dyna85 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I want to cry right now. I can't contain this urge. I dozed off at work and had a daydream about me and her seeing each other again ugh! Why? Why!?! :'( Jon, I hope you resisted the urge. I think once you touch the stove too many times, you reach a point where you will shake your hand and walk away, firmly stating to yourself, 'never again.' That's what happened to me. The daydreams stink, I know, but you just gotta face the emotions head on, and deal. You'll be okay. This is what heartache feels like. It's never fun and/or easy. It's quite the bumpy ride. 1
BlackbirdSong Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 How am I coping today? I deactivated all my dating site accounts. What was I thinking? I'm NOWHERE near ready to meet anybody...and won't be for a long, long time. Day 41 NC, going backwards everyday emotionally....
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Jon, I hope you resisted the urge. I think once you touch the stove too many times, you reach a point where you will shake your hand and walk away, firmly stating to yourself, 'never again.' That's what happened to me. The daydreams stink, I know, but you just gotta face the emotions head on, and deal. You'll be okay. This is what heartache feels like. It's never fun and/or easy. It's quite the bumpy ride. I know I'm going to break NC down the road. Hopefully when I do it I won't care enough about what she says to me.
Ryan Jay Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I've been feeling like crap all weekend my ex fiancee is home for spring break first time since the break up back in January and I've been fighting the urge to reach out to her smh I guess I just want to hangout with her one last time.
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I'm starting to get--that feeling. The feeling you get when it feels like they were never there, like the relationship was all just a dream. Like she never existed and her existance was just a figment of my imagination. Almost as if the relationship was just this one big practical joke from the very beginning to make me believe someone can fall in love with me. Like her family, friends, and dog never existed. What the **** is this? It feels new smh 2
fireflywy Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) Today, I didn't feel to upbeat. Even though yesterday was an upbeat day following my little positive encounter, today was another warm and sunny day where I was alone when usually the ex and I would enjoy the day. It sucked. What follows is some really weird stuff so brace yourself. Lol Even though I'm on day 37 of no contact, it has been rough. I'm an avid kindle reader so I was looking at books when I came across this thing which I did a few days ago about the law of attraction to put myself in a positive mind set. So, i decided to be positive and create this idea of an individual to keep my mind off my ex. Its has been helpful. Everytime I begin to think of my ex, I think of this lovely woman smiling lovingly at me, and pushing the memories aside. *shrug* Well, lol, I created this vision of an ideal woman, and told myself that I would think of her defending me from thoughts of my ex with the side mission of finding me opportunities and opening me up to new people. Crazy huh? Either that or I'm still one good looking s.o.b. lol Well, here's the crazy part, yesterday I had my pleasant conversation with the young lady on the park bench, and tonight, I got a text from a woman I knew back in college, haven't seen for 15 years but was on my facebook, who had gotten my number before I met ex 1.5 years ago, who is an attractive woman possessing a phd in physics as a college professor, who wants to grab dinner with me because she's in town This Thursday! My mind is blown! Edited March 23, 2015 by fireflywy
FancyFace Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I feel horrible today. I thought I was doing better, I really did. It's been 4 months, I should be over this and recovered but the pain still feels as searingly hot as it did at the beginning. I just don't understand what I did to deserve to be treated the way I was. I feel useless, unworthy, unloveable and just like a horrible person. The world has kicked me in the teeth one too many times and I have retreated back into my shell where it is safe and warm. So glad that winter is around the corner, now I dont have to lie to people and pretend that I am so busy at work or have prior engagements when the truth is that I will actually just be in bed. At least winters I can hibernate and stay indoors without lying to people. I have no faith in humanity anymore. I have given up compeletely.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Omg I want to contact her so bad!!! This feeling is so overwhelming. It's day 42 and I feel the longer this goes on, the further away she is. There were so many misunderstandings. I wish she would know exactly how I feel about things. Ahhhhh
Twigyy Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Almost 3 weeks of NC. Even though I miss her, I am starting to forget her. All the good memories are starting to fade. Last night when she crawled into my head, I asked myself "What do I miss about her?". I can barely remember anything..
ASV Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I'm starting to get--that feeling. The feeling you get when it feels like they were never there, like the relationship was all just a dream. Like she never existed and her existance was just a figment of my imagination. Almost as if the relationship was just this one big practical joke from the very beginning to make me believe someone can fall in love with me. Like her family, friends, and dog never existed. What the **** is this? It feels new smh Yeah, same here. I feel irrelevant, worthless to her. In addition, today I remembered the exact moment in which we kissed, hugged and smiled for the last time at the train station, feeling that everything was OK again and we had sorted out her insecurities. How wrong I was. Just stating the obvious, but how I miss her and those golden moments that won't come back.
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Yeah, same here. I feel irrelevant, worthless to her. In addition, today I remembered the exact moment in which we kissed, hugged and smiled for the last time at the train station, feeling that everything was OK again and we had sorted out her insecurities. How wrong I was. Just stating the obvious, but how I miss her and those golden moments that won't come back. Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I've had since the break up. I woke up at 4 AM drenched in sweat and started crying a little. I woke up a few minutes ago and I feel exhausted Sometimes I wonder, if the possibility of reconciliation is even worth it anymore. Is this pain really worth getting someone back who made you feel this way? What if she does it again? I need to forget about this woman once and for all.
AIJ Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I've had since the break up. I woke up at 4 AM drenched in sweat and started crying a little. I woke up a few minutes ago and I feel exhausted Sometimes I wonder, if the possibility of reconciliation is even worth it anymore. Is this pain really worth getting someone back who made you feel this way? What if she does it again? I need to forget about this woman once and for all. To be honest I think reconciliation is pointless after every single break up (aside from those with extreme circumstances, like someone moving away to another country for job opportunities or whatever), the trust has been broken and I don't think it's worth it. If they left you once, you'll always have that in the back of your mind that they may well do it again. And I'd imagine the second time would be 10x worse than the first. Honestly pal, regardless of how perfect you may think this girl is/was, you're young, as am I, it's not as if we'll never find anyone else in our lifetime is it. It may not feel like it now, but she isn't 'the one', if she was, she wouldn't have left. No matter how tough things are, if someone truly wants to be with you, they WILL stay. So, **** her, **** my ex, **** all of our exes. They're irrelevant now. Time will heal us. 2
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) To be honest I think reconciliation is pointless after every single break up (aside from those with extreme circumstances, like someone moving away to another country for job opportunities or whatever), the trust has been broken and I don't think it's worth it. If they left you once, you'll always have that in the back of your mind that they may well do it again. And I'd imagine the second time would be 10x worse than the first. Honestly pal, regardless of how perfect you may think this girl is/was, you're young, as am I, it's not as if we'll never find anyone else in our lifetime is it. It may not feel like it now, but she isn't 'the one', if she was, she wouldn't have left. No matter how tough things are, if someone truly wants to be with you, they WILL stay. So, **** her, **** my ex, **** all of our exes. They're irrelevant now. Time will heal us. In your situation, I can truly understand why you feel that way. But made this girl feel like an enemy and pushed her away when all she wanted to do was get close to me. She wasn't perfect herself, but I felt very comfortable with her. Changing my ways makes me feel good inside (about me), i'm just hoping whenever or if I ever reach out she'll be willing to see that, but I don't know, only time will tell. I don't really believe time will heal me. I feel that only applies to certain people, not all. You probably heal just enough to stop crying about it, but the pain will still be there. Edited March 23, 2015 by Jonp219
ASV Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Each case is different, dudes. I have to disagree with you, AIJ. If an ex is honest enough to dump you without cheating nor badmouthing or collateral damage of any kind, there's always a thin possibility to forgive her the inner turmoil this break up has caused on you since it's YOU and YOURSELF only who is inflicting this pain. Of course she decided, and even though she was honest enough to do it instead of living a lie, she was selfish as well, but you are the master of your own pain, and so am I. We all make errors. You have to think if her error when dumping you is much higher to the good times she offered you before. But time must pass, and I'm not saying 2-5 months. I don't really know, but it must heal and have you on a whole different mindset to think about it clinically and without any further neediness. When I feel down and depressed I'm kinda uplifted by the idea that in a year or more she will realize that grass ain't greener and reconciliation will be possible because we liked each other so much that no harm would be as powerful as that mutual link. To put an analogy, I like to think that I've put the seeds (and some extra fluids) on her and it's just a matter of time to have the fruits harvested or not. Until then, theory is clear: don't even consider a second part, don't think if will it be worth anything. Move on. Be a better yourself, for yourself only.
Jonp219 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Today hasn't been so bad. I wasn't able to go to school due to transportation issues, but I used the day for myself. I finally started watching "The Walking Dead" it's actually a pretty good show. I was never into zombies but this show is awesome lol I finally went to the gym for the first time since the break-up. I had a very productive workout, but I was feeling a little anxious. See my ex works around my area, and the gym has a good view of the main street, so while I was on the treadmill I kept looking outside to see I could catch her car pass by. I hate being outside at 7 o'clock, I anticipate seeing her or her seeing me, I ****ing hate it. I then come home to discover that my exes little sister still uses my Netflix account. How did I know this? I tracked the IP address and the movies are being watched from a Wii in my county (dead give away). Immediately, I logged out all devices. Now her cheap ass sister (my ex), can go get her own account. My guess is my ex didn't tell her that we broke up. Oh well, she'll know now when she asks my ex what happened to the Netflix account lol.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I had an amazing night at jiu-jitsu tonight and was feeling so good. I wanted to text by ex (like I always used to do) to tell her how great training was. Got into my car, then fell apart. I miss looking at my phone and having a text waiting for me. She used to lift me up all the time and make me smile. Now I've been devastated for 42 days in a row....when will this end?
na49 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) I obsessed about whether or not I should talk to her or not about our relationship. I am not sure where her head is at, and I hate it. I want to know if she still loves me and wants to be with me, or just cares about me and wants to be my friend. I hate that I'm not the one that she loves anymore. It is such a painful feeling. I also have been checking her Facebook like a drug addict. I'll probably check it again after I finish writing this post. My ex had a picture up of her holding one of her friend's hands and wrote a caption "This is what best friends look like" but then took it down a few hours later. I've been wondering why? This "friend" is the same friend who's brother she was f*cking 2 weeks after she dumped me. She actually left me to be with this friend's brother. The brother left my ex after a month, but she's still friends with the brother she didn't date. Edited March 24, 2015 by na49
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I obsessed about whether or not I should talk to her or not about our relationship. I am not sure where her head is at, and I hate it. I want to know if she still loves me and wants to be with me, or just cares about me and wants to be my friend. I hate that I'm not the one that she loves anymore. It is such a painful feeling. I also have been checking her Facebook like a drug addict. I'll probably check it again after I finish writing this post. My ex had a picture up of her holding one of her friend's hands and wrote a caption "This is what best friends look like" but then took it down a few hours later. I've been wondering why? This "friend" is the same friend who's brother she was f*cking 2 weeks after she dumped me. She actually left me to be with this friend's brother. The brother left my ex after a month, but she's still friends with the brother she didn't date. I wonder what would happen if you flipped the script on her and just disappeared for a few months. Total NC. I'd try that. It would drive her ****ing nuts I bet, which is awesome.
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I obsessed about whether or not I should talk to her or not about our relationship. I am not sure where her head is at, and I hate it. I want to know if she still loves me and wants to be with me, or just cares about me and wants to be my friend. I hate that I'm not the one that she loves anymore. It is such a painful feeling. I also have been checking her Facebook like a drug addict. I'll probably check it again after I finish writing this post. My ex had a picture up of her holding one of her friend's hands and wrote a caption "This is what best friends look like" but then took it down a few hours later. I've been wondering why? This "friend" is the same friend who's brother she was f*cking 2 weeks after she dumped me. She actually left me to be with this friend's brother. The brother left my ex after a month, but she's still friends with the brother she didn't date. Dude...STOP! You are only driving yourself mad...she doesn't care what/who you are with..time to get that in the head,brother.
NopeNah Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I wonder what would happen if you flipped the script on her and just disappeared for a few months. Total NC. I'd try that. It would drive her ****ing nuts I bet, which is awesome. Horrible advice,minus the NC part.. It's not a game and if it does reach that point...it's not a game worth playing. I've never had to work for a relationship/love...when you get to that point, find the nearest exit door.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Horrible advice,minus the NC part.. It's not a game and if it does reach that point...it's not a game worth playing. I've never had to work for a relationship/love...when you get to that point, find the nearest exit door. She's been playing a game on him this whole time, so it's not cool that he gives her a taste of her own medicine? He's realizing that he needs to move on anyways.
Jonp219 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 I absolutely hate the mornings. I finally went a night without having nightmares about her, but after I woke up to use the restroom and went back to sleep, I started having them again. Now i'm just thinking about her, what she's thinking, whether or not if she still loves me, I just feel like crap right now. Waking up feeling like your life still sucks, it's not good.
AIJ Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 First morning I've had where I haven't woke up feeling empty inside. Actually struck me a few hours later that I hadn't even thought about her since I woke up, very odd. Think I'm steaming ahead with this whole moving on process, and I'm glad to be doing so I'm sure this'll still be a huge rollercoaster ride and there'll be good and bad days, but I think the good days are beginning to outweigh the bad! 1
ralfgarnett Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Had her on my mind a lot today keep thinking about all the happy times we had, the many thousands of times we told each other how much we love each other, how I miss so badly hearing those words, just thinking she was so unhappy yet never told me and never betrayed that to me in the slightest, just listening to her answerphone messages from up to the time she left she just sounded normal she told me she loved me the day she left that was 8 months ago not heard those words from her since though, I doubt I ever will now so theres the best part of 20 years down the drain, hurts like hell and I feel almost paralised with the shock of it and the fear that its really over for good, I just cant accept it I know I should but I cant but until I do I am going to be stuck in this twilight world of will she wont she I know were done but still not totally sure why, I guess people just get lost along the way, I still love her she knows that and she also knows where I am if she ever wants to try again, meanwhile I just have to plod on praying for the best but really knowing its over between us I never ever thought we would come to this, I guess nobody ever does.
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