smellysocksuni Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Haven't heard anything from ex (no way for her to reach out to me, anyway). Feeling a bit low about being 30 and single, never wanted to be in this position. Jealous that she's found a new relationship so soon and so easily.
Jonp219 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Sometimes I just want to punch myself in the face. I've been home all day, and it's snowing outside. All I've been doing is finishing my projects for school, but I still find myself thinking about this girl. I hate this so much, I miss her so much. The thought of being with someone "better" unfathomable. My life will be in ruins going forward.
ASV Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 The thought of being with someone "better" unfathomable. My life will be in ruins going forward. What if I said to you that you could find someone better? Bad thing is that I'd punch in the face anyone who approached my ex now. Jokes aside, we're all in the same boat as you can see - and as commented on my own thread, I'm doing it really bad. Dunno what, but I'm really afraid that out of pride due to my distance she ends up without any care about me and ultimately making any chance to get her back disappear. If only I could really know what does the future hold...
Jonp219 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 What if I said to you that you could find someone better? Bad thing is that I'd punch in the face anyone who approached my ex now. Jokes aside, we're all in the same boat as you can see - and as commented on my own thread, I'm doing it really bad. Dunno what, but I'm really afraid that out of pride due to my distance she ends up without any care about me and ultimately making any chance to get her back disappear. If only I could really know what does the future hold... Yes, I believe we are... I just feel so hopeless for everything. I'm graduating from college in July...I don't care. I'm going to Florida in August because my friends are dragging me to go...I don't care. I'm going buy a car soon (mainly because transportation is going up soon)...still, I don't care. I miss her so much. I wish I could take back all the terrible things that I've done. I should of been more trusting of her, I should of controlled my anger, and I should of been more intimate. Now nothing can change that because she's gone. I haven't checked her Twitter in days, but last time I checked she was still writing about me (negative disheartening things). I just want to change and get her back in my arms, but nothing can change that. Only she can.
Jonp219 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I'm getting that urge to check her page again...ughh!
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Not very well. It has been about 40 days of no contact and I feel stuck. I'm 37, she's 32 (a stunner with a good job) and she's looking. My friends are all married with children and the place I live in sucks for women. What's more I'm in a tough economic situation (living at home after finishing ANOTHER degree *I have a bachelors, a Masters Degree, and just finished a small associates to pad the resume* and of which her hen party judged me) so I don't want to rush back out there. In short, it sucks. I want to tell HER that I'm moving on but she has my phone on ignore because, I guess, I had pleaded with her once to come back like a wimp) and she just didn't care. (She's a love avoidant attachment style). It sucks.
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Oh amd I want to tell her I'm moving on so I can assert that its over to prevent her coming back. (I want her but I know it won't work and I don't want to be hurt, as I sit here, thinking of her out and about with others, and have the pain of knowing I wasn't her first priority). Ugh.
kenmore Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I'm feeling some kind of anger, but in my case things get worse for me. I'm already missing my sadness and empathy for her due to her incapability to love (which explains that she seems to be kept at home without hanging out nor meeting new people as one could expect after her breaking up). Honestly, I don't want to know if there is a third person involved, for it wouldn't solve NOTHING. Now I feel hurt thinking I wasn't even her preferable option to loneliness, and I'm really losing hope on any kind of reconciliation. Soon it will be my birthday, she'll reach out, I'll say "thanks and bye" and feel miserable for all the inner turmoil I'd like to share with her but WON'T even consider doing it. Some days ago I thought she suffered from GIGS and in some time would be back after seeing no greener pastures at all. Now I'm more inclined to think I didn't even deserve her by any chance and now I'm left with what remains after such daydream. Same! She prefers nobody to me. I had fun in our marriage, and apparently she was barely tolerating it all along. She has not dated and has said she will never marry again, and that she's happier alone. Ok, then she can be alone. Seriously, the men of the world are better off! We don't need people like her tromping hearts to have fun, though I assume she will again someday.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Not very well. It has been about 40 days of no contact and I feel stuck. I'm 37, she's 32 (a stunner with a good job) and she's looking. My friends are all married with children and the place I live in sucks for women. What's more I'm in a tough economic situation (living at home after finishing ANOTHER degree *I have a bachelors, a Masters Degree, and just finished a small associates to pad the resume* and of which her hen party judged me) so I don't want to rush back out there. In short, it sucks. I want to tell HER that I'm moving on but she has my phone on ignore because, I guess, I had pleaded with her once to come back like a wimp) and she just didn't care. (She's a love avoidant attachment style). It sucks. We are basically the same. Tomorrow is day 40. I'm 37 and she's 27 (amazingly gorgeous w/good job). Meanwhile I'm finishing my second Master's because it's been impossible for me to find a good job the past two years. This caused major issues for her in our relationship and was a reason for her leaving. Makes me feel like a total loser.
smellysocksuni Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Not coping very well, emotionally or mentally, to be honest. The weekends are the hardest for me as I just imagine the pair of them, eager to see each other after a week at work, spending the weekend together doing fun things and sleeping together. Makes me feel sick to think that she's now in a relationship with someone else, telling someone else she loves them, developing new routines with this person. Meeting their friends, their family. It hurts so much. If it was just a break up with no third party involved it might be easier than this, I would prefer it to this. I keep hoping she'll reach out - a validation for me, of sorts - but she never will. I think this has affected me more than I think. I am so angry at her for doing this to me, someone I thought was going to stay by my side and not just replace me within weeks. I also have a strong suspicion I know who the person is, and that just makes it 100 times worse as I'm now comparing myself constantly. I am at an all time low. I feel devoid of any energy, any life. I just want to bury myself in junk food and never leave the house. I am always tired, and apathetic towards everything, despite my mind telling me what I should be doing - I just can't physically do it. And worst of all, I want to break NC every day and tell her exactly what I'm going through, but I can't because all I am now is an ex. I feel sick every single day and I am close to the edge. My family think I've made progress, but I haven't, internally.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 This is the 6th Friday in a row that I'm sitting home, watching TV, messing around on the internet....LIKE A FRIGGIN LOSER!!! I feel so terrible about myself right now. WTF. All i can think about is her out with her new beau having a great time, while my life just sucks. Already been at the gym for 2 hours, my friends either all work weekends or are married with kids. I need some new friends. It's hard when you're 37 though. Date night and i'm wasting my life....every week. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) Tonight I will have a nightmare and tomorrow I will wake up not giving a **** if I live or if I die. It's a never ending cycle for me, I'm looking forward to absolutely NOTHING in life. Getting back with my ex is the only thing that will give me purpose. Other than that, I'm just cruising until I find the testicular fortitude to off myself. Love has to be the single most distructive, disgusting, waste of precious time I ever experienced in my existance. I have absolutely no desire to ever meet with a woman, show her my vulnerable side, and to commit. I mine as well become a serial cheater in the future, if you're not my ex than I'm not showing you any respect. I don't care if she's the one to blame, I'll make them pay for her mistakes. I'm bitter, jaded, annoyed, and appalled. As a matter of fact, I should say MY mistakes, not HER mistakes. Her mistakes are miniscule compared to mine, after all, I'm the guy who ****ed it all up. Remember? I have no respect for myself nor for anyone that walks into my life, anymore. This is a big **** you to me. Edited March 21, 2015 by Jonp219
kenmore Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Tonight I will have a nightmare and tomorrow I will wake up not giving a **** if I live or if I die. It's a never ending cycle for me, I'm looking forward to absolutely NOTHING in life. Getting back with my ex is the only thing that will give me purpose. Other than that, I'm just cruising until I find the testicular fortitude to off myself. Love has to be the single most distructive, disgusting, waste of precious time I ever experienced in my existance. I have absolutely no desire to ever meet with a woman, show her my vulnerable side, and to commit. I mine as well become a serial cheater in the future, if you're not my ex than I'm not showing you any respect. I don't care if she's the one to blame, I'll make them pay for her mistakes. I'm bitter, jaded, annoyed, and appalled. As a matter of fact, I should say MY mistakes, not HER mistakes. Her mistakes are miniscule compared to mine, after all, I'm the guy who ****ed it all up. Remember? I have no respect for myself nor for anyone that walks into my life, anymore. This is a big **** you to me. That does not sound like a very healthy attitude. Where's your self respect? Maybe you f*cked up, but you should work on respecting yourself. and if you truly feel this way (and I'm sure you do at the moment), please do the world a favor and don't even try to contact a woman. You need some time on a deserted island for awhile! Chill out! 1
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 That does not sound like a very healthy attitude. Where's your self respect? Maybe you f*cked up, but you should work on respecting yourself. and if you truly feel this way (and I'm sure you do at the moment), please do the world a favor and don't even try to contact a woman. You need some time on a deserted island for awhile! Chill out! Someone who ****ed up like me doesn't deserve a modicum of respect after messing up something so amazing with someone so caring. I'm an unforgiving person, and I can NEVER forgive myself for this catastrophe. I hope I get a terminal illness and fall into a train railing, I'm completely beside myself. I can only look into th mirror with tears in my eyes saying, " why?! Why are you doing this to me?! Why are you trying to me make me hate myself this much, why are you hurting me this bad?!" I know the answers, part of it is I don't deserve to feel good and another part is, maybe it's for the best. Maybe I don't deserve to be with such a great person. **** belongs in a sewage so it makes sense.
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) We are basically the same. Tomorrow is day 40. I'm 37 and she's 27 (amazingly gorgeous w/good job). Meanwhile I'm finishing my second Master's because it's been impossible for me to find a good job the past two years. This caused major issues for her in our relationship and was a reason for her leaving. Makes me feel like a total loser. You're not a loser anymore then I am. I am angry that she stated that, but I was with her for a year and a half under these current circumstances so, while it pisses me off, I know that its just her b.s. reason. She may miss me, she may not, but I know I was good to her and I bet you were good to yours too. We are both fighting our way back from hell and I for one, even in my sadness wont let her, or any post modern person reveling her power and indepence define who I am through their contradictions. I have two recommendations for you. 1) YouTube search "Inspiration: Why We Fall". For the rest of us, for ALL of us, YouTube a man named "Mehran Dadbeh" on YouTube. This man has been helpful Edited March 21, 2015 by fireflywy
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Someone who ****ed up like me doesn't deserve a modicum of respect after messing up something so amazing with someone so caring. I'm an unforgiving person, and I can NEVER forgive myself for this catastrophe. I hope I get a terminal illness and fall into a train railing, I'm completely beside myself. I can only look into th mirror with tears in my eyes saying, " why?! Why are you doing this to me?! Why are you trying to me make me hate myself this much, why are you hurting me this bad?!" I know the answers, part of it is I don't deserve to feel good and another part is, maybe it's for the best. Maybe I don't deserve to be with such a great person. **** belongs in a sewage so it makes sense. Please watch this. You are not done with life or yourself. You can, and you WILL rebuild. Foregiveness waits, perhaps not in her arms, but in some other place, some other time as long as you are willing to take your own steps to learn from this and pick yourself up. Why Do We Fall - Motivational Video:
Dallix Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Damn, that video was a trigger for me. Ex used to watch it quite abit towards the end..
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) Damn, that video was a trigger for me. Ex used to watch it quite abit towards the end.. Well, its not for her. It can belong to you too. YouTube, I'll say it again, a man named "Mehran Dadbeh" and his video "Why do we want our ex back if she has changed." Watch the whole video, Heck check out all his videos. Great stuff. And if you want to nerd out, look up the song to Dragon Age Inquistion called "The Dawn Will Come" and listen to the lyrics. Sorry, I believe in music for SOME healing power at times. Dragon Age Inquisition -OST- The Dawn Will Come: Edited March 21, 2015 by fireflywy
kenmore Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Someone who ****ed up like me doesn't deserve a modicum of respect after messing up something so amazing with someone so caring. I'm an unforgiving person, and I can NEVER forgive myself for this catastrophe. I hope I get a terminal illness and fall into a train railing, I'm completely beside myself. I can only look into th mirror with tears in my eyes saying, " why?! Why are you doing this to me?! Why are you trying to me make me hate myself this much, why are you hurting me this bad?!" I know the answers, part of it is I don't deserve to feel good and another part is, maybe it's for the best. Maybe I don't deserve to be with such a great person. **** belongs in a sewage so it makes sense. Jon, while I really understand your self loathing, believe me I have some too, you are way too hard on yourself. Do you remember what species you are? We're all fallible. We all screw up. Please let me backtrack and say that while I can't condone someone being an *sshole nor hurting someone, you are young and human. Your mistakes are amongst the multitudes over the millennium which have caused so many people to have feelings you are having. while you may have been in the wrong, and that's not my concern, you need to understand that we all screw up! Listen, I'm 54, and I'm getting divorced. I could blame myself all day (and there have been days I have), but really it's nobody's fault. It was just a problem with the matching. She was not perfect and neither was I. You had your arrogance and she was no saint. Who is? What's important, especially for someone in your age group is that you learn from your mistakes! Maybe you don't deserve respect! I can't know, but one thing you can do is change so you can deserve it in the future! I have screwed up a lot in my life, but I feel I deserve respect, and I can't possibly function in my new job without it! I had a f*cking beautiful client in my office yesterday, and almost her first words were "I hate insurance companies, I feel they rip everyone off and the only reason I have insurance is because I need to." How did I respond? I asked her if I could close the door, then I asked her why she felt that way. We spoke about her issues and I made her feel special. I could have taken offense and beaten myself up for it, but I chose to take the upper road and turn it on her. By the end of the meeting, she was laughing, smiling and happy to be doing business with me which was a complete 180 from when she came in! (The Gardenia I had bought her as a housewarming gift didn't hurt!) Respect, it's very important! So, make yourself respect-worthy. It's almost all that matters now. She does not anymore, you two are done. You have a future and you need respect to function! you can't get it by asking, pleading or having a woman, you can only get it by deserving it, so do what deserves respect from this day forward! It will make your world! Ken 2
Dallix Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Well, its not for her. It can belong to you too. YouTube, I'll say it again, a man named "Mehran Dadbeh" and his video "Why do we want our ex back if she has changed." Watch the whole video, Heck check out all his videos. Great stuff. And if you want to nerd out, look up the song to Dragon Age Inquistion called "The Dawn Will Come" and listen to the lyrics. Sorry, I believe in music for SOME healing power at times. Dragon Age Inquisition -OST- The Dawn Will Come: Love that game and song! Bitch threw my ps4 in one of her drunken rages. Can't wait to get it fixed. Thanks for reminding me about that song. Was playing it over and over before and after the abortion before I knew she left. 1
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) Please watch this. You are not done with life or yourself. You can, and you WILL rebuild. Foregiveness waits, perhaps not in her arms, but in some other place, some other time as long as you are willing to take your own steps to learn from this and pick yourself up. Why Do We Fall - Motivational Video: Although the video is wonderful and very motivating, I feel as if I can't relate this to a break up. I know I'm facing adversity, I know my back is against the wall, but this seems like a separate unique experience. I'm not only beating myself up for failing at my relationship, but I'm also grieving the lost of someone who was special to me. My next relationship will not feel like my past relationship, it'll be something completely new. We were both first time lovers (she was my first and I was hers). For that reason alone it was much easier to stay committed to one another. Now i'm being thrown into the lions den, into a society of animals who are scared to commit and run whenever the opportunity arises. I much rather be alone than to give the women I see out here a chance. However, the thought of being alone scares me to death too. Sorry to sound pessimistic but life looks extremely bleak at the moment. The thought of me ever being with a women as good or better than my ex seems so unlikely. The thought of it makes me want to cry to the heavens and lay in a ditch. I also feel like I'm going to break NC and look at her Twitter. My mind wanders alot when I'm at work (I'm a security guard). Edited March 21, 2015 by Jonp219
AIJ Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Struggled massively this morning. Had a very strong urge to check her Twitter, but I managed to fight that urge. Pissing me off so much how I'm left feeling like this whilst she most likely doesn't even give me a second thought, and she's happy with this new guy. I done so much for her, I had so much to offer, I have many good qualities but because this one good looking guy expresses an interest in her, she runs off and abandons the relationship as soon as we hit a rough patch. **** her. 2
thorin Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 That f***in hope that she will some day text me and try to get back together... 3
ASV Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Yeah, hope is a real bitch. I cannot stop thinking at how happy she seems without me (even though I try to fool myself thinking at how easily do women hide emotions) while each morning I die a little bit more. And each day I doubt more of the positive qualities of NC as a healing tool, since to me the security to be able to build a new relationship with her in a distant future is what would ultimately heal and it seems unlikely that she even reminds me in some months if we keep on taking this path. It seems so difficult. 2
Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Hope is a bigger bitch than my ex. Ain't that something? lol 1
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