ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I'm really struggling today. I keep flip-flopping between missing him and being really angry. I keep going over the things he did to me and how he treated the OW so good instead. I wonder why I wasn't good enough for him to take me on holidays like he did her. Why I wasn't good enough for him to make effort to make me feel loved and special like he did for her. Why he started working out for her and not me. Why he bought things for her while it was me paying for everything. I'm so hurt and angry right now. I thought I was doing good, but today's been really rough. I want to not hurt anymore and just be able to let it all go. Keep strong. I always read your posts and I feel your pain. It hurts that my ex does all the sweet things we did in the beginning with this LDR girl, and that he told me he didn't want a relationship for a long, long time but he's still with this one. She is already planning out their life together. She was after like a week of talking to him! She is planning Army care packages and stuff that I was planning on doing, and Army engagement photos. Crazy! And he got mad at me for wanting marriage after we'd been together a YEAR! Now he is involved with someone who moves at warp speed and has a child already. Yeah, I found out some things that helped turn my mindset too. It's weird how that works. It is a bit annoying to have been involved with someone without knowing who they truly were on the inside. Now I know the red flags, but I just wish I didn't need this lesson to learn who to trust and who I should be sure to avoid. As with all things in life though, this serves as a wake up call, and we can become stronger for this disappointment of an experience. I agree that you and I dodged a bullet, having read some of your backstory. Hey Yummm, you have a very valid point. I won't keep checking though. It's been pretty much like once a month or so that I've felt like I had to check. But I see what you mean since I did check last night AND today. So not going in the right direction. I did not mean checking on the social media is good. Certainly avoid it at all costs. However, as I felt compelled, I ended up giving into temptation. While I'm not proud of myself and do not advocate ever looking, if you can resist the urge permanently, I do think there is something to be said for falling off the wagon a few times before being set for the long haul. I remember in my first breakup, I resisted checking very often, and only checked here and there, until I didn't any longer. Don't worry, I don't plan on doing it again. I know it was a slip up and shame on me. However, at the same time, I had a laugh at something and it helped my perspective somewhat, so I can't say it was all negative. But yes, NC 100% is the best. I gave myself some leeway as I'm not at the 6 month mark (excuses excuses, I know), but starting today, I won't do it again. You stay strong too. You're doing well but in the early stages. It will get easier. Is it bad that I secretly wish for him to contact me so I can tell him to **** off??
dyna85 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Is it bad that I secretly wish for him to contact me so I can tell him to **** off?? Hell no girlfriend. Not bad at all. I often think of my response 'F UUUUUUUU' lol if he were to ever contact me too!
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Hell no girlfriend. Not bad at all. I often think of my response 'F UUUUUUUU' lol if he were to ever contact me too! Or these. http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/greatest-responses-for-when-your-ex-texts-you#.vhDdmB6pR 1
dyna85 Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Or these. http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/greatest-responses-for-when-your-ex-texts-you#.vhDdmB6pR Hehe. I like #3. 1
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Today was a month since we broke up, ironically it would have also been our 1 year. Right now, I feel guilty in a way. I blocked her from all communication and set my email up so that if she tried to email me it would go straight to the trash. When it comes to feeling guilty, it is because I went into my trash can to "see if I had any unread messages". There were none and I was glad. I mean I miss the person I fell in love with, but that person no longer exists. She's dead to me and now is someone completely different. I'm just waiting for school to start so I can keep my mind further occupied. -F 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Keep strong. I always read your posts and I feel your pain. It hurts that my ex does all the sweet things we did in the beginning with this LDR girl, and that he told me he didn't want a relationship for a long, long time but he's still with this one. She is already planning out their life together. She was after like a week of talking to him! She is planning Army care packages and stuff that I was planning on doing, and Army engagement photos. Crazy! And he got mad at me for wanting marriage after we'd been together a YEAR! Now he is involved with someone who moves at warp speed and has a child already. Is it bad that I secretly wish for him to contact me so I can tell him to **** off?? I always read your posts too! I just don't get how guys (and girls) can just pick up with someone else like it's nothing. My ex lived a double life with me and this other woman for two years! Two freaking years!!! In those two years he went with her on expensive vacations and bought her gifts. Not once in the 7 years we were together did he ever take me anywhere. Or even buy me flowers. In fact, he didn't pay for hardly anything. Now I know where all his money went, I guess :/ I hate him so much right now. I'm sorry you're ex is such a d-bag dumba$$ too. This new chick of his sounds beyond clingy. I have no doubt that situation is going to go supernova at some point. Stay strong, you definitely dodged a bullet with this guy. Sometimes I wish my ex would contact me wanting me back too so I could send him a picture of my raging middle finger lmao But then I remember that I don't want to hear from a cheating sack of rat crap. God I have to work on my anger lol.
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Or these. http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/greatest-responses-for-when-your-ex-texts-you#.vhDdmB6pR Ahahahaha!!!! Those made me laugh! 1
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 And then I start crying on the drive home. Ah. Lovely.
TrevorDia Posted June 9, 2015 Posted June 9, 2015 Sooooo, I'm now 7 weeks into NC. I'm actually quite glad about something - today it actually took me a while to remember how far into NC I am. It's starting to just become a part of life. Recently, she hasn't been the first thing I think of every morning, but she is often the second thing. I still think about her quite a lot at night and just can't seem to push her out of my head even though I wanted to. I'm considering getting back "on the horse" so to speak, but don't even know where to start x_x
SDA Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Hurting a lot. Mind is racing all the time and thinking about her all the time. Can't eat. Wish I could fast forward time.
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I'm not angry today like I was the past few days. Realized it was PMS. Have now phased into crying over those SPCA commercials with all the sad cats and dogs. Poor animals :*( Goddamn commercials get me right in the feels every time, double when I'm hormonal. Couldn't care less about the ex.
biggles6087 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Is feeling like ****e today missing her something rotten.
Woon Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 Feel good today. 2and a half weeks since breakup. She removed the "engaged to..." from facebook. Must say, not NEARLY as gutted as i thought i was gonna be. To be honest, my heart only beat a little bit faster. No pain, no longing for what could have been....nothing. Thinking and really hoping i have reached indifference. One day at a time.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 It's so weird... I was perfectly fine the first 2 weeks of NC. I even felt empowered and "over" it all. The last few days, I've missed him. I don't know why. I don't know how he could move on so fast. Makes me think our relationship meant nothing at all. How could he go from someone right here who loved him, and who he said he wanted to marry... to someone 4000+ miles away who he's never even met? And a week after our breakup. This girl was making Pinterest boards about him with engagement picture ideas after a week, yet he got upset with me when I talked marriage after a year. She has a kid. That's a big commitment. What does she have that I don't? I thought NC was supposed to be easier with time?
Yummm Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 So last night I had a little revelation, a little moment of euphoria that has blown over onto this morning, although all the painful emotions and negative thoughts are still there (which I gather is normal), they are in the background this morning. I was in a bad state last night, overthinking and replaying the night of the break up in my head, the conversation we had and how it went by. I told myself 'SHUT UP', it didn't work, I did it again 'SHUT UP', it didn't work. I tried another approach: I told myself look at my 8 months prior to the relationship. I was in a beautiful place, work picked up, finally motivated myself to lose weight and lost 30KG in 6 months, went on some beautiful holidays and met lovely people. I did it all for me, nobody else, I found happiness in myself I felt comfortable with myself, it was bliss. Suddenly, I had a burst of euphoria, although I felt like I was alot more happy in a relationship with the feeling of being appreciated, I felt a spark of the contentedness that I felt before the relationship, and I couldn't help falling a sleep with a smile on my face. TL;DR - The suffering right now is terrible, I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy, but I can feel it passing, slowly... I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, barely.... but it's there somewhere. Have faith guys!
NomiMalone Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Week 1: So I find myself here in the Coping section of LS once again. Except this time it's different. Every other time, I knew in my heart of hearts I'd be better off alone. But this time, I've lost a guy who's truly exceptional. It's been almost a week since he made it clear we were done. (Funnily enough, Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable" was playing on Spotify when his message came.) Since then I've barely been able to eat or sleep, or stop the pain in my chest from washing over me and engulfing me. "You should've known," I always tell myself after things end badly, but this time, I honestly had absolutely no way of knowing. I am so sick of feeling like this, but right now I just can't seem to drag myself out of bed to do anything. I'm trying not to be hard on myself as it's not even been a week. And I just wanna know... why did you do what you did? How could you, after what we had?
NomiMalone Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Goals for tomorrow: 1) I will not listen to sad songs. 2) I will try to eat more. 3) I will only check my phone for texts at lunch time and right before COB. 4) I WILL NOT CONTACT HIM. 1
mangetout Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 19 months after break up. I don't care about you anymore. The love is gone. Jus tmemories that are fading. Got a new boyfriend, new life and I am happy.
TrevorDia Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 For the past 7 weeks, whenever I've thought about the future, I thought about you - I'd planned a life with my ex. Today, I got offered a very interesting job. A lot of travelling and working at sea. Honestly it seems like the thing I've wanted to do my whole life. All of a sudden, the dreams with my ex seem like a whisper in a tornado compared to this. Things might actually be starting to look up. I don't think I'm actually mad at her anymore... I think the whole forgiveness thing is starting to work. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Stressed out and anxious today. There's finally a possibility that I'll finally be able to get the rest of my ex's junk out of my place tomorrow and into storage. Up to this point I've had anxiety concerning him contacting me before it's out and having to come get it from my place. Now that I finally might be able to do it, I'm getting huge anxiety over having to contact him with the deets on where it is so he can go pick it up from there. I'm afraid that he's going to b*tch me out over doing that and demand that I let him come here so he can look through my place to make sure I didn't "forget anything". Sigh. Actually, you know what. **** him. He had the opportunity to take ALL of his stuff the day I kicked him out but he didn't. Said it all wouldn't fit in his car. Horsesh*t. He brought it all in his car so he should've been able to take it all. Two reasons he would've done this: 1) he was going to go see his other gf straight from my place and since he lied to her about having a place in another city by himself he didn't want her to find out he had been totally lying to her for months and was homeless yet again, or 2) he left it here so he'd have an opening to try to sleaze back into my life if everything went to sh*t again. So, **** him. He didn't take it all when he could of and he can't force his way into my apartment again so he's just going to have to deal with the way things are going to go down. I don't owe him a damn thing. He cheated and he's lucky that I haven't torched the whole lot. So, what's going to happen is I'll move it, unblock him long enough to text him, reblock him immediately afterwards, and wash my hands of the whole bag of BS. How am I coping? Better than I was at the beginning of this post. Determined to finish this once and for all.
NomiMalone Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) It's the little things that randomly pop into my head. Like the way he says my full name, with awe and mystery - the way I've always wanted it to be said. The way he reaches out wordlessly to hold my hand when we're in the car. The way his hair would sometimes fall over his eyes. In a world where we're taught not to be nosy, not to ask or answer personal questions, he amazed me, time and time again, with his genuine openness and sincere warmth. There were so many good things, and these are the things I'll remember from when I had him. Edited June 12, 2015 by NomiMalone
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Almost 3 weeks NC, and I thought things were going well... until this week. I've had a wide range of emotions this week, but the most prominent one has been pure ANGER. I sit here and think of all I've lost because of him. All the tears I've shed. The job I lost. All the times I sat at home while he was out cheating on me. How he used my resources and my family, my money. He gas lighted me for so long, and convinced me all of our problems were because of me. Why he stayed so long if he wasn't happy and wasted my time. I think of how he walked away with EVERYTHING and I got NOTHING. As I type this, tears are welling up in my eyes. I want nothing more than to see all his actions catch up with him, but I know it will never happen. People like him always get what they want. He gets to live his happy, free life and I'm here picking up the pieces of my life and trying to get it back together. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so frustrated. I feel rage. I want to hurt him at times. I want to send him a text telling him how pissed I am, and how much I hate him. I'm pretty sure if I saw him in distress, I wouldn't even want to help him. That is how much this man has hurt and used me. Someone please tell me it's perfectly normal to feel this way, because I almost feel guilty for hating someone so much.
NomiMalone Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Almost 3 weeks NC, and I thought things were going well... until this week. I've had a wide range of emotions this week, but the most prominent one has been pure ANGER. I sit here and think of all I've lost because of him. All the tears I've shed. The job I lost. All the times I sat at home while he was out cheating on me. How he used my resources and my family, my money. He gas lighted me for so long, and convinced me all of our problems were because of me. Why he stayed so long if he wasn't happy and wasted my time. I think of how he walked away with EVERYTHING and I got NOTHING. As I type this, tears are welling up in my eyes. I want nothing more than to see all his actions catch up with him, but I know it will never happen. People like him always get what they want. He gets to live his happy, free life and I'm here picking up the pieces of my life and trying to get it back together. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so frustrated. I feel rage. I want to hurt him at times. I want to send him a text telling him how pissed I am, and how much I hate him. I'm pretty sure if I saw him in distress, I wouldn't even want to help him. That is how much this man has hurt and used me. Someone please tell me it's perfectly normal to feel this way, because I almost feel guilty for hating someone so much. ColdandlonelyinAK, Trust me, no one lives a completely happy, carefree life. His life might seem that way on the surface, but I can guarantee you that he has the same ups and downs as every other person in this world. Just think of the bullet you've dodged now that you're no longer with him, and can start rebuilding your life again. Living well is always the best revenge. And yes, I think it's totally normal to feel hatred towards someone who's treated you badly. Do not text him to express your anger, or about anything else. Every contact you have with him will be like taking 2 steps back. Don't waste one more second of your life on him, as he's not worth it! 1
guest569 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I'm still in shock over a year on.. Things were going well, then suddenly apparently they weren't and he was gone. He said lots of awful things and that was it, the end. I am so shocked and confused, I'm lost and dont know what to do.
Woon Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Weeks 3and a half post BU. Doing good. We talk every night, as she phones/whatsapps me when she gets home after work. But in the mornings, during the day: nothing. She wants to date me again, but not yet as a couple. Not sure how i feel about that. Made sense at the time and we made plans to see each other in a few days, as ill be sleeping over by her when i go visit. Shes incredibly preoccupied with her job, so i understand that i only hear from her at night. Im not hung up on her, do my own thing here, so i guess theres no harm in seeing how it goes? Or what do you guys think?
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