How are you coping today?

[Throldur]

I used to look forward to Fridays. I play football after work, and I would pick us up a KFC on the way home (that was our treat for the week ), you would ask me all about the match and how I played, we would finish dinner and then head off to see our friends at the pub and have a few drinks. I loved that pub. On the way home we would sing along to our favorite songs in the car, and make plans for the weekend. We'd get home, and cuddle up in bed watching a film. It was the perfect end to the week.

 

Now, I get home on a Friday to an empty house, with nothing to do or look forward to. I have no friends. Literally I have no-one. I sit there, in silence, and know that you are out with your new guy, probably doing what we used to do. It kills me inside.

 

I hate the weekends now. I dread finishing work on a Friday because I am so lonely.

 

Days like this, that I feel it would be best to just end it all. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore.

 

 

This is how I feel when I get home from hockey games. She used to watch all my games, so it's pretty empty in the stands without her.

 

Dogs, man, ****ing dogs. She let me go, this beautiful kitten, her friends, family, good job, her own place.. to be in a new province, with some older guy clown, and a bunch of dogs that she hates.. Seriously, how was that a smart decision? I -almost- feel bad for her. How to wreck your life in 2 months starring My Ex Girlfriend.

[Twigyy]

I feel so much happier than day one. Looking forward to everyday, especially Fridays because that's when a new episode of Big Bang Theory comes out, yay. Usually I'm just spending time with my favourite video games, being a slug, etc, but who the hell cares. I don't need anyone's permission or assurance. I do whatever that makes me happy, and I'm happy. Quite looking forward to school too. Maybe I'll bump into her a couple times, but I'm sure that I can keep myself from looking at her. Maybe I can't but who knows

[na49]

As I was walking to my car yesterday, I saw my ex sitting outside doing homework. She was sitting by herself, and I wanted to go over to her SO FREAKING BADLY! I didn't though. I thought I was over her, but I'm really not.

 

I freaking miss her..

[Zetec]

This is how I feel when I get home from hockey games. She used to watch all my games, so it's pretty empty in the stands without her.

 

Dogs, man, ****ing dogs. She let me go, this beautiful kitten, her friends, family, good job, her own place.. to be in a new province, with some older guy clown, and a bunch of dogs that she hates.. Seriously, how was that a smart decision? I -almost- feel bad for her. How to wreck your life in 2 months starring My Ex Girlfriend.

 

It sucks doesn't it man. I know exactly what you mean about the hockey. When I finish football, I just want to text her and tell her how many goals I scored, or how we won the game in the last minute. She showed an interest in my hobby and I loved it.

 

And yeah - how to wreck your life. Can't believe one person can have such a negative effect. I know that i shouldn't blame her or hold a grudge because I am responsible for my own happiness, as it is my life. Just wish I had some things to make me happy again. I have to find somewhere to live (I had to leave the flat we had and I am currently couch surfing which can't go on), I can't go home because of family reasons and I don't have any friends. Any friends I did have are all on my Ex's side. I've never had a strong social network - I lack in confidence. I am not a good looking guy at all, so meeting girls is very, very hard. Also knocked any confidence that I did have out of me when she left me for a guy who is much better looking than me. Yeah that hurt.

 

Where are the positives?

[TunaCat]

God, I miss him. I hate this. I hate that he's already seeing someone else.

 

Not being wanted by the ONLY guy who has ever wanted me really sucks.

 

I'm not considered gorgeous, but with him, I felt gorgeous. He always told me I was gorgeous, hot, sexy.

 

Being dumped can really **** with your self-esteem.

[Throldur]

Honestly, the day my ex's best-friend tried to get with me when we were both drinking is the day that I really think screwed up my relationship and probably was to blame for some of my distance..

 

Not only that, but it got a guy like me thinking, hey, I can get other girls too, which I've never been wanted by more than one girl at once, getting one was lucky enough, so it really was different for me.. Not that I would have ever left my girlfriend at the time, especially for her friend, but it put me in a weird spot mentally.. not only that but I had to struggle with the fact that I didn't stop it nearly early enough (we didn't kiss or anything, but her friend did straddle my lap and make suggestive comments and I had to basically suggest something she wouldn't be OK with just to get her to stop because my other efforts to deny it weren't working and I was drunk as hell, so my brain wasn't functioning well enough anyways) and that I couldn't tell my girlfriend because how can you just mess with their friendship like that?

 

I decided to bury the whole situation, didn't talk about it, didn't say a word.. but I was a bit more aloof after that for awhile, struggled with it, started to come around but it was too late. I don't feel nearly as bad about it now that I know my girlfriend was emotionally cheating on me near the end.. Even still, I look back on that night as the kiss of death.. things seemed to start to crumble not long after that.. what then sealed my fate was when her friend came from B.C. and had dinner with her, talked about moving away and all of that, that's when the idea was planted in her head and that's when I saw the change in my girlfriend..

 

But it's total GIGS.. 'cause the new guy she's "with", is a free place to live out in Ontario, she isn't posting pictures of him, barely mentioning him, and judging by what she bought for clothes before leaving and the snapchat pictures of Dogs.. she's with someone who is completely unlike her and not even in the realm of someone she would get along with.. The whole situation is pretty gross, two people taking advantage of each other.. That's why I think even if my ex came back, despite how much I do love/loved her, I couldn't take her back at this point.. What she did to leave.. and what she is doing/pretending to be.. it's just.. weird, gross and odd.

[AIJ]

Very well.

 

Had to go to the police station today and give a statement due to an incident at work, a drunk couple decided to come in, attempt to buy more alcohol, and become very aggressive when I refused to serve them. Company policy, can't sell alcohol to already intoxicated people.

 

Anyway, I was sitting in the room by myself as the person that was meant to be getting my statement was running a little bit late. About 15 minutes later, in walks this blonde haired blue eyed goddess. I almost fell on the floor. Anyway, spent around an hour talking about the incident and then a further hour just talking about general bull****. She was a few years older than me so I didn't care to take it any further but it was just a very nice unexpected experience that made me realise my ex really isn't all that unique. Funnily enough, I decided to have a quick glance at her Twitter page. Can't see her tweets, blocked her. Looked at her picture and I just really didn't find her all that attractive anymore. I didn't have the horrible feeling in my stomach, or that anxiety when I saw her face. I felt nothing. I feel great!

[darkbloom]

Hi A,

 

I am not doing so well today. Why do you do that? Go away for a little while to lure me into a sense of false security. Then you come back with a vengeance and you won't go away. I had a dream you cut all of your hair off and that I had a text from you. I woke up and saw that it wasn't real and you are just messing with my mind again.

 

I must have dome something terrible in another life to have to be punished like this. I was always good and true to you.

 

Your poor decisions have a negative impact on everyone around you. I am still writing you mom a mother's day card because she shouldn't have to suffer for your bad choices.

 

I want to forget you.

 

Love,

 

db

[TunaCat]

I'm really not a fan of all the ups and downs of healing from heartbreak. One day I'm doing amazing, the next day I'm angry and/or sad.

 

Today was blame myself for the break up day.

 

I know I caused the break up. We talked about marriage in abstract terms, but I would panic every time we even talked about things in a more concrete way. It took me a long time to even say "I love you" although he said it several months before I did.

 

I struggled with commitment and in the end, I think that's what made him end it.

[Throldur]

I'm really not a fan of all the ups and downs of healing from heartbreak. One day I'm doing amazing, the next day I'm angry and/or sad.

 

Today was blame myself for the break up day.

 

I know I caused the break up. We talked about marriage in abstract terms, but I would panic every time we even talked about things in a more concrete way. It took me a long time to even say "I love you" although he said it several months before I did.

 

I struggled with commitment and in the end, I think that's what made him end it.

 

If they truly wanted commitment, they would not end it over a lack of it, especially if there were no signs of ending it. I think both your ex and mine have abandonment issues and left when they got scared. Sometimes those who want commitment badly are the ones most afraid of it when it is about to happen because they've wanted it so long that once it's close it overwhelms them and they are uncertain.

 

It doesnt help that both our exes had one foot out the door with someone else promising them something else which is an easy escape from fear and they can drown their own issues in the honeymoon phase of being with someone else.

 

I'm not coping well. Watching play-off hockey is a killer. We had so much fun watching it last year, making jokes about things that happen, she was my companion and every time I think of something she would laugh at, joke about or watch a million times over it just kills me that I can't enjoy that with her.. and I know she's in a place where she doesn't get to enjoy it that same way.. it scares me because I go through moods where I think, no, it's done she will never get back to me and then there's this knowledge that she truly did love me, ****ed up and scared as she is, and that she loved being with me, and that she is still experiencing missing me on some level, along with everything else she abandoned to move, that when GIGS/honeymoon phase wears off, she may come to her senses. I just know it's 6 months to years down the line and I don't know if I will be there and capable of taking her back when it happens.

 

I hate this.

[TunaCat]

It's a hell of a lot easier to deal with heartbreak when you have tons of friends. I am in fact friendless, and although I love my family, I don't want to burden them with how sad I still am. Reading those articles about what you should do after a breakup have been less than helpful.

 

I have no friends & I am unemployed and I hate drinking alcohol and I'm not hot enough to pick guys up.

 

I'm going to stick to doing things that make me happy regardless of whether or not it's something I "should" do.

[barrelwave]

I think when we love and invested emotions deeply, there'd always be this imprint. No matter how long we take to let everything go.

 

It's been two years. Most days, I get distracted thinking about someone new, and the things i ought to focus on.

 

On a night like this, I still miss her and the good times.

[bluealone]

Hi TunaCat, we sound very familiar. I have no close friends and I don't want to worry my family too. Putting on cheerful and happy face is really really hard. I am not hot or daring enough to date any random guy either. My health is deteriorating coz of sleepless nights and countless cries....Let's hang in there, ya? I am sure we will be better as days pass. *hug*

[na49]

I'm having the worst day that I've had in a while. Days like today make me wonder if things will ever get better, and if anyone outside of my family would miss me if I was gone...

[Zetec]

So, 3 days ago I decided to stop taking my antidepressants. Not because I was happy, I was fed up of taking them and convinced myself that they were the cause of the breakup. I just wanted to go back to my normal self.

 

Big mistake. Reading on the internet now, going cold turkey on antidepressants can be dangerous, especially after I have been taking them for 1.5 years.

 

I have had some dark thoughts today. I turned my phone off all day, and sat in my room, making plans. I was going to delete all social media, destroy my mobile phone, pack a bag and run away. Never to come back, and to never speak to anyone I know ever again.

 

Thankfully, it seems my brain is still producing some common sense chemicals, which stopped me from doing it, made me turn my phone on and call someone for help.

 

Going back on the tablets tonight.

 

Just got to learn from this mistake. Frightening really just how little control we have of our mental health.

[Throldur]

So many things.. so many things I see that I know would make you laugh..

 

We could have had so many laughs together these past few months.. and I know, I know you're not happy with the decisions you've made, knowing what I know..

 

How long until you give it up? A few more months? A whole year? How long will you hold on to your failures and just accept the weight of your biggest mistake?

 

Don't wait until it's too late.. don't live with this regret. I know I don't want to.

[Shetland]

I'm getting pretty tired of thinking about this whole breakup...

 

But damn, I still miss her

[TunaCat]

I'm sick of the peaks & valleys of this breakup recovery. I'm emotionally exhausted.

Edited April 19, 2015 by TunaCat

[Cupid's Puppet]

I've been missing him a lot lately. After a year breakup, I still can't believe he won't be a part of my life forever. I'm such a weirdo too, so it's hard for me to imagine that I'll have another relationship. That makes me even sadder...the thought of never having love again. I guess the bright side is at least I experienced love once. I feel so stupid for believing that we would be a family one day. I think I will stop setting goals in my life. In the end, there's less disappointment.

[Cupid's Puppet]

I am pathetic. I'm like the only one still posting in this thread after a year breakup. Everyone else who were regulars when I first started posting have moved on and recovered. Maybe it is time for me to stop whining and start acting and maybe I can also pass the coping phase.

[thorin]

Sh*t.

 

That pretty much sums it all up.

[Lion Heart]

You know I just want to share something my mother said to me when discussing my baby brother's death. She said it was like having her arm cut off, it never comes back, you just have to learn how to live without it.

 

Please guys, hang in there! There is hope after grief but it's no easy road for any of us.

 

I dragged myself out of a suicidal depression that was like a 3ft wet blanket on top of me, day in, day out. On and off for too long. I was so poor. I started to garden. I joined a great Community Exchange System and started interacting more for free. Giving and receiving. Saying "thank you" even when there was no one around to thank for anything. Picking some wild flowers for an old person, a neighbour.

 

Now I grow up to 600 passionfruit a year and give most away.

Plus hundreds of other things to eat. Community Gardens are GREAT places to work really hard, sweat, get real dirty, eat and get great food from. In the end I got a Scholarship to learn how to teach organic gardening and a paid job in the field. I ditched it for a higher paying job BUT it was all my stepping stones.

 

You just gotta get out there.

Lion Heart.

[dyna85]

I am pathetic. I'm like the only one still posting in this thread after a year breakup. Everyone else who were regulars when I first started posting have moved on and recovered. Maybe it is time for me to stop whining and start acting and maybe I can also pass the coping phase.

 

CP, you are not pathetic. I was calling myself this the other day too, because it's taking me forever to get over someone I knew for only a short period and I feel I should be over it by now. The thing is, I guess some of us are just die-hard lovers and it takes us a while to recover. I know it's hard. I wish there were an easy way. I wish there was an off-switch for our emotions. Would make things easier.

 

I've gone down the 'acting' road by staying off the site for little while, and I've immersed myself in other activities. I've even traveled a bit.

 

The problem is, my emotions surrounding this situation are sticking like glue, and I'm having difficulty letting go. It hurts.

 

I feel like I carry this pain with me everywhere.

 

I don't have answers, but I can say it took me a few years to get over my first love, so just know that it's not atypical to still be affected 1 yr later.

[Throldur]

Tonight is game 3 of the best of 3 for my hockey finals.. I'm either going to win the championship or I will be as close to winning as I can be. I can't help but think this is an analogy of what it was like with her.. I was as close as I could be to having everything I wanted in life only to have it pulled from me.

 

I want to look up in the crowd and see her there. I know that I won't. I would have broken N.C. if she still lived here to ask her to come to watch in hopes that things would change. That isn't true anymore.

 

So, I'll try to win and see if I can get some positive vibes going forward. I know that I have to shut the door on her once today ends. Let the world do its thing. I just hate that I can't do anything but forgive and forget in order for things to work out.

[ASV]

Been trying to think I'm doing better, since I reaped the results of getting out of my comfort zone this weekend. Went out to a weird art event, managed to know a new woman (just OKayish), got texted by the one I was already chasing after my ex and finally hung out with three women and ended up at the house of one of them. Maybe I messed things up when got caught making out with the new one in front of the one I was already interested in, or maybe I've put myself in a much preferable position to her. Anyway, had lots of laughs and fun, interesting conversations and felt much more alpha than in the last months while managing to entertain all of them without feeling the typical shyness that used to limit my past self. It sucked to get back to the train station with this new woman I don't feel anything for and remembering how I used to walk the same avenues taking a different one I cared a world for by my hand.

 

When I was a teenager used to dream a life like the one I'm having now, full of anecdotes, crazy nights, different women and awkward situations to fill whole pages of a book like the ones which wrote the person in my avatar. Now that I'm kinda there, I'm thriving for a quieter situation and just want to have a calm life with someone I love. Not trying to fool anyone, I just want my ex back.

Edited April 19, 2015 by Van Norden