woman my ex cheated on me with's page. My ex has an FB account that can't be looked up, you have to get a request from him to view it so at least I don't have that temptation. The OW's page only shows her profile pic and cover photo so it's not like I can see anything besides that, but I guess I'm waiting for her to put up a picture of her and my ex. Don't know why I started looking at it in the first place, but now I find it almost impossible to fight the urge to just take a quick peak every time I log into my FaceBook. I know that nothing I will see will make me feel better- in fact, it's guaranteed to make me feel worse- but I keep doing it. It's like a habit now. So I'm right there with you. I guess it just takes breaking the pattern.
dyna85 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I totally know what you mean, dyna. Every time I go on FaceBook I can't help but look at the woman my ex cheated on me with's page. My ex has an FB account that can't be looked up, you have to get a request from him to view it so at least I don't have that temptation. The OW's page only shows her profile pic and cover photo so it's not like I can see anything besides that, but I guess I'm waiting for her to put up a picture of her and my ex. Don't know why I started looking at it in the first place, but now I find it almost impossible to fight the urge to just take a quick peak every time I log into my FaceBook. I know that nothing I will see will make me feel better- in fact, it's guaranteed to make me feel worse- but I keep doing it. It's like a habit now. So I'm right there with you. I guess it just takes breaking the pattern. Yeah...it sucks so bad. That is so annoying with the OW. Ugh. Your ex is a piece of crap for being a two timing liar/cheat. The OW has got herself quite the prize. : \ But yes, this checking does become quite the habit. I think it takes realizing it's a problem to nip it in the bud. Having recognized it's causing me to spiral downward, I know I need to stop, so that will be good... I guess until the next little while passes when I start to feel a bit better and think I can handle it... but really, I know this time I need to stop for good, to completely revamp myself and stick to the proper path. Honestly, I am dying to make contact though! I feel like it needs to happen, like now. I don't know what to do with these emotions. I'm at a complete loss. I'm getting out and doing stuff, and yet my adrenaline is on overdrive.
NomiMalone Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I totally know what you mean, dyna. Every time I go on FaceBook I can't help but look at the woman my ex cheated on me with's page. My ex has an FB account that can't be looked up, you have to get a request from him to view it so at least I don't have that temptation. The OW's page only shows her profile pic and cover photo so it's not like I can see anything besides that, but I guess I'm waiting for her to put up a picture of her and my ex. Don't know why I started looking at it in the first place, but now I find it almost impossible to fight the urge to just take a quick peak every time I log into my FaceBook. I know that nothing I will see will make me feel better- in fact, it's guaranteed to make me feel worse- but I keep doing it. It's like a habit now. So I'm right there with you. I guess it just takes breaking the pattern. StrangerThanFiction, block the OW. That way you'd have no choice but to break the habit. (Plus then she won't be able to look at your page either!) 2
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 3 weeks NC today! I almost broke it this week because of my anger. I'm glad I didn't. Had a wonderful night out with friends last night, and got my flirt on a little. Helped my self esteem quite a bit. 2
candie13 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 3 weeks NC today! I almost broke it this week because of my anger. I'm glad I didn't. Had a wonderful night out with friends last night, and got my flirt on a little. Helped my self esteem quite a bit. weeks 3 to 5 are the worst. I've had a horrid anger outburst exactly on day 30 of NC. Incredibly pleased that I have kept silent. You need to always stay cool. Talk to friends, do stuff, just keep silent. Going all crazy on your ex won't make them understand anything. 3
candie13 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 it's sooo strange. Really strange. Talked to some of friends - they didn't really like you. I've been to my favorite perfume shop in my favorite city and bumped into your perfume. I've sprayed it on my skin, just out of curiosity. Interestingly enough, I was taking some time out and sensed it on my hand. First thought that came to my head: not good enough. The sex was not good enough for me to mourn you. Not like this. It's really strange. I think I'm done. Day 32 of NC. what's even more strange, is that I realize that even if you did come back and told me that you've changed your mind, I would still not have you back. Life's funny that way . 2
TunaCat Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Just got hit with the realization that next Saturday it'll be day 90 of NC. I'm doing well. Still not dating yet, but not for lack of trying. Looking forward to whatever life has in store for me. 3
kenmore Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I'm still in shock over a year on.. Things were going well, then suddenly apparently they weren't and he was gone. He said lots of awful things and that was it, the end. I am so shocked and confused, I'm lost and dont know what to do. Hugs smiley1! I hear ya. Our divorce will be a year to the day that we split up (Jul 8.) I'm moving on because I must but that annoying voice in my mind keeps nagging at me; wondering how it was so easy for us to go from "seemingly perfect" to "done" so fast. A year seems like a long time but it really isn't. Not when you consider a heart being wrenched in two so violently and suddenly. Not when you think of the healing that has to be done after that. You and I need to face the same thing: it really wasn't going that well. That blindside is what makes it so difficult to accept and understand. They made us feel it was going really well. They lied to us and that's what we have to "get." I hope you're feeling a little better today. Ken 1
kenmore Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Tunacat, I have not only stopped counting days of NC in exchange for months, I have lost track. I'm counting NC as time not spent talking about us and our relationship in any way. We have spoken about mundane things like court filings, income taxes etc. Each time she mentions something about us being "done" even though I don't make any mention of us. She even had the nerve to tell me I broke her heart! Pardon? But I don't count mundane talk nor jabs as "C" Therefore we're still NC...if that makes any sense.
dyna85 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Finally understanding why everyone is like 'block, delete, ignore, NEVER RESPOND.' The truth is, I've been living in a sort of denial, but the pain is setting in deep, and I get it now. These exes don't deserve a second of our time after all the pain and suffering. Screw them. We deserve way better than to be ignored for months on end and treated like nothing. We deserve love and care, and they can kick serious rocks. I'm done with this bs. So done. I had a huge epiphany today and am now like F it. F him. F this bs. I'm done. I'm not wishing 'the best' for anyone who hurt me. Good riddance to all the cruel exes. May we, the loveable dumpees, rise above and find happiness. We are the caring ones. Why should we suffer? We should put that caring somewhere worthy. Towards someone/something deserving of love and care. This is not the end all be all. We're better off..far better off. Much love to all those suffering today, yesterday, and tomorrow. May we all find peace and reach the point of recognizing our self-worth and denying these exes any attention, should they ever wake up and realize what they've lost. 3
OldSoul86 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I am coping okay. It has been less than two weeks since I was forced to be the dumper. Honestly, being a forced dumper feels like being a dumpee. Even though the relationship was a dead end and I would not have been happy in the long term with my ex - it still hurts. I had to be the person who was strong enough and had enough foresight to see that we just weren't compatible in the grand scheme of things. Right now my head is constantly feeling fuzzy and I am having trouble enjoying my life. I know that she was not a good fit in the long term and that we want different things from our lives, and one of those things was a major deal breaker - I still loved her with all of my heart and did everything that I could to be the best boyfriend that I could be. Probably the worst part is that there is nothing wrong with me, I know I am good in relationships, inversely I am bad out of them. I need to work on myself, but it is so overwhelming that I don't know where to begin to repair the damage done. I love too deeply and give my whole self. I lose who I am when I am in a relationship. I know I need to really learn how to not do that - but where the heck do I start? 1
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I woke up this morning crying. I asked the divine one for a sign whether she will come back to me, if so if it will be for good or if not to show me a sign as well. Then I went on with life and got my schooling ready. -F
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 So glad today is over. Work was brutal. Ended up drunkenly fooling around with a buddy on the weekend so I was kicking myself in the a$$ for that as well as really coming to terms with my relationship with my ex being fully over for good. Lots of negativity flying at me from all directions today. But here I am now, curled up in my comfy bed with a good book and all the crappy things about today are melting away. Tomorrow will be better. 1
learnbyliving Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 I woke up prematurely last night (as has been usual lately). The first waking thought I had was about if/when he tries online dating again. When we met, his Tinder profile was a mess of pics from all different ages and he looked different in each one. Then I thought about how I had been encouraging him to document his life better with photographs and the thought of using the great pics from our recent trip for his profile saddened me. He looks great, better now than when he was younger. I fell back asleep and had a sexual dream about us. In my dreams I don't realize we're not together anymore and so when I wake and reality sets in, it is terrible. I almost had a panic attack questioning how I could be so happy and fully present in our relationship but he did not actually allow himself to be emotionally present despite the show. But I talked myself out of that panic by accepting that he could have been fully 'in' at some times but in the end, he didn't find it fulfilling anymore. So I fell back asleep and had a dream about another ex, one who definitely wronged me and who I never want to even talk to. But in my dreams, we're always trying to at least be friends. Ugh, I feel so messed up.
learnbyliving Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Some days like yesterday I accept that no matter the reasons, I can't have him anymore, and so I was focused on managing my own pain. Some days like today I go back to obsessive thinking. Today I want so bad to break NC and say what I didn't on the day of BU because I was in shock then. Not even arguing to get back together, to correct so many things he said that was not even right. I got up at 9 AM and was occupied until 10 AM. But for 2.5 hours, obsessive thoughts. I hate this.
TrevorDia Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 The stress of waiting to hear whether I've got the job I applied for has overtaken the stress of being apart from my ex for so long (and the stress of starting NC from scratch. I'm now at Day 2). Ahhhhh, I wish this anxiety would end!
OldSoul86 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I wasn't happy with her and I am not happy without her. I am still mad at myself for pushing forward with our relationship - when in reality I should have been backing off. We never talked about why we stopped contact for those 2+ weeks back in February, we just went forward without trying to fix whatever the problem was. This was a critical error on both of our parts - this should have been a major consideration going forward, but instead I think we were both feeling lonely and sought solace in one another - even though we knew there were issues. Maybe the only way through this is to feel everything - the sadness, guilt, anger, and the loneliness. Maybe there is no snapping out of this like I'd hoped there would be. Despite the distance and the fact that we'd only seen each other 10 times over 1.5 years - I still fell incredibly deep in love with her and I worry about her still, I hope she's doing okay.
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