HBK3317 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I feel like my head will blow off.mi don't know how long I can bear this pain, this suffering... Nothing helps me. Absolutely nothing. And all around ME I see people living and enjoying their lives so much. All it does is remind me of her. You know how bad it is, when I look at a date somewhere I instant,y start thinking of that year that month how're always used to talk and laugh and be together. By God it's getting even harder every passing day
LadyM Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 It's been over two years since the break up and I've been doing much better, but the other day, my friend told me that my ex was in town. I immediately became shaken and filled with anxiety, even after all this time. I can hardly believe I still feel this way. I can hardly believe that I still hope that he will attempt to contact me or see me. That he will still want me in some way. It is still hard coming to terms with knowing I am nothing to him. 1
dyna85 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Feel like crying and secluding myself every second of every day. The pain is just too much.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I'm not coping well today...at all. One second I feel better and more positive about my future; the next second, waterworks. I can control it at work, but when I get home...forgetaboutit. How did I let her control my mind and my heart so much???? I need everything to stop, the pain, the tears, the counting of the NC days, the false hope, the illogical thinking, the guilt I feel even though I didn't really do anything bad or wrong....i need it all to stop.
smellysocksuni Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I've been staying with a relative for the past few days, but had to come home because I have a cat that needs feeding etc. and just wanted my own bed, I guess. It's being in the apartment that makes me miss her. I feel her energy here, still. I still see her sitting on the sofa, or getting ready for a bath and it's hard. I miss her so much. It isn't upsetting me, I haven't been crying. It's just on my mind, I guess. I realise that life has to go on and I won't always feel like this.
freebird31 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 This is the exact situation I wish to avoid freebird! I'm developing a nice head of resentment steam, so I'm thinking that will help, but I do not want any new relationship to go bad because of feelings I have for my wife. That's one reason I wish to wait. Another is I just can't afford it, but I really want to find someone. I wish there was a site where we could find people just to be around. No expectations, no long term commitment, just someone to go "dutch" and hang out with. Just have some laughs, maybe a small amount of flirting (just enough to make it seem worthwhile) and a peck on the cheek at the end. You know, dating for beginners and those who are not ready to date but want to be with someone for companionship, though that's a little too long of a title to be catchy. So, to answer the OP's question, I am coping today by trying my best to look forward. Forward to a better existence which should not be difficult! Forward to a new lover, then wife. It beats looking forward to death which was where I was a few months ago. Honestly sometimes I still revisit that, but it's getting more rare. Ken Yes Ken I agree I wish that there was a site like that as well. Unfortunately, its either a) people are looking to just hook up, or b) people are looking for something serious. It would be awesome if there was something just in between. Like flirty friends or something. lol
freebird31 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 ugh feeliing so frustrated and sad. I cant stop thinking about how i potentially lost a good match for myself. I am not even too sure. I dont know if it is because he is now dating someone else, that I feel this way now (you know that whole mind trick where you want something that you cant have.) Or if i genuinely really liked him and lost something good. :/ Either way i feel even more sad now, and more frustrated with the residual feelings for my ex. I keep thinking about how I wish I would have done things differently....I wish I would have given it more of a chance with this new guy. Seeing him with another girl is so frustrating.... I know he is a genuinely good guy and i really think any girl who dates him is lucky. Ugh. I dont know why I still had to have feelings for my ex. It is not fair. I did not think that this new guy would move on so fast.. :/ im so frustrated with myself. Me and the new guy had really great chemistry and we got along very well. Ugh. i didnt really realize how much i liked him until i saw him dating this other girl. Oh well. ugh. i hate my ex.
freebird31 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 (edited) I really messed everything up. Throughout the whole time when I was dating him, from the very start. I messed it up :[ Sometimes, i was never emotionally "there" with him. i do not know why I kept thinking about my ex when I was with him. I do not know why. Maybe it was because we had been getting more serious....and i was scared and it was all new to me. It was the first time I dated someone since my ex. It has been 2 years now. i need to move on. I could have done everything differently. I made a lot of mistakes when I was dating this new guy. sometimes it felt like my heart wasnt it, so i forced it. But we got along so well. He even understood what I was going through. He understood it perfectly he 'd even give me advice. Sometimes I fele scared because of the committments I would have had to make. He has a son. I was so scared because I was just trying to get over my ex still, and this new guy has a son. It felt like so much for me at the time. I wish that I could have done everything differently. I moved too fast with him...there were times when i can honestly admit that I might even have used him to take away the pain. I just felt so careless I wanted to lose myself for a bit and forget all the pain, and he was there. I messed it all up. The funny thing is that he told me that he was meant to be alone....and look at him now...already dating someone new. Maybe I am the one that is meant to be alone. He wasnt a bad guy. We got along so well. We were crazy attracted to one another. But I still had feelings for my ex. And now he is dating someone new. I feel really sad. I feel lost. and confused about life....I wish I could have done things differently, but the reality is that there was no way around it. I couldnt take away the feelings i had for my ex away. I couldnt bring that baggage into the relationship. He deserves more and just knowing that gives me some comfort for some reason. I will just have to accept that it was not meant to be. Even though it makes me so sad. I wish that we could be friends at the very least, but I will not reach out to him while he is dating someone else...that seems wrong. Idk. I will just have to keep going on. I feel so sad... theres a reason for everything. I learned a big lesson for sure. Edited March 16, 2015 by freebird31
LadyM Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I realize I am so envious of my narcissist ex-boyfriend. He has always had a girl in his life, hopping from one to the other for decades, probably never having a lonely day in his life. Always having someone to share his life with, talk to, cuddle with. And I sit here alone, lonely, sad and scared. While he is having the time of his life with the girl he left me for. He is incapable of a real love; I am capable of a real love, yet he is always the one with love in his life. Is that fair, or what?!
freebird31 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 I realize I am so envious of my narcissist ex-boyfriend. He has always had a girl in his life, hopping from one to the other for decades, probably never having a lonely day in his life. Always having someone to share his life with, talk to, cuddle with. And I sit here alone, lonely, sad and scared. While he is having the time of his life with the girl he left me for. He is incapable of a real love; I am capable of a real love, yet he is always the one with love in his life. Is that fair, or what?! LadyM, How do people hop from one person to another. I too am envious of those kinds of people. I wish that it was that easy to just share your life with another person, and another, and another...I do not find it that easy. For me, the ones that I share my life with are treasures. They are not just anybody. I cannot just go on from one person to the next. I do not know why. It is a blessing and a curse I guess..
LadyM Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Freebird31.....This man has incredible energy and drive. Nothing stops him from going after any woman he sets his sights on. He even told me he always has a girl in his life. And he likes ALL women. He loves women, every shape and look. It's all good to him. Plus, he is tall, handsome, brilliant and extremely funny, engaging, talkative, charming, affectionate, flattering and generous. But there's another side to him that can be completely socially inappropriate, depressed, dark, mean, angry, unfaithful, critical and completely self-absorbed with a gigantic need for someone, or crowds of people, to listen to him speak. I'm like you. I can't go from person to person either. And I can rarely find someone that I'm compatible with. My ex is compatible with everyone! (at least for a while) 1
freebird31 Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 Freebird31.....This man has incredible energy and drive. Nothing stops him from going after any woman he sets his sights on. He even told me he always has a girl in his life. And he likes ALL women. He loves women, every shape and look. It's all good to him. Plus, he is tall, handsome, brilliant and extremely funny, engaging, talkative, charming, affectionate, flattering and generous. But there's another side to him that can be completely socially inappropriate, depressed, dark, mean, angry, unfaithful, critical and completely self-absorbed with a gigantic need for someone, or crowds of people, to listen to him speak. I'm like you. I can't go from person to person either. And I can rarely find someone that I'm compatible with. My ex is compatible with everyone! (at least for a while) Hm, well it doesnt sound like those kinds of relationships are truly enriching in any way or special. I would rather wait 10 more years and find my soul mate and know for a fact, for an absolute fact that this person and I were made for one another, rather than date one person after the next just for the sake of companionship. Yeah, you can be compatible with anyone but is it truly enriching?. I 100% DOUBT IT. Those kinds of people have serious issues (not to say that I do not have any issues) that they need to work on. I would rather get to the end of my life knowing that I waited for the perfect time and perfect person to share it with.
LadyM Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Hm, well it doesnt sound like those kinds of relationships are truly enriching in any way or special. I would rather wait 10 more years and find my soul mate and know for a fact, for an absolute fact that this person and I were made for one another, rather than date one person after the next just for the sake of companionship. Yeah, you can be compatible with anyone but is it truly enriching?. I 100% DOUBT IT. Those kinds of people have serious issues (not to say that I do not have any issues) that they need to work on. I would rather get to the end of my life knowing that I waited for the perfect time and perfect person to share it with. For my ex, I think these relationships are enriching and special for him, at least at the beginning. He falls fast and hard and so do the women. It's close and intense. There's nothing like the thrill and excitement of the beginning of a relationship, so that's what he keeps having, over and over. It's perfect for him because he's always got that new love "high." Yes, he does have serious issues. You and I are able to form a deep and lasting loving relationship for the long term. We understand that the intense thrill doesn't last forever. I know that a part of him is in a lot of pain because of his failure to keep a long-term relationship. He knows something is wrong with him as he has spoken about the subject. I love your healthy attitude and I know you will meet that perfect right man for you. 2
smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 I realize I am so envious of my narcissist ex-boyfriend. He has always had a girl in his life, hopping from one to the other for decades, probably never having a lonely day in his life. Always having someone to share his life with, talk to, cuddle with. And I sit here alone, lonely, sad and scared. While he is having the time of his life with the girl he left me for. He is incapable of a real love; I am capable of a real love, yet he is always the one with love in his life. Is that fair, or what?! I know it doesn't feel fair. But guess what? You have all the time and space in the world to work on yourself, to make yourself the best version of you, ever! You will come out so much stronger. Trust me. 1
smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 LadyM, How do people hop from one person to another. I too am envious of those kinds of people. I wish that it was that easy to just share your life with another person, and another, and another...I do not find it that easy. For me, the ones that I share my life with are treasures. They are not just anybody. I cannot just go on from one person to the next. I do not know why. It is a blessing and a curse I guess.. Same here - my ex does the same. She jumps from person to person. I could never do that, there's always a major gap in between relationships, for me. Someone has to have something really special about them for me to be interested. People that can go from one to the next have issues... 2
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Freebird31.....This man has incredible energy and drive. Nothing stops him from going after any woman he sets his sights on. He even told me he always has a girl in his life. And he likes ALL women. He loves women, every shape and look. It's all good to him. Plus, he is tall, handsome, brilliant and extremely funny, engaging, talkative, charming, affectionate, flattering and generous. But there's another side to him that can be completely socially inappropriate, depressed, dark, mean, angry, unfaithful, critical and completely self-absorbed with a gigantic need for someone, or crowds of people, to listen to him speak. I'm like you. I can't go from person to person either. And I can rarely find someone that I'm compatible with. My ex is compatible with everyone! (at least for a while) He sounds like a phony, used car salesman. You are totally better off without him. Imagine if you married him someday; dude would cheat on you so easily at the first nice pair of legs that catches his fancy. You dodged a bullet....rather, you dodged a hail of bullets. Congratulations! 2
LadyM Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 He sounds like a phony, used car salesman. You are totally better off without him. Imagine if you married him someday; dude would cheat on you so easily at the first nice pair of legs that catches his fancy. You dodged a bullet....rather, you dodged a hail of bullets. Congratulations! Thanks, BlackbirdSong.....I know you are 100% right. And he really WAS like a phony used car salesman! Perfect description. It would have been a disaster to have married him.
freebird31 Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Have the irresistable urge to contact the new guy, or rather last guy i was dating. but what would I even say? :| I feel really sad that I messed it all up. And now he is dating someone else i think. Im pretty sure he is. I know he thinks that I am crazy, and I kind of am. lol. I did not think he would move on and date someone else so soon....I didn't think that the last time we talked, really would be the last time in a long time. Why do i have problems with letting people go? ugh. I really want to contact him, but what would that do..... well it would stop me from miss talking to him. idk.
Dallix Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Missed a call today and the number looked familiar. Tried to call but nobody picked up, so I sent a text asking if someone was trying to call me on this number. Got a response saying "Sorry dialed the wrong number". responded saying No problem. Now it just hit me that I really think it was her and even though I had the idea it might earlier, I am just now freaking out about it. I really don't understand why the roles are not reversed. I was the great guy in the relationship, sure not perfect, but I was very good to her. She had her moments but overall was bad. I should be feeling the way she does, and she should me missing me, wanting to reach out, etc. Bleh this sucks. These feelings are huge waste of my time!
LadyM Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Have the irresistable urge to contact the new guy, or rather last guy i was dating. but what would I even say? :| I feel really sad that I messed it all up. And now he is dating someone else i think. Im pretty sure he is. I know he thinks that I am crazy, and I kind of am. lol. I did not think he would move on and date someone else so soon....I didn't think that the last time we talked, really would be the last time in a long time. Why do i have problems with letting people go? ugh. I really want to contact him, but what would that do..... well it would stop me from miss talking to him. idk. You have nothing to lose by contacting him. The worst that can happen is he won't want to see you again and then, so what? At least you'll know. Give it a chance or otherwise you will always wonder "what if?"
BlackbirdSong Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 A new day, not coping well....again. Fighting images of her with her new man is becoming a losing battle. Fighting thoughts that this is reality and she's never coming back kill me. Fighting thoughts that when I have to go up against something tough at work or in life or do something I'm not really looking forward to, she won't be there to go back to when it's done. I've realized that I gained a lot of strength knowing that I could look forward to seeing her or being with her after something tough happened and everything would be better. That is gone now and I'm weak.
smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 Today I've been setting myself small targets in regards to cleaning my apartment. I have cleaned out the cat's drawer which needed to be done for a while. I also took some things out that needed to be thrown out. I also did a small bit of shopping. I feel slightly sad, but not enough to cry. More of a contemplation type sadness. Erm... I miss her, but I am starting to feel OK being on my own. I still wonder if she thinks about me but I can't ever know the answer to that. There is no way for her to reach out to me if she ever wanted to - I've changed my number, my email and not on any social networks. I feel bad about that, but I had to do it otherwise I'd spend every day hoping. And if she DID ever reach out I'd be thinking she wanted to get back with me. I bought a wall calendar and a book of 140 smiley faces, for every day I don't check her Instagram I will put one up. I am struggling with the Instagram thing, it's so accessible. But I have to stop checking it because I will see something horrible one day. I am committed to not checking it. 1
smellysocksuni Posted March 17, 2015 Posted March 17, 2015 A new day, not coping well....again. Fighting images of her with her new man is becoming a losing battle. Fighting thoughts that this is reality and she's never coming back kill me. Fighting thoughts that when I have to go up against something tough at work or in life or do something I'm not really looking forward to, she won't be there to go back to when it's done. I've realized that I gained a lot of strength knowing that I could look forward to seeing her or being with her after something tough happened and everything would be better. That is gone now and I'm weak. You may feel weak now but you'll get stronger, I promise. 1
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