freebird31 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 I feel so i dont know what the emotion is....but i started crying so i guess it would be sad? Well the guy i was talking to....it wasnt serious with him for a while now. but i just enojoyed talked to him bc he undertood me and my pain as he has gone through pain himself. In the end, i dont think we were right for each other . and i knew it . So we broke it off for about three months now. but still remained friends and we were okay with that. The crazy thing is about a month ago he told me that he was probably meant to be alone.......now i see that he posted a picture on instagram of him and this really sweet looking girl. she looks like a great match for him. and my immediate emotion was sadness. i started crying. because i just feel so alone. he seemed to have found his somebody. but it just felt (this may sound bad) but comforting that i wasnt the only person who was miserable. Who was lonely. I took comfort knowing I wasnt the only one that was alone. and so he just understood that pain. Now, he looks so happy. He seems to have found his happiness. Now, here i am. all alone. and a wreck still. and i dont know how but i have to keep going . i feel so sad. and really alone now, more than anything. but i have to push through. i just have to.
Jonp219 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 For some reason I feel like breaking NC today. I just feel uncomfortable not knowing what she's up to, but I won't. I promised myself that I wouldn't ughhhh!
ASV Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Hung out with some friends at a huge disco last night. Didn't even approach women, and none of them looked half as gorgeous as my ex, who I still feel out of my reach (maybe when she realized it she dumped me instantly). Even if I got the # or a made out from the hottest woman in the venue I'd have missed something else. It sucks but I guess I'll have to just conform from now on unless a NC-triggered miracle happens and she realizes that grass is not that green outside. And by each day I'm losing more and more my hopes for that to happen, for I miss her more and I guess she's moving over rapidly without me texting her and reminding her of my existence. Thinking of how beautiful she is in comparison of me makes me wanna die long time, y'all know that Radiohead song, don't ya?
freebird31 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 Really struggling. I'm not even really sure what I feel. I've been going to the gym. Because it is my only salvation. I free my mind. I get through the pain through whatever this feeling is by just working out hard. It's the only thing that has been keeping me together. I dont even know if it's pain. Sometimes it's pain but sometimes it is complete numbness. I just don't feel anything. I'm struggling I just I don't knoe. I have to be the person to save myself. I don't know how long that is going to take. I feel really lost
ASV Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Really harsh morning. Dreamt again, 4th time in the last 4 days, that she was texting me and I wrote her back to not contact me unless she considered reconciliation. It doesn't really get better. BTW, this thread looks like a bukkake. Everyone tries to get off without watching the neighbor's prick. 2
thorin Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 First day of nc, again, feeling worse than during the first time. She broke nc saying she misses me, but didn't even want to be exclusive again...
Crampaholic Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I've been keeping myself busy, going out with friends, or staying home and enjoying a nice sleep; but yup, she is still there. I've been dreaming a lot about her lately, and it's funny... even in the dreams it doesn't feel the same anymore, it feels as if we were strangers. I fell for it again, I checked her twitter... it seems she has written about me, but gosh, I shouldn't have checked that again. Today I just woke up feeling like ****, like... out of nowhere, no reason... I don't know if I miss her, if I love her, or why I feel like this, it's so weird and I just feel overwhelmed. Tears just keep rolling down. I still go to the therapist, but we mostly talk about other things in my life, which is fine, some of that stuff are the reasons why I behave like a possessive idiot. I just need to find peace... when will I feel nothing? It's been almost 3 months since the BU and almost 2 since NC (except for that twitter check).
minimariah Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 for some reason... i feel incredibly sad & hopeless today. maybe tomorrow will be a little better.
Twigyy Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Today I made myself lie on the bed for couple of hours, listening to Imagine Dragons and try to cry about her so that I would feel better. But the crying didn't last very long, it was at most a minute. I really don't know if it is a good thing or not. I just forced myself to remember how happy she was when she was with me, how people would be jealous of our relationship once in awhile, how perfect she was until everything happened, and I guess which is why I cried. Sometimes I do hope that she could be here with me, and hug me to sleep, watch our favourite shows, play video games, or just have a nice time. I'm just sad that it won't happen anymore.. I guess fantasies I think about all the time will never happen huh..
LittleShamrock Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 So tired of this emotional roller coaster. So tired of going over & over in my head what reasons may have caused him to stray. So tired of the part of me that wishes I hadn't found out because I was so happy. So tired of wishing he'd beg to try & make things right. So tired of not feeling good enough. So tired of being me right now, & feeling so self absorbed over this.
lumberjac Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 over a month of NC, not knowing what shes up to. I am definitely feeling better. but I still think about her everyday. theres times when Im doing something or see something that shes interested in, I would have an urge to message her, but I never did. I know she would love me to reply to her message, to talk to her again. But I just cant, I love her too much, I will always have feelings for her. I cant settle for just friends. And there are moments when I feel sad, partly because of the fact that I'm starting to realising we wont get back together for real, and mainly because I realised I lost a close friend like her. I dont think I will get over her, but I honestly hope for the best for her.
ApexTitanium Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 So tired of this emotional roller coaster. So tired of going over & over in my head what reasons may have caused him to stray. So tired of the part of me that wishes I hadn't found out because I was so happy. So tired of wishing he'd beg to try & make things right. So tired of not feeling good enough. So tired of being me right now, & feeling so self absorbed over this. ^this exactly Only from a males perspective
thorin Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Today is one of those bad days, but I'm gonna make myself really busy soon and go out with friends again.
BunHeadLA Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 As long as I keep really busy I am good, so the last couple days have been okay... he deleted his reddit for Lent but that's good because he doesn't pop up on my feed when I log in. I may have to move back east but it is looking like I will stay out west and to be honest one of things that strikes me as hardest is the possibility of NEVER seeing him again... at least being in the same city there is a chance of running into him, making a mends?
ASV Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 (edited) Just got into an OLD, and realised that all those women interested in cinema, music, literature... are not good looking at all. And even with those average women is difficult to get a polite reply. Seems like my standards were too high and I won't be able to find another one as half as gorgeous as mine unless another miracle happens... another one in a million. And yeah, I think looks are important and I try to take care of mine for a reason. Of course, each day I go to bed I pray for a sudden death that doesn't happen. Sadly, I don't consider suicide anymore. It would give my ex an undeserved importance and ego-boost. My mum would cry, too. Edited March 11, 2015 by Van Norden
milk Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I miss my ex so much today it feels like the emptiness just consumes me The last time we spoke he told me that he was hesitant to see me because he was afraid that it would make his feelings for me flood back. I need to stop mulling that statement over in my head because now I just feel like seeing him so that his feelings WILL come back. The only thing helping me rationalize against doing this is the fact that being with me has caused his feelings to come back many times, but it also hasn't stopped him from breaking up with me again and again. To break up with someone and ask them to come back within the next few days or even hours without actually taking time to try and just think about what caused the break up is cruel.. And I am even more ridiculous for jumping back in head-first each time. I know this is wrong, I should hate him but how often do feelings follow logic???
na49 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Looked at her Facebook. The second time since the breakup. Everything I thought was true, is still true. She's with the guy who told her he had a crush on her. I feel devastated, used, abused, like our relationship was never real. I am angry again, which is nice. I'd rather be angry and turn it into motivation than to be sad and turn it into wanting to kill myself. I have no reason to want to end my life over someone who values me so little that she can leave me TWICE! for another person both times! (the first person she left me for ended up not being interested). I'm also getting closer to finally blocking her number, and leaving it blocked, which is nice.
Jonp219 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I literally can never listen to OneRepublic ever again, it's my exes favorite band. We even went to one of their concerts and had an awesome time last summer. Every time I hear "Counting Stars" on the radio it drives off the wall.
na49 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I literally can never listen to OneRepublic ever again, it's my exes favorite band. We even went to one of their concerts and had an awesome time last summer. Every time I hear "Counting Stars" on the radio it drives off the wall. I know this feeling man. I can't listen to the radio, and have had to remove so many songs on my phone. Not even just the love related songs, but any songs that were from bands that she liked/reminded me of her. I've had to get rid of so much stuff that I really liked just because it has some relation to her.
milk Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I didn't wake up crying today which is a huge improvement from the past 3 days. I'm 8 days post-bu and I would have been 7 days nc if I had not seen him saturday night. we met for closure and he led me into believing that he wanted to reconcile (continuously asking me if it is really over, asking me not to see other men, telling me that he still wanted to marry me, telling me that we should just get married, and agreeing to talk about our relationship), but he changed his mind a day later and that absolutely crushed me. I was okay and managing before that, no crying and just emptiness because he gave me a ton of reasons to hate him with the way our breakup went. but after he went back on reconciling on monday he was kind and i felt much worse than the first time around. I ruined nc again by shooting him an email yesterday about how I felt, bad move I know, and have not received a reply. I should regret this in retrospect but I feel like I can hate him again. he is able to tell everyone else how sorry he is but he cannot seem to say it to me. so now I am just back to feeling empty. maybe I will cry later but hopefully it will not be as intense as it has been the past 3 days. I will maintain strict nc from now on. no looking back (although it is so so so hard to eliminate hope completely).
rollercoaster11 Posted March 14, 2015 Posted March 14, 2015 Days r getting more bearable. It gets harder whenever the weekends roll around. I try to stay busy by doing home improvement projects. I was never a going out person which will probably make my recovery slower than most. I was helping my son who was very sick but is now recovering so now that is over Im back to being on my own. Im coping just taking one day at a time. Great post by the way!
freebird31 Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 for the first time in a long time i feel so much resenemtn towards my ex. I really think that there could have been a chance that me and this new guy could have worked out. And the main reason why it didn't was because I still have feelings for my ex. I am so annoyed and frsutrated with these residual feelings. If my ex ever came back i honestly would give it a second thought. I have so much resenment towards him. I want to move on and date other people and it is so frustrating because even after all of this time, i still cant. He still has this hold on me. It is so damn frustrating. I really hope i didnt let something good go because of my ex. Well now the new guy is dating someone else so i lost any chance I could have had. 1
AIJ Posted March 15, 2015 Posted March 15, 2015 Looked at her Facebook. The second time since the breakup. Everything I thought was true, is still true. She's with the guy who told her he had a crush on her. I feel devastated, used, abused, like our relationship was never real. I am angry again, which is nice. I'd rather be angry and turn it into motivation than to be sad and turn it into wanting to kill myself. I have no reason to want to end my life over someone who values me so little that she can leave me TWICE! for another person both times! (the first person she left me for ended up not being interested). I'm also getting closer to finally blocking her number, and leaving it blocked, which is nice. We are pretty much in identical situations. New guy appears, she disappears. Only difference is, she hadn't already left me once. I looked at her Instagram today, to find more pictures of the two of them together. Building up more and more resentment towards her, which I guess is kind of a good thing in a weird sort of way.
kenmore Posted March 16, 2015 Posted March 16, 2015 for the first time in a long time i feel so much resenemtn towards my ex. I really think that there could have been a chance that me and this new guy could have worked out. And the main reason why it didn't was because I still have feelings for my ex. I am so annoyed and frsutrated with these residual feelings. If my ex ever came back i honestly would give it a second thought. I have so much resenment towards him. I want to move on and date other people and it is so frustrating because even after all of this time, i still cant. He still has this hold on me. It is so damn frustrating. I really hope i didnt let something good go because of my ex. Well now the new guy is dating someone else so i lost any chance I could have had. This is the exact situation I wish to avoid freebird! I'm developing a nice head of resentment steam, so I'm thinking that will help, but I do not want any new relationship to go bad because of feelings I have for my wife. That's one reason I wish to wait. Another is I just can't afford it, but I really want to find someone. I wish there was a site where we could find people just to be around. No expectations, no long term commitment, just someone to go "dutch" and hang out with. Just have some laughs, maybe a small amount of flirting (just enough to make it seem worthwhile) and a peck on the cheek at the end. You know, dating for beginners and those who are not ready to date but want to be with someone for companionship, though that's a little too long of a title to be catchy. So, to answer the OP's question, I am coping today by trying my best to look forward. Forward to a better existence which should not be difficult! Forward to a new lover, then wife. It beats looking forward to death which was where I was a few months ago. Honestly sometimes I still revisit that, but it's getting more rare. Ken
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