Zetec Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Yesterday evening a good friend of mine came round, we played on the xbox and listened to some music. For the whole time he was there (2.5 hours) I didn't think about my ex once - it felt amazing to be honest. My chest and shoulders felt lighter, and my head seemed less fuzzy and relaxed. Best I've felt in a long time. Unfortunately, when he left, she crept straight back into my thoughts again. Oh well, it was nice whilst it lasted.
Ariess10 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Today is a sad sad day , I been going out a lot and drinking so that is gonna stop today, it's been just over 2months since break up and nc.. Sad that the person you loved for 3 years is no longer in your life just like that
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Feeling great. Went to the gym with a friend today, and she said I'm looking much better than a couple of weeks ago. Went for a healthy lunch. Feeling more and more like I don't need him everyday. I am surprised at my progress. I almost feel guilty for feeling as good as I do right now. I know I deserve a good man. 1
Cora Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 (edited) It's been rough. I miss him so much...I miss the little things. I think that's what makes it so hard for me to get over people. They each have little unique things about themselves that no one else has...things you'll never see again...that set them apart from others. It could be something as silly as a crooked smile, the gestures they make when they talk, the way they part their hair or the way their eyes sparkle when they laugh. Someone else will get to enjoy those things in that person that I once did. It just saddens me. I sit here staring at my phone like he's magically just going to text or call me. I miss him texting me good morning and goodnight or just asking how my day is? Little things we take for granted until they're gone. I feel so numb going through these endless days of monotonous torture. I feel like I'm not living life...just going through the motions. I'm looking in through a window at people who are happy and I'm on the outside drowning in misery. I wonder if/when it will get better? I cried myself to sleep last night...cried so hard I woke with another migraine this morning. Seems like I cry daily now. I do get glimmers of hope from time to time where I feel at peace and like everything will be ok...but they only last for a second and then I'm right back to feeling depressed again. I've been through heartbreak before...not sure why this one is hitting me so hard? Feels like I'll never get over him...never stop loving him. I wish so bad I did not have to get over him, but I know he does not care about me anymore or perhaps he never did. It's such a bitter pill to swallow isn't it? To love and care for someone so deeply only to find out those feelings aren't returned. I don't know why we fall so hard and give all our love away to people who don't return those feelings? Sometimes I think it's just a cruel joke. Why can't those feelings be reserved for the right person instead of people who are only disguised as the right person? I wish I could turn off my mind for awhile. My thoughts always seem to drift to him no matter what I'm doing...something, anything always reminds me of him and what we once shared and which will never be shared again. I'm in hell and what we once had is playing like a song on repeat to torture me all the days of my life. Edited May 29, 2015 by Cora
Shetland Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 I do what I do everyday. Work out, hang with buddies, read, learn, journal and I ask myself, "what's the endgame to all this? Have I improved? Am I even going in the right direction? It has been 5 months. What is changing within me? Is this a futile struggle? What am I trying to achieve?" Is this all going to be worth it in the end? Am I learning a lesson bigger than my loss?
StrangerThanFiction Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Welp, it's coming up on 3 weeks since BU and besides a bad day here and there I am doing very well and am quite content. I don't think about him all that much, don't wonder what he's doing or who he's doing it with, and I'm looking forward to meeting someone new some day. 3 weeks isn't a long time, I know, but we were broken up for 5 months before we got back together and had this disastrous run of a "renewed" relationship and I was very close to being completely over him. This last time he also pushed me past my sadly massive tolerance for his BS and I am SO done. There will be no going back. I'm past the point of no return now. I'm sure there will be sad days in the future where I feel nostalgic for the man I thought he was, but all he was was an illusion anyway so hey, not like I really lost anything real. 1
Bubberfly Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 It's been about a year and a half and I'm still STILL not over him. We're both in no contact (have been since last August) and honestly, I think I'm doing worse with NC than I was when he was texting me all the time. I'm frustrated because I WANT to be over him but I just can't seem to. Do I love him still? No. Do I miss him? No. Do I have any desire to contact him? No. But I still have empty space in my heart where he used to be, and now no one is there. I've been trying to fill it with other things (definitely not ready to date yet) so I don't feel so empty but... I guess it's just the waiting that's getting me frustrated. This frustration is fatiguing me. 1
guest569 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 It's been about a year and a half and I'm still STILL not over him. We're both in no contact (have been since last August) and honestly, I think I'm doing worse with NC than I was when he was texting me all the time. I'm frustrated because I WANT to be over him but I just can't seem to. Do I love him still? No. Do I miss him? No. Do I have any desire to contact him? No. But I still have empty space in my heart where he used to be, and now no one is there. I've been trying to fill it with other things (definitely not ready to date yet) so I don't feel so empty but... I guess it's just the waiting that's getting me frustrated. This frustration is fatiguing me. Its 1.5 yrs for me too, although i do still love and miss him and have desire to contact. Hurts so much. I feel like i dont want to get over him yet and its like i want to be miserable.. Youre a lot further on than me.. I wish i had as much strength as you
backandforth Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 I'm smack-bang in the middle of the depression phase, and the anger stage is starting to creep in. 3 months post-BU. It WOULD BE over 2 months NC if she hadn't callously decided to send me some bullsh*t meaningless message. F*ck this. Seriously. F*ck this.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Doing alright. Had a hard time sleeping, kept having dreams about him. I've decided to not go out this weekend, since the last two times I've run into the ex and it wasn't good. So it looks like it's just Netflix and laundry tonight. 1
ASV Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 My meds are going well and I don't feel that urge to kill myself everytime I wake up without knowing she'll be there messaging me for another perfect weekend. On the other hand, I'm still missing her a lot and feeling I won't find anyone better, so I've got an overall sense of "don't give a damn" intermingled with some "wow, you messed it up and she's done with you". Did no help that, after getting back to my Facebook account in order to kill it definitely (not just deactivating), saw that she had defriended me when she's not the kind of woman who defriends anyone. She did so with my friends as well, including one of them with whom we spent nights together and had an easy-going light friendship. I have mixed feelings on this, and I'm not really sure if that means that she's fed up of me (big ego downfall) or she's actually not that cold and actually misses me from time to time (big ego boost even if I'm not adhering to any slight hint of her repentance until she utters that word-by-word). Either way, I must move on and won't break NC. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 I cried my eyes out about 5 minutes ago. I'm not talking little sniffles and a single tear, I'm talking guy wrenching sobs with torrents of tears and a runny nose. A full-on crying Armageddon. Why? I watched a video on my FaceBook feed with this old man and a dog that went with him everywhere and would wait for him in front of the shops he went into for him to come back out and then on their merry way they'd go. The guy suffers a stroke and is taken to the hospital in an ambulance and there's a shot of the dog chasing after the ambulance. That was when the first trickle of the flood started. Then it continues on to show the dog waiting in front of the hospital for days looking so sad. Commence torrential downpour of tears. The doors to the hospital open and there's a lady being pushed out in a wheelchair with a bandage just visible past the neckline of her shirt. The dog perks up and runs over to her all happy. Then the "be an organ donor" thing pops up and I am sobbing uncontrollably. Obviously the old man died and was an organ donor and this lady had received one of his organs and his dog could...smell? it. A bittersweet ending, for sure. 5 minutes of crying later I realized something. I cried more over this commercial in 5 minutes than I did over my break up. Sure, I loved my ex, but after everything he did to me I guess some part of me realized that he wasn't worthy of any more of my tears. Today's been a good day so far (besides bawling my eyes out over a commercial ) 2
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 1 week NC today! Doesn't seem like much, but it's the longest we've gone without talking. Today was a good day. Went to the lake with a friend and just floated around in the sun. I did hear, from a mutual friend, that my ex is now smoking pot. It's legal in this state, but he's military so it's a big no no. He also has been spending all of his money on partying, and he told my friend not to tell me he saw him. Friend thinks he's ashamed of what he's doing. He seems to be partying a lot more since we broke up, which is basically what he told me he wanted (to be free to hang with his boys). I thought about it for a minute, and almost felt scared for him. He's going down a bad path. But at the end of the day he isn't my problem anymore. He's getting the freedom he so desperately wanted.
Ariess10 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Last few days have been hard, don't know why just are.. Little things i miss the most .
OldRover Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I cried my eyes out about 5 minutes ago. I'm not talking little sniffles and a single tear, I'm talking guy wrenching sobs with torrents of tears and a runny nose. A full-on crying Armageddon. Why? I watched a video on my FaceBook feed with this old man and a dog that went with him everywhere and would wait for him in front of the shops he went into for him to come back out and then on their merry way they'd go. The guy suffers a stroke and is taken to the hospital in an ambulance and there's a shot of the dog chasing after the ambulance. That was when the first trickle of the flood started. Then it continues on to show the dog waiting in front of the hospital for days looking so sad. Commence torrential downpour of tears. The doors to the hospital open and there's a lady being pushed out in a wheelchair with a bandage just visible past the neckline of her shirt. The dog perks up and runs over to her all happy. Then the "be an organ donor" thing pops up and I am sobbing uncontrollably. Obviously the old man died and was an organ donor and this lady had received one of his organs and his dog could...smell? it. A bittersweet ending, for sure. 5 minutes of crying later I realized something. I cried more over this commercial in 5 minutes than I did over my break up. Sure, I loved my ex, but after everything he did to me I guess some part of me realized that he wasn't worthy of any more of my tears. Today's been a good day so far (besides bawling my eyes out over a commercial :roll eyes: ) Really a heart wrenching story... thx for sharing.
Yummm Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 This morning is a rough one.. 3 weeks post BU and I have had a pretty decent few days. (Thursday - Saturday) Was busy at work and with friends, but last night I heard news that my cousins ex has been sleeping with somebody else. I felt his pain and then started comparing it to my pain, worrying if that will happen and what pain I would feel. Suffice to say I felt horrible all night... Woke up this morning in cold sweats and had a vivid dream of her in my bed, crying to me saying that she has 'not found the one yet'. Woke up without her there was very painful, it was so real! Ehh, going to a friend's engagement party shortly, need to get ready and hopefully things will pick up! Hope you're all having a positive day
OldRover Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Its 1.5 yrs for me too, although i do still love and miss him and have desire to contact. Hurts so much. I feel like i dont want to get over him yet and its like i want to be miserable.. Youre a lot further on than me.. I wish i had as much strength as you Wow, When I hear some folks still grieving over a year and a half, it really scares the heck out of me. I couldn't imagine being "stuck" that long. I'm only 8 weeks, and things are progressing well, and have a SO that has been very helpful, but don't dwell on the ex with her... she just helps me when I'm down, but is VERY gracious with it and making a big difference. I'm also spending a LOT of time with her.... quality time alone, reading to her, dinners, just sitting and talking. Usually an hour and a half every morning.... then same a bit later. Dinner together every nite, and restaurant 1 or 2 per week. All good. My goal is to totally be over the ex at the end of three months total. And I feel I'm half way there, now. I also have a supportive counselor and medical doctor. I'm pulling out all strings to get over the ex. How the heck to you folks cope with over a year????? 1
misspond Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Not doing so brilliantly here today but I'm putting that down to having a virus that has me feeling under the weather. So I'm feeling despondent that no-one in my age range or even my local area wants anything other than sex, or if I'm contacted by someone interesting on OLD (who doesn't immediately ask for nude pics/make it clear they're just after sex) they just want a text friend. And I'm even miserable that the one little fling I did have with someone recently (first in years) where we weren't really suited to one another rejected me. I need to cheer up and fast!
dyna85 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Wow, When I hear some folks still grieving over a year and a half, it really scares the heck out of me. I couldn't imagine being "stuck" that long. I'm only 8 weeks, and things are progressing well, and have a SO that has been very helpful, but don't dwell on the ex with her... she just helps me when I'm down, but is VERY gracious with it and making a big difference. I'm also spending a LOT of time with her.... quality time alone, reading to her, dinners, just sitting and talking. Usually an hour and a half every morning.... then same a bit later. Dinner together every nite, and restaurant 1 or 2 per week. All good. My goal is to totally be over the ex at the end of three months total. And I feel I'm half way there, now. I also have a supportive counselor and medical doctor. I'm pulling out all strings to get over the ex. How the heck to you folks cope with over a year????? It took me years to get over my first relationship.. yearssss. It's taken me months to make headway in getting over a guy I knew for just a short period with whom I felt an intense connection. Still not over it completely and thinking it may take a year or more. What I've discovered, is that having someone else entering the picture (such as a rebound or the like) helps take your mind off it temporarily (it did for me for a bit too), but at some point that grief has to surface and wash away, and that doesn't happen quickly....at least for me. It keeps resurfacing over and over until it's done its thing. It's not like a broken down car where you can look up the issue in the manual, find the error, and fix it. The heart doesn't work like that. When your arm is broken, you can rest it and care for it to assist with the healing, but no one can tell you exactly when it will stop hurting. Yet, you're trying to put a time limit on your healing. 'My goal is to be over it in three months.' That is a spectacular goal and I laud you for making a valiant effort and pulling out all stops to get there, but that is kind of like saying that you hope to meet the right person and get married 29 years old. These are things over which we don't have complete control. I think it takes longer for some because those for whom it takes a while are deeply emotional and more on the artistic/creative side and less logic-oriented (think writers such as Hemingway & the myriad love songs that exist). For me, I try to be logical about love but it's a force that cannot be contained by logic. My heart has its own time table for healing and that I cannot control, though I do attempt to assist with the healing, or at least I try not to add to the despair. I think it's a combination of our emotional constitution and the depth of the bond we feel for someone, that determines how long we can recover. There are people I know who can get over others in a flash, or at least they can drug/drink/party themselves into oblivion to make it seem like they're alright. Then there are others who self-medicate or look for a 'quick fix' through antidepressants. I don't do any of that. I take walks, I read, I write, I journal, I go out with friends, I go to work, I keep living life. And I feel the pain every moment until it becomes less difficult to cope, and until it stops being the center of my focus. I'd rather be heartbreakingly stuck for a long while, however long it takes my heart to accept the new reality, than to a) be so unfeeling that it takes me no time to get over the person (if I get over someone quickly, my heart wasn't invested) b) take drugs/drink/party into oblivion c) jump from one person to another to ease the pain (meanwhile potentially hurting one or more of those people) d) take antidepressants for a quick fix. These emotions/feelings are a part of me. I need to deal with them and be accepting of them and not shun them like I'm some anomaly for feeling pain for a prolonged period. Having been heartbroken once before, I know that it's par for the course to take a while to heal. However, ymmv. 1
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 OldRover, I'm SO with you. This site has helped me so much with my breakup, but when I see posts from people who've been grieving over a year, it terrifies me. Will that be me? Yikes. I think it's a combination of our emotional constitution and the depth of the bond we feel for someone, that determines how long we can recover. Everything you said makes so much sense, but here's what I don't get about our minds after a breakup or divorce: At what point do those emotional attachments/bonds subside and logic enters the picture? My case for example: my ex pulled away from me emotionally for so long, started denying me any form on intimacy, came home with marks on his neck, condoms in his pockets and became verbally abusive from his late night drinking binges. So why is it so hard for me to get over him? Sure, I play the highlights of our relationship over in my mind like a movie and that hinders progress, but why can't my heart catch up with my brain and realize "Hey, you were unhappy for a long time. What's wrong with you?" THAT is the hardest part. Acceptance, IMO, is the hardest stage of grieving, because it's like letting go of all of those happy memories in favor of moving on. It almost feels like a betrayal of what you had. At least that's how I feel. I can't seem to let those go. There has to be a way to make logic overcome the emotions at some point. I just wish I knew how, and everyone else on here who is grieving. I feel like, at that point, you can be "over" the loss of a relationship.
dyna85 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 OldRover, I'm SO with you. This site has helped me so much with my breakup, but when I see posts from people who've been grieving over a year, it terrifies me. Will that be me? Yikes. Everything you said makes so much sense, but here's what I don't get about our minds after a breakup or divorce: At what point do those emotional attachments/bonds subside and logic enters the picture? My case for example: my ex pulled away from me emotionally for so long, started denying me any form on intimacy, came home with marks on his neck, condoms in his pockets and became verbally abusive from his late night drinking binges. So why is it so hard for me to get over him? Sure, I play the highlights of our relationship over in my mind like a movie and that hinders progress, but why can't my heart catch up with my brain and realize "Hey, you were unhappy for a long time. What's wrong with you?" THAT is the hardest part. Acceptance, IMO, is the hardest stage of grieving, because it's like letting go of all of those happy memories in favor of moving on. It almost feels like a betrayal of what you had. At least that's how I feel. I can't seem to let those go. There has to be a way to make logic overcome the emotions at some point. I just wish I knew how, and everyone else on here who is grieving. I feel like, at that point, you can be "over" the loss of a relationship. I think the letting go process just happens and you move to the stage of acceptance without realizing it. That's how it was with my first breakup, and any other rejection I've experienced, when I think about it. While I agree that you would think the heart would catch up with logic soooner rather than later, especially when the signs are so obvious why you are not meant for the other person, that's just not how it is for some of us. It's often a battle between heart and mind, and then eventually the dust settles. How and when that happens exactly, no one really knows. Just rest assured, it will happen. Can't force it though.
TrevorDia Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 6 weeks NC. It's a bittersweet feeling. One the one hand, much to my surprise, I have found a way to live without her. On the other hand, every day without her is a day where she hasn't found herself missing me. I miss the friendship, I very much miss the relationship - the one thing I don't miss though is how she used to tell me about all the guys she was sleeping around with. Funnily enough, the only thing worse than her sleeping around was when she told me she was happily in a relationship with someone. Aggggggh, I have SOOOOOO much of a temptation to call her and give her a piece of my mind. I know I'm going to do it one day, it's just a fact - I'm not disputing that I will talk to her again. I used to fantasize about the day I start my life with her, now I fantasize about the day I bring her back down to Earth, or further down to Hell.
Cora Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Today I feel a little better. I did not feel so sad and hurt, but instead I felt angry and foolish. I feel like a fool for believing things he told me and for not realizing what he was doing sooner. I could have spared myself so much pain. My head knew the truth, but my heart would not allow me to let go. I did fight a bit with feelings of sadness, but it was mostly anger today. Today was also the first day where I did not cry. Yay! I'm tired of wasting tears on people who don't care about me. As for what I'll feel tomorrow? Who knows... It was just nice to have a little break from the crying and pain.
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Much better than earlier now that the anxiety attacks have stopped and I'm not on the verge of what felt like a heart attack (thanks again LS family ). Now that I'm not freaking out, I feel good. Still going strong with my desire to remain in complete and utter NC but that's not surprising considering how it ended. The cheating bucket of moose hemorrhoids. Hm. I appear to still be mildly bitter. I'll work on that. 1
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Today was pretty good. I've gotten back into the gym routine I was so into before my ex and it is improving my self confidence. I had a brief moment of kinda sorta missing him today, then quickly got over it and got angry again. I've been thinking lately about how I really do want a new relationship. I know it would seem I'm rebounding, but really I wasn't getting the love and affection from my relationship that I yearned for from my ex for about 8 months, and I really want to have that with someone. I can say with confidence that I'm pretty much over him, and I never want to get back together with him. There are times when I miss him, but I think it's more of a matter of feeling like that part of my life is missing. I think I'm ready to feel how I felt in the beginning of my relationship with someone else, but I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not. I'm really astounded at how far I've come in five weeks. I feel like I should still be miserable, but I'm really not. I know the relationship had run its course, and I think this forum has helped me out with that.
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