Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Right now, I feel as if my heart was ripped open with an uzi. I miss her so ****ing much, I'm like this close to breaking NC.
AIJ Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Right now, I feel as if my heart was ripped open with an uzi. I miss her so ****ing much, I'm like this close to breaking NC. I'm getting the urge to break NC too but it's just really not worth it. Major setback. Already done it once before and I refuse to do it again. The one thing that keeps playing on my mind is when, about a month ago, she sent me a message after a few weeks of no contact and said 'can I just ask you something quickly please?'. I ignored it, and since, it's just been bugging me. Like what on earth did she want to ask me?
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I'm getting the urge to break NC too but it's just really not worth it. Major setback. Already done it once before and I refuse to do it again. The one thing that keeps playing on my mind is when, about a month ago, she sent me a message after a few weeks of no contact and said 'can I just ask you something quickly please?'. I ignored it, and since, it's just been bugging me. Like what on earth did she want to ask me? You have a lot of guts lol. I would of never been able to ignore that text. My ex hasn't sent me anything since the break-up, she just keeps venting on Twitter. Funny thing is she's not even with anyone, she's just pissed. I feel like she isn't fairing any better than I am. But, it doesn't matter, she hasn't sent anything and I feel she'll get over my douchebag ass in no time.
AIJ Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 You have a lot of guts lol. I would of never been able to ignore that text. My ex hasn't sent me anything since the break-up, she just keeps venting on Twitter. Funny thing is she's not even with anyone, she's just pissed. I feel like she isn't fairing any better than I am. But, it doesn't matter, she hasn't sent anything and I feel she'll get over my douchebag ass in no time. I was incredibly tempted to reply, especially when she sent another message 3 hours later saying 'OR NOT'. Kind of wish I did now, but whatever. Feelings suck, it's been almost 2 months and I'm still thinking about her on a daily basis.
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I was incredibly tempted to reply, especially when she sent another message 3 hours later saying 'OR NOT'. Kind of wish I did now, but whatever. Feelings suck, it's been almost 2 months and I'm still thinking about her on a daily basis. Sometimes this site doesn't give me hope. There's always this strict guideline of how you should NEVER get back with an ex because, "An ex is an ex for reason". Then I see people posting stuff like, "I've been NC for 2-3 years and I still think about my ex", then again NC is suppose to be a tool to help you "heal" faster. It's been a month and a half since my break up and I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever. It's pathetic, love is pathetic, it's not worth all this ****. Some of the people in here are awesome and I wish them the best. But the vibe in here is too alpha male-ish.
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Now, I'm really starting to feel bitter about the break-up, I haven't felt this angry in a while. If the darkness wants to take me, then I will allow it to do so. They thought I was bad before? They haven't seen nothing yet.
Cupid's Puppet Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I had a good cry earlier today. I always like a good cry because I end up feeling a bit better. It's like all the emotions that were bottled up inside just get released when I cry. What triggered it is, and I love torturing myself, was reading a blog about someone being childless by circumstance. I found myself full of regret as having a family was my only passion and real goal in life. And I wanted it in my 20s for many reasons I don't want to get into. Everything else was secondary. That is really something you grieve your whole life. To deal with Aunt Flo every month telling yourself she's there for a good reason, but now Aunt Flo no longer has a reason. She's just a nuisance. That's really difficult to cope with which makes the loss of the relationship extremely difficult. Those who never wanted kids cannot empathize with this grief. And my ex made sure he let me know I wasn't mother material. OT: I am so thankful for this thread. I feel like I'm journaling
dyna85 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I had a good cry earlier today. I always like a good cry because I end up feeling a bit better. It's like all the emotions that were bottled up inside just get released when I cry. What triggered it is, and I love torturing myself, was reading a blog about someone being childless by circumstance. I found myself full of regret as having a family was my only passion and real goal in life. And I wanted it in my 20s for many reasons I don't want to get into. Everything else was secondary. That is really something you grieve your whole life. To deal with Aunt Flo every month telling yourself she's there for a good reason, but now Aunt Flo no longer has a reason. She's just a nuisance. That's really difficult to cope with which makes the loss of the relationship extremely difficult. Those who never wanted kids cannot empathize with this grief. And my ex made sure he let me know I wasn't mother material. OT: I am so thankful for this thread. I feel like I'm journaling Hey Cupid, girl. It sounds like it's not too late for you to have a child in your future. Please don't let the situation involving your ex ruin your hope for this goal in life. If you want a child and Aunt Flo is still on your side, there's still hope. Don't let an ex derail your dreams. Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for lacking imagination. Did he let that criticism deter him from achieving his goals? I could give you some other examples, but that is the first one that came to mind. Just because someone says something, doesn't make it so. If you have it in your heart to be a mother, you can make it happen. Your post really struck a chord with me, so I had to respond, and I am with you on this particular thread being like journaling. 1
fireflywy Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Lol. Well, just had the strangest three hour conversation with a pretty girl on a park bench. It was completely accidental, and, at the end, it didn't go anywhere (lol she was rather a private young lady who was also taking her time) but she kept wanting to talk so we continued. She was in the exact same post relationship boat I was strangely enough. Lmao. In a weird way, was nice to know that I'm still one handsome s.o.b. (I was complimented which was something that the ex didnt partake of lol) and it was nice to make a woman laugh and laugh at the same time and being thanked for doing so. I haven't done either in a long time. I needed that. Pretty cool. I asked for her number but she declined and has a weird schedule. What was also funny, is that I'm 37 and she was 24! I thought she was 30 at least but acted very mature. Just two people passing by in a park on a warm day. The outcome didn't matter but the experience was priceless. Like many of you, I've been shedding my tears, having my anger, and my thoughts of her with someone else so it felt great to know that there are people out there in the strangest of places who can affirm you. 3
ASV Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) Well, doing a bit better since last night I got all my prejudices torn apart by meeting a smoking hot woman who was A LOT into my same tastes both into music and literature. No further advance rather than keeping mobile # and a bit of chit-chat, but it actually helps to feel able to talk again and feel aroused by a different woman. Still deep in my gut I miss my ex too much in a romantic way and I want to think that after the not-so-green-pastures-outside she will come back as a renewed and much better wife material. All in all is a bittersweet feeling but I guess I could do much worse. Edited March 22, 2015 by Van Norden ****!!! Didn't read your post before writing mine, Firefly. I swear!!!!
dyna85 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I want to check his FB, so bad. I want him to call me, so bad. I want him, so bad. After all this time and after all he's put me through, I still can't let him go. Wow, I'm a loser...
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Well, doing a bit better since last night I got all my prejudices torn apart by meeting a smoking hot woman who was A LOT into my same tastes both into music and literature. No further advance rather than keeping mobile # and a bit of chit-chat, but it actually helps to feel able to talk again and feel aroused by a different woman. Still deep in my gut I miss my ex too much in a romantic way and I want to think that after the not-so-green-pastures-outside she will come back as a renewed and much better wife material. All in all is a bittersweet feeling but I guess I could do much worse. I'm so happy for you brother Even if nothing comes into fruition with this new lady friend at least you know that your ex isn't the only one you could attract. This will serve as a big confidence boost and hopefully lead to something better. Where did you meet her?
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I want to check his FB, so bad. I want him to call me, so bad. I want him, so bad. After all this time and after all he's put me through, I still can't let him go. Wow, I'm a loser... You're not a loser... You may FEEL like one, but you're not.
ASV Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I'm so happy for you brother Even if nothing comes into fruition with this new lady friend at least you know that your ex isn't the only one you could attract. This will serve as a big confidence boost and hopefully lead to something better. Where did you meet her? Thanks for this encouraging reply, Jon! I hope it helps all of you as well - I mean, I'm in the same boat again, I miss her so much, I love her so much and I'd do ANYTHING to get her back. But there are more fishes in the sea, even for some kind of weirdo as I am with really rare tastes. Answering to your question, I just hung out with my regular friends and met an old (female) friend of mine with her beautiful friend who she wanted to introduce me long ago due to our similar tastes. What did I know beforehand that she would be so gorgeous! They ended up joining us and partied along, but didn't want to rush up things to avoid being too much overkill for a night.
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Thanks for this encouraging reply, Jon! I hope it helps all of you as well - I mean, I'm in the same boat again, I miss her so much, I love her so much and I'd do ANYTHING to get her back. But there are more fishes in the sea, even for some kind of weirdo as I am with really rare tastes. Answering to your question, I just hung out with my regular friends and met an old (female) friend of mine with her beautiful friend who she wanted to introduce me long ago due to our similar tastes. What did I know beforehand that she would be so gorgeous! They ended up joining us and partied along, but didn't want to rush up things to avoid being too much overkill for a night. Yup, at the end of the day we need to remember that the earth doesn't stop turning. Time is ticking and we can't stop for no one. Hopefully something good comes out of that. I on the other hand am feeling a little weak right now. I have this strong urge to break NC and see what she's been saying about me on Twitter. I want to check so bad, but I'm scared I'll see something that I don't want to see.
thorin Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Oops, I just broke 2 weeks nc by responding to breadcrumps She asked what's up, and I described her a bit about how I live now. I just hope it won't affect me, I met great girl yesterday and I'm going out with her soon
dyna85 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Thanks Jon for the words of comfort. I just feel a bit frustrated with my feelings. Annoyed that I'm not further along in this process. My heart seems to want to drag this out, for unknown reasons.
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Thanks Jon for the words of comfort. I just feel a bit frustrated with my feelings. Annoyed that I'm not further along in this process. My heart seems to want to drag this out, for unknown reasons. I feel your pain. I feel like breaking NC and see what she's been saying about me lately, but I know that's a mistake
dyna85 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I feel your pain. I feel like breaking NC and see what she's been saying about me lately, but I know that's a mistake Yes, definitely don't do it. I know it's immensely difficult to resist. Heck, I haven't checked his FB in over 2 months, and all of the sudden this weekend I'm getting these intense urges demanding that I do it. However, I will not. Sometimes I wonder if the urges mean I should, but I know the last time I did, over 2 months ago, it was so bad. I truly wouldn't go there if I were you. It adds to the pain to work through, to try to move on, and makes it all the more devastating. At least for me. Just seeing his face is enough to kill my heart ever the more slowly. A slow, painful death I experience when I see his beautiful eyes. I say don't do it. From reading your posts, it seems like she just aggravates you with her posts and her comments in reference to your relationship. It's just added salt in the wound, and you have the power to ensure it doesn't get in there (the salt). Don't do it. Stay strong and experience the emotions, without the added insult of social media.
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Yes, definitely don't do it. I know it's immensely difficult to resist. Heck, I haven't checked his FB in over 2 months, and all of the sudden this weekend I'm getting these intense urges demanding that I do it. However, I will not. Sometimes I wonder if the urges mean I should, but I know the last time I did, over 2 months ago, it was so bad. I truly wouldn't go there if I were you. It adds to the pain to work through, to try to move on, and makes it all the more devastating. At least for me. Just seeing his face is enough to kill my heart ever the more slowly. A slow, painful death I experience when I see his beautiful eyes. I say don't do it. From reading your posts, it seems like she just aggravates you with her posts and her comments in reference to your relationship. It's just added salt in the wound, and you have the power to ensure it doesn't get in there (the salt). Don't do it. Stay strong and experience the emotions, without the added insult of social media. I guess you're right... I'm feeling anxious so it wouldn't be a good idea anyway. Last time I checked was Monday and it seemed like she was finally shutting the door on me . I felt so miserable, I just stopped checking.
smellysocksuni Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Today I am feeling OK but I'm missing my friend, as well as everything else. This weekend has been difficult with strong urges to break NC and having doubts about it's effectiveness...but I am sticking with it, as the alternative is much more painful, isn't it? I do wonder if she misses me in ANY aspect, be it romantic or whatever. I'm still taking it in that she isn't coming back and in my gut I don't feel sad about it - hopefully this mood lasts, y'know? I wonder if I will ever reach out to her... I sometimes feel that I want her as a friend, but then I remember the way in which she disrespected me and I don't think a friend would disrespect me in that way. I worry about whether I'll meet someone else, but the other week when I joined a datingsite website, I was actually GETTING messages from women rather than having to initiate..so I think I'll be OK in that department So all in all, today has been an 'OK' day.
dyna85 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I guess you're right... I'm feeling anxious so it wouldn't be a good idea anyway. Last time I checked was Monday and it seemed like she was finally shutting the door on me . I felt so miserable, I just stopped checking. Yeah, no, not a good idea. Also, her twitter feed is not necessarily an accurate portrayal of her underlying feelings. People don't put everything on display, you know? The proverbial door shut when she ended the relationship. I think it's good that you stopped checking. 1
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Yeah, no, not a good idea. Also, her twitter feed is not necessarily an accurate portrayal of her underlying feelings. People don't put everything on display, you know? The proverbial door shut when she ended the relationship. I think it's good that you stopped checking. This whole thing drives me crazy. It always happens on Sundays for some reason (we never hung on Sundays). I wish we could just sit and work it out, I know I drove her away with my bull****, but still. Like why am I the topic of discussion on her Twitter, yet I haven't heard a word from her in 28 days? I miss her like crazy, I told her i would change but she was fed up.
Brokenpenguin Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Ughhh yesterday was my birthday and out of nowhere my ex sends me a happy birthday message, I really wasn't expecting it, I wasn't expecting to speak to her for a very very long time, no contact was going great. Yet idiotic me replies and for a while we spoke like nothing happened, like everything was good. Yeh it didn't last, conversation ended horribly and it feels like I've lost so much progress.
Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I want to cry right now. I can't contain this urge. I dozed off at work and had a daydream about me and her seeing each other again ugh! Why? Why!?! :'(
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