Twigyy Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Day 28 of NC has started. Some feelings are gone, and some weird new feelings are here. Starting to forget the good memories.. My happiness where are you..
na49 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 My urge hasn't gone away. I want to unblock her and message her. Just see if she still wants to be with me. She poured her heart out to me in her email, but then said we should be friends.. I have no idea what to think anymore. What's the worst that could happen?
NopeNah Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 What's the worst that could happen? Famous "last words" that are often asked on here.
lumberjac Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 2 months NC, today is the second day that I'm not feeling the best. Can someone help me.
TunaCat Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 After a good night's sleep I am feeling much better. Despite it being exactly a week since things went to ****, I'm doing well. It's a process.
na49 Posted March 30, 2015 Posted March 30, 2015 Famous "last words" that are often asked on here. I'm just at a loss for what I want to do. I know what I should do. but I'm not sure if it's what I want to do. I'm trying to give myself time and hoping that with time, this urge will pass and I will see my ex for the b*tch and wh*re that she really is.
DenverDude Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Feeling like sh*t right now. Miss her so much. Memories are running vividly though my head right now. It's already been 5 months. I wish I could just say one more thing to her - so that I can move on knowing that I got what I needed to say off my chest. Then I will be able to forgive myself.
smellysocksuni Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Not coping so well, today. The loss of her has been painful but at this stage I'm asking myself what is wrong with me - why am I always in someone's past? She, who was supposed to rescue me from pain (her words, not mine) - I've been through SO much in my life. So many disappointments and so much pain. It was supposed to end with her, but it feels like it's just begun. All the pain of past rejections and past losses have caught up with me, I can't stop crying. If I wasn't so afraid of pain I would have ended my life a while ago. If I knew for certain that there was happiness at the other end, I would have ended my life. I open my eyes every day but I have no purpose. I have nothing. I could go and stay at my aunt's but that's not my life - that's her life. I am merely floating, existing. Not living. Why am I here? I question my own existence. Get a job? What for? To come home every night and be on my own in front of the TV? Go to bed alone? Right. She gave me some hope, some stability in my otherwise empty life. And she's gone, with someone else. And doesn't care about me. The one person I dared to trust - and I got burned more than I have ever been. And all I am now to her is a memory, a person in her past, an ex. If we ever do talk again (which I doubt) it will be small talk and nothing more. People always seem so keen to get rid of me and at this stage I just want to get rid of myself. I am sick of the sight of myself, sick of being me. Sick of being rejected, sick of everything. What's the point? Am I supposed to trust anyone again? How can I? I have never been this broken. Never.
TunaCat Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 The nighttime is always the worst part because we always talked at night unless he had a work event. I do so well in the daytime, but when nighttime comes, all these emotions rush out of me. 1
AprilTears Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Not coping so well, today. The loss of her has been painful but at this stage I'm asking myself what is wrong with me - why am I always in someone's past? She, who was supposed to rescue me from pain (her words, not mine) - I've been through SO much in my life. So many disappointments and so much pain. It was supposed to end with her, but it feels like it's just begun. All the pain of past rejections and past losses have caught up with me, I can't stop crying. If I wasn't so afraid of pain I would have ended my life a while ago. If I knew for certain that there was happiness at the other end, I would have ended my life. I open my eyes every day but I have no purpose. I have nothing. I could go and stay at my aunt's but that's not my life - that's her life. I am merely floating, existing. Not living. Why am I here? I question my own existence. Get a job? What for? To come home every night and be on my own in front of the TV? Go to bed alone? Right. She gave me some hope, some stability in my otherwise empty life. And she's gone, with someone else. And doesn't care about me. The one person I dared to trust - and I got burned more than I have ever been. And all I am now to her is a memory, a person in her past, an ex. If we ever do talk again (which I doubt) it will be small talk and nothing more. People always seem so keen to get rid of me and at this stage I just want to get rid of myself. I am sick of the sight of myself, sick of being me. Sick of being rejected, sick of everything. What's the point? Am I supposed to trust anyone again? How can I? I have never been this broken. Never. I understand the desperation you're feeling now but please understand that no one is allowed to take away your will to live! You will get through this and come out the other side stronger than ever! You must focus on yourself as hard as it seems. It's the only thing that will guide you through this rough patch! Keep posting here for support. So many of us understand what you are going through and are here for you!! 2
fivejcb Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Not coping so well, today. The loss of her has been painful but at this stage I'm asking myself what is wrong with me - why am I always in someone's past? She, who was supposed to rescue me from pain (her words, not mine) - I've been through SO much in my life. So many disappointments and so much pain. It was supposed to end with her, but it feels like it's just begun. All the pain of past rejections and past losses have caught up with me, I can't stop crying. If I wasn't so afraid of pain I would have ended my life a while ago. If I knew for certain that there was happiness at the other end, I would have ended my life. I open my eyes every day but I have no purpose. I have nothing. I could go and stay at my aunt's but that's not my life - that's her life. I am merely floating, existing. Not living. Why am I here? I question my own existence. Get a job? What for? To come home every night and be on my own in front of the TV? Go to bed alone? Right. She gave me some hope, some stability in my otherwise empty life. And she's gone, with someone else. And doesn't care about me. The one person I dared to trust - and I got burned more than I have ever been. And all I am now to her is a memory, a person in her past, an ex. If we ever do talk again (which I doubt) it will be small talk and nothing more. People always seem so keen to get rid of me and at this stage I just want to get rid of myself. I am sick of the sight of myself, sick of being me. Sick of being rejected, sick of everything. What's the point? Am I supposed to trust anyone again? How can I? I have never been this broken. Never. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I'm also hurting because someone I loved betrayed me. I made a choice no one person was going to take away my will to live because of what they did. Your life is a gift try to find one good thing every day and hold on to it. Your not a bad person, will in your mind you can make it and you can absolutely make it. Please find someone you can talk to professionally it really does help. 2
ApexTitanium Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Not coping so well, today. The loss of her has been painful but at this stage I'm asking myself what is wrong with me - why am I always in someone's past? She, who was supposed to rescue me from pain (her words, not mine) - I've been through SO much in my life. So many disappointments and so much pain. It was supposed to end with her, but it feels like it's just begun. All the pain of past rejections and past losses have caught up with me, I can't stop crying. If I wasn't so afraid of pain I would have ended my life a while ago. If I knew for certain that there was happiness at the other end, I would have ended my life. I open my eyes every day but I have no purpose. I have nothing. I could go and stay at my aunt's but that's not my life - that's her life. I am merely floating, existing. Not living. Why am I here? I question my own existence. Get a job? What for? To come home every night and be on my own in front of the TV? Go to bed alone? Right. She gave me some hope, some stability in my otherwise empty life. And she's gone, with someone else. And doesn't care about me. The one person I dared to trust - and I got burned more than I have ever been. And all I am now to her is a memory, a person in her past, an ex. If we ever do talk again (which I doubt) it will be small talk and nothing more. People always seem so keen to get rid of me and at this stage I just want to get rid of myself. I am sick of the sight of myself, sick of being me. Sick of being rejected, sick of everything. What's the point? Am I supposed to trust anyone again? How can I? I have never been this broken. Never. This is exactly how I feel everyday man, I think of why am I even alive anymore? I'm not even living....I'm just coasting through the days for nothing. What's the point anymore? The one person I thought would always be there has thrown me away like nothing.....I feel like nothing. I just want it to end, but I'm scared of failing in my attempt. Not because of the pain because I couldn't be in anymore pain than I am right now. Just failing and being far worse off....and even more powerless to end it. 2
freebird31 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I figured out why I have been so frustrated. I really did like the new guy. Seeing him with another woman makes me so frustrated with myself. Because the main reason why it didn't go any further with him was because I am stuck on my ex still. It feels like a spell. Why can't I forget and move on ? I lost an opportunity for happiness with someone else who I liked because of this "spell" that I am in. It's the most frustrating feeling ever. Idk why I hold on. I can't imagine myself loving touching or being as passionate with another person like I was with my ex. I loved him so passionately so deeply it was a true love in the purest form for me. It was never selfish I want to be happy with someone else but I don't think I can ever love someone again the way I loved my ex. I loved him for all his flaws I loved him so much I would spoil him with my affection. The way I brushed my hands across his face, I'd find myself feeling the need to even kiss his hands. I had immense love for him. Being with him set the bar immensely high. I cannot open my heart to another. I'm a loyal lover I gave all of my love to one person without holding back. I cannot love so passionately like that for a long time. I can love, yes. But just not that same way I loved my ex , not so passionately. Not for a very long time. I'm a loyal and passionate lover and people can tell me I have issues or attachment problems, tell me whatever you want, diagnose me however you like. But at the end of the day I know my love is just pure and deep and true. I don't feel it for just anybody.
freebird31 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Maybe if I had met this new guy before I met my ex and fallen in love with him, and loved him so passionately it would have worked out. Love doesn't make sense. It's not just about the person, it's about the timing too. 1
freebird31 Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Who makes the rules anyway about how long it ahould take before you move on? How normal or not normal it is to hold on to a lover you loved so passionately ? Is it really even an issue. Maybe it's called love. Maybe you simply just loved someone so much with every spout of your soul, that perhaps might take a lifetime to recover from. Who makes the rules about what is normal and what is not normal ? I loved someone with all of my heart early in my life. This person has since changed me. It's been 2 years since we broke up and u haven't fully healed. I don't think I'll heal for many many more years to be honest. That's just how it goes, how true and pure love goes. I don't think that makes u abnormal or have psychological issues. It's Love and as humans we are passionate naturally. 1
ASV Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 Just checked some pictures of a local disco at the office PC. Big mistake. Saw her with two (female) friends in there. Nothing gross nor alarming, but makes me feel like I'm back to square one. Getting lots of anxiety just from a glance at the picture (Why would she change her hair color? Would she have the time of her life that night? Would she end up banging someone? You know, those kinds of questions YOU never want to ask yourself when you're struggling to keep NC). And at the same time, I'm trying to be objective and see that, all in all, she was far from being perfect. It's been a long time since I saw her for the last time, and now I can judge that she's not as slim as I wanted to remember. She had some imperfections here and there. But still I miss them all A LOT, and want her to be entirely MINE again. In other words, I'm now trying to hold back my tears. And it sucks big time.
smellysocksuni Posted March 31, 2015 Posted March 31, 2015 I understand the desperation you're feeling now but please understand that no one is allowed to take away your will to live! You will get through this and come out the other side stronger than ever! You must focus on yourself as hard as it seems. It's the only thing that will guide you through this rough patch! Keep posting here for support. So many of us understand what you are going through and are here for you!! Thank you for your reply and kind words. I don't feel like SHE has taken away my will to live, just feel like I don't have the energy to pick myself up from yet ANOTHER setback. I am not strong enough. I appreciate the support and it means a lot thank you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I'm also hurting because someone I loved betrayed me. I made a choice no one person was going to take away my will to live because of what they did. Your life is a gift try to find one good thing every day and hold on to it. Your not a bad person, will in your mind you can make it and you can absolutely make it. Please find someone you can talk to professionally it really does help. What a good approach to life, i am pleased that you are not letting things beat you. the only thing keeping me going is my cat. she can't look after herself so i have to do it. I have counselling on the 27th so i will wait for that and hope it helps.
ASV Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 More nightmares courtesy of my meds. Woke up drenched in sweat and thinking of the good time she obviously had at that party. ****, how hard am I learning that "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Try to rationalise it and think of it just like another night for her, as I'm used to go out as well. But she's beautiful, young and intelligent. She can get what she wants, and she's obviously doing better without me. I kinda get the feeling that I won't be able to overcome this loss.
Twigyy Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Day 29 of NC? I can't even remember when was the break up. Time seems to be going pretty slow. Healing starts to get slower too. Every now and then I keep hoping that she would ask for another chance. What for? She is already banging someone else ffs. My happiness where are you, I need you here at my place right now..
Suit_up Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Broke no contact a few days ago, just exchanged a few friendly messages. Feeling the worst i could today, shameful, confused as to how she could stop being in love so suddenly. No contact got more painful for me with each day.
thorin Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 Bad, and I accidentaly saw her photo on facebook, and the memories came back, oh man, that sucks
AprilTears Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 This is exactly how I feel everyday man, I think of why am I even alive anymore? I'm not even living....I'm just coasting through the days for nothing. What's the point anymore? The one person I thought would always be there has thrown me away like nothing.....I feel like nothing. I just want it to end, but I'm scared of failing in my attempt. Not because of the pain because I couldn't be in anymore pain than I am right now. Just failing and being far worse off....and even more powerless to end it. You are alive because you are worth it!! I understand the despair and the irrational thoughts because I have been there but you must stop thinking that way. Try to focus on the people in your life who truly care for you (family, friends) and how devastated they would be to not have you in their life. I know it's hard to see through the pain. Believe me I do! But you do have the power to change your thinking and actions in this current state you are in. No, it's not easy but you can do it! You must go through the pain (unfortunately) to come out a better you on the other side. Once you get to the point where you don't have these feelings (and you will get there) you will see your worth more clearly. The person who hurt us is just one tiny person in this big world of billions of people. When you get over this relationship and meet someone who treats you the way you deserve you'll shake your head at how ridiculous this person you are currently trying to get over looks. I promise it'll happen. Post here for support. It will help you tremendously.
Jonp219 Posted April 1, 2015 Posted April 1, 2015 How funny, for the first time since the break up, I didn't have my ex on my mind when I woke up this morning. Now i'm in school, it's noon, and I feel as if i'm about to ****ing cry. Which is the complete opposite of this thing usually works for me. I ****ing hate myself so much. I miss her every ****ing day. I wish my heart would stop right now.
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