merrmeade Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Not well today. Not well at all. Triggering like crazy. There was an incident. It's not surprising. But it makes me look at how I've been coping up to now, what I've got to show for myself and my time on this earth. Not much. Add to that the fact that his cheating made our past a farce and his refusal to talk about it makes the present one.
Cora Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I woke this morning with him on my mind. I miss him and am so saddened that he made a choice to leave me without telling me. I wonder how he's doing and want answers so badly, but I dare not contact him. He'll never know how much this truly hurts me. He probably wouldn't even care. I hate myself for not being more cautious with my heart while with him. Now I'm suffering the consequences. Being in this hell really sucks, but knowing I'm not alone brings a bit of comfort. I'm hoping that all of us will find true happiness. 2
Ariess10 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 It's been 2 months since my gf and I broke up after a 3 year relationship. I started nc right away and for 2 months we haven't spoke. Some days are better then others. Mornings are the worst, but sometimes you gotta stop lying to yourself and start seeing the writing on the wall. I have lost 30lbs in two months with more coming.. Gotta start living for yourself now.. I hope people here heal in time .. Nice to know tho I'm not the only one going through this
10yearsgoneaway Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Missing him. Things we used to laugh at. Wondering how he is doing. I'm not sure if if this is "want what we can't have" .. I think i just really miss the good times. I try to tell myself he's changed, and that person is gone anyway. 1
AIJ Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Closing in on 4 months now, and I hadn't had a bad day for an absolute age until yesterday. Been absolutely exhausted this week, so much stress and I think it just triggered that whole 'I miss having someone to confide in' thing, but it passed and I'm all good again. Slowly but surely getting there, as each day passes I realise I think about her less and less
Tone Loc Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 Thought about her a lot today. Pretty much spent the whole day immersed in my music but it wasn't enough to distract my mind from thinking about her. I had someone knocking endlessly on my door today (never found out who it was) and the first thought that came to my mind was that it was my ex who came knocking, which is an absolutely ridiculous thought considering she lives 120 miles away and doesn't drive (there is zero chance of her making the trip all the way out to see me, a trip which I've made close to a hundred times).
guest569 Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 It's another tough day. I guess it's weekends and long hot showers that give me too much time to think about things.. I just feel so used and repulsive inside and out. I need to focus right now, more important things to worry about than some idiot from my past. I am turning quite bitter now. I was once very romantic and wanted to find love and share a life with someone and maybe have some kids. Now I want none of it. I guess that's ok, it's probably not a bad thing. It's the time of year when we first met and those memories are still fresh.
10yearsgoneaway Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) So there it goes. First holiday since the break up (Memorial Day weekend here) All the beers and bbq's .... Missing him and ......here come the tears.... Crap. Edited May 23, 2015 by 10yearsgoneaway 1
Familia Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Well a 7-year relationship gone and its been a few months NC, today I am feeling terrible - seeing friends who are getting engaged after 3 or 4-month relationships - one today after 4 months So today I am feeling terrible, why didn't I marry her after 7 years and everyone else is doing it after months. It is killing me today
Shetland Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I got a breadcrumb and I deleted it as soon as I saw it. And as much as that would probably be the recommended course of action, I'm starting to wonder what else the text would say if I had read more. I feel a bit pathetic thinking about a text that she probably didn't think twice about. Anyways, still trying to rebuild my life. Just putting one foot in front of the other. 3
Familia Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Great work, that takes strength to do, and yes the right thing to do, we are all so very proud of you I got a breadcrumb and I deleted eh it as soon as I saw it. And as much as that would probably be the recommended course of action, I'm starting to wonder what else the text would say if I had read more. I feel a bit pathetic thinking about a text that she probably didn't think twice about. Anyways, still trying to rebuild my life. Just putting one foot in front of the other.
Cora Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I'm really missing him tonight for some reason. Probably because I went out tonight and saw all these couples around me walking hand in hand. What I'd give for one last moment in his arms. One last kiss. Just one more time of staring into those beautiful, big, brown eyes of his. It's just the little things. I even miss his scent. The hardest part is going to bed at night. He spent a lot of nights over at my house sleeping in my bed. For the longest time I didn't wash the pillowcase that he slept on because it smelled like him, but his scent has since faded. Silly I know. Oh the memories. I sometimes wonder if I knew then that he was going to leave me if I would have done things differently? My head is telling me there was nothing I could have done to change his mind, but my heart keeps insisting I could have tried. It's funny how life works. How we take things for granted and don't know what we have until it's gone. Sigh... 1
SBird Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 I have grown up with divorced parents since I was three years old. I have been lucky to come out the other side 20 years later currently completing my Psychology Honours degree and am now researching the mental health of young adults who have experienced the divorce of their parents during childhood. If you are aged between 18 and 25 years old and have divorced parents, I would appreciate it if you could help me in my pursuit of helping others, who haven't been so lucky. Please copy and paste the link below into your browser and fill out my questionnaire. It will only take 10 minutes of your time: https://qtrial2014az1.az1.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_9HmQHLGa161CPWd Thank you in advance. Kind regards, Shelley Bird Someone who made it to the other side
Zetec Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Been a hard couple of days, today especially. Feeling very down, and lonely. All of my hard work since the breakup just hasn't really worked. I'm depressed, and not enjoying life at the moment. I miss having that person in my life who would put their arm around me and make me feel better. She would always make me smile. I miss that. Now when I think of her I just have bed memories, of what she did and how she treated me. How, towards the end of our relationship she used me, lied to me, cheated and left me for that guy. I know I'll never speak to her ever again, and that upsets me, because she was my best friend and I had a life for us both planned out. Days like this, that I just want to throw myself under a train, to relieve me of my pain. I have no motivation to carry on anymore.
TunaCat Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 I kinda broke down last night for the first time in several weeks. My mind kept replaying certain conversations we had over and over. I just can't believe it's over. I have had trust issues all my life and outside of family he was one of the few people I trusted completely from the time we met (as children) until March 23rd of this year, when he dumped me out of the blue. I trusted him with my heart, which was big for me. I believed the things he was saying. I had no reason to think otherwise. All those walls that he helped me break down, have gone back up. It's going to take someone very special to help break them back down again.
dyna85 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 I wish so bad it wasn't like this. Wish I could turn back time in certain regards, but I recognize it was meant to play out like this for me to learn a cold hard lesson that I've resisted learning for so long. I wish it wasn't him that taught me this lesson though, because I so just want him forever & always. I don't think I will ever stop loving him and wanting to be beside him, even though he's showing that I mean nothing to him. It makes me so sad, so wishful but confused, just so upset overall, and wanting to escape this reality. What good does missing do when it's one-sided? What good are feelings when they are not reciprocated? What good is love when it's directed towards someone who doesn't care? 3
Zetec Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 4 months on, and she is still the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing at night before I go to sleep. Sometimes I end up dreaming about her which pretty much means that sometimes she really is on my mind 24 hours a day. It's really starting to bring me down. I thought by this point I'd be in a better place by now. 2
TrevorDia Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 5 weeks into NC, I haven't heard a word from her. Yeah, it kinda sucks because we were best friends and I loved her with all my heart, which is difficult for someone like me to do. A few weeks ago I was mad at her, I wanted her to suffer for all the pain she caused me. I maintain that it isn't fair that the ones we love are the ones who can cause the most pain and still get our love. But at the end of the day, the only person who lost out is her. I had prepared a whole life for her, she could have had it any way she wanted. I knew everything about her - I knew her about as well as she knew herself, and I had the means to make every dream of hers come true. I couldn't make her happy when it came to her commitment issues though. She's in an open relationship now, and honestly, I wish her well. Perhaps she can find what I was willing to give her from someone else, but I very much doubt it. I still maintain that she is my soulmate, we both had specific skills and resources that the other could utilise to make ourselves the best people we could be, but for whatever reason, probably lack of attraction, or maybe she legitimately does like sleeping around that much, she wasn't interested in what I was offering. That's her loss. Anyway, the good days are finally outweighing the bad. She's no longer the first thing I think of when I wake up, I don't go to sleep wondering what I could have done to change the result. 1
Inprofessional Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) not sure about the exact day count.. somewhere around 3900 days since breaking up with the gal who wanted to marry. I don't think about it much, haven't for a while. Sometimes I think about what things could have been like, etc. Still thinking about whether I'll find someone else to share my life with. A few girls have interested me and vice versa, but the chemistry wasn't there. I feel like I'm doing something wrong . It's nearly summer and I ought to be excited for warm weather and all the events that come with the season. I'm just not Edited May 27, 2015 by Inprofessional
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 My friend took me to drop off the last of his things today. I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can finally put him behind me. I feel GREAT!!!! 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Been doing good lately for the most part. The only thing that's bothering me is that I still need to get the last of his stuff out of my apartment. I don't want to hear from him or see him and I know that the longer it takes for me to get his stuff out and give him the deets on where he can go pick it up, the more likely it is that he'll contact me first. My plan is to get it all out and somewhere he can pick it up that doesn't involve us having to see each other, unblock him long enough to send him the info, then immediately reblock him before he has a chance to reply and start a fight or something. I just haven't had any time due to my long work hours and no days off and it's causing me a lot of anxiety. I do not want to have any sort of conversation with him. I'm so done with him and the situation and I just want to get everything that has to do with him out of my life so I can move on free and clear.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Been doing good lately for the most part. The only thing that's bothering me is that I still need to get the last of his stuff out of my apartment. I don't want to hear from him or see him and I know that the longer it takes for me to get his stuff out and give him the deets on where he can go pick it up, the more likely it is that he'll contact me first. My plan is to get it all out and somewhere he can pick it up that doesn't involve us having to see each other, unblock him long enough to send him the info, then immediately reblock him before he has a chance to reply and start a fight or something. I just haven't had any time due to my long work hours and no days off and it's causing me a lot of anxiety. I do not want to have any sort of conversation with him. I'm so done with him and the situation and I just want to get everything that has to do with him out of my life so I can move on free and clear. Just be warned that if its Facebook you're unblocking him on, you have to wait 48 hours to reblock him again. I learned that the hard way. Actually, when I dropped my ex's crap off today, I had a friend text him so I'd never have to see him or his number again. Try doing that.
StrangerThanFiction Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Just be warned that if its Facebook you're unblocking him on, you have to wait 48 hours to reblock him again. I learned that the hard way. Actually, when I dropped my ex's crap off today, I had a friend text him so I'd never have to see him or his number again. Try doing that. I never had him on Facebook. I actually didn't even know he had a Facebook account until I saw texts between him and the other woman where I found out he had started one so he could add her to it lol. That's really good to know about the Facebook blocking thing though, thanks! Right now I have him blocked from my phone and email, which is pretty much the only way he can get a hold of me. Unfortunately with my phone he can still leave voicemails even if he's blocked, so he is still able to get through that way if he actually wanted to make the effort I've talked to a couple friends and they're totally down for being my go-between. I'm thinking that I'll rent a storage room for a month, put his crap in there, then do what you suggest and get one of my friends to text him what he needs to know for where to pick it up and how long he has to do it. That way I don't have to see him or talk to him. I'm just afraid he'll want to come get his stuff before I have a chance to get it out of my house. The thought of talking to him makes me feel like throwing up. Pathetic, huh? 1
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 It's been a little more difficult today. I was even half tempted to contact him, I think out of loneliness. It feels good to have all of his things gone, but it makes it feel so final, and after the initial excitement of it wore off, I found myself becoming a little sad and nostalgic. I also reblocked him on Facebook today. I am wondering if that a bad move or not? I hope it doesn't make me seem petty and rude.
TunaCat Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 It's been a rough few days. I found a purple heart vase in my garage. They were from flowers I got from him on Valentine's Day in 2013. I thought I had purged all of the stuff that would remind me of him. I've been so tempted to contact him these past few days, but then I remember, it would only be an ego boost and we both deserve better than that.
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