Jonp219 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I just started crying out of nowhere, I don't know where it came from. I'm just sick of all of this ****. **** her for not wanting to work it out with me, and **** her for not contacting me for this long.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Day 43...I thought I was doing so well. I had a great day and only thought of her a few times (without heartache). When I got home, I got a thought of her with her new man...and fell apart. I can't accept that she's replaced me and moved on. I was so damn good for her. Why doesn't she see that? She's so good at cutting things off and ghosting. I hold on way too much. It sucks.
AprilTears Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I cried today for the first time in a while. I'm approaching week 4 of no contact from my side. He contacted me last 2 weeks ago and I ignored. I wish I could erase him from my memory. I'm fighting myself in my mind trying to block out the good and only focus on the bad. I'm losing that battle today and I'm sad. I'm missing him and wondering what he's doing and thinking about me/us if anything.
ASV Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 What's happening in here? It seems like we're all getting over or what? I've been able to wake up without thinking of her for two days. This doesn't last, though, but it's something may I add. Still when daylight fades I begin to think of all the good moments that we shared together and I still miss her company and her breasts. I miss her sex a lot. But I also mix her complicity and support in my harsh times. It sucks to be alone, and it sucks to be removed from such a beautiful person. But it seems like my sadness is gradually transforming into anger, and I kinda start to feel mistreated by being dumped. I hope we can arrive to an understanding some day and that I'm able to forgive her for forgiving me. Until then, NC.
Jonp219 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 What's happening in here? It seems like we're all getting over or what? I've been able to wake up without thinking of her for two days. This doesn't last, though, but it's something may I add. Still when daylight fades I begin to think of all the good moments that we shared together and I still miss her company and her breasts. I miss her sex a lot. But I also mix her complicity and support in my harsh times. It sucks to be alone, and it sucks to be removed from such a beautiful person. But it seems like my sadness is gradually transforming into anger, and I kinda start to feel mistreated by being dumped. I hope we can arrive to an understanding some day and that I'm able to forgive her for forgiving me. Until then, NC. If me and my ex don't reconcile I'll never speak to her for as long as I live she'll be completely dead to me. These past couple of weeks I've been extremely angry and biter towards her. At the same time, I talk to myself and play over scenarios in my head from convos we've had in the past, and I can't help it. I'm crying because I still give a damn while she doesn't and it ****ing hurts. I just want to prove her ass wrong but what good is it going to do if she's not going to give me the light of day?
na49 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I am starting over NC. I finally got the strength to block her on Facebook. I haven't slept for the past week, I've been looking at her profile every 5 minutes. (literally). So as I was stalking, I dug deeper into her profile and found things she wrote about the guy she left me for. They made me furious. She's sharing articles about how she is the "girl who leaves". She's also the "girl who leaves to be with someone else". She wrote about how bad our relationship was to her friend, and how she shouldn't be seen as the bad guy. Her friends praise her for being strong. I feel like punching a wall. Okay, our relationship wasn't perfect. It makes me seem like I was this abusive monster that she just had to finally run away from. Well who is laughing now? The guy she feels she deserves leaves her after a month. Now she's alone. Again. I used to think that she'd never do better than me. I won't even give myself that much credit though. She'll never find someone who will put up with her crap for as long as I did. I put up with it for 3 years. This dude had it for a month and said "I can't do this". How am I coping? Well I'm f*cking pissed. So there's that. 1
AIJ Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Another relatively positive day for me. Was a little bit shakey earlier as it struck me that it's exactly 2 months to the day that I last saw her on good terms. Weird really, but I got over that little blip relatively quickly and I'm smiling my way through today Hope everyone else is beginning to feel a little bit more positive!
Jonp219 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I got really drunk last night, and today I woke up with a hangover. I feel like absolute ****, good thing is I didn't check my exes Twitter like I did the last time I was drunk. However, I feel really sick, I think I'm just going to stay in bed today. Earlier after my brother left I just broke down into tears. I haven't cried like that in weeks. I was thinking about my ex, but I don't know if they were tears of frustration, or tears of sorrow. Anyway, this morning hasn't good to me, and I haven't been good to me. I shouldn't of drank so much last night, now I'm paying the price.
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Wishing I could curtail these feelings. I don't really get my feelings. Do they have deeper meaning? I used to feel like they made perfect sense. They aligned with the outside world and everything going on between others and me. Yet, this whole situation has really screwed with everything I thought I knew about feelings. On every logical level, it makes no sense why I would have any feelings for this guy who treated me the way he did. Yet, the thoughts/feelings have lingered on for ages, well past their prime at this point. I can say 'stop' and they don't go away. I can keep myself busy and stay off love shack, and they still consume me. I cannot escape these feelings. I don't get it. I just want to say: 'feelings F U, you've served me well in the past, but now you're just messing with me. please, stop. leave me alone. i can't deal with you anymore.'
HBK3317 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I Still love her... Please God send her back to me ...
thorin Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 First day of nc, so much pain, how could she just loose the feelings for me out of the void...?
Jonp219 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I'm still having dreams about her. They have eased up the last couple of days, but they get more vivid around 5AM-8AM. I don't know what to do, I just want to hear from her but I doubt she even thinks about me anymore. I know i'm going to break down and cry later, just like I've been doing the last couple of weeks.
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I honestly wish I were actually in the earlier stages of NC (not because I want to relive the pain/torment I experienced), but just so I wouldn't feel guilty for still having these feelings after 3+ months NC. While I'm completely forgotten on his end and he's living like I never existed, I think of him every single day. What gives?
Jonp219 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I ****ing hate this man. I want this **** to be over already. I can't sit around while my ex is probably trying to move on to someone else. If my ex finds someone else I might have to rebound, there's no way I can sit back and be miserable while she's happy with someone else. I know i'm not going to be over this girl in 6 months, yet she's probably completely over me already. **** Everything :'(
dyna85 Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I'm entering this strange state of peace. It's like, he's there, but he's not there. He's definitely not there, but he is still ever present in my thoughts each day. I don't know if this is good or bad. It feels like I'm setting myself up for further disappointment. I really don't know what I'm doing in this healing process. It's so confusing. 1
AIJ Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 Had a dream about her last night and haven't been able to stop thinking about her all day. Just basically went through the entire relationship in my head, all the good memories, all the places we went with eachother etc. and it got me really down. Seems like it's one of those bad days. I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow feeling fresh and happy as ever though Just bugs me how she managed to move on to someone else so quick, but I guess that's just how some people deal with a break up!
Jonp219 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) I just cried for the 3rd time today idk what the hell is wrong me ... I feel like a joke. Edited March 27, 2015 by Jonp219
MovingOn9 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Not coping well. Day 14 of NC. Can't stop thinking about her. So angry right now, partly at her, mostly at God. How could this happen to me, after I have waited so long to experience a relationship, just to have it pulled from under me. Still feeling shock. Sometimes I still cant believe this happened. Why? Why? Why? Yet, I'll never get any firm answer. I thought after 14 days I would be feeling a bit better. Im not.
Itspointless Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Day 365 of no contact. I can't say that I am indifferent, but I have become used to this reality and feel close to normal. I really would have liked it otherwise. The **** at my work helps me to not think of her but also causes a lot of stress, as my bosses are trying to get rid of me by making my days very sour. I try to see it is a chance to find new opportunities but it takes a lot of energy. 1
dyna85 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Day 365 of no contact. I can't say that I am indifferent, but I have become used to this reality and feel close to normal. I really would have liked it otherwise. The **** at my work helps me to not think of her but also causes a lot of stress, as my bosses are trying to get rid of me by making my days very sour. I try to see it is a chance to find new opportunities but it takes a lot of energy. Congrats on making it this far IP. You're my hero. It's crazy to think I'll be at the same point in about 265 days or so. That doesn't seem too far off, which is weird. I've gone 3+ months already. I agree with the work thing. Well... stay strong & best of luck to finding better. 1
na49 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Since I've blocked my ex on Facebook again I have been able to sleep. Funny how that works.. I still want to message her and ask her where we are at currently though. I left things so open ended the last time we talked. She said she didn't think we could be together right now, and I told her we shouldn't talk. She just said "Ok" and that was it. I'm thinking if we talk, and maybe agree to meet up, then maybe this could be fixed. She HAS to still want to be with me... right? She must miss me as much as I miss her. I have a lot of work to do today, and no desire to do it. Today is going to be a rough day.
ASV Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Today it sucks to be me. Some ups and downs and definitely a great feeling of nostalgia thinking of her. Thought I was already moving on but this seems harder than what I expected. Seriously, I'd like to know if she's already healed or has her moments of struggle as well. From what I know, she doesn't hang out a lot as I expected (yeah, bland NC), nor has any source of sex. Once again, I shouldn't care about it and yet here I am, trembling at the slightest idea of wanting to contact her. Then I think of the insecurity I'd be portraying and how much I'd be pushing her farther and I keep quiet. Hell, if only I knew we would work it out in the future (not even necessarily this year)..., I know positively we like each other and enjoy ourselves being together. Why would feelings get intermixed in this? Hope I'm able to deactivate mine or that she's able to activate hers in the future when realizes what she's missed. I really hope that.
Jonp219 Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Let me spare everyone of their ****ty day. Today I contacted my ex after 1 month of NC and we had a light convo via text.
fireflywy Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 Well, right now I'm coping by trying to kill a Dragon in the World of Dragon Age. Great therapy on a quiet Friday night. Lindsey Stirling - Dragon Age:
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