na49 Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Relapsed and checked social media. For the first time in two months she posted a picture on Instagram and it's with my ex standing in it. I feel like she's sticking it to me. I am such a f*ing idiot. Having a breakdown right now. I'm sorry that you're having a breakdown.. social media stalking rarely ever ends well. I've been fighting an urge for the past 3 days, but I am trying hard to stay strong. I don't think I'm doing any better than I did yesterday really. I still want to check her Facebook. I ended up going through the profiles of people that she knows looking for windows into her life. I saw a few old pictures of her, and it sucked. Any new pictures of her would tear me apart though.
sammiexo Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm sorry that you're having a breakdown.. social media stalking rarely ever ends well. I've been fighting an urge for the past 3 days, but I am trying hard to stay strong. I don't think I'm doing any better than I did yesterday really. I still want to check her Facebook. I ended up going through the profiles of people that she knows looking for windows into her life. I saw a few old pictures of her, and it sucked. Any new pictures of her would tear me apart though. it's like when will I learn...it's been over 6 months and I keep doing the same thing to myself over and over again. I know if I give in to any urges that I will see something upsetting which will set me back. Sigh..I wish I could fast forward a year or two to see how I'm doing. I just want to get better but I'm not helping myself
ApexTitanium Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Im not coping well.....I want to text her so bad even though she has been making me feel like **** the past month and a half since we broke up I still love her so much
contact1 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Coping much better than I had been a few months back. Reading back at some of my posts and texts does bring up a lot of the angers I was having before, but also serves as a reminder. Just because things are going "okay" right now, it doesn't mean the problems are gone, they are just dormant for the time being. All I can do for the time being is bide my time until when it is best to move forward for my child.
love1336x Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I am copying like a drug addict going through some heavy withdraws? I was doing great on NC. I am sure because I work with him. I broke like a river dam. I text him. We had sex. He haven't texted me. I miss him. ugh. But, i am lighten up each day. I feel it was a little bit of a slip back. Nothing that old fashion NC can't fix!
grabaka Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Its been over 3 months since she left and filed for divorce. Even though she left me for another man who was married and he dumped her after he got sex from her, I still love her and miss her. Im tired of dreaming about her and that were together still and happy. Mornings are the worst. I wake up only to realize that this all is truly happening and she is gone after being together for 6 years. I wonder what happened, she was a good girl and by having an affair she went against everything she ever believed in including her religion. They say this gets better in time and you start to heal, but the loneliness has destroyed me mentally. Why on earth would she throw everything we ever were or had away....all for nothing....just for her to get used and played by that guy. 4 days until our divorce is final. I hope you finally realize what you've done and you experience the same hurt if not more hurt compared to what you put me through.
Oneness Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I got a huge dose of reality today...nothing like talking to one of your best friends about your past relationship with your exbf to make you dig your head out of your butt. Not going to cry about him today...not going to twist my mind for the 10000th time around about the demise of the relationship. It should have ended in 2010 when I finally woke up and started to fight back against the abuse. I guess I am getting back into the acceptance phase of grieving today...thank god! 2
freebird31 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 My ex reopened my messages thread on facebook twice. The convo ended jan 9th. It said "seen January 31st" and again "seen February 21st". Which was yesterday. Meaning he looked at the conversation we had. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything. I'm sure maybe he is thinking about me but still that means absolutely nothing. 1
na49 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I miss her like crazy. I want to text her but don't know what I would say. I want to see her Facebook page but I know it would hurt. I am 3 weeks out, and still can't believe that it is over again. I don't remember how all of this feels, so will I eventually accept that it is over? It's bad enough that it is over, but not believing it is over is what kills me.
sammiexo Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Just don't feel well today. yesterday's relapse really messed me up..can't wait to go to work tomorrow so I'm not sitting at home.
Heatemyheart89 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Today , one day after the breakup I am not coping . I keep texting him ,wanting to make myself feel better . It doesn't help . Now I will go no contact. I hurt so much .
Oneness Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I miss her like crazy. I want to text her but don't know what I would say. I want to see her Facebook page but I know it would hurt. I am 3 weeks out, and still can't believe that it is over again. I don't remember how all of this feels, so will I eventually accept that it is over? It's bad enough that it is over, but not believing it is over is what kills me. You are in the denial stage of grieving...it is still early in your break up and NC. Give it time and expect yourself to switch between the 5 stages. It is what it is...but you will be okay.
dyna85 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Almost made it through a weekend without crumbling.. but no. Sure enough, today the sadness kicked into high gear and once again I feel hopeless and like what is the point of anything? Really.
Itspointless Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I ran into a mugshot of her on a website ... I was shocked to see her face. I am used to the fact that she has distanced herself as she became ill and I know that with her dismissive-avoidance it is a lost cause. But I still miss her. Nice way to end this ****-hole of a week.
dyna85 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 The further along I get on this nc path, the more I miss him and want him and realize how crappy life is without him in it. I thought things were supposed to get easier? So why is this becoming harder and harder with each passing day? I'm so sad. So so sad.
neildc Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I've made it a whole two days now without contacting her. Pathetic. I've felt denial, anger, bargaining, depression so far over the course of the past 4 weeks (we haven't had meaningful conversation for 3 weeks). I'm truly done with her now (or so I tell myself). I am going to let her go because as much as I love her, I don't deserve to be in the dumps. She obviously is not thinking about me right now, so why should I.
freebird31 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Really annoyed and frustrated. And I want to take ur out on my ex. Why is he even looking at our messages? Go away !! He's so annoying. I hate that I still care. I wush i could message him and tell him a piece of my mind :/
FancyFace Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I am down in the dumps today, and have been since Friday. Three month breakup anniversary is on Wednesday but I don't think that is what is making me sad. I am sad because I feel like I am gonna die alone and be eaten by stray Alsatians. I don't want to brag or overstate my own importance but I consider myself a great girl, I am loving, passionate, fun, loyal, smart, sexy all of these great things that I would assume people look for in a partner and yet here I am alone, suffering the heartbreak of rejection after I gave my absolute all to someone who never really liked me, let alone loved me. I just feel sad and I am fighting back tears right now because I simply do not understand what I have done wrong or continue to do wrong. Why is it that only mediocre men glance in my direction and even then it is because they are looking at what I can do for them. They look right past me and look at my financial standing or what I can offer them sexually. Argh I just don't get it. Today is honestly not a good day. Hope everyone else here is doing well though. Stay strong good people.
Crampaholic Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I have my ups and downs... Today I feel strange. I still miss her, I don't know.. I checked her twitter yesterday, I didn't find anything weird, but I guess that means I broke NC?. To be honest I just wanted to see even the tiniest sight of her still missing me. Sigh.
Stercrazy Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 Today is not a good day. Pretty depressed. We had NC for about 2 months and she wished me a happy bday last week. I still have hope of getting back together so I started light texting. We spoke briefly once on the phone. She said she was going to call yesterday but never did. I wasn't waiting by the phone but just woke up sad today.
na49 Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 I feel alright today. I made an appointment to see a counselor, and have my first meeting on Thursday. Hopefully it will be able to help me with sorting out all of the feelings/thoughts I have. I still miss her, want to check her Facebook, want her to text me, want to text her, etc. I am able to handle it right now though, which is nice.
ApexTitanium Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I am not doing good....almost two months since break up and 3 weeks NC and I feel so sad.....like I'm not mean to have love. I loved her so much and she threw me away.....I hate this so much. I'll never have a good day again.
ForgingAhead Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 Same! My wife has an incredibly beautiful face when she smiles, but not so much when she looks "normal". Her boobs are awesome! Her ass is just shapely, but is (as she puts it) flat. I love a woman with curves and she has them (no mistaking her for a man), but there are hotter women in the world. Somehow the combo has me reeling. I don't want to lack any of the things in the future that my wife has. If I can find another woman who has all that and more, then f*ck me! I am at an age where I don't want to settle. I have my desires and will find it so damned hard to find a woman who meets my needs anymore. It's perception. Given time, mine will change, I know that. So will yours. You will find a new woman who meets your needs and your perception will shift to suit her. I have already met a new woman who would have never met my needs normally, but in the light of my situation, turns me on very much! My needs are already changing and I don't know if I like that! I want my f*ckng wife!!! That's all I have wanted all along. I find it sh*tty that I can't have her! If I must move on, then I will want a beautiful woman (to me) first, a nice shapely ass and legs second and nice breasts third. Sorry to generalize, but those things will be important to me. Income won't mean s*it. Sigh!! Okay, another wonderful damned crappy day. No income, no love and just a few outlets to vent. F*ck it, life is just ready to improve, right? It has to, right? I feel ya! The ex has a nice curvy body for sure, great legs (use to be a cheerleader, so they got shape), but you know what.. I know what I can get, and as much as I hate to say this cause it reflects on me.. I dated "down", I've had better, but she set the hooks in with how she connected with me, fed me and my kid when I was a$$ed out for a short period (a week or so..) and it was the first time in years I dropped my guard.. Boxers don't do it, so why should we right? I appreciate your post, I can totally relate. I'm now moved in, not unpacked fully, but I have peace and quiet, and the heightened awareness is now gone, and the only pain that lingers is similar to a vapor trail we see in the sky from a plane.. We don't see it, but know it was there.. Everyone on this forum has impacted everyone else, and it's great to continue supporting eachother throughout the dark times..
Crampaholic Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I was going through some pics, I swore I had deleted all the pics with her, but jfc, I found a few and now I can't stop crying.
kenmore Posted February 24, 2015 Posted February 24, 2015 I feel ya! The ex has a nice curvy body for sure, great legs (use to be a cheerleader, so they got shape), but you know what.. I know what I can get, and as much as I hate to say this cause it reflects on me.. I dated "down", I've had better, but she set the hooks in with how she connected with me, fed me and my kid when I was a$$ed out for a short period (a week or so..) and it was the first time in years I dropped my guard.. Boxers don't do it, so why should we right? I appreciate your post, I can totally relate. I'm now moved in, not unpacked fully, but I have peace and quiet, and the heightened awareness is now gone, and the only pain that lingers is similar to a vapor trail we see in the sky from a plane.. We don't see it, but know it was there.. Everyone on this forum has impacted everyone else, and it's great to continue supporting eachother throughout the dark times.. Forging, you made my night by understanding me a little. I think the same is true in reverse, so high fives!! I finally gave up on my wife. Today is our anniversary (our fifth), and I sent her a card and gift, and all she sent me was hostility. She said I must stop sending her cards and gifts, but these are the last (after Christmas, birthdays etc.) No contact from her on our fifth anniversary...wow, big surprise. Back to your post, I know I am moving on, and simply need some...ok, don't need sh*t. I just realized that as I was writing. Funny, I thought I needed something on my anniversary at least from her, but now know that if it doesn't come from her then it meant nothing tonight. sorry, I thought I needed something but no. I don't. I will say something positive though! In the call center today, I personally got 55 leads (people who want to work with me!!) I took off my wedding ring. I don't wear it anymore. I have three strong leads from a Realtor I work with. Though today was sucky because of our fifth anniversary which means nothing, it was also beautiful because my career moved ahead nicely. I'd judge my day as horrible, but still see a nice light at the end of the tunnel, so love that! Sorry for the mixed feelings, but you know, that's how life is. I wish you strength and hope!!! Ken
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