ApexTitanium Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 This has truly traumatized me beyond belief....I've never experienced a pain like this. I feel like I lost my life when she left. I'm so emotionally damaged its unbelievable. I really have lost my way, I see no purpose in anything. I'm afraid I'll never be able to open up to anyone ever again. If she only knew what I would do....what I would give.. She just doesn't care and that's what breaks me most. That she could go cold turkey the day after like it was nothing after 5.5 years together....spending all day every single day texting each other....to nothing. Did you even love me.....at all?
RoseHeart Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 One moment I feel fine and the next I feel devastated and miss you when I realize it has already been a week and 1 day since we last spoke. I'm going to challenge myself to not look you up online this week. I'm worried that this will turn into another bad habit and I don't want to hurt myself anymore. It's going to be hard because I want to see what you've been up to and silly stuff like that but I know at the end it's useless information and will not in any way help me get over you. I feel like I constantly want to unblock you from Whatsapp and just make myself available again (not talk to you, just unblock you) but then I realize how pathetic and weak it will make me look. Like I can't make up my mind on you. That is not what I want to show you. I want to show you I'm strong and that I was speaking the truth when I said I have to move on because at the end I know that is what is best for me.
Zetec Posted April 19, 2015 Posted April 19, 2015 Tonight is game 3 of the best of 3 for my hockey finals.. I'm either going to win the championship or I will be as close to winning as I can be. I can't help but think this is an analogy of what it was like with her.. I was as close as I could be to having everything I wanted in life only to have it pulled from me. I want to look up in the crowd and see her there. I know that I won't. I would have broken N.C. if she still lived here to ask her to come to watch in hopes that things would change. That isn't true anymore. So, I'll try to win and see if I can get some positive vibes going forward. I know that I have to shut the door on her once today ends. Let the world do its thing. I just hate that I can't do anything but forgive and forget in order for things to work out. Go for it, win that championship, for you Prove to yourself that you can do it without her. At the end of the day, you will be a stronger person because of it. You can win it without her. Then, when you do meet another girl, you will be able to tell her all about it. "Yeah, my team just won the hockey championship..." Think how good that will sound!! Good luck bro 2
Throldur Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Go for it, win that championship, for you Prove to yourself that you can do it without her. At the end of the day, you will be a stronger person because of it. You can win it without her. Then, when you do meet another girl, you will be able to tell her all about it. "Yeah, my team just won the hockey championship..." Think how good that will sound!! Good luck bro We won!! 5-2. Champions!!! Feels incredibly good.. Considering I picked up the sport on my own a few years ago, taught myself how to skate, taught myself the goaltending position and I just helped my team win the Championship against all these guys who played their entire life. I had my moment in the car where I just spoke to my ex as if she was sitting in the seat next to me, telling her what a mistake she made and how she should have been here to celebrate with me. She wasn't. She won't be. Someone else will. I'll be posting monthly updates on my progress.. I won't frequent as much as before, but I'll be sure to post some good news here at some point with a new lady or reconciliation. That, I promise you all!
TunaCat Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I'm not doing so hot tonight. I nearly texted him. Yes I know he's with someone else, but I was missing him horribly and I was wishing he was watching the NBA playoffs with me. I even wrote the text, but I erased it. I resisted the urge to text him. I am missing him so much this weekend.
ASV Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 Been trying to think I'm doing better, since I reaped the results of getting out of my comfort zone this weekend. Went out to a weird art event, managed to know a new woman (just OKayish), got texted by the one I was already chasing after my ex and finally hung out with three women and ended up at the house of one of them. Maybe I messed things up when got caught making out with the new one in front of the one I was already interested in, or maybe I've put myself in a much preferable position to her. Anyway, had lots of laughs and fun, interesting conversations and felt much more alpha than in the last months while managing to entertain all of them without feeling the typical shyness that used to limit my past self. It sucked to get back to the train station with this new woman I don't feel anything for and remembering how I used to walk the same avenues taking a different one I cared a world for by my hand. When I was a teenager used to dream a life like the one I'm having now, full of anecdotes, crazy nights, different women and awkward situations to fill whole pages of a book like the ones which wrote the person in my avatar. Now that I'm kinda there, I'm thriving for a quieter situation and just want to have a calm life with someone I love. Not trying to fool anyone, I just want my ex back. Nah. I'm doing bad. Today marks the 4th month since BU and 1st since true NC. Still like day one and convinced I won't move on.
AIJ Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 A friend of mine decided to call my ex out on her actions. I told her not to, but she did it anyway. What are friends for, right? Anyway my ex essentially said that she added me on snapchat to try and be 'civil'. 1. Why do you need to be civil with an ex? 2. Why did you feel the need to snapchat me a picture of your new boyfriend? That's not very civil to me. 3. If I've blocked you on Twitter, and you KNOW I've blocked you, it's very clear I don't wish to be 'civil'. This hasn't really dented my healing at all, prior to this I'd get that weird rush of adrenaline or anxiety whenever anything from my ex would be said. It's more of a 'meh, what a bitch' feeling now. Can't wrap my head around her thought process. Still working towards that indifference. Right now, I strongly dislike her.
Zetec Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 We won!! 5-2. Champions!!! Feels incredibly good.. Considering I picked up the sport on my own a few years ago, taught myself how to skate, taught myself the goaltending position and I just helped my team win the Championship against all these guys who played their entire life. I had my moment in the car where I just spoke to my ex as if she was sitting in the seat next to me, telling her what a mistake she made and how she should have been here to celebrate with me. She wasn't. She won't be. Someone else will. I'll be posting monthly updates on my progress.. I won't frequent as much as before, but I'll be sure to post some good news here at some point with a new lady or reconciliation. That, I promise you all! Really pleased for you Throldur, well done, that must have felt great! Sounds like this could be the kick start to you moving on - I'm really pleased to hear that. Look forward to reading your updates on here, and how great you are doing Best of luck. 1
thorin Posted April 20, 2015 Posted April 20, 2015 I feel like all this improving, working out etc is for nothing, and the only way to forget is to find someone else.
freebird31 Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 So it has been 2 years. Crazy, right? A lot has changed since then. But in a sense, not much has changed at all. I have really healed from it all, of course I will always have those feelings for him. I tried dating and I found that I really could like someone again, I also found that I was and am still not entirely not ready to date again. Its not that I am not ready to date, it is that I am not in a right place yet to give my heart to another person. One of the things that I have discovered through this healing/post-break up journey was that my love for my ex was so entirely pure and true. Another thing that I have realized, is that one of the things that I miss the most is giving my love 100% to another person. When I was dating the new guy, i found myself missing be able to just love freely, purely, wholely, entirely, and truly. I really think that perhaps something could have blossomed with the new guy, had we just given it more time, more time to build the trust, more to get to know one another. Sometimes I am confused with why it couldn't have just worked out. It still raises a lot of questions for me. The biggest question being...Could I have really moved on to another person after my ex? Could I move on ? Am i able to love another person more than my ex? I loved my ex immensely. Hm. It just makes me wonder. I feel like I have grown a lot since the breakup. And even within the last few months. I have become stronger and happier somehow. Somehow I have found peace in being alone. I really have. Not to say, my emotions may change later with that. but for now, for now I am at a really good place. Things can only go up from here. And i really believe that in time, everything will make sense. With all the questions I have about my feelings for my ex, and the feelings I have for the new guy. Time is truly the main component I have learned.
ASV Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 I feel like all this improving, working out etc is for nothing, and the only way to forget is to find someone else. Same here. Someone else as pretty and busty.
Zetec Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 Another day, another struggle. Funnily enough, Here in England we are having some amazing weather at the moment. For the last 2 weeks, it has been blue sky and sunshine, it really is lovely. It's summer weather, in April. (Usually we have April showers here!!) Yet, the nice weather makes me sad. Because I have no-one to share it with. If we were still together, we would be out every day/evening, going for walks and picnics in the countryside. Now I have no-one to do that with. I'm not doing it on my own because I feel like a loser. And I don't have any friends, literally. Everywhere I go, I just see groups of people hanging out, or couples walking hand in hand. It makes me feel so sad, and lonely. I also know that you are out in this weather with your new guy - doing exactly what we used to. I feel like I have been replaced - you have upgraded to a better model. You were my only friend. I miss company, and having someone to speak to
AIJ Posted April 21, 2015 Posted April 21, 2015 It did look like it was going to be a very bleak day. I've been letting other aspects of my life slip way out of control and I was letting this heavily affect my future. Finally decided enough is enough, stopped procrastinating, and decided to get my work done and work towards my future. Done with feeling like ****, done with letting opportunities slip. Happened far too many times already, **** that. I'm glad my ex is happy with someone new, good for you. Just don't involve me in it and we're good. Feeling much better now, hopefully this level of motivation can continue so I can get to where I want to be.
na49 Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I overheard people talking today, and found out that my ex is in a relationship with ANOTHER guy! No, not the guy she left me for originally. That guy dumped her already. This is a different guy. She's averaging one boyfriend a month right now. It has nothing to do with me, and I get that. I'm not sad about this at the moment, but I can't say it won't get to me in a few days. I do believe I'm getting to a point where I just have to shake my head and smile about this whole thing. My ex is someone who needs to have a boyfriend. It's really that simple. She will always be that way, and I just need to get on with my life knowing this. I knew she'd have another boyfriend, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked to find out that only weeks after asking me to stay in her life as a friend so we can see where things go/if we could get back together, she's already got a new boyfriend.
darkbloom Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 A, I feel like no time has passed since we last spoke. I still anticipate your calls the same as I did when we first met. Tomorrow is our anniversary. I wonder what you'll be doing to celebrate that day or how much alcohol you'll drink to forget. There's a fuxking ocean between us now. I might have set the blaze for the bridge but you made sure it burned down. All of these people are receiving contact from their exes. Where the hell are you? 1
Twigyy Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 So I saw my ex in my sculpting class today and it caught me by surprise. I didn't look at her but I'm pretty sure it's her with that long sleeve shirt that she used to wear. I looked out for seats since its the first class. Crap, there are no other seats and I have to seat beside her. I didn't talk or even look at her, but I think she said hey and I didn't say a thing. I thought she was supposed to retake her year two and I won't be seeing her anymore, but now I have to see her every Wednesday for three hours.. I hope I will do fine and enjoy my classes.
LadyBulb Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Hm I spent more time talking to myself as oppose to talking to an actually person today. I can't say it is healthy but its better than not talking at all. I think I am a bit lonely but not in a negative way. I don't think everybody has abandon me and I am alone instead, I feel like this loneliness is a new chapter of my life. An opportunity for change perhaps? My cousin was impatient with me today. I felt bad since I keep on bothering her despite understanding that she was extremely stressed this week. Being dependent and loving somebody is very hard. I am a level 5 clinger I feel like the person I care for romantically is slowly moving on. I miss him. Life goes on and I am trying to follow his lead. 1
SLee Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I'm researching graduate schools, listening to music, remembering all the reasons I'm awesome, writing poetry, and hanging out with my friends. Hanging in there. 1
TunaCat Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Tonight is the first night that I'm relaxed, calm and my ex hasn't crossed my mind all night. Usually nighttime is the hardest, but tonight, I'm doing great. 1
ephemeralme Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 cried my heart out last night.......... I cried so much it hurt my body...and I could say was "I miss you" over and over and over......... and I do, I so miss you.....I miss you. We had cherished goodness between us. Yes, there were issues and things but that is life, and Rs...nothing is ever perfect and Rs require work. I have lost a beautiful person in my life..... but so did you.... stupid ...stupid ....stupid... what your reasons were, really weren't that GRAND in the scheme of life and things... but.................. you chose didn't you--- you chose to throw away our 6 years.. @#$%^&* you! "there is no living anymore the seasons are all dry and the rain stopped falling please don't you cry anymore can't you see listen to the breeze whisper to my please don't send me down the path of nevermore even is the valley down below where the rays of the sun were so warm and tender I haven't anything to grow can't you see why did you have to leave me why did you deceive me send me to the path of nevermore when you said you didn't love me anymore nevermore nevermore" not exact lyrics but close, --- Freddie Mercury-- Queen Freddie keeps me company in my sadness... he only wanted someone to love too.
Zetec Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 I feel really sad today. Can't even put my finger on it, I just woke up and felt sad. I even cried - for the first time in a month. Just feeling really lonely right now. Would love to have someone who can put their arm around me and cheer me up
Dondon Posted April 22, 2015 Posted April 22, 2015 Coping very well today and the previous 10 days. 2 weeks ago i was feeling really down so that's a nice change. I guess i'm still on that roller coaster, where i have a few bad and good days. I had 2 great weekends which made me feel really good, because they are the hardest for me since we spent whole weekend together. I went bowling for the first time and a great party after that, and took a 3 days trip the next weekend. Still going to the gym and i'm quite proud of my progress. Showing some muscles is always good for your confidence and self esteem. Of course i still think of her every day, although not that often anymore. And when i do, i start reading what i wrote down about her, our relationship and about me. I found out that thinking about me, my good human qualities and qualities i bring to a relationship is helping me. I'm a good guy and i was a damn good boyfriend to her. I loved and cared about her more than anyone else will. I was nice, kind and loyal. I respected, trusted her and apreciated her and everything she did. I invested so much more in this RS than her. It's hard but i know i deserve better than her and that she doesn't deserve someone as good as me. She walked away from me? Fine, i don't want to be with someone who doesn't appreciate everything i do for her. In the end it's her loss, because i believe i will find someone better for me. Someone who will love me, care about me, trust and respect me. Someone who will appreciate me and everything i do. Because when i'm committed to someone, i do EVERYTHING i can for her, for us and for our relationship. We can do it! We can forget them and we can move one. It's been 4 months for me and i'm slowly realizing that i can be happy again. That i can enjoy my life without her and find a girl who will be perfect for me. Let's go ME.
Throldur Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 I don't know how to do this. All I do is look in the mirror and hope to see something different other than ugliness.. no matter what I do, I can't look good, I can't flash an attractive smile.. I don't know why she thought I was good looking, but now that beautiful girl who was everything to me is gone and she's likely never going to come back to me.. But that one little shred of hope is all that I have because how am I supposed to expect something else will happen to save me from this? She's in everything, it's almost 4 months now since it has all been truly over.. and yet I still break down and cry vigorously.. Just the little things come out of nowhere and destroy me. It's only been a month since she's officially moved away, a month and a week, yet it feels like an eternity.. trying to wait this out is never going to work.. I know I have to let it go completely in order for something to sprout from it, however, I just can't let her go fully.. she's everything to me, she is a part of me, she's found a home in my heart, she found a home in my future.. Why the **** did everything align perfectly right now.. Literally everything that needed to happen for our relationship to be on perfect ground for her and for me, has happened, but she's gone and so it doesn't mean anything anymore.. I've grown up, I've accomplished what I needed to, what I wanted to share, and now I could've focused completely on her needs... but I can't do that since she's not here and she may never come back. I need to find a way to cope.. to let her go.. to stop thinking of her, to stop hoping for a call, a text, a FB message, for something that will give me hope for reconciliation.. but that's the only hope I have and I don't know how to live without hope.. its empty.. I'm trying.. but I'm failing.. and even the positive things don't seem to penetrate as deeply as I need them to. ****, I miss her. I wish there was something I can do.. I hate having to trust the Universe..
jalapeno86 Posted April 23, 2015 Posted April 23, 2015 Was doing good day, it's maybe week 2 now. Had to delete snapchat, saw her snaps, nothing serious, but it it cut deep in me, I'm working myself too hard, I think I need a nap. I studied some, not enough. Behind in school. I'm gonna watch some comedy. Chill out. I just need an hour or two.
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